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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 11:30 pm 
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Semen Strong
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semiautomatic wrote:
i thought of the ppk when i looked in the toilet


Someone REALLY needs to sig this.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Mon Dec 30, 2013 9:24 pm 
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My dreams are coming true. I am going to poop for science and get paid $20!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 1:47 am 
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lycophyte wrote:
My dreams are coming true. I am going to poop for science and get paid $20!


Whoa! How do I get this job? I'm great at pooping!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 11:15 am 
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Lots of fiber + not enough water yesterday. Not good.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 12:11 pm 
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2 poop morning = a good morning!

Drink that water, amonik!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:46 pm 
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Oh I am so sick of this! I've been at my parents house for awhile now. Their house has a crappy (ha!) toilet, that continuously clogs. I mean, always. Its not even really a clog, its just that the flow is so bad that big poops just sit there. You can usually even flush around it, but it sits there.

I don't think I've had a single poop in there that didn't get stuck this whole trip. And the plunger is cheap. And remember, its not REALLY clogged, just stuck too big. So I've gotten to put on rubber gloves and break it up, then it was fine. UGH.

They say they are getting a new toilet some day. hatehatehate

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:36 pm 
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I have a great gross story. When Brian and I were waiting for our on-post housing, we had to live in a hotel for a month. And one time I took a dump that wouldn't flush because it landed perfectly across the hole and was...kind of big. And since this was a hotel, we had no plunger so I had to go outside, over to an area with trees and root around for a stick so I could shove the turd down. It was so embarrassing that I thought it was hysterical and Brian was just like 'you are disgusting'.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 9:34 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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lycophyte wrote:
Oh I am so sick of this! I've been at my parents house for awhile now. Their house has a crappy (ha!) toilet, that continuously clogs. I mean, always. Its not even really a clog, its just that the flow is so bad that big poops just sit there. You can usually even flush around it, but it sits there.

I don't think I've had a single poop in there that didn't get stuck this whole trip. And the plunger is cheap. And remember, its not REALLY clogged, just stuck too big. So I've gotten to put on rubber gloves and break it up, then it was fine. UGH.

They say they are getting a new toilet some day. hatehatehate


My friend lives in an old building with crappy water pressure so she also has this problem with the toilet. Her strategy is to use a wire coat hanger to cut up the poop so it goes down. Might be better than gloves? At least you wouldn't have to touch it.


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:08 pm 
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Yeah, I could look for a wire hanger. I considered getting a stick from the 1 small tree, but its cold out there. The plunger did work this time.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 11:58 am 
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WELFARIST!
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
I have a great gross story. When Brian and I were waiting for our on-post housing, we had to live in a hotel for a month. And one time I took a dump that wouldn't flush because it landed perfectly across the hole and was...kind of big. And since this was a hotel, we had no plunger so I had to go outside, over to an area with trees and root around for a stick so I could shove the turd down. It was so embarrassing that I thought it was hysterical and Brian was just like 'you are disgusting'.


This just made me laugh so hard.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 4:33 pm 
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I'm getting a bit worried about what might happen poop-wise in the next few days. On surgery day (tuesday) they had me fast from midnight the night before, then I didn't get to eat until I left the hospital, so like... 6pm. No poop that day, but that makes sense. No poop wednesday either though, and now, no poop yet today. I normally poop like 2, sometimes 3 times a day. They said that Oxycodone makes you constipated, so they told me to take a stool softener regularly as prevention, like before it becomes an issue. So I have been! I don't feel constipated, I just... don't feel like I have to poop! Not sure how that's possible though as I have been eating fairly regularly.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 5:14 pm 
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Anaesthesia is pretty bad for stopping the poop flow. Can you eat a load of oranges to get things moving?

I had a really bad stomach last week (dysentery, food poisoning or something) and took so much Imodium that I got constipated. Now I've been eating masses of fruit this week and have gone from 1 normal poop per day to three.


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 9:57 pm 
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I totally did buy a bunch of oranges, and have been eating them yep! :) A couple hours after I posted this I pooed though! It was definitely a lot more dense than usual and took a bit longer, but not constipated feeling. So that's good.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:47 am 
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I couldn't poop for like a week after my surgery. It was horrible. I had a lot of really obnoxious after-effects from the anesthesia and one of them was that it shut off my reflexes that enable bowel movement. Basically my body forgot how to poop and I had to relearn how to do that activity. I had to use a vibrator (seriously, my doctor's idea) to stimulate the nerves and retrain the reflexes. Yeah, you could not pay me to go through that ever again. Though the vibrator part was kinda fun. And I guess I got a good story out of it, you know, to tell over dinner someday.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 4:42 am 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
I have a great gross story. When Brian and I were waiting for our on-post housing, we had to live in a hotel for a month. And one time I took a dump that wouldn't flush because it landed perfectly across the hole and was...kind of big. And since this was a hotel, we had no plunger so I had to go outside, over to an area with trees and root around for a stick so I could shove the turd down. It was so embarrassing that I thought it was hysterical and Brian was just like 'you are disgusting'.


This feels like the right time to share my night of hotel toilet hell! Warning--disgustingess follows!

My friend and I were sharing a hotel room with a terrible toilet. I used it and decided to save water by also emptying my full diva cup into the bowl as well. It clogged, so I held the handle down to push it through since that worked on my apartment's weak toilet. It didn't work...the whole mess overflowed onto the floor and wouldn't stop! I rushed to bend down and turn off the water spigot behind the toilet, causing it to pour onto my neck and back. I threw all the towels down to sop it up and called my husband---the clogged toilet whisperer--in a panic, who suggested calling the front desk for help.

Meanwhile, my friend is cluelessly watching tv in the other room and has to pee. I walked out in my shiitake clothes and soooooo mortifyingly explained what has happened. My sainted friend actually offered to help me clean up my pee/poo/period blood swamp (true friendship, there). I declined and made my way to the front desk, where I proceeded to beg for a plunger and bleach rather than have them send someone up to help (which they were pushing, not knowing what lay in wait. horrifying!). I carried the damn plunger through this fancy asparagus hotel up to my room, where I plunged that biohazard for a good 45 min until it turned into soup. I refused my friend entry to the toilet, causing her to have to pee in a coffee mug and pass it to me to empty into the tub. After I fixed the clog, I then had to clean the bathroom floor and wash the dirty towels in the tub. To add insult to injury, rest of our stay the bathroom smelled like blood and shiitake.

Worst. Night. Ever. No one knows that story but my husband, friend, and now the ppk.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 6:47 am 
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You win, couroupita. Can't stop laughing.


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 2:20 pm 
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Yep, that wins!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 2:51 pm 
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I really lost it when I got to 'peed in a coffee mug'.

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The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 3:21 pm 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
I really lost it when I got to 'peed in a coffee mug'.


I have been wondering for the last 45 minutes what happened to the coffee mug in question?

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 7:53 pm 
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Well, it was at a hotel. I'm sure the next unsuspecting guest used it, hopefully it was washed in a dishwasher or something, but probably just washed in the biohazard bathroom sink.


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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 8:43 pm 
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The mug was soaked in a bleach solution in the sink!

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 9:53 pm 
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Best. . . Poo story. . . EVER. . .

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 11:09 pm 
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That's amazing. What a great/terrible story.

A week or so I had the most epic poo - it was just so big, and and so satisfying. I'm pretty sure it was after eating loads of kale. Kale is my poo magic.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 2:44 pm 
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Moon wrote:
Kale is my poo magic.

Just need to see this sentence a couple more times.

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 Post subject: Re: The poop thread!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:45 pm 
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I just pooped and thought the smell was rather delectable.

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