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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:01 pm 
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I would also really like tofulish to do me.
Just sayin'


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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:06 pm 
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Second Girlfriend had this problem, so we just did other stuff, like rowdily playing checkers, or contemplatively playing go.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:35 pm 
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This is a really good resource
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/ ... ntercourse

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 7:50 pm 
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fezza wrote:
Now I really want Tofulish to do me.

I think we all do, or we need her to instruct our partners in this awesome massage technique!

Everyone has given you great advice and it's good that you're going see a gyno. Relaxation will help a lot :)

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 9:58 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
I'm adding my voice to the chorus of it sounds like you and your partner may want to slow it down to give you time to relax, become aroused and let your vagina lengthen and expand.

There is a totally cool multi-orgasm technique where basically your partner starts of massaging your back and shoulders in a single direction (start at the shoulders work down the back then back to the shoulders down the back), then moves to the arms and then the legs and really massages the female partner until she is completely relaxed. Then you flip over and start on her front. You use a grounding touch (so going into the muscles) only at first to relax the person and the male masseur asks permission for every stage, and tries to remain present to loving his partner. The theory is that most women live in a state of being tense and ready to protect themselves because we live in a world where women feel themselves to be in danger and always conscious of threats, so it takes a while to take down all our guards.

Once the woman is relaxed, and after asking permission, her partner moves on to an arousing touch, with light fingertips, which ends up bringing a ton of blood to every part touched. And then he moves on to the breasts and genitals. Again, there is a ton of foreplay before it goes to P in V, and its kind of amazing how many orgasms you can have once you're really really relaxed....


good god lady, i want you to come over and do this to me now! i'm all tingly in my pants...


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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:37 am 
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I may have missed it but do you actually get really aroused?

Sex has never ever been pleasurable for me. Ever. At the best it doesn't hurt. At the worst it is excruciating. I'm at the point about 8 years later where I realize it's just one of those things that won't happen for me. Hopefully the same won't be said for you.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 1:07 am 
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I hope it gets better for you!!! Definitely take a penetration break. :) Digital and/or oral stimulation is always fun. I get P in V sex pain occasionally, too, so making sure to orgasm before penetration always helps me.


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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 1:34 am 
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Chipmunk wrote:
I sincerely hope you're not enduring this and putting pressure on yourself to enjoy it to please someone else. I'd agree with what AmandaMelanie said about having an orgasm, or at least getting very close, before you try again. And keep the external stimulation going when you do. Toys aren't cheating if they help you build or maintain arousal and I recently saw a study that found that women who use them have better sexual function and satisfaction (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19453881). I also think P in V is somewhat overrated and don't like referring to the myriad of other options as foreplay. It's not that it's not fun if you're into it and have figured out how to make it work for you, but for many female-bodied people the magical penis alone won't do the trick. You can reach all the sensitive spots with a finger or two, so that's all you need if you want to experiment with g-spot (by which I just mean the internal bits of the clitoris) stimulation.


I just wanted to quote someone saying magical penis.

(But I agree with your post too.)

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 5:36 pm 
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just mumbles wrote:
Second Girlfriend had this problem, so we just did other stuff, like rowdily playing checkers, or contemplatively playing go.

Did you ever pensively play mah jong? Lugubriously play tic tac toe? Rigorously play facts in five? Morbidly play monopoly? Manically play Sorry?

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 6:54 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
I trust I am the male partner in this equation? I will let you know that I generally suck at oral.


Well, you could get one of those tongue shaped vibes.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:24 pm 
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miss snackura wrote:
I may have missed it but do you actually get really aroused?

Sex has never ever been pleasurable for me. Ever. At the best it doesn't hurt. At the worst it is excruciating. I'm at the point about 8 years later where I realize it's just one of those things that won't happen for me. Hopefully the same won't be said for you.

!!!
I feel like I could've written this post myself, although I've only been sexually active a little bit over a year. Nothing feels sexually pleasurable to me, and I've definitely never had an orgasm.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:53 pm 
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rowdily playing checkers
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j-dub wrote:
Did you ever pensively play mah jong?

That's filthy.

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Last edited by mumbles on Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:24 am 
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Jigglypuff wrote:
miss snackura wrote:
I may have missed it but do you actually get really aroused?

Sex has never ever been pleasurable for me. Ever. At the best it doesn't hurt. At the worst it is excruciating. I'm at the point about 8 years later where I realize it's just one of those things that won't happen for me. Hopefully the same won't be said for you.

!!!
I feel like I could've written this post myself, although I've only been sexually active a little bit over a year. Nothing feels sexually pleasurable to me, and I've definitely never had an orgasm.

I was this way until I was 21, so...it can change, if you meet exactly the right kind of person? Also I think orgasms are overrated. But then people say childbirth is supposed to be terribly painful, and it wasn't for me, so maybe I just have an insensitive vagina?

...

Just realized I wrote "insensitive vagina" in that last sentence. I'm drunk Hapax, and I approve this message. *hits post*

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:29 am 
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lycophyte wrote:
Tofulish wrote:
I trust I am the male partner in this equation? I will let you know that I generally suck at oral.


Well, you could get one of those tongue shaped vibes.


Image
This looks so uncomfortable.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:35 am 
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I don't mind sucking, do me Tofulish!

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:48 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
I'm adding my voice to the chorus of it sounds like you and your partner may want to slow it down to give you time to relax, become aroused and let your vagina lengthen and expand.

There is a totally cool multi-orgasm technique where basically your partner starts of massaging your back and shoulders in a single direction (start at the shoulders work down the back then back to the shoulders down the back), then moves to the arms and then the legs and really massages the female partner until she is completely relaxed. Then you flip over and start on her front. You use a grounding touch (so going into the muscles) only at first to relax the person and the male masseur asks permission for every stage, and tries to remain present to loving his partner. The theory is that most women live in a state of being tense and ready to protect themselves because we live in a world where women feel themselves to be in danger and always conscious of threats, so it takes a while to take down all our guards.

Once the woman is relaxed, and after asking permission, her partner moves on to an arousing touch, with light fingertips, which ends up bringing a ton of blood to every part touched. And then he moves on to the breasts and genitals. Again, there is a ton of foreplay before it goes to P in V, and its kind of amazing how many orgasms you can have once you're really really relaxed....


Brian almost always refuses to rub my back. Now I have a good reason that he should rub the shiitake out of me!

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:19 pm 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
Now I have a good reason that he should rub the shiitake out of me!

Hey, if that's your thing...increasing your fiber may also help.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 3:27 pm 
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Hapax Legomenon wrote:
Jigglypuff wrote:
miss snackura wrote:
I may have missed it but do you actually get really aroused?

Sex has never ever been pleasurable for me. Ever. At the best it doesn't hurt. At the worst it is excruciating. I'm at the point about 8 years later where I realize it's just one of those things that won't happen for me. Hopefully the same won't be said for you.

!!!
I feel like I could've written this post myself, although I've only been sexually active a little bit over a year. Nothing feels sexually pleasurable to me, and I've definitely never had an orgasm.

I was this way until I was 21, so...it can change, if you meet exactly the right kind of person?

But, but... (to state the obvious) you don't need another person!


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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 7:42 pm 
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Chipmunk wrote:
Hapax Legomenon wrote:
Jigglypuff wrote:

Sex has never ever been pleasurable for me. Ever. At the best it doesn't hurt. At the worst it is excruciating. I'm at the point about 8 years later where I realize it's just one of those things that won't happen for me. Hopefully the same won't be said for you.

!!!
I feel like I could've written this post myself, although I've only been sexually active a little bit over a year. Nothing feels sexually pleasurable to me, and I've definitely never had an orgasm.

I was this way until I was 21, so...it can change, if you meet exactly the right kind of person?

But, but... (to state the obvious) you don't need another person!


well, there is something about someone else giving you an orgasm. i mean, stroganoff is delightful and all, but if that was all you needed, who would ever bother hooking up?


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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:17 pm 
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All I'm saying is that another person isn't necessary for the orgasm part, although I came about my first one the first time I hooked up with a guy. Dude knew what he was doing, which wasn't the case for everyone who followed. And my teenage self didn't know how to tell them what to do because my teenage self hadn't done her research properly ("stop, I don't like that" did work though).


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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:37 pm 
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The other person is necessary for me. If he's not around I don't feel the slightest urge to be sexual, by myself or with anyone else.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 5:16 pm 
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You might have an abnormally thick hymen. I did and it took what seemed like forever to bust it. And it hurt like hell.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 2:16 pm 
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Is there some resource that more deeply details this massage multi orgasm technique Tofulish was describing? I want to point my partner to it, because while I've already found that similar massage-y touch really gets me goin' (my back is sexysensitive like whoa!), he isn't always the most... adept at it.

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 2:29 pm 
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Here you go, but caveat: the website is pretty goofy and the videos are NSFW (and also they focus on the genital portion of things).

I didn't do the course, because I would have felt totally weird and would have giggled too much, but even the free 3 hour introduction really made a significant impact in improving my satisfaction. I saw it with a former partner, and taught my current partner how to do it. It works really well to demonstrate. I know other people who have done the courses and loved it, but a lot of them are way more sexually adventurous than I am.

Also, they give courses in Boulder....
http://www.orgasmicproviders.com/home/c ... nstration/

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 Post subject: Re: Sex should not be painful, right? Help me! (maybe tmi?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 8:15 pm 
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Hapax Legomenon wrote:
The other person is necessary for me. If he's not around I don't feel the slightest urge to be sexual, by myself or with anyone else.


Agreed. Also, I had my first P in V sex about the same time as the original posts. It took me and my partner awhile, too, because I needed to learn how to relax and let those muscles s t r e t c h. The first time it worked, I laid completely still and focused on breath while he did Other Things™.

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