Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I had my first session and its started a snow ball - after briefly discussing my family and childhood my counsellor suggested I read 'adult children of alcoholics' at one point. Came home googled it and it was like scales falling off my eyes. Never thought that would have such an impact on my adult life... did some more googling and found a al-anon group down the road from me, they lent me a book about growing up in an alcoholic home. I have along way to go but I see hope and I know its not all linked to my mother but its a start :)
am drained from such an emotionally charged day. Kind of glad the GP wasn't very helpful now.

<hugs> to those above having hard days also :(

oh, sweetie!! my brother is right at this point as well, the scales-falling-off point, and he's been calling to talk to me a lot. we had a lot of bad stuff to overcome, and he's just facing it right now. it's really hard work and stirs up a lot of bad emotions, but i believe that facing this stuff has made my life more livable and improved my relationship with all the people i love. hopefully it's just as useful for you. hang in there.

and big hugs to you flavabean and assilembob and everybody else having a rough time.

Oh man, yeah. I had that moment a few years ago...it's nice to see it in words, to be told that yes, that was messed up and no, it isn't your fault. My shrink also gave me a book called 'Children of the Self-Absorbed' which relates a lot, at least for me, to having alcoholic parents. Trying so hard to meet your parents needs when you were a child really can mess with your head. But, it gets better...hang in there.

I was diagnosed with depression in 01 and anxiety in 08. Lately I have not been able to ride the subway lately without panicing. Only sometimes will it turn into a full blown attack but it's really frustrating, I had been almost attack free for a year, and I need to get a refill appointment on my clonipin. Arugh :(

thanks guys - its a relief at knowing that not feeling normal all my life is actually the 'normal' part of having an alcoholic parent. I am hoping Torque that facing this stuff will improve my relationships with people, so its good to hear that this improved for you. Its great your brother can call you for support :)

Stars, I used to get panic attacks as a kid. Never understood why or why they stopped but hope it gets better!

I'm really struggling this week. Waiting to hear for a referral from my doctor to a psychiatrist, as he feels that someone a bit more specialized should handle me and my "complex history" (bipolar, lots of med failures) in terms of meds. Meanwhile, life stuff is getting me down--my mother in law is terminally ill, my husband and I are both having work problems, money issues, and a lot of little things that just add up. I hate it when life goes downhill in conjunction with my moods. I just feel like I'm living life weighted down, and it's getting tougher to just get up and go to work every day. I'm safe, just really hoping this referral comes through to get back on some kind of meds regimen.

I'm pretty sure I need to run out and buy copies of Children of the Self-Absorbed for my brother and myself. I love my mom, and I know she loves me (and him) in her way, but yeah. She never really did that putting the child first thing that I've heard parents do. Not that that should always be the case, but I would have liked to have been a priority at some point.

You're bipolar, too? I found a great doctor that listens to me and my med suggestions, and after a really long dark period, I can say I have not felt this good in a while. I hope you get that referral soon, and I hope you stay safe. Bipolar is a monster.

I hear you. There is a lot of stuff if you google "daughters of narcissistic mothers." That stuff fits me and my childhood to a T. My mother played her golden child against her scapegoat to make sure she was always the center and resented us for the amazing career she thought she had given up for us.

So much of what she did seems even more forked up now that I'm a mom. And weirdly, I still am so sad that she is dead.

Bipolar here, too. I was diagnosed with major depression in my early teens, but the bipolar diagnosis only came a year ago. I hope that referral goes well for you, and Dreaasha I'm happy you found a great doctor and the right balance of meds.

Thanks dakini and Dreaasha. It's rough, but I'm surviving. I was dx'ed major depression when I was 15, not bipolar until I was nearly 30. At least eventually I know there'll be an upswing, right?

I'm having a tough day. Walking around feeling like I'm on the verge of tears for no good reason is not fun. Must get this under control before I have to interact with people in 1.5 hours.

I'm sorry pistachio, sending you hugs! It's really tough when you know you have to be "on" in a few hours, but you're not feeling it. Always gives me anxiety. One thing I try to do is relax and do something I enjoy or that will take my mind off what's coming - reading, knitting, cooking - those things work for me, but maybe you have something that will help you forget for a little while.

Anyone ever been on lexapro? Doc tried fluoxentine a few months ago, but I had crazy side effects and after a month I just didn't want to do it anymore. I'm picking up the scrip today.

I've been on lexapro for a few months and it has helped, but I've been feeling a little emotionally numb lately. Helped a lot with panic attacks and depression though. I'm bringing it up to my therapist tomorrow.

I had to go off it because it made me quite ramped up and hyper. I don't remember having any other side effects, though.

I'm on a generic form of it as well as a mood stabilizer to control my bipolar disorder. It works well for me, I think. The only medicine I've ever had an issue with was Zoloft. That shiitake put me in the hospital. Then again, it wasn't supposed to be given to minors. I had a dumb psychiatrist at the time.

I couldn't handle fluoxentine either. {shudders} I've been doing well with lexapro. It helped right away but still got better over time. As long as I'm not hormonal it works great!

Hope you find what helps! =D

Thanks guys. Fluoxetine gave me insane side effects...but the worst was that I was a total zombie. Couldn't work and (more disconcerting) wasn't the least bit worried about all the stuff piling up around me at work. And I couldn't cry, which was totally weird.

I started on a half tab for the first week. Seems okay after first pill...just a bit sleepy.

It's pretty fascinating to me how much of all of this is trial and error and based on the individual person's reaction to the medication. I have to remember that when something doesn't work...it just doesn't work for me. Helps me not to get discouraged.

Same here. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in my teens and finally (my symptoms started showing when I was 14 and I am now 25, I have been in the mental health system for almosty 8 years!) I have a diagnosis and am just getting started on meds and have just started seeing a psychologist who specializes in bipolar. It's kind of overwhelming to know that I will be on meds for life but it is a relief to be taken seriously and get the help I have needed.

Reading this post and my recent discovery that kids of alcoholics are pretty screwed up also, and god knows what else there is out there (parents that cheat, only child syndrome) I conclude that parents are bad for children's health. This is sad :(

I'm on Cipralex, which the Canadian brand of lexapro. Unlike Wellbutrin, which fuelled my anxiety but also gave me so much manic energy, I find Lex really calming, sometimes too much so, but I think it is helping me a lot. I started on half a tab for two weeks and have been on the full tab for just over two months now. It definitely makes me more sleepy, but I've noticed that's only a problem when I'm not busy. It has helped my anxiety a great deal, and I like that the effects aren't so...dramatic. Because that always freaks me out and makes me feel like my brain is no longer my own. It curbed my appetite a lot at first and I had a hard time forcing myself to eat, but that seems to be subsiding, though I am eating less than before. I attribute that to anxious eating being reduced, I guess. I've noticed that alcohol makes me way more sleepy that it used to, so that's something to monitor if you tend to drink. My doctor originally told me to take it before bed, which had me falling asleep immediately but always being wide awake 3-4 hours later. Now I take it mid-morning and though I still wake up at odd times in the night, more and more I'm able to get a relatively normal night's sleep.

I've never taken Lexapro, but I took Celexa for a few years which is the sister drug of Celexa. I had a good experience with it. No sex drive, but that's pretty standard with anti-depressants, at least with me. I'm now on Zoloft because it's supposed to be better for bipolar and anxiety.

Oh yeah, I have no sex drive. That definitely sucks.

I seem to only be able to write/talk about these things as I'm coming out of them.

In October of last year, my grandfather died. Since then, I've been having such a horrible time. I also generally experience SAD during winter so I don't know if that just made it worse. And then prior to my grandfather dying, my husband... changed. It brought up fears of him growing out of our relationship but he has insisted that isn't the case. It still affected me. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been eating the foods I normally like. I have gained weight. I have avoided going places, especially visiting friends/family. I avoid grocery shopping and going outside in general unless I need to. I've been struggling with cooking. (Most of my cooking has really been basic, super easy stuff). I was invited to be a tester for Isa but the fact that I really don't feel like cooking, it just hasn't happened other than a couple recipes. Getting out of bed in the morning is rough but once I do, I'm fairly ok. Part of me felt like something else was in control of me and I was inside screaming "what is going on? this is not me".

Surprisingly, my work and school hasn't suffered. I am getting an A in the class I am in and got 2 As in the classes that ended in December. Although my office is noisy and cold, I have been able to work at home as well which helps. Overall, things just seem to take so much effort but I can do what I need to do.

This past week has been fairly good though. I have a much better outlook and things don't seem as difficult. I've started looking at schools to apply to and emailed professors about future recommendations. I've been exercising and eating better. I'm not 100% but better.

linanil, sounds like you've been hit with a lot of tough stuff recently. I'm really happy to hear that things are starting to turn around for you. I used to looooove grocery shopping, trying recipes, cooking, and eating, but lately even boiling some noodles and throwing a jar of sauce on top of them feels like work.

vijita, the no sex drive thing is seriously terrible. I have a great relationship with my partner and he's very understanding, but it's been hard on us. I've been on psych meds for almost the whole six years we've been together, and we probably have sex once a week- and that's on a good week. It makes me feel like I'm lacking as a partner.