| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:25 pm

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 724 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 29  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:22 pm 
Offline
Bought KAPOP LOAF
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:23 pm
Posts: 1635
Location: MD
Has anyone tried GABA supplements for anxiety? I've heard good things, but I haven't tried it yet.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:36 pm 
Offline
Trapped On A Desert Island With A Cow
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:59 pm
Posts: 425
I'm so glad you are all here and you know what others are going through with panic disorders and the like. I just need to vent a little bit right now.
I am having a tough time right this moment and if my fingers aren't moving... I don't know what.

I started seeing a therapist my 3rd year at college, but it was my first year living away at college. I saw her because I was having what I now know are panic attacks. I've always had panic attacks (I used to think I was skitzophrenic or going insane), but they multiplied by a hundred when I was at college.
I absolutely lied to my therapist and college doctor about what exactly I was experiencing just so I could get drugs, I told her I had panic attacks only when I had to do a presentation. I begged for medicine because I felt I had no other option. I was prescribed a beta blocker (a high blood pressure medicine that blocks adrenaline).
During a typical panic attack my system would be so flooded with adrenaline that I would be shaking from head to toe, clenching my jaw, clenching a lot of my core muscles, and after I calmed down I would get the worst headaches, toothaches and body aches, like a panic attack hangover. I could not do anything but sleep or take Advil to relieve that pain. This physical stuff was on top of the mental stuff going on... which was far worse, and nobody wants to hear, I'm sure.
These attacks were happening more often that I wanted to admit, but the pills worked SO well. After two weeks they were gone... I had enough pills to last me two months, so my doctor told me. The therapist and college doctor who prescribed me were NOT having that and so I didn't get more. They tried non-drug methods but just entering the health center would give me a panic attack, I couldn't function well enough to get any help from them.
I stopped going to the therapist because I had panic attacks just thinking about making an appointment.

That was definitely not the beginning, but I have college to thank for driving me up to a level of panic and pain that I've never, ever experienced before.

Right now I'm not having a great time. I need to make a doctors appointment tomorrow. I feel like I've been in a month-long panic attack. I've lost weight, my entire body is so painful that I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't do much except drive to work and drive home. Thankfully I have a job and that is five hours out of every weekday where I can get out of my head. On top of that, I have a kick-ass finance who is there for me for the rest of those days, except when he works very late. Like tonight. I'm trapped in my thoughts, every part of my body is knotted and hot and in pain. I took 1000mg Advil which usually helps but I'm screwed because it hasn't done shiitake.
Even when the panic is gone, I'm left with terrible aches, which then will panic me back up again! I don't really know if the pain is from the stress and attacks I've had lately, or from being actually ill. I just have not been right.

I don't know what else to say, except, if you read this, THANK YOU. Even if you haven't, it feels a little better to think that I'm not in this alone. All I can do is type. I can't talk on the phone with a help center, phones give me anxiety. Nobody is around for me tonight for a few hours at least.
I truly wish you all the best of luck, if you are feeling anything close to what I'm feeling, holy shiitake I just want to hug you until it's all right. <3


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:27 am 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:04 pm
Posts: 1920
Location: Buffalo!
kibbles--BREATHE!!!! you gotta find a way to relax or your body is going to give up! definitely call a dr, and take some time to do something you like thats calming. take care of yourself a bit, and have faith that one day youll find a good med combo. its out there, just gotta find it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 2:38 am 
Offline
Trapped On A Desert Island With A Cow
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 6:57 pm
Posts: 446
Location: San Diego, CA
Kibbles I agree with rocklobster: try to calm down and breathe long and deep breaths.

I know what you're going through: I have hyperarousal which makes the muscles in my body almost constantly tense from the chemical release of the flight-or-fight response. Everyday I overload my body with stress and it's not being metabolized correctly. It is very very painful.

I am so sorry you're going through this. I'm here for you and so is the PPK.

_________________
"Put it away Randy. That's dangerous." -Some man talking to Randy at Disney World

Organarchists Unite

Vegan Sushi Roll Pillows & More!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 8:32 am 
Offline
Bought KAPOP LOAF
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:23 pm
Posts: 1635
Location: MD
Big hugs, Kibbles! I know how terrible that can feel! I really hope you're able to get an appointment soon and that they have something helpful they can do to get you back to a lower base level of anxiety. Once you start that cycle is just reinforces itself like some terrible carousel of anxiety that just keeps speeding up. :/ But it will get better again! Hang in there!

This is a total non issue compared to what Kibbles is dealing with right now, but I'm totally freaking out about an invitation to go out to dinner (maybe 30 minutes away by car) with some school people. I pretty much always have a mild panic in the car, and a severe panic attack if it's someone I don't feel comfortable with driving. I know it'll trigger an IBS issue for me and then I'll need to find a bathroom, which is not good when you're stuck on the road with people you don't really feel comfortable with! I hate that I can't do something as simple as going out with friends anymore if it requires driving with them (and I don't drive myself, no license). Sigh.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 1:58 pm 
Offline
Trapped On A Desert Island With A Cow
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:59 pm
Posts: 425
Thanks for the words guys, chilling on the forums helped till Adam got home to save me. Breathing deeply and calmly has stopped helping since I've done it so often, basically all I can do is try to distract myself (I painted a moth!)

I'm having a better day... I just have to think positive! See, I almost just started an attack by thinking "having a better day... so far". Ugh!

Thessaly- nothing is a non-issue when it's related to anxiety interfering with your life. I hope the driving/dinner went well.


I have some questions for you all about emotion and memory after a panic attack (you don't have to answer if it may cause you stress so I'm hiding it).
Spoiler: show
When you have an attack, does it affect your memory? I can never remember most of what happens when I'm having a bad time like that, I barely remember it happening yesterday (feels like days ago- time distortion).

Also, when the attack is finally over, do you feel like it was surreal? Like it never happened, or it was not as bad as it felt at the time? This last thing makes it so difficult to make a Dr. appointment right now... except the pain, nothing else from my attacks is left over to encourage me to seek help.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 3:28 pm 
Offline
Flat Chesty McNoBoobs
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:41 am
Posts: 7288
Location: Portland
kibbles wrote:
Thanks for the words guys, chilling on the forums helped till Adam got home to save me. Breathing deeply and calmly has stopped helping since I've done it so often, basically all I can do is try to distract myself (I painted a moth!)

I'm having a better day... I just have to think positive! See, I almost just started an attack by thinking "having a better day... so far". Ugh!

Thessaly- nothing is a non-issue when it's related to anxiety interfering with your life. I hope the driving/dinner went well.


I have some questions for you all about emotion and memory after a panic attack (you don't have to answer if it may cause you stress so I'm hiding it).
Spoiler: show
When you have an attack, does it affect your memory? I can never remember most of what happens when I'm having a bad time like that, I barely remember it happening yesterday (feels like days ago- time distortion).

Also, when the attack is finally over, do you feel like it was surreal? Like it never happened, or it was not as bad as it felt at the time? This last thing makes it so difficult to make a Dr. appointment right now... except the pain, nothing else from my attacks is left over to encourage me to seek help.


Kibbles, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

To answer one of your questions, yes, when I had anxiety/panic attacks, when I was not actively having either attacks or generalized anxiety, it didn't seem so bad. It wasn't exactly hard to remember, but it didn't seem very urgent when I wasn't feeling bad. That, and I didn't want to make myself stressed and possibly bring on another attack by thinking/worrying about it or dealing with it during my "good" time.

In the end, the thing that helped me and that I suspect would help you was Zoloft. The thing about beta blockers and other drugs of that kind is that they address the symptoms of anxiety, not the underlying chemical cause. Your experience sounds a lot like mine, and for me, breathing, yoga, and therapy did pretty much nothing for me. I didn't have some childhood trauma or unresolved issue that was the cause of my problem. My problem was my brain chemistry was off, and no amount of talking was going to help that.

For me, it was law school that finally pushed me into trying SSRIs. I'd been really resistant to them, but law school was the push I needed to get it together and try them. They helped me immeasurably. Now, I haven't had an anxiety episode in years. I'm off the Zoloft. I feel pretty damn great.

All that is to say that if you haven't already, I think you should talk to your doctor about SSRIs or other longer-term drugs for anxiety.

_________________
If you spit on my food I will blow your forking head off, you filthy shitdog. - Mumbles
Don't you know that vegan meat is the gateway drug to chicken addiction? Because GMO and trans-fats. - kaerlighed


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:15 pm 
Offline
Grandfathered In
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 9467
Location: Seattle
jordanpattern wrote:
Kibbles, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.


Me too!

jordanpattern wrote:
In the end, the thing that helped me and that I suspect would help you was Zoloft. The thing about beta blockers and other drugs of that kind is that they address the symptoms of anxiety, not the underlying chemical cause. Your experience sounds a lot like mine, and for me, breathing, yoga, and therapy did pretty much nothing for me. I didn't have some childhood trauma or unresolved issue that was the cause of my problem. My problem was my brain chemistry was off, and no amount of talking was going to help that.

For me, it was law school that finally pushed me into trying SSRIs. I'd been really resistant to them, but law school was the push I needed to get it together and try them. They helped me immeasurably. Now, I haven't had an anxiety episode in years. I'm off the Zoloft. I feel pretty damn great.


Same here, except for the details. (And I'm not off my meds.) Had been in therapy for years with only minor improvement. I think there are definitely things you can learn about yourself and strategies you can learn that are helpful, for me it was the meds. And it was my impending fatherhood that finally overcame my resistance to trying them. I couldn't imagine helping to raise a child—being a father—and being as dysfunctional as I was.

_________________
Did somebody say Keep on rockin?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 10:46 pm 
Offline
Wears Durian Helmet
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:55 am
Posts: 871
Location: Colorado
Kibbles, I hope you are feeling better. For me, one of the best things about going on medication has been that it gave my body a break from being tense all the time. I also got a few massages (when I was ready to, after the medication had been helping) and it was really helpful to have someone else feel what my body was going through due to anxiety and has helped me to take better care of myself.

Also,for everyone,I don't know if EFT is legit or a crock or whatever, but this video has helped me SO MUCH. I have trouble relaxing because I'm not "doing anything" but doing EFT gives me something to physically do while I'm trying to concentrate on the words.


And these meditations have been nice too, but I found them more relaxing when I wasn't in the throes of an attack or its aftermath: http://www.themeditationpodcast.com/

_________________
Lumpy Space Princess is my spirit guide.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:38 am 
Offline
Bought KAPOP LOAF
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:23 pm
Posts: 1635
Location: MD
Yeah, I have no idea if EFT is actually based on something legit either. But it saved me imploding when I had to take the train almost every day over the summer. Excellent distraction technique!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:34 pm 
Offline
Trapped On A Desert Island With A Cow
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:59 pm
Posts: 425
jordanpattern wrote:
Your experience sounds a lot like mine, and for me, breathing, yoga, and therapy did pretty much nothing for me. I didn't have some childhood trauma or unresolved issue that was the cause of my problem. My problem was my brain chemistry was off, and no amount of talking was going to help that.

Thank you so much for saying this. A huge part of why I never want to get help is that I have NO idea where this crepe is coming from- I don't have anything traumatizing in my past that would really affect me now to this extent. I thought I was extra crazy because they're practically unprovoked, not many specific situations or memories will cause my panic. I will ask my doctor about Zoloft. I'm not a huge fan of meds but I just can't deal anymore. Thanks jordanpattern!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 2:12 pm 
Offline
Flat Chesty McNoBoobs
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:41 am
Posts: 7288
Location: Portland
I'm glad my experience was helpful to hear, kibbles. Good luck with your doctor, and I hope you feel much less anxious soon!

_________________
If you spit on my food I will blow your forking head off, you filthy shitdog. - Mumbles
Don't you know that vegan meat is the gateway drug to chicken addiction? Because GMO and trans-fats. - kaerlighed


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:53 pm 
Offline
Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:38 pm
Posts: 4183
Location: Vancouver Island
I have to go back to work this Thursday after having 2.5 montsh off for anxiety related issues. I am not ready to go back but the last visit to my doctor made me think he wouldn't extend my leave. I am not unable to work, I just hate my job and it stresses me out so much not to mention there is a ceryain employee whom I do not get along with, will never change and because I am the only one who goes to management about it, nothing ever happens, they think I have a personal vendetta for her. Just the thought of going back sends me into a panic. I have been job searching as much as I can in the past few months and have found nothing. I am going back to school in January so I at least will just be part time, but the thought of working with this person makes me freak out, I can't breath and I just worry constantly. The medication that I have for anxiety (Ativan) is just a short term fix, it makes me sleepy, it's highly addictive and I need to find something that works for me.

_________________
tofulish wrote:
Human, the tastiest animal of all.


Gumboots & Cats Facebook Page
http://www.gumbootsandcats.tumblr.com/
http://www.gumbootsandcats.blogspot.com/
http://www.gumbootscatsvegansnacks.wordpress.com/


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:07 am 
Offline
Wears Durian Helmet
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:55 am
Posts: 871
Location: Colorado
Awww, momo, I'm sorry that you are dealing with all that. I hope you find something that works for you <3

_________________
Lumpy Space Princess is my spirit guide.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 3:01 pm 
Offline
Smuggling Raisins
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:36 pm
Posts: 328
Location: Oakland, CA
Hello, anxiety thread. I have a diagnoses now, panic disorder without agoraphobia, and it feels good to know that. Sometimes thinking about it feels so unreal and I second guess my experiences - do I really have an anxiety problem? It's only tied to a specific circumstance after all (airplanes), so as long as I stay away from airplanes or don't think about airplanes or don't look up in the sky when they're overhead I'm fine, almost like I have no problem at all, that I don't have to take it seriously. The diagnoses makes me feel like I've got both feet planted firmly on the ground; I'm not imagining things, this isn't some grand, unsolvable mystery. It makes me feel like I have agency and control. It's a nice feeling. Now, if I could just afford to see my therapist more often.
I'm really glad this thread is here. Reading about everyone's experiences makes me feel like I'm not alone and I'm not crazy. Momo and kibbles, I hope things get better, I'm thinking about you.

_________________
Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bisque in space.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 4:13 pm 
Offline
Grandfathered In
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 9467
Location: Seattle
Nope, you're not crazy.

_________________
Did somebody say Keep on rockin?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 5:28 pm 
Offline
Trapped On A Desert Island With A Cow
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:59 pm
Posts: 425
Kate wrote:
Hello, anxiety thread. I have a diagnoses now, panic disorder without agoraphobia, and it feels good to know that. Sometimes thinking about it feels so unreal and I second guess my experiences - do I really have an anxiety problem? It's only tied to a specific circumstance after all (airplanes), so as long as I stay away from airplanes or don't think about airplanes or don't look up in the sky when they're overhead I'm fine, almost like I have no problem at all, that I don't have to take it seriously. The diagnoses makes me feel like I've got both feet planted firmly on the ground; I'm not imagining things, this isn't some grand, unsolvable mystery. It makes me feel like I have agency and control. It's a nice feeling. Now, if I could just afford to see my therapist more often.
I'm really glad this thread is here. Reading about everyone's experiences makes me feel like I'm not alone and I'm not crazy. Momo and kibbles, I hope things get better, I'm thinking about you.

So glad to hear you feel better having a diagnosis! It was the same with me, when the therapist finally said "you have generalized anxiety/panic disorder" I was so relieved, I was more afraid of them saying nothing was wrong.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:22 pm 
Offline
Can't Dance, Isn't Part of Revolution
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:05 pm
Posts: 163
Location: austin, tx
so after having anxiety issues for as long as i can remember, and since i am having one of the hardest weeks ever, i finally got medication (zoloft) and scheduled an appointment with a therapist (a month away...boo). of course i was stressed out at the doctor's office this morning and forgot to ask about the liquid kind since i have difficulty swallowing pills. so now i am sitting here worrying about how i am going to get this pill down!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:58 pm 
Offline
Grandfathered In
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 9467
Location: Seattle
skinnydaisy wrote:
so after having anxiety issues for as long as i can remember, and since i am having one of the hardest weeks ever, i finally got medication (zoloft) and scheduled an appointment with a therapist (a month away...boo). of course i was stressed out at the doctor's office this morning and forgot to ask about the liquid kind since i have difficulty swallowing pills. so now i am sitting here worrying about how i am going to get this pill down!


Wrap it in bacon?

_________________
Did somebody say Keep on rockin?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 8:38 am 
Offline
Bought KAPOP LOAF
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:23 pm
Posts: 1635
Location: MD
skinnydaisy wrote:
so after having anxiety issues for as long as i can remember, and since i am having one of the hardest weeks ever, i finally got medication (zoloft) and scheduled an appointment with a therapist (a month away...boo). of course i was stressed out at the doctor's office this morning and forgot to ask about the liquid kind since i have difficulty swallowing pills. so now i am sitting here worrying about how i am going to get this pill down!

I'm sure if you call his office they'll be glad to call an amended prescription into the pharmacy for you!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 9:17 am 
Offline
Thinks chickens are assholes
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:17 pm
Posts: 5559
mrsbadmouth wrote:
I get anxious over the possibility of anxiety. I don't know if that's common, but the idea of doing certain things, and telling people that I don't want to do those things, is way worse than the activity itself. People reacting negatively to my anxiety-driven actions are the worst, though. Sometimes it's easier to just cave and go do whatever, but sometimes I honestly do not want to do certain things for a very good reason (look at this vagueness!), and when I put my foot down, I don't want to forking hear about it!


I think when you say no at those times people pick up on the vibes, like a weakness/uncertainty and subconsciously (or consciously) use that against you. It's the whole assertive thing isn't it. My friend can say no to anyone/anything and people just know to accept that, when I find myself anxious about a situation I just ask myself "what would S do?". It immediately brings me back to times when I've seen her deal with people and it really does give me the confidence to be firm but polite (she's fantastically polite to everyone!). I really see the difference in how people react to me now.

I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety this week after my house almost being robbed while I was home on Sunday night. The adrenalin rush has been horrendous, even my bones hurt, my illness is really exacerbated by stress too so I'm fighting all sorts of nasty symptoms atm. But I've decided that the only thing I can change about the situation is how I react to it.

I did a couple of temporary things around the house so they would have to make more noise if they came back, attached an personal attack alarm to my torch and will take it and the phone into the back garden at night when Poppy needs out. My mum gave me a louder alarm that the neighbours will even hear and is said to frighten them off, like a house alarm, so that's beside the bed. I'm eating when I can (my IBS has flared up, I have a sick stomach and have lost 2lbs over 3 days) and I'm knocking myself out at night with prescription meds, reminding myself that the dog and the trellis I've fixed at the side of the house will announce any intruders in plenty of time for me to trigger alarms and phone neighbours/police.

The negative energy with anxiety is horrible, it's just so draining, so I've decided to use it up by making positive changes. A friend told me if you can't control a situation you can try "switching" your energy to a different emotion: fear - excitement etc, it worked for me and I flew to London by myself when my phobia was so bad I couldn't watch plane crash movies. I'm not having anyone stay with me because I need to learn how to deal with these things by myself to get stronger. I know when I come through this that I will be able to face other scary things with more confidence.

I developed some phobias when I was very physically ill and suffering a lot of stress. Having someone come into my home was one of them. Over the past few months I've pretty much killed that one while living alone so I'm forked if I'm letting anyone drive me back there, rraaaaarrr! *needs a little lie down*.

Hugs to all you guys experiencing chronic anxiety, I've been doing so well lately I forgot just how consuming it can be xxx


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 10:21 am 
Offline
Bought a used copy of Natural Harvest
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:29 pm
Posts: 6046
Location: Land of Maple and Beavers
I'm so so so so sorry to anyone who has to deal with this crepe. Anxiety has been a driving force in my life for as long as I can remember. I have panic attacks, and, like you kibble, get trapped in what seems like a month's long panic attack. That happened to me in August/September of this year - I was in a state of panic 24/7. All the forking time. I couldn't sleep, I barely ate. It was so exhausting and it really makes you feel like you're losing your marbles. The thing is, you're not. And you're not alone. A large chunk of the population deals with anxiety in varying degrees. It sounds like you and I have it on the severe end of things.

I take Celexa for it, 20mg daily. I'm not so sure it really helps me, as I still have pretty severe anxiety, but I am terrified to go off of it or switch - I am extremely sensitive to SSRIs and all the other ones I have tried have made me feel worse (I have tried Zoloft, Paxil, Effexor). I have resigned myself to the fact that I am an anxious person and will have periods in my life where it's bad. And when it's bad, it's bad. But when life is good, it's oh so sweet. SSRIs can be helpful for some people (like JoPa) but they certainly aren't a miracle for everyone. Whether it works for you or not, it's WORTH trying. If it doesn't work, it's okay. You are NOT doomed.

Here's what is helpful to me to keep in mind.
- "What if" thoughts and negative thoughts are a symptom of the anxiety. Those thoughts rarely can hold their own when faced with logic and reason.
- Anxiety and panic are your body's stress system in overdrive. The disorientation, the racing thoughts, the chest tightness, it's actually all a natural bodily mechanism, just misplaced.
- All you can really do is ride out the storm. Secure yourself to the mast. Brave the waves. Don't try to flee.
- You are not alone.

That's all I can manage to write right now, as writing about anxiety makes me feel anxious (ha!)
So much love to you all.

_________________
Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumbles
Is this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:50 pm 
Offline
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:23 pm
Posts: 1049
Location: MKE
The first time I went to a psychiatrist (per the insistence of my then-therapist), she sent me out with scrips for Celexa, Klonopin, and Seroquel within 10 minutes of walking in the door. Added Seroquel XR about a month and a half later. Why did I put all of this toxic shiitake into my body twice a day, every day? I was really tired of feeling like I was about to die 24/7, and everyone swore up and down that it would help. About a week after adding the XR, I went psychotic. I flew to Washington, DC on a whim to meet up with my most horrible ex-boyfriend on purpose. I blacked out for almost 36 hours, woke up underneath a chair at DCA covered in vomit, missing all of my personal belongings but clutching my boarding pass and ID. My flight had left almost half a day earlier. Reality just kind of fell away, like I was in a boat drifting offshore. I don't remember getting home.

After that, I begged the psychiatrist to let me withdraw from the meds because the side effects were killing me, the scrips were seriously forking expensive, and the degree to which they made me feel better was only about 5-10% above normal, but she said no, that I just needed to wait longer. When I told her that I wasn't going to take them no matter what she said, she called the cops and told them I was going to kill myself if they didn't take me away. So they did, in handcuffs, strapped down to a gurney in the back of an ambulance, and all of this happened after I'd stopped in for a quick check-in on my way to work. I had to leave my car parked at an expired 15-minute meter, my morning mug of coffee getting cold in the cup holder. The 1.5-mile ambulance ride set me back $620; I just sent in the last installment check today.
I spent fifteen forking days in the hospital -- including Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Year's Eve -- and am now thousands of dollars in debt (yes, you have to pay for involuntary hospitalizations) that it's going to take me years to pay off. Every day, I'd beg and plead to go home, and every day, I'd be told that I hadn't admitted that I have no power over my terrible, debilitating illness and that I wouldn't get out until I acquiesced, but my shitty health insurance ran out after 15 days, so that's when I got out. I've worked full-time since I was 16 years old, never taking a dime from my parents, never missing a bill, never missing a beat, so it was beyond humiliating to be forced to pad around in socks and drink water out of styrofoam cups, being told all the while that there was absolutely no way I could be a functioning part of society because I was so, so sick. That first breath of free fresh air (I wasn't allowed outside at all because I don't smoke) is something I will never forget. I'd been involuntarily hospitalized a few times as a teenager, all per my mother's request, so I guess that made it easier for them to keep me in.
My co-workers must be saints, because they let my no-call no-shows slide like nothing ever happened. I told everyone I had severe food poisoning because I couldn't think of anything else that would keep you in the hospital for that long only to arrive back at work without some sort of residual effect.
Bonus: I just got a letter in the mail stating that my 2011 state tax return is going to be "intercepted" by the state, who billed me nearly a grand for a 4-hour sit in their waiting room because I had to do intake at county before they tossed me into a private hospital. Turns out my insurance wouldn't pay any of that bill because I didn't call for an authorization ahead of time. Sorry, UnitedHealthcare, the cops took away my phone before they cuffed me.

There's a huge, huge stigma surrounding any kind of mental illness, but the stigma about being involuntarily hospitalized is crushing to the point of it being impossible to mention to anyone except my closest friends and complete strangers. I will probably erase this at some point, because it's sad and embarrassing to write about this shiitake on the world wide web, but goddamn, if anyone's had a similar experience, please drop me a line. It seems like there are a lot of kind and tortured souls here.

tl;dr - Being crazy sucks, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even George W. Bush.
This shiitake is brutal, devastating, dehumanizing, and it steals lives. I wish there was something I could do to stop it, but I feel like I'm in the cargo hold of a plane that anxiety and depression have been piloting for the past 30 years. Hugs to you all.

_________________
Milwaukee Vegan Bake Sale


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:10 pm 
Offline
So Totally Yiffy
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 41
I avoided this thread for a long time, because the idea of reading it made me feel anxious. Now that I've read it, though, it's actually kind of comforting to know that other people are going through similar stuff. Hugs to you all.

I've had anxiety for most of my life, but right now I have a new job that's making it flare up pretty bad. It's retail, so I don't think I have to explain why it makes me terrified and sick to my stomach! But I also have social anxiety, so trying to form friendly relationships with my coworkers is equally scary and stressful for me. I'm pretty sure I'm coming across as really weird and awkward to them, but I don't know what to do. I mean, I even have anxiety when talking to my friends; the only person I'm totally comfortable around is my partner. I know I need to find a therapist, but the idea of making phone calls and going through the process of finding someone who's a good fit is daunting, to say the least. I've tried seeing a couple people in the past for my anxiety, and they were really unhelpful - the first person said, 'since you know you don't have to be worried, you should just stop worrying,' and the second person suggested I take deep breaths, and seemed really surprised to find out that I had already tried that. If I could just will away my anxiety or cure it with deep breaths, would I be seeking professional help?! Honestly, all I really want right now is for someone to give me a prescription... is that wrong? I'm afraid it would come across as wanting to take the easy way out, and that they would want me to try talking about my issues first. My anxiety doesn't stem from any sort of trauma, so I think it must just be my brain chemistry, and no amount of talk therapy will change that.

Anyway, I really appreciate this thread. It's good to have a space to talk about this stuff, and to know that I'm not alone in this!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:18 pm 
Offline
Grandfathered In
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 9467
Location: Seattle
Stephanie. Wow. That's outrageous and terrifying.

_________________
Did somebody say Keep on rockin?


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 724 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 29  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Invictus and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer