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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 4:54 pm 
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hi five, sweet potato! i did one massive job, cooked like a maniac, knit a hat, read the most recent Anita Blake book, and am working on hat #2 with a glass of merlot. the other 2 people in the house with me right now have all done similar things. it is so nice to be among my people.
[i am seeing photos of my other people on FB, it is my MIL's birthday and there are approximately 25 people in her house, and it's like some kind of crazy festival in there. this is the way i prefer it....]

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 5:01 pm 
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Huh. I'm an introvert but I always ask about weekends because basically I think anything someone does is interesting and it's a way to have a conversation. If I'm not working I usually spend my weekends at my apartment with the dog and maybe the husband, cooking, cleaning, gardening, reading, or crafting. I have no problem telling someone how I spent my weekend cause to me whatever i do is interesting. If you say it in an enthusiastic way and don't just say an embarrassed "nothing" (no one does nothing unless you sit quietly in a dark room, haha!), no one in my experience bats an eye. This thread is making me reconsider how I interact with fellow introverts.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 5:23 pm 
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Yeah, I'm with you Couroupita. If you tell me you read a book over the weekend I'll ask you what you're reading and how you're liking it. If you went out for dinner or cooked at home I'll ask you how the meal was. You might think that other people will think your life is boring if you say baked cupcakes and had a Scandal marathon, but I guarantee you are not the only one with that particular idea of fun. Don't internalize the message that what you like to do isn't actually "fun".

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 5:52 pm 
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couroupita wrote:
Huh. I'm an introvert but I always ask about weekends because basically I think anything someone does is interesting and it's a way to have a conversation. If I'm not working I usually spend my weekends at my apartment with the dog and maybe the husband, cooking, cleaning, gardening, reading, or crafting. I have no problem telling someone how I spent my weekend cause to me whatever i do is interesting. If you say it in an enthusiastic way and don't just say an embarrassed "nothing" (no one does nothing unless you sit quietly in a dark room, haha!), no one in my experience bats an eye. This thread is making me reconsider how I interact with fellow introverts.


Speaking for myself only of course, I'm not concerned with what the introverts think, its the extroverts. The people I work with have kids and are always doing kid things, seeing family, going to this party, or driving to LA to do whatever, etc. I think that if there was another introvert and they said they read a book, like Nebraskalaska says, I'd be interested in hearing about the book. Or about the meal, or about the Scandal marathon. Other introverts get it. I do totally own my weekend "nothingness" in the how was the weekend conversation, and it truly doesn't bother me - its conversation and a way to connect, like you say. BUT, I feel like I have to soften the relative "nothingness" and turn it into "something" for the extroverts' sake because they just plain don't get that doing "nothing" is awesome. (Sorry for the quotes, but I want to convey that I don't think nothing really is nothing, but I think extroverts can perceive nothing as nothing.)


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:33 pm 
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torque wrote:
hi five, sweet potato! i did one massive job, cooked like a maniac, knit a hat, read the most recent Anita Blake book, and am working on hat #2 with a glass of merlot. the other 2 people in the house with me right now have all done similar things. it is so nice to be among my people.
[i am seeing photos of my other people on FB, it is my MIL's birthday and there are approximately 25 people in her house, and it's like some kind of crazy festival in there. this is the way i prefer it....]


Wow you got a lot done, great job to you too! :) And knitters unite!

One of the songs on my knitting playlist is DeBarge's Rhythm Of The Night. And every time I hear it I've been thinking of this thread and thinking, "No, I'm okay right here, thanks." ^_^

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 6:01 am 
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Last night and this morning, I was ecstatic that I can have winter funtimes with my dad and sister. Today, I realized this will mean 10 days with my sister in my tiny flat followed by 10 days with both of them in my dad's tiny flat. I am now freaking out at my future lack-of-alone time, esp. since it takes me so long to recover from over interaction. I'm still recovering from busy-ness in September, and think I've been sick for 2.5 weeks now because of it. This future stuff? is totally not helping, and I'm not sure they "get" why.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 7:43 am 
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Everyone in my life is pretty much used to me saying that I did nothing and loved it. So they don't give me shiitake for it anymore. They know it makes me happy so now they get happy for me. And when I have a lot to do over the weekends they feel bad for me because they know I hate it! It's nice when people just accept you.

My typical weekend consists of sleeping in, late breakfast, lounging, napping, lunch, more lounging, dinner, movie and tv watching and somewhere in there I manage to clean, do the dishes several times over, cook, and go grocery shopping.

I don't know how extroverts manage to get chores done if they are always out and about partying on the weekends. I will not clean during the week! I work during the week, that is enough.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:05 am 
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see, i see torque's list and i'm like "holy shiitake, you did a ton!"

i was sick (cold), so laying around was a totally feasible option. I read a book or two, wrote for nanowrimo and I have no idea what else. hmm.

sweet_potato wrote:
torque wrote:
hi five, sweet potato! i did one massive job, cooked like a maniac, knit a hat, read the most recent Anita Blake book, and am working on hat #2 with a glass of merlot. the other 2 people in the house with me right now have all done similar things. it is so nice to be among my people.
[i am seeing photos of my other people on FB, it is my MIL's birthday and there are approximately 25 people in her house, and it's like some kind of crazy festival in there. this is the way i prefer it....]


Wow you got a lot done, great job to you too! :) And knitters unite!

One of the songs on my knitting playlist is DeBarge's Rhythm Of The Night. And every time I hear it I've been thinking of this thread and thinking, "No, I'm okay right here, thanks." ^_^


You are ever so welcome.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 2:05 pm 
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couroupita wrote:
Huh. I'm an introvert but I always ask about weekends because basically I think anything someone does is interesting and it's a way to have a conversation. If I'm not working I usually spend my weekends at my apartment with the dog and maybe the husband, cooking, cleaning, gardening, reading, or crafting. I have no problem telling someone how I spent my weekend cause to me whatever i do is interesting. If you say it in an enthusiastic way and don't just say an embarrassed "nothing" (no one does nothing unless you sit quietly in a dark room, haha!), no one in my experience bats an eye.

Yeah, I agree about not being embarrassed when answering that question. I find I only feel self-conscious about answering that question around people I don't know very well and who might dismiss me as "boring" on the basis of my low key activities (only when such opinions matter to me--like in a job interview or something where for a receptionist or something kind of social) or folks who I know to be extroverts--like my ex-boyfriend and any other: "nobody wants to go to the library on Friday!" types I happen to know. Is there a Nobody-Wants-To-Go-To-The-Library-On-Friday Type, anyway? Actually, I don't think that particular boyfriend was a true extrovert at all but he was, in fact, an alcoholic who looked for any excuse to drink--hence the party-loving aspect from him--I think he was pretty introverted deep down, actually.

Anyway, I think any self-consciousness I feel about my bookwormish activities hearkens back to my teenage years when you weren't cool unless you drank a two-fer between Friday and Sataday night and hopped wild house parties and used your fake ID to get into bars and whatnot and I remind myself to shake that off and it's okay now to own my propensity for stayin' in and bein' me!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 3:12 pm 
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emmalv wrote:
couroupita wrote:
Huh. I'm an introvert but I always ask about weekends because basically I think anything someone does is interesting and it's a way to have a conversation. If I'm not working I usually spend my weekends at my apartment with the dog and maybe the husband, cooking, cleaning, gardening, reading, or crafting. I have no problem telling someone how I spent my weekend cause to me whatever i do is interesting. If you say it in an enthusiastic way and don't just say an embarrassed "nothing" (no one does nothing unless you sit quietly in a dark room, haha!), no one in my experience bats an eye. This thread is making me reconsider how I interact with fellow introverts.


Speaking for myself only of course, I'm not concerned with what the introverts think, its the extroverts. The people I work with have kids and are always doing kid things, seeing family, going to this party, or driving to LA to do whatever, etc. I think that if there was another introvert and they said they read a book, like Nebraskalaska says, I'd be interested in hearing about the book. Or about the meal, or about the Scandal marathon. Other introverts get it. I do totally own my weekend "nothingness" in the how was the weekend conversation, and it truly doesn't bother me - its conversation and a way to connect, like you say. BUT, I feel like I have to soften the relative "nothingness" and turn it into "something" for the extroverts' sake because they just plain don't get that doing "nothing" is awesome. (Sorry for the quotes, but I want to convey that I don't think nothing really is nothing, but I think extroverts can perceive nothing as nothing.)


Ah, I guess I misunderstood! I thought folks were saying that they hate anyone asking what they did over the weekend. I don't want to make people uncomfortable!! I have a really quiet friend who always says "nothing" when I ask what she did. It drives me bananas because it's such a conversation stopper and it seems likes she's putting herself down because she doesn't think she's an interesting person.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 5:01 pm 
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i always used to say "nothing" or "not much, really" and then because i'm inept, or overwhelmed, i would never think to ask them back. but it might also be that i wasn't really interested in what other people did? (i'm a crasshole)

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 5:18 pm 
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couroupita wrote:
emmalv wrote:
couroupita wrote:
Huh. I'm an introvert but I always ask about weekends because basically I think anything someone does is interesting and it's a way to have a conversation. If I'm not working I usually spend my weekends at my apartment with the dog and maybe the husband, cooking, cleaning, gardening, reading, or crafting. I have no problem telling someone how I spent my weekend cause to me whatever i do is interesting. If you say it in an enthusiastic way and don't just say an embarrassed "nothing" (no one does nothing unless you sit quietly in a dark room, haha!), no one in my experience bats an eye. This thread is making me reconsider how I interact with fellow introverts.


Speaking for myself only of course, I'm not concerned with what the introverts think, its the extroverts. The people I work with have kids and are always doing kid things, seeing family, going to this party, or driving to LA to do whatever, etc. I think that if there was another introvert and they said they read a book, like Nebraskalaska says, I'd be interested in hearing about the book. Or about the meal, or about the Scandal marathon. Other introverts get it. I do totally own my weekend "nothingness" in the how was the weekend conversation, and it truly doesn't bother me - its conversation and a way to connect, like you say. BUT, I feel like I have to soften the relative "nothingness" and turn it into "something" for the extroverts' sake because they just plain don't get that doing "nothing" is awesome. (Sorry for the quotes, but I want to convey that I don't think nothing really is nothing, but I think extroverts can perceive nothing as nothing.)


Ah, I guess I misunderstood! I thought folks were saying that they hate anyone asking what they did over the weekend. I don't want to make people uncomfortable!! I have a really quiet friend who always says "nothing" when I ask what she did. It drives me bananas because it's such a conversation stopper and it seems likes she's putting herself down because she doesn't think she's an interesting person.


I don't mind being asked this, but it's funny because I always say "cooked, watched tv, crocheted, played ukuele" (usually not all those things). At my job, I guess I work with more extroverts than introverts because everyday we talk about what we did the night before. Which for me is always "cooked, watched tv, went to bed," but other people are doing things all the time! going out to dinner/parties. Just hearing about it stresses me out a bit.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 6:19 pm 
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seitanicverses wrote:
I find I only feel self-conscious about answering that question around people I don't know very well and who might dismiss me as "boring" on the basis of my low key activities (only when such opinions matter to me--like in a job interview or something where for a receptionist or something kind of social)

And then you can always fib a bit... I don't see anything wrong with saying "Oh, I went out to dinner with some friends" even if it's untrue, as long as it doesn't really matter (like you're not lying to the cops to give yourself an alibi!)

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 6:23 pm 
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I'm loving this thread! I'm a decided introvert. I'm not generally big on labels, but I do wish I had recognized much sooner in my life that introversion is a legitimate way of being and been able to accept that this is just how I am. I definitely had issues with depression and anxiety in my 20s, but I suspect that a lot of it came from constantly worrying about keeping up with some sort of standard for sociability that I am just not suited to, and feeling like there was something "wrong" with me because I didn't particularly enjoy going to parties and it seemed like an effort to keep friendships going.

I used to be very angstful about the whole "what did you do on the weekend" thing and felt like there was something wrong with me because I preferred just hanging out at home than going out. If I didn't feel like getting into it I would just say "oh I made a lot of art this weekend" because people seemed to respect that as a legit way to spend a weekend. Never mind that I'd have actually spent a whole Sunday alternating between reading and dozing. I used to be terrified that I'd somehow give myself away as not having any friends. At some point I realized that the whole weekend thing was a kind of psychic keeping up with the Joneses and it's stupid. Of course now that I work from home I don't really have to deal with that anymore!

I do enjoy going out and doing things sometimes but even if it is something I enjoy I get my fill and just want to be quiet at home. The funny thing is that having recognized and accepted that I am an introvert, it makes it easier for me to pass myself off as a more extroverted person when I really need to. Part of my income comes from selling my art at local craft shows and also sometimes going to art openings, which is kind of like torture. But if I know something is coming that is going to require me to be really "on" then I can plan for it and work up the energy, and also plan for some quiet time afterwards. When I had a full time job I would actually schedule vacation days on Mondays if I had a craft show all weekend because I knew I'd be completely drained.

I don't really have close friends anymore that I see regularly, and I'm actually ok with that. There are a few people I have lunch with on occasion, and people I am friendly with in my circus and flying trapeze classes who I'll hang out with outside of class once in a great while. I spend a lot of time with my partner who thankfully is also an introvert. And that seems to be enough for me. It's funny, when I was actively trying to be more social when I was younger I was constantly worried about how many friends I had and how good of a friend they were, but at some point I realized it's silly to try to calculate something like that. After college there were a few friends I tried to keep in touch with and go out for dinner with semi-regularly, but it just felt like WORK. I'd sometimes make plans but then just not be in the mood when the time came and I'd cancel and then feel bad. That's a big problem for me actually- I'll make plans when I'm in a more energetic mood and then when it's actually time to do whatever it is I'll be in a quieter patch and I'll have to really force myself to do it. It usually ends up fine and I have a good time but sometimes it's an effort!


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 6:59 pm 
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I also used to think about the number of friends I had and that that number was correlated to my worth. Esp in high school and college, when my classmates would always be going to different outings with different people and while walking to class together were always freaking waving to alllll their friends, it was important to me to try to be a social butterfly and do as many things with as many people as possible. As an introvert, it wasn't rewarding, sustainable, or fulfilling to be that person.

At some point my viewpoint changed and it was more like, how many people deserve to be *my* friend, because I am awesome and my time is precious. Haha! Now I've got just a handful of deep deep family-level friendships where I know I'm loved and valued and a handful of good local friends I enjoy spending time with (mostly vegans!). It works out so much better for me this way! I still force myself to go to veg meetups cause it's good social time practice and you never know what cool vegans youll meet.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 7:55 pm 
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pixel wrote:
I'm loving this thread! I'm a decided introvert. I'm not generally big on labels, but I do wish I had recognized much sooner in my life that introversion is a legitimate way of being and been able to accept that this is just how I am. I definitely had issues with depression and anxiety in my 20s, but I suspect that a lot of it came from constantly worrying about keeping up with some sort of standard for sociability that I am just not suited to, and feeling like there was something "wrong" with me because I didn't particularly enjoy going to parties and it seemed like an effort to keep friendships going.

I used to be very angstful about the whole "what did you do on the weekend" thing and felt like there was something wrong with me because I preferred just hanging out at home than going out. If I didn't feel like getting into it I would just say "oh I made a lot of art this weekend" because people seemed to respect that as a legit way to spend a weekend. Never mind that I'd have actually spent a whole Sunday alternating between reading and dozing. I used to be terrified that I'd somehow give myself away as not having any friends. At some point I realized that the whole weekend thing was a kind of psychic keeping up with the Joneses and it's stupid. Of course now that I work from home I don't really have to deal with that anymore!

I do enjoy going out and doing things sometimes but even if it is something I enjoy I get my fill and just want to be quiet at home. The funny thing is that having recognized and accepted that I am an introvert, it makes it easier for me to pass myself off as a more extroverted person when I really need to. Part of my income comes from selling my art at local craft shows and also sometimes going to art openings, which is kind of like torture. But if I know something is coming that is going to require me to be really "on" then I can plan for it and work up the energy, and also plan for some quiet time afterwards. When I had a full time job I would actually schedule vacation days on Mondays if I had a craft show all weekend because I knew I'd be completely drained.

I don't really have close friends anymore that I see regularly, and I'm actually ok with that. There are a few people I have lunch with on occasion, and people I am friendly with in my circus and flying trapeze classes who I'll hang out with outside of class once in a great while. I spend a lot of time with my partner who thankfully is also an introvert. And that seems to be enough for me. It's funny, when I was actively trying to be more social when I was younger I was constantly worried about how many friends I had and how good of a friend they were, but at some point I realized it's silly to try to calculate something like that. After college there were a few friends I tried to keep in touch with and go out for dinner with semi-regularly, but it just felt like WORK. I'd sometimes make plans but then just not be in the mood when the time came and I'd cancel and then feel bad. That's a big problem for me actually- I'll make plans when I'm in a more energetic mood and then when it's actually time to do whatever it is I'll be in a quieter patch and I'll have to really force myself to do it. It usually ends up fine and I have a good time but sometimes it's an effort!

Pretty much everything you say resonates with me! Especially the stuff about accepting the fact that I was an introvert when I was younger instead of fighting against it. But I mean I always fought against it because I sensed my introversion was not accepted by others. It doesn't help that in my family, my brother and I the "quiet, creative types" were aligned as the soul-siblings and my other two more socially-oriented sisters were aligned in their way and the fact that my brother developed a severe psychiatric disorder--it was sort of like my introverted behavior was worried about in case I turned out like him--so still my family (I admit they try!) but they still have a hard time accepting the extent of who I am sometimes even though I am able to maintain jobs, relationships, friends, have a fully functional, productive and pleasurable life and have exhibited no signs whatsoever of my brother's psychiatric disorder. My family don't really understand how I can be content with my lifestyle, I suppose, and it's hard for them to accept that I really am. My nephew is struggling with his sociability right now and I asked my sister to ask him to consider the fact that maybe he's just not comfortable with it and that's okay and she got all bristly and offended. She considers it a victory if he goes out and parties with friends on the weekend and I'm just trying to illustrate to her that maybe it's not his thing and perhaps she should look at it in a non-threatening way, but the spectre of my very dear brother strikes again--both my sisters worry excessively about their sons and really pay attention to their social lives and feel relieved when they go out and have lots of friends.

Also, regarding the art stuff: I'm a poet/writer type artist and am okay at book launches and authorly events--in fact I quite enjoy them--so long as I am just in the audience and not a participant. I went to one launch for a journal I had a couple of poems published in and I was SO AFRAID they were going to ask me to read poetry at the event and was so relieved when they didn't because...yeah, I enjoy seeing every one and hobnobbing with literary folk, just don't put me on stage or I'll clam up! I did do a poetry reading once (I only had to read one poem) in a public place that my teacher arranged when we were in school and I actually really enjoyed reading on stage and it went well--but a lot of that had to do that many of the attendees were folks from the workshop and their friends and family so that made it easier for me to get up onstage because I knew there would be full support and no heckling. But yeah, performance is not my thing....

Also, I do fine socially at anything related to work. Always have. I was always a bubbly receptionist, and people always commented that I was so friendly doing it but yeah, that kind of work of fielding lots of people over the course of a day takes a lot out of me and I need alone time to recharge. But I most certainly and honestly enjoy doing it and seeing people and working with them and I wasn't even fake-friendly, it was the real deal. But give me my alone time to wind down in, too, on the other hand because I need it.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:00 pm 
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monkeytoes wrote:
seitanicverses wrote:
I find I only feel self-conscious about answering that question around people I don't know very well and who might dismiss me as "boring" on the basis of my low key activities (only when such opinions matter to me--like in a job interview or something where for a receptionist or something kind of social)

And then you can always fib a bit... I don't see anything wrong with saying "Oh, I went out to dinner with some friends" even if it's untrue, as long as it doesn't really matter (like you're not lying to the cops to give yourself an alibi!)

Ha! I have totally fibbed. "I'm a team player." I think that's my biggest lie for employers. I mean, I totally will be a team player if I have to be and will be a good one and everyone can count on me when the chips are down, I will always come through, yadda yadda, but the truth is I'd much rather work independently but if I have to work on a team where it's a question of eating and paying rent so I can have this particular job ...well, then I'll be a "team player" out of necessity. And I would totally be more of a team player f'realz if there weren't so much office politics and backstabbing in the everyday workplace in my experience, too. Deep down though, I am not the collaborative type. But I can fake it if I must!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:57 pm 
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seitanicverses wrote:
Ha! I have totally fibbed. "I'm a team player." I think that's my biggest lie for employers. I mean, I totally will be a team player if I have to be and will be a good one and everyone can count on me when the chips are down, I will always come through, yadda yadda, but the truth is I'd much rather work independently but if I have to work on a team where it's a question of eating and paying rent so I can have this particular job ...well, then I'll be a "team player" out of necessity. And I would totally be more of a team player f'realz if there weren't so much office politics and backstabbing in the everyday workplace in my experience, too. Deep down though, I am not the collaborative type. But I can fake it if I must!

Hah, I have definitely lied about being a team player! Because people don't want to hear any sort of nuanced "well, of course if it comes down to it I work well with others, but I really work best independently."


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 9:07 pm 
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pixel wrote:
Because people don't want to hear any sort of nuanced "well, of course if it comes down to it I work well with others, but I really work best independently."


^this. When I interviewed for my current job (the one where 4 of us have our desks shoved together in one small room), they asked me what % of the time I like to be working alone vs. in a group. I had walked through the office on the way to the interview room and seen the situation ahead of this question, so I knew what the right answer was. But god it was such a lie. Unsurprisingly the setup makes me slightly miserable but I do love a lot of things about my job, so it's worth it.

Also speaking of job interviews, I was feeling so shy one time and nervous that I literally cancelled an interview the day of, telling them I had an emergency happen. Thankfully I have come a long way since then and don't do things quite as extreme anymore.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 9:40 pm 
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Oh I have def cancelled job interviews because I wasnt in the mood to talk to anyone or put on my interview act! Sleeping just felt like the better choice.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:11 pm 
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Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
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appifanie wrote:
see, i see torque's list and i'm like "holy shiitake, you did a ton!"

i was sick (cold), so laying around was a totally feasible option. I read a book or two, wrote for nanowrimo and I have no idea what else. hmm.

sweet_potato wrote:
torque wrote:
hi five, sweet potato! i did one massive job, cooked like a maniac, knit a hat, read the most recent Anita Blake book, and am working on hat #2 with a glass of merlot. the other 2 people in the house with me right now have all done similar things. it is so nice to be among my people.
[i am seeing photos of my other people on FB, it is my MIL's birthday and there are approximately 25 people in her house, and it's like some kind of crazy festival in there. this is the way i prefer it....]


Wow you got a lot done, great job to you too! :) And knitters unite!

One of the songs on my knitting playlist is DeBarge's Rhythm Of The Night. And every time I hear it I've been thinking of this thread and thinking, "No, I'm okay right here, thanks." ^_^


You are ever so welcome.



+183873614423375893 yummy

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:12 pm 
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torque wrote:
this is the adult equivalent of the old "what did you do over summer vacation" thing. I used to hate that.
I had a group interview for college where they asked that and it was the worst thing ever. One went to Monaco, another sailed around the world, another won the US Open or some preposterous gregarious shiitake. I was the last person to go and was so angry by the time they got to me that I explained how I had worked all summer shoveling polo pony shiitake for snobbish rich people and then spent a week in a tent by myself reading Nabokov. You should have heard the crickets. The interviewer was impressed whenI walked into the one-on-one until I told him to throw my application away, I didn't want to go to school with people like that. And that, children, is why I didn't go to Princeton. #screwBU,Princetontoo
(no offense, i am sure princeton people are lovely, but it was so funny at the time. guess you had to be there.)


i love you.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:37 pm 
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I just remembered the first time I actually thought about the whole introvert/extrovert thing! I was in college and applying for a job at Pier 1 Imports. Part of the application was a scale where you had to mark how introverted/extroverted you were. I didn't want to lie, so I marked introverted even though I knew it was the "wrong" answer. I didn't even get a call for an interview even though I had lots of retail experience, and I remember being pissed off about it and thinking what a stupid thing that was. Because although I'm not naturally gregarious, of course if I'm working a retail job I'm totally capable of being chatty and friendly with customers and might even enjoy it. I had other retail jobs and did fine with it and even enjoyed it somewhat. I might have to go home and hide under a blanket when I'm done, but I'll do it! It's probably just as well, if I had worked there I probably would have spent all my meager funds on pseudo-artsy knickknacks of dubious origin.

I'm wondering if other people's parents are introverts? I'm curious about the nature/nurture thing related to intro/extro-vert. My dad definitely is an introvert. Although I never really thought about it much until recently. He and I are so much alike- quiet, bookworm, solitary, artistic, depressive, migraine sufferers...I think my mom is somewhere in the middle. She can be quite chatty and social but also doesn't mind alone time. My parents had a big family reunion over the summer (my mom's idea really), and I stuck around after everyone else left to help clean up. My mom went outside to say goodbye to people, and my dad said "ah, quiet!" Which was exactly what I was thinking. It was like a physical weight had been lifted off me after everyone left and it wasn't noisy anymore. Now that I think about it, at large family gatherings my dad and I both tend to find rooms off to the side to sit where there aren't quite so many people...My sister is more like my mom, was described as a "social butterfly" in school, whereas I was the artistic, studious, serious one.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:44 pm 
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My dad is a huuuuuuge introvert. I lived with him in high school and it was kind of great for both of us. We would chat for a bit when he got home from school, then I'd do my own stuff and he'd do his own stuff. Sometimes we'd watch a show together or something or sit in the same room reading together but we both gave each other a lot of space, in a good way. Ah man, I kind of miss living with my dad.

My mom is an odd duck. I don't really know what she'd consider herself. She has a lot of social anxiety and doesn't do a lot of in-person socialization outside of the family-- but she's very very socially engaged within our family and also extremely social online. I've never known her to go very long (like more than a few hours) without looking for some sort of social outlet except when she's really depressed. So in my book, she's pretty extroverted.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:58 pm 
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My mother was very extroverted. She used to plan and cook for (on a volunteer basis) these huge dances for the downtown YMCA in Toronto in the late seventies attended by what seemed like hundreds of people the third Friday of every month. She loved getting out and had tons of friends. She was always making new friends, I remember that. She was depressed when I knew her and while I was growing up and spent some time indoors laid up with migraines but she still got out when she could and I'd say that at heart she was a true extrovert. I often wonder what influence she might have had on me had she lived longer because she seemed so different than me. She did try to understand me though, even as a little kid and indulged my fantasy world and imagination and never tried to steer me away but she did concern herself with my social development and placed it about my academic development in school--once when I had an opportunity to skip a grade, she chose to keep me in the same grade because I had friends and was socially solid where I was and she didn't want to upset that. She was also unhappy that I wanted no part in "Brownies" when I was a kid and was always trying to get me to be a part of that.

My father I'm less sure about (never lived with him, didn't really know him) but I sense he was an introvert. He was alcoholic though so that can sometimes cloud things but I remember him going into this one spiel near the end of his life about how shy he had been as a boy and had to work hard to "overcome (his) shyness" (He launched into this spiel in an attempt to talk my brother out of his mental illness--not really understanding that it wasn't something that one could be talked out of). But yeah, I'd say Daddy was an introvert. Bro and I had to get the tendency from someone and it clearly did not come from our mother! Also, I don't think my father ever really overcame his natural shyness but learned to mask it or cope with it in a socially acceptable way...

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