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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 11:32 am 
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Big hugs, lepelaar. You're not alone, and you can always PM me if you want to chat in private.

My anxiety disorder has had me in such a horrible headstate this weekend that I forgot my psychologist appointment. I don't even know.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 11:53 am 
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Thanks, PPPP. Right now, I'm just trying to get my head around what's going on with me.

I'm sorry you're in such a bad headstate too. Big hugs right back at you.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 6:31 pm 
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Ugh, I have a gnawing feeling in my gut and around my heart and I keep wondering what I'm anxious about, and then I realized I've been thinking about OK Cupid and responding to the messages I have.

Yeah, so maybe I'm not quite ready to get back out there yet.

Apropos, I have finally started listening to the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast, and was listening yesterday to an older episode with Maria Bamford. She is not only hilarious but of course very relatable if you've ever suffered from anxiety. At one point she said something so incredible- she said anxiety is like the feeling you have when you know you're going to throw up, but you're not throwing up yet. I was like 'WOAH' to myself out loud in the car, haha. I've never heard it described so accurately before.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:37 pm 
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Welcome and hugs, lepelaar. I want to make it a point to post more too, because you all seem like a great group of people and I can identify with a lot of what you say.

I think right now I'm trying to numb some of the anxiety triggers because I want to avoid thinking of how miserable I'll be in a few weeks when I have to move back home with my parents (next week I'll be officially done with all of my grad school requirements, and I've never not been a student, and I don't have the skills or confidence or motivation to start thinking about pursuing careers, and I'll miss my independence). Feeling like there are people always on top of me (my mother can be on the clingy side). Won't help either.

I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but as dreadful as anxiety can be, there are often times when I want to keep it around, because it is a part of me and I am used to it, and the thought of being without it is scary. But then people judge you for the things holding you back..I'm learning to just keep my mouth shut because I fear people will tell me to stop complaining about things if I'm not doing anything about them.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 4:02 am 
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sweet_potato wrote:
I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but as dreadful as anxiety can be, there are often times when I want to keep it around, because it is a part of me and I am used to it, and the thought of being without it is scary. But then people judge you for the things holding you back..I'm learning to just keep my mouth shut because I fear people will tell me to stop complaining about things if I'm not doing anything about them.

Oh my, I was just coming here to say the same. This medication I am on (cipralex) is making me not give (as much of) a shiitake about stuff, to the benefit of my sanity but it's so scary because I feel like everything is falling apart but I don't have the energy to care about it. I don't think it's the right medication for me because my short-term memory loss is causing embarrassing situations at work. I want to stop taking it but I am really worried. I mean, it's not like I just uprooted my life and moved across the country or anything...


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 4:45 pm 
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Ugh, sorry to hear that! I don't have experience with anxiety meds because I've never been on any, but that definitely sounds frustrating. You do have a lot of things going on and I admire the courage it takes to make those kinds of changes. I hope you can find some balance and that things look up for you soon!

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 6:58 pm 
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Lepelaar, often some relief comes with a diagnosis. It's like you finally know what the problem is so you can start to address it.

I only got my diagnosis 2 weeks ago (recurrent depression due to a heck of a lot of adverse life events) and it was actually a relief because I could finally think gosh well that isn't so bad after all. Now I know a lot of my anxiety is due to the combination of my bizarre life and a definable illness it doesn't feel as bothersome. I really don't know why I resisted getting the diagnosis for so long now.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 7:11 pm 
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Diagnoses definitely make things feel more legitimate. I've had therapists ask me why it was so important for me to know/define certain things, but being able to actually name something makes me feel like it's real and significant and that I'm not just overreacting to something stupid and being a little brat.

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When people ask about my plans for after graduation: "PhD in knitting blanket forts, bisque!" -Mars


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 5:22 am 
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I have to say, I spent 4 years saying I don't want the diagnosis because it wasn't important to me! I think it was me burying my head in the sand not willing to admit I had mental health problems though because as it was there was people in my life that were treating me like I was completely unable to care for myself because of it. I think because I'm a lot more confident in myself the past few months that I'm ready to say... yeah, my heads a mush but that's fine I'm still me and it is only a small part of me.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 5:41 am 
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Good for you, daisychain! There is nothing wrong with people who suffer from anxiety other than it makes life really hard and sometimes seemingly impossible, so we really deserve some sort of medal for trying in the first place, not scorn!

My anxiety situation: I NEED TO STOP READING WORK EMAILS WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. My anxiety-inducing boss lives in Thailand so there's always a barrage of emails from him and it's the worst way to start my day.


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 8:31 am 
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Definitely Vijita! In fact, people thinking I can't manage and treating me like that actually escalates my anxiety and makes things far, far worse.

Lately, I've been realising how much poor sleep effects my anxiety and mood levels. Yesterday I woke at 4 and didn't get back to sleep. I was irritable, hyper vigilant and my mind was starting to over think. Then last night I didn't get to sleep until 2am. 22 hours without sleep. Today I was getting really sucked in to the anxiety side of things and was getting so preoccupied I couldn't focus on what I was supposed to do. Eventually I just gave in and done some mindfulness relaxation and managed to have a 2 hour nap. I'm still overthinking but hopefully later today I will be able to focus on some college work.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 5:28 am 
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My anxiety is through the roof this morning. No discernible reason why. And I know I shouldn't be drinking coffee, but I am, which is only going to make it worse.

Well, maybe the reason why is actually that my parents are coming Saturday, I don't know if T can come to dinner with them or not, Sunday is my birthday dinner with friends, and then my actual birthday is Tuesday. Last year's birthday was such a bust, mostly because I was in a really bad place (with my anxiety!). I need to breathe deeply and go with the flow, but that....is not generally how I roll when I'm feeling like this.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2014 2:47 pm 
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Just made a few necessary doctor appointments, now I have to wait until they happen. Usually I drive myself nuts worrying about them until I am a big mess the day of, then it's over and it seems like no big deal. I have been trying to figue out exactly what it is that creates so much anxiety, I know it's an old pattern but I'm not sure what started it.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 2:55 pm 
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I stupidly got badly sunburned the other day. I have mild sunstroke. If this is considered mild then I would hate to have the real deal! The neurological effects are so messy. I have random moments of wanting to cry, periods of anxiety which is very health focused, agitation and restlessness. I could not stop pacing at work today.

I know the symptoms aren't an actual reflection of my current mental health but because anxiety is in the mix I then get mental health anxiety and think I am relapsing. Gah. But I know it isn't. But it doesn't stop my mind fixing on it which totally escalates the anxiety which increases the restlessness and agitation and then the moving around causes my body temperature to go up which makes me feel sicker which causes more anxiety and around the circle we go again.

Lesson learned...... Even if it is overcast and has been pouring rain for the entire week beforehand I will be wearing factor 50 if I am going to be outside for that length of time again.

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