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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 11:55 am 
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smoothie wrote:
I don't think I'm an introvert OR an extrovert. I recharge on all sorts of things: doing stuff by myself, hanging out alone, going for long walks, talking with friends for hours, dancing all night, reading a good book, going to an awesome concert, staying in bed with my boyfriend.. I don't have any preferences to either.


I'm very much the same. I also have moods and phases. Sometimes I need a lot of alone time, and for certain events, I need some time to psych myself up/get mentally prepared, while other things, I'm ready to go whenever. I feel like that makes me a human individual with unique needs and wants more than a personality type.

To be perfectly frank, I don't understand the urge to classify folks by personality type, etc. I've seen SO much "how to care for/interact with/feed/teach fencing to/etc/etc/etc your introvert" stuff on the internet lately. While I think it's great to figure out what things you need to be healthy and happy, I don't see the point of that kind of stuff, and maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it tends to come off as a bit passive aggressive (i.e.posting a list of ways to treat an introvert properly then declaring yourself an introvert tends to send the message that everyone who's been doing stuff not on the list is forking up somehow). Do introverts think that non introverts don't have awkward moments dealing with social situations/friends/etc? Do they think we don't need alone time or have specific needs that may not always be anticipated by those around us? Does it really feel like there's one default personality type, and it's hard to be an introvert in an extrovert's world? I hope that doesn't all sound snarky or dismissive, because I'm genuinely curious.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 12:03 pm 
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I'm not sure about the defining thing, but I definitely feel like the modern world is mostly set up for extroverts.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 12:13 pm 
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I feel totally abnormal and weird for how I get about being in public or around people. And I might be. I don't know if it's extreme introversion or anxiety or something else. I can be with my closest friends and just snap from having a good time to having to leave immediately to be alone. And if I don't leave I'll suffer in my head for however long I stay to try to not be rude. I don't know what other people feel, but I know how people react to me when I say I don't want to go out somewhere or that I want to go home early and it makes me feel abnormal.

I mean I don't identify with those lists much because like...I don't feel like I'm mistreated

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 1:10 pm 
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VeganinBerlin wrote:
I'm not sure about the defining thing, but I definitely feel like the modern world is mostly set up for extroverts.

Yes, I feel this way too.

I was so happy when I saw the first article about introverts going around the internet, because finally I knew that it wasn't just me. I was glad to have a label and to be able to share the article with friends. I am a true introvert (I always score 99-100% introvert on those meyers-briggs tests), and I had spent my whole life with people just not getting it. I was labeled shy*, antisocial, lacking in social skills, misanthropic, attitude problems, etc. I was pulled out of school in 3rd grade and sent for testing because I was quiet, didn't participate in class discussions, and preferred to be alone. My grades were excellent (straight As), I was polite and had no disciplinary actions, but because I wasn't like the other kids (I guess they would have preferred loud and disruptive?) they sent me to another school to be "tested". When I went to high school**, within the first week, the school counselor found me at lunch and told me that my teachers had some concerns. I said, "Let me guess. I'm quiet, I'm not thrilled about working in groups, I don't participate much in class discussions... " and she said, "Wow, that is EXACTLY what all your teachers said!" So I told her that that was just the way I am, the way I've always been. I just need my alone time, and I'm not bothering anyone, so I'd appreciate it if people just let me do my own thing. But nope. I got put in mandatory weekly counseling sessions with her, AND I was told by the school that I had to see a psychologist and get a letter from them stating that I was sane and able to continue in school (after speaking with a very nice psychologist for a while, she said "I don't understand why they sent you here!" I don't either, lady.). This was just from me being an extreme introvert. I never broke the rules, I did my homework, tried to do my best academically, and I did not understand why I was being singled out when there were plenty of delinquent kids in school who were left alone. By sophomore year, I said "fork this," and started failing classes. I was just so tired of being told that there was something wrong with me that I wasn't even going to try anymore. I wish I could go back in time with some of the books and articles that are out now, so I could show them to my teachers, and also for myself so that I would know that I wasn't a freak.

*I do have social (and general) anxiety, but this is separate from my introversion. People tend to blame all of my "not wanting to be around large groups of people" on anxiety, but even when the anxiety is not present, it's exhausting for me and not something I enjoy.

**The best part abut high school was that we had to take a test prior to starting school that would tell us what sort of learning situations were best for us. My test results for classroom study basically said "Never ever put this student in a group!" The one for home study said that the best place for me to do homework would be a quiet room away from the rest of the house, perhaps a disused bedroom or an attic. It said I should be left alone and not bothered, but could have a plant for company. My mother used to joke about locking me in the attic, "but don't worry, I'll give you a plant for company!"


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 1:24 pm 
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jordanpattern wrote:
smoothie wrote:
I don't think I'm an introvert OR an extrovert. I recharge on all sorts of things: doing stuff by myself, hanging out alone, going for long walks, talking with friends for hours, dancing all night, reading a good book, going to an awesome concert, staying in bed with my boyfriend.. I don't have any preferences to either.


I'm very much the same. I also have moods and phases. Sometimes I need a lot of alone time, and for certain events, I need some time to psych myself up/get mentally prepared, while other things, I'm ready to go whenever. I feel like that makes me a human individual with unique needs and wants more than a personality type.

To be perfectly frank, I don't understand the urge to classify folks by personality type, etc. I've seen SO much "how to care for/interact with/feed/teach fencing to/etc/etc/etc your introvert" stuff on the internet lately. While I think it's great to figure out what things you need to be healthy and happy, I don't see the point of that kind of stuff, and maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it tends to come off as a bit passive aggressive (i.e.posting a list of ways to treat an introvert properly then declaring yourself an introvert tends to send the message that everyone who's been doing stuff not on the list is forking up somehow). Do introverts think that non introverts don't have awkward moments dealing with social situations/friends/etc? Do they think we don't need alone time or have specific needs that may not always be anticipated by those around us? Does it really feel like there's one default personality type, and it's hard to be an introvert in an extrovert's world? I hope that doesn't all sound snarky or dismissive, because I'm genuinely curious.


you certainly don't have to identify as introvert or extrovert if you don't feel like classifications like that apply to you, but clearly a lot people identify with them and find them helpful. i know for myself, from my childhood onward, i was made to feel like something was wrong with me, even made to feel guilty that i wasn't as sociable as other kids, and i never understood why i found social contact that other people saw as normal, so very exhausting. reading about introversion in the book i linked to above made me realize there were more people like me and that there was nothing wrong with me.

i agree that there has been an overkill lately of articles/memes/buzzfeed lists about introversion. it's like it's suddenly hip (i think the internet has allowed introverts to find each other in ways that weren't possible before). when i do share them it's because i think my fellow introverts will identify, not to make anyone feel like they're doing anything wrong.

essentially, i feel like if people identify with a classification like introvert/extrovert and find it useful, it's not really up to someone else to tell them whether that's valid or not.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 1:42 pm 
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By the way, this is the first time I stumble upon something about introverts on the internet. Maybe I hang around the wrong parts.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 7:16 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:

essentially, i feel like if people identify with a classification like introvert/extrovert and find it useful, it's not really up to someone else to tell them whether that's valid or not.


Well, no one here is saying that.

I don't know. Maybe I don't get it because I'm not a real introvert? I mean, I definitely fit some of the description. I know the feeling of needing alone time to recharge, and I will sometimes cancel or not accept plans or not pick up the phone or whatever because I just don't want to deal with being social, but for me, it's never been this THING that makes me feel guilt or shame or anything else. I yam who I yam, and at this stage in the game, I don't see the utility in pathologizing it. Again, that's me, personally. I suppose I figured most people were similar-ish, and so I've been surprised and have been scratching my head a bit at all the introvert stuff I've seen lately.

Thanks for the responses, though - it's always interesting to hear another perspective! :)

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 8:51 pm 
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http://lolsnaps.com/news/46916/0/

This is a meme that I happily reposted on my fb page. I loved it, because it succintly explained a few of my quirks in a way that I've never really been able to. Everyone wants to understand themselves better (and to have the people around them understand), and when I find something that gives me a bit more insight into myself, I get excited about it. I shared this one because (a) I know many other people that also love things like this and (b) sometimes it's easier to let a meme tell people than expending the energy to do it myself. I've even pulled it back up to show people I'm having a conversation with, because it just says everything better than I can.

I'm another one of those who is super social at work. I've been in retail for 10-ish years, and I really do love it. But 40 hours a week of constant social interaction is not too far from my weekly limit. I require a TON of alone time to recharge. When I have especially busy weeks, my friends & family may not hear from me except on facebook. But when I have time off, I become more social in my personal life.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 9:04 pm 
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I think the nature of being introverted means that in the modern world you feel an outsider; our schools, offices, and social structures are geared towards favouring the extroverted among us. In "Quiet" by Susan Cain, she refers to studies where people's opinions of others are tested and found that the gregarious nature of extroverts means people find them more charming, they are more likely succeed in business, etc., etc.

So, yes, extrovertism is sort of the idealized default, and as an introverted/quiet/shy/reserved person, you're made to feel like there's something wrong with you.

So, I think it's fair to say that when a few articles started popping up online in the last year or so, a lot of introverted people went, "a-ha! Finally, a recognition that I'm not a weirdo and the way I am is an actual thing." Which is comforting when you've probably grown up thinking there was something wrong with you. Which, I think, this thread clearly demonstrates.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 10:20 pm 
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I can remember being about 12 or so (so like, in 1996) and seeing the Myer-Briggs go by for the first time and feeling like "aha." Labels can be helpful sometimes if they make you feel less (ahaha) alone.

I just went to a party, and now I feel like I just want to hide under a blanket with a book. It was a fine party, I didn't have a bad time or anything, but I was there for a few hours and I'm just forking edgy and tired now.

It always puzzles me. I have SO much energy for certain things. I can program for 12 hours straight, or bike for roughly forever, and I still feel fine. But a couple hours at a party and I'm fried.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 1:20 am 
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For the record, I find those "how to care for your introvert" things so forking maddening. They make all introverts sound the same and like it's some sort of condition.

I personally find it really empowering to identify as an introvert because for a long time I was confused by why I find it hard to make/keep friends, why I hate leaving the house after 8 pm, or why I am incapable of making same-day plans with people. Now that I know more about myself and why I am this way I find it's a lot easier to work around myself and function better in a society that favors extroverts. When I meet new people and I sense a friendship forming I'm pretty open about being introverted so they know what to expect; they'll know if they don't hear from me for a month it's nothing they did, it's just me going through a bi-annual shut-in phase.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 2:19 am 
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iuno, I think there's way too much of a gradient to intro/extroversion to really classify them this much, and there are so many other factors that shape how that looks for people.

I'm a massive introvert, but I'm also super into connections with other people so I'll talk to new people all the time which often leads to deep connections really quickly. and (for simple examples) public speaking, open plan offices and no-warning/last-minute hang outs feel comfortable to me. retreating home after those things is mandatory, but I absolutely cherish any chance I have to spend with others (or in an environment) where I give a damn and feel comfortable+supported.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:28 am 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
I can remember being about 12 or so (so like, in 1996) and seeing the Myer-Briggs go by for the first time and feeling like "aha." Labels can be helpful sometimes if they make you feel less (ahaha) alone.

I just went to a party, and now I feel like I just want to hide under a blanket with a book. It was a fine party, I didn't have a bad time or anything, but I was there for a few hours and I'm just forking edgy and tired now.

It always puzzles me. I have SO much energy for certain things. I can program for 12 hours straight, or bike for roughly forever, and I still feel fine. But a couple hours at a party and I'm fried.


I actually did come home and hide under the covers after Boston Veg Fest. I loved it and spending time with friends, but it was so over-stimulating, loud and crowded, I just needed dark and quiet for a bit.

JoPa, I think you'd like this: http://happyplace.someecards.com/25864/signs-that-you-are-neither-an-introvert-nor-an-extrovert

I get that argument, but I agree that I think it's just nice to have something to identify with/make me feel like less of a weirdo when I feel like need to go home rightnow!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:13 am 
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I think I must also be an introvert. I have no problem being alone & lived alone for five years before I married.

I liked to feel 'prepared' for people which is one good thing about the English (at least where I am) - they do not 'drop in'.

My husband is very social and we are busy most evenings but they are reasonably formal events where people speak to you but you do not need to say anything meaningful in response, just standard answers about the weather, the train service to London, mad cyclist etc. so relatively bearable. Most of these evenings out are pre-planned, in the diary so I can prepped myself for them. My husband says I am quite pleasant, amusing etc. when out but it is a conscious face I present and look forward to when we are home or out wandering in woodlands or on the hills.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:18 pm 
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joshua wrote:
iuno, I think there's way too much of a gradient to intro/extroversion to really classify them this much, and there are so many other factors that shape how that looks for people.

I'm a massive introvert, but I'm also super into connections with other people so I'll talk to new people all the time which often leads to deep connections really quickly. and (for simple examples) public speaking, open plan offices and no-warning/last-minute hang outs feel comfortable to me. retreating home after those things is mandatory, but I absolutely cherish any chance I have to spend with others (or in an environment) where I give a damn and feel comfortable+supported.

Yeah, I really think it's important to remember that the only thing that really defines introvertism is that it's how you respond to stress/fatigue or even how you choose to celebrate. A lot of traits such as shyness are often characteristic of introverts, but it's not necessarily true. I know a lot of my personality traits are due to being an introvert, but other introverts don't share a lot of the same characteristics.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:31 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
Hahaha! I love that!

Quote:
When you have a very stressful project and a heavy workload at work, do you need to go to a bar or clubbing to blow some steam, or do you need to take a bath and read a book to reload?


Is there really anyone who goes to a bar or clubbing to recharge? I am firmly in the time alone, reading and interacting online to recharge, but I love being out with people, I am a good fundraiser and will talk to anyone and am definitely not shy. So I've always thought I was an extrovert. But I hate bar and clubs.

I know people who are rarely ever alone, and as a result are often going to bars and clubs, or even just hanging out with large groups seemingly every night of the week. It's just how they like to blow off steam.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 2:36 am 
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ndpittman wrote:
I actually did come home and hide under the covers after Boston Veg Fest.


YEAH DUDE ME TOO. <3

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 2:50 am 
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I think if I measured my introvertedness and my extrovertedness on two separate scales, rather than on a spectrum where they're positioned as opposites, I would rate pretty high on both but definitely still higher on introvertedness.

So instead of a scale that goes

Introvert ---------- Extrovert

where you're less of one when you're more of the other, you could use two separate scales like

Introvert 0 ---------- 10
Extrovert 0 ---------- 10

So for me I might be like, I'm a level 6 extrovert and a level 10 introvert, which is completely different from someone who'd say they were 0 extrovert.

The Myers-Briggs classifications actually do account for this. They're a lot more complex than the internet memes really convey. The internet has kind of warped everybody's perception of the system though.

Also, what the hell, that animal meme. It said I'm a meerkat. Nothing against meerkats but...yeah, no, not I.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:14 am 
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Do you guys ever think things like "Why can't we all just email or text?" "Don't call me, email is much better!"

I avoid my phone at all cost. Can't stand it when it rings, I don't really care who is calling. It irritates the shiitake out of me when people call me.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:26 am 
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Yes! I only answer my boyfriend or for work things, and even then some times I'll text back instead.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:35 am 
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Ha, yes, I almost never answer my phone. Just email or text me!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:43 am 
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Yes.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 8:16 am 
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i thought, for me, ir was mostly because it takes me longer to formulate my responses. (also, i hardly ever get a word in edgewise when we're on the phone. i always attributed that to the fact that i rarely talk on the phone that my mom would be excited and try to tell me all of the things... but now my dad also dominates the conversation too.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 11:03 am 
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The absolute worst is when you email/text someone and they reply with a phone call. It happens to me all the time at work, and it drives me nuts! And then I often end up having to take notes on our phone conversation anyway, so it's more effort in addition to being annoying.

Also, I screen all my calls, even on my work phone, so I will wait for someone to leave a voicemail and then decide whether it's necessary to call them back. Just forking email me, please!


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 11:16 am 
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My mother has always tried to make me "learn" talking to people on the phone. Argh. No, I get "how" to do it and the more I have to do it, the more I hate it. It's not about getting used to it!

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