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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:52 pm 
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A gift from the crasshole god.

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I turned down sex twice last night. WHY?


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:09 am 
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Baking In The Flavor
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It's been almost a month for me. It wouldn't be so bad except that I'm seeing someone. And also the backstory.

I was celibate for over two years. Then I had a short fling with an old friend that ended abruptly (still not sure why). After that I remembered how much I liked having sex & started dating casually again & met this person online that I really like. We aren't in a committed monogamous relationship, but we text every day & see each other when we can, which isn't more than once or twice on a given week, but I just can't see myself with anyone else. I know he wouldn't mind, but it just feels wrong to be with another person just because I'm bored when I'm thinking of someone else I'd rather be with.

So I'm frustrated.

Hoveringdog, I really feel you. I was celibate for a reason those two years, and as much as I like this person I'm kind of scared of getting in a relationship again. I just want it to stay like this, uncomplicated but with more physical contact, for as long as it can.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:23 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I guess, for me, it's not so much wanting a casual, uncomplicated relationship. I don't mind serious. I just don't want to have to endure someone else's shitty taste in movies just to get laid. Get your own forking tv.

I'm interesting that way.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:40 pm 
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Just Loathin' Around!
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Put that line in your okcupid profile!

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:56 pm 
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WELFARIST!
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hoveringdog™ wrote:
I guess, for me, it's not so much wanting a casual, uncomplicated relationship. I don't mind serious. I just don't want to have to endure someone else's shitty taste in movies just to get laid. Get your own forking tv.

I'm interesting that way.

Ugh, I dated a guy with the worst taste in movies and I mean THE WORST. I'm still traumatized and seize up inwardly when anyone mentions "movie night" and the old numbing boredom washes over me. There are so many two hour blocks of meaningless Hollywood blockbuster time that I've lost, time I can't have back.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:57 pm 
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WELFARIST!
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whoops double post

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:14 pm 
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A gift from the crasshole god.

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pandacookie wrote:
Put that line in your okcupid profile!


If I was on an online dating site and someone put that on their profile I would genuinely be interested. Genuinely.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 2:44 pm 
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Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
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Location: In some dumb hotel in an equally dumb town...or in San Diego
someones shitty taste in movies means that you have 2 hours of free time to not be bothered by them

now shitty taste in music...that scares me

also I used to as a litmus test of sorts make girls I was dating watch Vampires Kiss, to see if they got it and found it as awesome and ridiculously funny as I did...but only 1 ever did

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:29 am 
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A gift from the crasshole god.

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Adam and H-Dog, I would date you both so hard. Just so you know.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 9:06 am 
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Kale Wreath
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Every time I check in on the ppk I feel the need to bump this thread if it's lagging behind the having-sex thread.

So hello everyone. 10 months and counting.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:04 am 
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A gift from the crasshole god.

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I got laid.

I'll probably be back here in a week but still ... yay for me!


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:48 pm 
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Mediocre Tart
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Wrong thread, missy! Get aff!

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:04 pm 
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Cranky
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Yep, this is strictly a no gloating thread.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 12:46 am 
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So yeah, I think its going to be a while for me. The one I want doesn't seem that interested in me anymore & I don't want anyone else. Others are available but its not worth it, at least for the moment.

It feels lonesome always going to sleep alone but I admit waking up alone is a joy. The last thing I need in the morning is to worry about sharing a bathroom & feeding someone & morning breath & someone trying to talk to me or smooch before I've had a couple cups of coffee & read the Guardian...

It's better this way. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 5:31 am 
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Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
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Location: In some dumb hotel in an equally dumb town...or in San Diego
going to sleep alone can be great!

No ones stealing the covers, or saying to close the window because theyre cold, or annoyed by the reading light, or yelling at you for snoring and or farting or complaining that they dont like how I prefer to fall asleep to Howard Stern reruns

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 2:20 pm 
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WELFARIST!
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I'm still stagnant.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 5:53 pm 
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Huffs Nutritional Yeast
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Thanks in advance for allowing me to vent. P in V sex isn't pleasurable for me at all. It seems I'm just not capable of feeling anything good let alone having an orgasm through vaginal penetration which I've read is a pretty common problem. We've tried many different positions to no avail. Fingers don't feel that great for me, they're always awkward or painful (my clitoris is sensitive and the slightest wrong move with fingers or tongue hurts). We also tried a vibrating cork ring but the vibrations didn't reach my clitoris no matter what we did. I'm capable of intense, multiple orgasms with an external vibrator (hitachi magic wand) but when I use it during sex, I feel like his penis is in the way of it being as pleasurable as it is solo because I enjoy using it over a large area. It's also clunky and the smaller bullet vibrators don't do anything for me. When we were first together and I was still a virgin, I had an increased libido. It took us about a year to be able to penetrate without serious pain because of vaginismus. It still hurts upon entry but the pain subsides once it's all the way in. Now that I know how disappointing sex is for me, I'm never horny. If we do have sex, I use the hitachi beforehand just so I don't feel like my body is being used. I have no desire to use it otherwise. We also have to lube up quite a bit because I don't lubricate on my own anymore. I think I'd be happier in this relationship if we stopped having sex entirely and it's something we've discussed. This issue and the pressure from him cause me a lot of stress. I should also mention that I suspect I'm asexual. I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone but I used to have more of a libido (not directed toward anyone, I was just horny) and masturbated every once in a while. But I do know of asexuals that are still able to enjoy the physical sensations of sex without the sexual attraction. I'm attracted to my boyfriend in other ways and enjoy spending time with him, snuggling or kissing a lot more than I enjoy sex.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 2:46 am 
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Baking In The Flavor
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Rhys don't worry about the labels, just do what you are comfortable with. Have you been on AVEN, the Asexual Visability & something that starts with an E Network (sorry I'm not more helpful but it comes up easily in a google search). Human sexuality is so complex, I hope you can work something out that both you and your boyfriend can live with.

Yeah going to bed alone is pretty great now that I think of it. I'm an insomniac and a light sleeper so people can't stand staying the night with me anyway, I'm always tossing & turning, staying up late reading, sitting up in the middle of the night to write some brilliant thing in my journal that turns out, in morning hindsight, to be illegible and unintelligible in the morning. The good life.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 12:40 pm 
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Huffs Nutritional Yeast
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kallista93 wrote:
Rhys don't worry about the labels, just do what you are comfortable with. Have you been on AVEN, the Asexual Visability & something that starts with an E Network (sorry I'm not more helpful but it comes up easily in a google search). Human sexuality is so complex, I hope you can work something out that both you and your boyfriend can live with.

Thanks! I hope so too. He's not too keen on no sex ever but I'm able to compromise with orally or manually stimulating him. And yes, I've been to that website/those forums on occasion. They suggested I stop having sex entirely until I'm able to talk with a therapist about it because sex is such an unpleasant experience for me. I'm honestly ashamed of my inability to enjoy sex and so I haven't spoken with my therapist about it yet. Something I need to change. I guess I've been hoping to figure something out on my own or with the help of others.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 10:46 pm 
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Pretty sure it's been at least a year now. I could look it up but...nah. And before that, five years...so a year seems like so much less of a big deal, even.

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 1:20 am 
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Not NOT A Furry
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Rhys wrote:
Thanks! I hope so too. He's not too keen on no sex ever but I'm able to compromise with orally or manually stimulating him. And yes, I've been to that website/those forums on occasion. They suggested I stop quietly playing chess entirely until I'm able to talk with a therapist about it because sex is such an unpleasant experience for me. I'm honestly ashamed of my inability to enjoy sex and so I haven't spoken with my therapist about it yet. Something I need to change. I guess I've been hoping to figure something out on my own or with the help of others.


Okay, I know just about nothing about asexuality etc. but it sounds a lot like there might be an underlying issue? So definitely something to bring up with your therapist.

And, is it an option to talk to your boyfriend to try and make sex not revolve around any 'being-horny-and-just-wanting-to-come'-ness? I don't know anything about your relationship, obviously, but in general I strongly feel that sex is just soooooo much more than needing to get off. It's about being close and sharing yourself and enjoying your partner. So, it might make a difference to look at it from a different viewpoint.

For example (sorry, if TMI), even after the shittiest of days when I feel like total crepe, I still want to sleep with my partner, have him hold me, be close to someone who understands my problems. It is not at all about 'forking', if you know what I mean.

I feel that nowadays sex is being reduced to something everybody NEEDS once in a while and that for that purpose you could and should just bang anyone. Isn't it kind of sick how just having sex, no matter with whom and for what purpose, has become something that is a value in itself? I totally disagree with that sentiment; having sex with someone you truly love is just spectacular, doing it drunk with some stranger is just depressing, awful and a total waste of life. (I'm well aware that there is a lot in between those 2 scenarios but just picked the extremes for the sake of getting the point across)
It just makes me wonder if among the people who consider themselves asexual there are some who are just so turned off by the current idea of sex that they just turn their backs to the whole thing?

So to conclude: Rhys, I wish you all of the best for figuring yourself out and finding a solution that is best for you.

(sorry to derail on that thread somewhat)


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 1:37 am 
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Making Threats to Punks Again
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Umm, maybe this discussion should go in its own thread where it can get the consideration it deserves? There's also no need to get judgmental about people who might want sex for just that.


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 2:43 pm 
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Huffs Nutritional Yeast
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Will be able to respond more later. I agree that maybe I need a different mindset when it comes to sex. Possibly being okay with doing my own thing and letting him do his thing. We're out and about at the moment so keeping it brief. Also wanted to apologize if my issues need to be in a separate thread. That is okay with me if the posts need to be moved. Thanks for the input and I do hope to figure things out sometime soon. :) Catch you all later when I'm back at home!


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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 11:31 pm 
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Lily wrote:
Rhys wrote:
I feel that nowadays sex is being reduced to something everybody NEEDS once in a while and that for that purpose you could and should just bang anyone. Isn't it kind of sick how just quietly playing chess, no matter with whom and for what purpose, has become something that is a value in itself? I totally disagree with that sentiment; quietly playing chess with someone you truly love is just spectacular, doing it drunk with some stranger is just depressing, awful and a total waste of life. (I'm well aware that there is a lot in between those 2 scenarios but just picked the extremes for the sake of getting the point across)


Whoa...some people like having drunk sex with strangers. Heck, I'm sure a few of us were conceived that way. It's not something I'm personally interested in doing, but I know other people like to do it, so as long as they don't want to do it with me, I respect their choice!

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 Post subject: Re: A thread not about the sex that some of us aren't having
PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:09 am 
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Making Threats to Punks Again
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Lily wrote:
Isn't it kind of sick how just quietly playing chess, no matter with whom and for what purpose, has become something that is a value in itself? I totally disagree with that sentiment; quietly playing chess with someone you truly love is just spectacular, doing it drunk with some stranger is just depressing, awful and a total waste of life.

You may want to consider retracting that statement.

If you can't see why it might be problematic / downright offensive I'm sure plenty of people here will be able to explain it to you. Possibly without the restraint of Chipmunk and CQ.

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