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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:28 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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YAY! sweet relief!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:45 pm 
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Lactose Intolerant...Literally

Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:20 pm
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No really, next time try green tea prunes and coffee. OMG


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 8:01 am 
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Chip Strong
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I get really poo-shy when I stay over at people's places sometimes, but I don't really have an alternative. The thing that's helping me to deal with this at the moment, quite weirdly, is this Bad Lip Reading version of a Black Eyed Peas song:



My mantra has become "Everybody poops, and if they don't, they're an android". It actually really helps me.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 5:53 pm 
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Location: Munich, finally!
I think I might have ruined my reputation at work for mentioning the existence of this thread to some colleagues at the christmas party. Oh well.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 1:35 am 
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Sick of Cupcakes
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GreenDuck wrote:
choirqueer wrote:
This is going to sound really weird but, if you have a vibrator (or anything that vibrates that you can safely put down there), using it in your anal area (either on the outside, or even inside if you don't mind sticking things up your butt) can help with constipation because it stimulates your rectum/colon to contract and push the poop out. I was constipated for a long time after I had major surgery a few years ago -- it was probably about a week, it felt like a hundred years! -- and finally my doc suggested I try this, and it (literally) saved my asparagus.

You know how the vagina is right next to the rectum? If one was to use a vibrator inside one's vagina, for pleasure purposes not relief of constipation, would it be likely to have this effect?

I have heard people reccommend using fingers inside the vagina, against the back wall of it, to sort of massage out stubborn poo.
You've now terrified me to experiment with vibrators, at least in the company of anyone else. I know they're meant to be better on the outer parts, but still...


Yeah! That would very likely work, as long as the person has a vagina and is comfortable inserting something in it. I think if you're really constipated it might be painful to create more pressure in the rectum like that, though -- the idea with the vibrator is to stimulate the contractions that push the poop out, not to push the poop out itself. But if you can get the vibrations closer to where the poop is stuck by inserting it, I would imagine that would be even more effective.*


*I actually am just making this up; it sounds logical, but hell if I know what's gonna work on/in/near anyone's orifices but my own! Attempt only at your own risk!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:51 am 
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Making Threats to Punks Again

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Sorry, that wasn't exactly what I was asking. I mean is use of a vibrator for pleasure likely to cause involuntary pooing?

EDIT: well, surely if it was I would have heard about it. On the PPK if nowhere else. But I'm worried now.


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 9:28 am 
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Invented Vegan Meringue
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It might if you were already about to go. But I would imagine that would be uncomfortable enough that you'd go to the bathroom before you started using a vibrator.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:00 am 
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Bought a used copy of Natural Harvest
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Wow. This is a whole 'nother level of poo talk. I'm proud of you, PPK!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 6:23 pm 
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Tofu Pup

Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:55 pm
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Location: Tallahassee, FL
So this isn't something I talk about with anyone, and I am among the crowd that likes to pretend that poop isn't a real thing, and nobody actually does it. But this situation has gotten annoying to the point that I have to do something about it.

It used to be, a couple of years ago, that I was a very regular once a day kind of guy. And that once a day was VERY fast. Nobody could tell whether I went 1 or 2 based on how long I was in the bathroom. Eventually (for no reason I can figure out) it got up to 2 times per day. Over the past 3-4 months, it has worked its way up to 5-6 times per day. And each times takes much longer than it used to. I haven't noticed anything abnormal - no cramping, pain, blood, etc. It's just annoyingly and embarrassingly frequent.

I read an article on Mayo clinic's website that said eating lots of fiber, exercising, and drinking lots of water can increase frequency. All 3 of those apply to me, but I don't want to stop doing any of them.

Any ideas how I can reduce the frequency to something more reasonable?


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 6:24 pm 
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Addicted to B12 Enemas
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I'm so happy I have found a poop thread!

Quote:
Despite the fact that I poo lots, it can sometimes take a while. It's like once I get to the toilet, the poo gets scared, and I kinda have to wait til its ready to come out. It's like a gentle coaxing - "come on little poo, come on out".


We call this "Whack-a-Mole" poo!

Regarding the kid with the green poo: Froot Loops. Froot Loop kids have green poo.

My hubby has the longest poo sessions in the world. Seriously, he has to rearrange his day to accommodate. I mean, come on, dude. Fiber is your friend.


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 2:35 am 
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Has gasoline in her veins
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Location: pdx
first beet poop ever. SO WEIRD.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 9:30 pm 
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Sick of Cupcakes
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Today I learned that pumpkin seeds make me poop A LOT. I am so glad I brought my laptop into the bathroom with me. It's not even particularly tough poop, if anything it's a 2-3 on the whatever scale...it's just SO MUCH OF IT!!

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Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives
Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnation
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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:09 pm 
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Invented Vegan Meringue
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Love Child wrote:
Discount wrote:
You know what I like most about being vegan? Walking into a multi-stall bathroom while someone is already in there (obviously trying to muffle their straining) and laying serious tracks in the time it took them to roll out some toilet paper. High fiber diet, suckas!


Yessss. When I have to do the number two, It takes 2 minutes tops and then I'm out and about again, light as a feather. While my father and sister for example does 30 minute-sessions on the toilet. My sister is on a LCHF diet, heh.

My roommate used to disappear for 30+ minutes into the bathroom, so long that I would think that she went to bed. I don't understand it . . . how could it possibly take a half an hour to get out? I get the urge, I'm in and out in under two minutes. Nice and clean.

thisheregiraffe wrote:
Adam Crisis wrote:
everyone i have ever talked to who has cleaned public bathrooms has all agreed the womens is the worse of the two


Maybe they're just afraid of tampons.

I'm thinking the sole explanation here is the blood.

Veglicious wrote:
Ok, I have to ask this. Does anyone get watery eyes sometimes when they poo? It's not even like I'm straining or it hurts, sometimes my eyes just water.

YES.

AmandaMelanie wrote:
My son (3 1/2) occasionally names his poops. And they don't look anything like their names, but so far there has been: Crayon poops, sand poop, knife poop, trumpet poops, chicken poop, and more recently, a ninja turtle poop.

At least it's not "Fred" or "Pete" or "Harry."


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 4:06 am 
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Like Anal, But Backwards

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:05 pm
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Location: Sheffield/London
I did an excellently curved one last night.


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 9:44 am 
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Impressive boner
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I've been twice today. I only usually go once so this is unusual.


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 11:17 am 
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Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
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Veglicious and starrynight87: My eyes water every time I poop almost! I was just talking to my mom about this, and well, she didn't want to talk about poop. What gives, ma?

I can remember being little and someone asked if it hurt, but it doesn't, my eyes just water.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 11:46 am 
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Thinks chickens are assholes
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Are you like... a tiny tears doll or something?


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:07 pm 
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Queen Bitch of Self-Righteous Veganville
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I can't believe i've never posted in this thread!

One day last week, I pooped twice and both poops were the super long snakey ones. I was so proud. Brian made a face when I bragged to him.

I am also a lightning pooper. If it takes more than a minute I get really annoyed. The only time I take a book or computer with me is if i've had stomach cramps and it's my second trip in ten minutes or something.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 4:09 pm 
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Lubes With Earth Balance
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Blood. Lots of it. Dripping all over the place and in my pants. Am I dying?


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 4:19 pm 
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Queen Bitch of Self-Righteous Veganville
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Uh.

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The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 4:51 pm 
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Thinks chickens are assholes
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Butt sexin? Haemorrhoids? Scratchy poop?


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:54 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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whoa, go to the doctor!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:13 pm 
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Addicted to B12 Enemas
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I know bloody poop is SO not funny, but the mention of "scratchy poop" has me wishing I were in a band and needed a name for it.

By the way, I second going to the doctor!


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2012 2:38 am 
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Lubes With Earth Balance
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I did eat beets yesterday, but this was the real thing. What's scratchy poop?


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2012 2:44 am 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Go to the doctor for sure, but also, is the blood dark or bright red? Cause that could help you determine what kind of problem you may have. Darker blood would be from farther up in your digestive tract, maybe intestines, which could suggest you may have problems there, and fresher, brighter red blood would be from haemorrhoids or some other, lower part of the system ailment. But ask a doctor for sure anyway.


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