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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:19 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I hear you, Hdog. I have this problem especially with women, because I start worrying terribly that I won't be able to handle the homophobia, and we'll break up because of the fact that I might let that get to me so what's the point. I really hate that about myself.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:22 am 
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ah hdog I know that feel bro, I'm sorry.

I'm (I think?) in a totally different place, so I don't want to assume it's the same, but I have a lot of the same tendencies. I've been essentially shooting down any chance at anything for over 2 years. I just don't have the emotional energy to deal with the inevitable downfall.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:24 am 
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I solved this problem by pretty much never leaving my flat except to go to work. Though maybe there are some cute people where you work... the only one at mine I've already promised to Vantine so there's not even that.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:28 am 
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hoveringdog™ wrote:
Anyone ever just barely meet someone, imagine the whole course of the future relationship including its catastrophic and inevitable demise, and then just not even begin to pursue it because you know it'll only end in heartbreak for one or both of you? Because I do. A lot. And I'm not sure I'm objective enough anymore to distinguish between my discerning genuine red flags and my sabotaging things prematurely just because I figure it's ultimately not worth the effort.

Also, I've gotten to the point where I'm interested in a relationship only if it means making absolutely no substantial life changes, because I've got all my life shiitake more or less arranged how I want it, and as
soon as you start dating someone, they want to start fixing you and rearranging your crepe. And I'm too forking old for that bullshiitake.
However, I'm pretty sure that also makes me completely undateable.

This exactly. Unless I can find someone who can fit neatly into his allotted spot in my life I am going to die alone. Nevermind finding room in the bed for another person around all the animals.
Definitely winding up alone.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:05 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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hoveringdog™ wrote:

Also, I've gotten to the point where I'm interested in a relationship only if it means making absolutely no substantial life changes, because I've got all my life shiitake more or less arranged how I want it, and as soon as you start dating someone, they want to start fixing you and rearranging your crepe. And I'm too forking old for that bullshiitake.

However, I'm pretty sure that also makes me completely undateable.

This is me exactly.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:59 am 
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Dammit people! You're a long time dead, knock that shiitake on the head and take a chance on life!


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:04 am 
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Kale Wreath
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fezza wrote:
Dammit people! You're a long time dead, knock that shiitake on the head and take a chance on life!

Agreed.

Also, life is too short to not have good sex. (and I wish we were all having lots of it)

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:29 pm 
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Bathes in Braggs
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hoveringdog™ wrote:
Also, I've gotten to the point where I'm interested in a relationship only if it means making absolutely no substantial life changes, because I've got all my life shiitake more or less arranged how I want it, and as soon as you start dating someone, they want to start fixing you and rearranging your crepe. And I'm too forking old for that bullshiitake.

However, I'm pretty sure that also makes me completely undateable.


In my world that makes you very dateable. I was young once and thought a man would/could change - 20 years later he was worse than in the beginnning. I want someone with his shiitake together, whose life overlaps mine like a Venn diagram, some parts together but also some parts separate.

I would venture to say, after a weekend away with 8 women, four of whom are partnerless or close to it, this attitude is not uncommon. Although we are all extraordinary women, so maybe ordinary ones are to be avoided.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:21 pm 
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Yeah, I want to date someone who has their shiitake together but with men my age that is difficult. I don't want to date someone I can change, I want to date someone that I like from the beginning, who has a life of their own but also has enough space for me.

Edited to be more specific! I want to date someone who I have fun with, someone that I enjoy the company of already, who has enough in common with me that spending time with them is enjoyable, someone that I have good sex with! I also want someone who has interests that don't involve me, that they can hang out with their friends or by themselves and who doesn't give a shiitake if I want to spend time alone or with my friends but also who can hang out with my friends or their friends too because I feel like how someone gets along with the people I already love is important and vice versa!

I feel like I am rambling but the gist is that I am ready to date again but I feel like I am looking for the impossible! Also I want to date someone who can be my friend first and foremost!


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:02 pm 
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I have decided to be single. I like the idea of a relationship very much, but I hate the kinds of compromises that are necessary to actually be in one. I'm fine with my standards and I'd prefer to be alone if those standards are too high.

I'm living my life just fine the way it is.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:16 pm 
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So, I had this realisation tonight. Like, I'm not sure I've had the actual sex since, well, adopting The Venger. Moreorless, anyhoo.

I mean, I know correlation doesn't necessarily imply causation or whatevers...

But still.




Anyone wanna adopt a cat?

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:42 pm 
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My friend posted this on my FB wall a while ago ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahrRuDYH ... r_embedded

I can't make the video work. Go to the link!


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:17 pm 
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Sarah-Jane wrote:
My friend posted this on my FB wall a while ago ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahrRuDYH ... r_embedded

I can't make the video work. Go to the link!


Delete up to the ampersand, duder!



There you are!

(seriously, these forking skillz get me nowhere? What the fork.)

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:15 pm 
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interrobang?! wrote:
I solved this problem by pretty much never leaving my flat except to go to work. Though maybe there are some cute people where you work... the only one at mine I've already promised to Vantine so there's not even that.

But you've not delivered him!

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:27 pm 
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hoveringdog™ wrote:
Anyone ever just barely meet someone, imagine the whole course of the future relationship including its catastrophic and inevitable demise, and then just not even begin to pursue it because you know it'll only end in heartbreak for one or both of you? Because I do. A lot. And I'm not sure I'm objective enough anymore to distinguish between my discerning genuine red flags and my sabotaging things prematurely just because I figure it's ultimately not worth the effort.

Also, I've gotten to the point where I'm interested in a relationship only if it means making absolutely no substantial life changes, because I've got all my life shiitake more or less arranged how I want it, and as soon as you start dating someone, they want to start fixing you and rearranging your crepe. And I'm too forking old for that bullshiitake.

However, I'm pretty sure that also makes me completely undateable.

Someone's been watching Miranda July!
And if you start dating someone and they want to start fixing you, you're dating the wrong person. I think it's making a choice to put yourself out there at the risk of getting hurt and rejected but also at the risk of something good happening. You don't get just one or the other. And most of us aren't getting Scottish librarians delivered to our doorsteps.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:32 pm 
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Arisaig wrote:
I want someone with his shiitake together, whose life overlaps mine like a Venn diagram, some parts together but also some parts separate.
I would venture to say, after a weekend away with 8 women, four of whom are partnerless or close to it, this attitude is not uncommon. Although we are all extraordinary women, so maybe ordinary ones are to be avoided.

I think you just described the perfect, healthy, happy, mutually satisfying, relationship. And good for you for hanging with extraordinary women!

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 1:02 am 
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I feel like I'm past the point of thinking that in a relationship it's all about me (how he makes me feel, how he's treating me, etc) and that I have something to offer someone. I feel like if that right person came along I'd go for it wholeheartedly. I'm fairly optimistic about the whole thing. I guess I'm optimistic about life in general.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 1:36 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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pandacookie wrote:
And if you start dating someone and they want to start fixing you, you're dating the wrong person.

Did I ever tell the story of how my ex decided that I walked "like a spaz" and began to instruct me in the proper method of walking? It's kinda a visual, but the story ends with me with one hand in my pocket, the other swinging no more than 45 degrees from the vertical, and following a seam in the sidewalk to make sure I didn't meander right or left. And, you know, I didn't once stop and think, "Hey, this is kinda forked up"...

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:31 am 
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hoveringdog™ wrote:
Also, I've gotten to the point where I'm interested in a relationship only if it means making absolutely no substantial life changes, because I've got all my life shiitake more or less arranged how I want it, and as soon as you start dating someone, they want to start fixing you and rearranging your crepe. And I'm too forking old for that bullshiitake.

However, I'm pretty sure that also makes me completely undateable.

Yeah, I'm totally set in my ways, happy with where and how I am and am pretty uncompromising at this point.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:43 am 
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hoveringdog™ wrote:
pandacookie wrote:
And if you start dating someone and they want to start fixing you, you're dating the wrong person.

Did I ever tell the story of how my ex decided that I walked "like a spaz" and began to instruct me in the proper method of walking? It's kinda a visual, but the story ends with me with one hand in my pocket, the other swinging no more than 45 degrees from the vertical, and following a seam in the sidewalk to make sure I didn't meander right or left. And, you know, I didn't once stop and think, "Hey, this is kinda forked up"...


I hope you are not offended but I thought this was hilarous. I have been re-reading a David Sedaris book and this sounds like a story he would tell.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 11:55 am 
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Hilarisad

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 1:19 pm 
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hoveringdog™ wrote:
pandacookie wrote:
And if you start dating someone and they want to start fixing you, you're dating the wrong person.

Did I ever tell the story of how my ex decided that I walked "like a spaz" and began to instruct me in the proper method of walking? It's kinda a visual, but the story ends with me with one hand in my pocket, the other swinging no more than 45 degrees from the vertical, and following a seam in the sidewalk to make sure I didn't meander right or left. And, you know, I didn't once stop and think, "Hey, this is kinda forked up"...

You really need to write a book. And then sell the rights for the Dog What Hovers: The Movie.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 4:14 pm 
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wow, thats awesome...changing how you walk?

I had an ex who would get mad that I watched football all sunday long (shed been warned about this before football season)....shed come over and then try to get me to go out somewhere or do anything besides spend all day watching football. I resolved this by not answering my phone or door on sundays anymore. Bad Boyfriend Problem Solutions!

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 11:15 pm 
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A few years ago while I was going through a major depressive episode I was dating this guy who had never experienced depression. I was telling him how hard it was to leave the house. He told me that he liked to go to bars alone and hang out and suggested that I try it (he lived about 45 minutes away so we only hung out on the weekend) In my state of mind going to a bar alone sounded like the worse idea ever, but because I really liked him I did it. Not only did it make me feel like crepe but an older gentleman thought I was a prostitute and propositioned me. Overall, he wanted a happy (ie not depressed) woman who he could marry and have babies with and that wasn't me. he's now married with a baby.

I can say that because of that relationship I realized that I might want something normal someday. Plus the sex was awesome. Awesome. I still think about it sometimes. Whew.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:35 am 
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My past relationships have been shitty (my first LTR was with an emotionally abusive sack of shiitake who manipulated me, was extremely unsupportive of my recovery from an ED and depression, left me with no friends and tried to push my family away and the second was with a guy who was nice, but it wasn't a healthy relationship and should never have happened in the first place) but I feel like those experiences have left me better off because I know now what I want and need. Add 2 years of being single and learning a lot about myself and I figure things will be all grand when I do finally meet someone!


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