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 Post subject: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:17 am 
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Chip Strong
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Because I think we could use one. I'll be back to post often no doubt.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:00 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:29 pm 
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I learned recently that one should define themselves as introvert or extrovert by what activities give them energy. I always thought I was an extrovert because I mix well and can chat to anyone, however, the things that I enjoy most are very introverted activities. And being around people too much makes me tired and feel drained, whereas I could stay up all night reading, weaving, baking, or knitting.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:40 pm 
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A friend of mine got really offended yesterday because I just needed to cancel our plans. She is just SO socially exhausting, and I'd just come from an intense acupressure treatment and a lot of introspective work for my counselling courses and I really needed to be quiet and alone. I wish more people understood not to take it personally. I sometimes feel like I need to make up an excuse rather than tell the cold hard truth (socializing right now will wipe me out completely), just because I don't want people to be angry or hurt.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:43 pm 
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I am thankful every day for my friends. Most of them are either introverts or completely get how introverts function. When I cancel on them because I need me-time and am feeling overwhelmed, they get it. They aren't offended and just wish me well/want to see me when I'm ready. I sometimes feel guilty but I know it's way more important for my mental health to be ok with cancelling.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:47 pm 
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A huge pet peeve of mine is people who think shy or quiet =introvert and outgoing or talkative = extrovert. Like most things, introversion and extroversion is more of a continuum than making people choose column A or B.

I am chatty and get along pretty well in social situations, but I really need a lot of alone time and prefer solitary activities.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:55 pm 
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Nebraskalaska wrote:
A huge pet peeve of mine is people who think shy or quiet =introvert and outgoing or talkative = extrovert. Like most things, introversion and extroversion is more of a continuum than making people choose column A or B.

I am chatty and get along pretty well in social situations, but I really need a lot of alone time and prefer solitary activities.

I know, it's so annoying! I never really tell anyone that I am an introvert/have social anxiety because they're always like "whatever! You are so social!". It's learned behaviour and overcompensation because I know that I'm really not. I have no problem playing the role of an outgoing person when I need to because I've had to spend so much time evaluating and watching how extroverts make it seem/look so easy. That doesn't mean it doesn't scare the shiitake out of me on a daily basis and make me want to hide forever.

A friend the other day, when I mentioned social anxiety, said "it's so funny that some people who seem to have it all together are actually really anxious and scared." Except that it's not really all that "funny" for me! I know things could be much worse and I'm lucky that I can have learned to cope, but damn, it's not always a picnic.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:57 pm 
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I don't know what I am! When I take the test I come out extrovert. My personality is def extroverted. I am loud, obnoxious, rude, foul mouthed, and opinionated most of the time. But I think this is more to do with the fact that I'm not afraid of who I am and I just say whatever the hell I want as long as I'm not being mean or hurtful.

But, I am also always middle of the road on all personality tests. We just did the Meyers Briggs at work a few moths ago and I was pretty much 50/50 between the E and I categories.

Lately as I've gotten older I tend to want to stay in doing nothing. Sleeping, watching tv and movies, being lazy and cooking are my main ideal activities. Sometimes I'm up for going out but most of the time I don't want to be bothered because it means I'll spend money, I'll take away time from everything else I have going on, or I just don't feel like it. And if I do make plans I always need the option of cancelling but I just never know how I'm going to feel on any given day. Not because I have a problem with the social interaction, I just can't muster up the energy sometimes to actually get going.

I kind of don't know who I am anymore.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 1:11 pm 
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Ha, Myers brigs! The category I test most strongly in is i/e. I am very much an I. Like vajita, I do a lot of faking it, which I have learned from quiet observation of extroverts. My MO is to stand on the sidelines and watch the social culture in any group or situation, and not really interact until I have a good grasp of what the norm is. Then I jump in and act "appropriately". This leads some of my introverted friends to think I am more socially competent than I am. In fact, when in a large group of people I'm not really comfortable around, I mostly want to hide in a hole.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 1:16 pm 
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Olives, I kind of do that too! I like being quiet in social settings and then just throwing myself into conversations when I want to. And people are always like are you ok, is something wrong? Because they aren't used to me being this way. It really has been a recent change for me. I'm so meh about everything these days!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 1:41 pm 
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vijita wrote:
A friend of mine got really offended yesterday because I just needed to cancel our plans. She is just SO socially exhausting, and I'd just come from an intense acupressure treatment and a lot of introspective work for my counselling courses and I really needed to be quiet and alone. I wish more people understood not to take it personally. I sometimes feel like I need to make up an excuse rather than tell the cold hard truth (socializing right now will wipe me out completely), just because I don't want people to be angry or hurt.

you should just make plans with me to cancel on so that it'll feel okay, because I won't be angry about it. then it all evens out np. logic!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 1:43 pm 
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my entire last week has been hiding away. I had a huge, stressful and pretty emotional last month (and had no time for downtime!). I shouldn't have been as down as I have been (deadlines aren't moving!) but christ it feels better now.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:07 pm 
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joshua wrote:
vijita wrote:
A friend of mine got really offended yesterday because I just needed to cancel our plans. She is just SO socially exhausting, and I'd just come from an intense acupressure treatment and a lot of introspective work for my counselling courses and I really needed to be quiet and alone. I wish more people understood not to take it personally. I sometimes feel like I need to make up an excuse rather than tell the cold hard truth (socializing right now will wipe me out completely), just because I don't want people to be angry or hurt.

you should just make plans with me to cancel on so that it'll feel okay, because I won't be angry about it. then it all evens out np. logic!

Haha, sometimes I am SO relieved when people cancel plans so that I don't have to, or have to suffer through leaving the house.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:11 pm 
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^haha yes.

the nice thing about chronic pain is that it's a good excuse to bail on things if you're feeling generally shitty. the bad thing about chronic pain is that it flares up when you WANT to do things. karma!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:14 pm 
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^double yes!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:17 pm 
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Sometimes my friends will find call me and say "hey, I'm bored, do you want to hang out right now?" Which is a totally normal request. But it is so difficult for me to go out when I'm already at home, settled in and drinking tea. Just getting ready and going out of the house seems as difficult and exhausting as climbing a mountain. And I don't really know how to explain that to people. If I say I'm busy, I'll be lying, but if tell the truth and I say I'm doing absolutely nothing, it's going to sound like I don't like hanging out with them.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:20 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
Sometimes my friends will find call me and say "hey, I'm bored, do you want to hang out right now?" Which is a totally normal request. But it is so difficult for me to go out when I'm already at home, settled in and drinking tea. Just getting ready and going out of the house seems as difficult and exhausting as climbing a mountain. And I don't really know how to explain that to people. If I say I'm busy, I'll be lying, but if tell the truth and I say I'm doing absolutely nothing, it's going to sound like I don't like hanging out with them.

I'm usually vague-ish, but honest-ish in that situation if I can't be totally blunt to them.. like "thanks, but I've got some shiitake to take care of this afternoon. if I head out later, I might swing by if you're still free". where shiitake to take care of = myself, it's totally not lying! and if I feel up for it in a couple of hours, I'll go meet up. win/win

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:24 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
Sometimes my friends will find call me and say "hey, I'm bored, do you want to hang out right now?" Which is a totally normal request. But it is so difficult for me to go out when I'm already at home, settled in and drinking tea. Just getting ready and going out of the house seems as difficult and exhausting as climbing a mountain. And I don't really know how to explain that to people. If I say I'm busy, I'll be lying, but if tell the truth and I say I'm doing absolutely nothing, it's going to sound like I don't like hanging out with them.

YES. I really require at least a days notice before making plans so that I can mentally prepare myself.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:27 pm 
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Totally surprised that my dad is an introvert. (I am a superintrovert, and thought I was identifying other introverts, but I guess not.) He can talk non=stop and makes/maintains social connections like nobody's business, so he managed to fool me for most of my life. Meanwhile, until I lived with my dad when I was 23, I did not enjoy lots and lots of talking to other people at all. Now I can rock it, and even love it, so long as I get piles and piles of me time in return.


I like joshua's win/win scenario. Taking care of stuff (i.e. YOU) totally counts.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:52 pm 
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It's so silly that people think introvert=shy. I'm not shy at all! Infact, I'm a pretty friendly, bubbly person if you can get me out. Like vijita said, I overcompensate. After I go do that for a short time, I need to go home and have oodles of alone time.

And yes on the not being able to do spontaneous hang outs. That stresses me out SO MUCH. I need to know in advance of something to psyche myself up.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:58 pm 
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Wow, you guys are helping me realize that I'm not totally bizarre in my behavior. I've never thought of myself as being introverted before this thread but you all are helping me realize that all my behaviors I thought were stemming from depression and laziness are kind of normal.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 3:55 pm 
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Has anyone read Quiet by Susan Cain? I had it from the library and didn't make it all the way through before I had to return it, but what I read was really interesting. I am another big time introvert who can hold my own in (most) social situations but finds it pretty exhausting.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 5:59 pm 
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I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who can't do spontaneous things! I prefer at least a week's notice for most things.

Also I'm definitely not shy. The one social situation I *am* bad at though is where you flit from small group to small group at a party or something and strike up random conversation. "Mingling" I guess is what you would call it. I can do it with people I know, but not strangers. I usually find a few people I know in the group and refuse to leave them alone. It's not that I'm shy, it's just that I have no idea what to say to multiple random groups of strangers.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 6:07 pm 
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Shhhhhhh. On the Internet, nobody knows I'm an introvert!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 6:10 pm 
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Having a child has really out a damper on hiding my introvertedness. Before I could hang in social situations cause I had so much alone time. Now, I am never alone. It is a great excuse for getting out of all kinds of things, the baby is sick, he needs a nap, etc.


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