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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 5:32 pm 
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rebeccaxx wrote:
paprikapapaya wrote:
Goddamn hormones...right after my monthly vaginatimes, it's like my body's all, "haaaay, now we're all good to go!" and I just...ugh. Getting some last night didn't even help at all. Need it a million times.


I get this too. Is this how boys feel most days??


Answering as a guy who had sex last night and has already masturbated twice today....yes, yes it is.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 9:20 pm 
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When my depression was quite severe I hadn't masturbated in almost a year. No sex either!

At least I wasn't easily distracted!


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:26 am 
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Adam Crisis wrote:
rebeccaxx wrote:
paprikapapaya wrote:
Goddamn hormones...right after my monthly vaginatimes, it's like my body's all, "haaaay, now we're all good to go!" and I just...ugh. Getting some last night didn't even help at all. Need it a million times.


I get this too. Is this how boys feel most days??


Answering as a guy who had sex last night and has already masturbated twice today....yes, yes it is.


I'm like this during my period, and on a smaller scale on a regular basis (like, want it every day but not a million times every day) - when I was younger that didn't happen but when I hit 35 I started feeling like what people think 16-year-old boys are like.


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 9:05 am 
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I'll probably get my period tomorrow, so when I woke up this morning I was raring to go. Morning sex is my faaaaavourite.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 9:06 am 
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Moon wrote:
I'll probably get my period tomorrow, so when I woke up this morning I was raring to go. Morning sex is my faaaaavourite.


Yesssssssssss!

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 8:28 pm 
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I am having arguments with my partner about sex. I don't want it very often (if ever) and it is 100% about insecurities with my body and my medication, but he is starting to get frustrated and says he feels unwanted and "worries about our relationship". I am so asexual a being 80% of the time normally but it really triggers some dark feelings/memories in me to feel pressured to fulfil his desires when I feel no inclination whatsoever to get intimate. It's come to the point where I can't even sneak in any snuggles because I know it will turn to the sexual and I don't want to go there. I feel a bit bad, but mostly defensive.

I don't know if I'm being unfair or not. I get that he wants to be intimate with his wife, I do, but it's hard for me to understand the frustration of going for a long time without sex because I could go a lifetime if I wanted to.


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 9:38 am 
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vijita - have you guys always had that imbalance or is it more recent? I can see how that would be frustrating from both sides. Hope you sort it out soon.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 11:02 am 
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vijita, reading that I related so hard. It's the biggest reason my few serious relationships have ended. Getting someone to understand how intensely that triggers you, and the knowledge that you can't have any physical intimacy without the worry and eventual actuality of a sexual intent is so thoroughly upsetting. I really hope you two figure it out and come to a happy place. It is so rough to feel like that.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 3:30 pm 
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In my marriage that ended two?three? years ago, this became a big problem. With me in the place of your husband here. I... hmm. It was really heartbreaking and took an intense emotional toll on me, the fact that I didn't feel wanted and desired by my partner. And the more I was rejected sexually, the more I would want it, and try to initiate it. Which obviously just pushed him away more. And it's not as if I just wanted it from an intellectual standpoint or was being stubborn or something... it felt very physical/chemical, and it was very hard after a while to function well elsewhere, like work, etc. stroganoff hardly took the edge off.

Please please don't think I'm saying that to guilt you. I think under no circumstances should you feel guilt for how you feel. You have to do for yourself and your body only what you need, and what is healthy. But I wanted to say what I did to offer some insight into someone similar to his perspective, to try and highlight why it hurts so much from the other side, and why it would feel so serious to him. I think you need to listen to him when he says he's worried about your relationship. Talk about what needs to happen now. Therapy/counseling? Brainstorming about other potential ways he can explore his sexual desires that feel safe for you, or that don't involve you?

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 4:31 pm 
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I've been feeling like that a lot for the past few years. I thought it was depression, medication, pretty much anything that would make it seem like it was temporary. Now I've come to accept that I just don't have the same drive that I did before. I don't think it's quite what you're going through since I do still want and enjoy sex on occasion (but maybe once/twice per month instead of the several times a week it was before we got married, and I could go without for months if I could get away with it). I don't really have any advice other than, if you think there might be a problem you can fix, do what you can to fix it. But really I'm just here to commiserate and let you know that it happens sometimes.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 6:02 pm 
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Mars wrote:
In my marriage that ended two?three? years ago, this became a big problem. With me in the place of your husband here. I... hmm. It was really heartbreaking and took an intense emotional toll on me, the fact that I didn't feel wanted and desired by my partner. And the more I was rejected sexually, the more I would want it, and try to initiate it. Which obviously just pushed him away more. And it's not as if I just wanted it from an intellectual standpoint or was being stubborn or something... it felt very physical/chemical, and it was very hard after a while to function well elsewhere, like work, etc. stroganoff hardly took the edge off.

Please please don't think I'm saying that to guilt you. I think under no circumstances should you feel guilt for how you feel. You have to do for yourself and your body only what you need, and what is healthy. But I wanted to say what I did to offer some insight into someone similar to his perspective, to try and highlight why it hurts so much from the other side, and why it would feel so serious to him. I think you need to listen to him when he says he's worried about your relationship. Talk about what needs to happen now. Therapy/counseling? Brainstorming about other potential ways he can explore his sexual desires that feel safe for you, or that don't involve you?

I appreciate your thoughts a lot, Mars, because since I'm not very sexual at the best of times I have a hard time understand its importance in relationships. It tends to feel creepy for me for my partner to want to push sex without my interest, but that is based on some long-ago experiences and I need to understand that he just wants to be loved. It's just so weird because I've only on one or two occasions felt like sex=love, and I love him to pieces but I feel horrible about the fact that sex just usually feels like a chore. And don't get me wrong, we have good sex when we do, and I am attracted to him like crazy, but I also have a crazy distracted mind and medication that kills any sort of arousal and it just feels kind of sad to me.
Spoiler: show
I know I'm not supposed to talk about this on the PPK but we used to smoke pot quite a bit and it always made me so horny, but we don't anymore and it seems kind of depressing that that was what got me going.


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 6:15 pm 
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Vijita I have a low sex drive too. It's never been super high. It's not my husband, I just have zero interest. Like if I had sex maybe a couple times a year I'd be fine with it. I totally relate to it feeling like a chore. I used to think it was my hormonal birth control so I switched to a copper IUD but that didn't have an impact. If I somehow ended up in a relationship that was asexual but still had hugging and cuddling I'd probably be fine. I don't even like kissing, really.

Reading this over, this makes me sound like a bad partner.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 6:32 pm 
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lobsteriffic wrote:
Vijita I have a low sex drive too. It's never been super high. It's not my husband, I just have zero interest. Like if I had sex maybe a couple times a year I'd be fine with it. I totally relate to it feeling like a chore. I used to think it was my hormonal birth control so I switched to a copper IUD but that didn't have an impact. If I somehow ended up in a relationship that was asexual but still had hugging and cuddling I'd probably be fine. I don't even like kissing, really.

Reading this over, this makes me sound like a bad partner.

For what it's worth, I feel exactly the same.


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:06 pm 
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I feel the same way as well, although I'm not married, and it is the main reason I don't date. I think these feelings are pretty common, even though people may not want to talk about it. For me, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 11:00 pm 
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I feel the same. No real advice, here. Just hugs and commiseration.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:17 am 
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Oh Vijita, that sucks. I have no advice, but I can definitely see both sides.

Spoiler: show
Using spoiler to respond to yours, but I'm definitely different sexually when I'm drinking, and I wish I could "get going" with the same intensity when sober. Not that we don't have sober sex, but it's not as fun/messy. Drunk sex is closer to the sex we had when we started dating.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 5:01 pm 
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Hi, thread. How are you lately? Oh, me? Um, I've been good. Really good.

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 8:41 am 
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I have news for this thread: I learned how to squirt! Whee! Unfortunately, my husband thinks it's gross. Which is sad but understandable, because it is a LOT of volume and soaks through all layers of bedding unless I use this special blanket I got that is designed for that.


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 4:27 pm 
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Dave the Cat, maybe he'll come around to it? Either way, congratulations! Bodies are endlessly fascinating.


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2014 4:23 pm 
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Dave the Cat wrote:
I have news for this thread: I learned how to squirt! Whee! Unfortunately, my husband thinks it's gross. Which is sad but understandable, because it is a LOT of volume and soaks through all layers of bedding unless I use this special blanket I got that is designed for that.

Nah nah nah. Just explain to him how actually it's not gross at all and rather, it's the best. And that he wants it all over his face. Simple! Done! God I love problem solving!

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 9:23 am 
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Mars wrote:
Dave the Cat wrote:
I have news for this thread: I learned how to squirt! Whee! Unfortunately, my husband thinks it's gross. Which is sad but understandable, because it is a LOT of volume and soaks through all layers of bedding unless I use this special blanket I got that is designed for that.

Nah nah nah. Just explain to him how actually it's not gross at all and rather, it's the best. And that he wants it all over his face. Simple! Done! God I love problem solving!


I'll get right on it! Thanks Mars. (The poor guy has a long way to go - "You got it on my LEG!")


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 10:46 am 
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He needs to work on that - I'm guessing he's allowed to squirt, so why not you?

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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 11:06 am 
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amonik wrote:
...I'm guessing he's allowed to squirt, so why not you?


This is a T-shirt waiting to happen. Or a series of PSAs?


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 11:10 am 
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He's working on it for sure. He loves making me feel good, so I play up that angle and he goes with it.


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 Post subject: Re: human sexual response
PostPosted: Tue Nov 18, 2014 1:40 pm 
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I'm in the situation of vijita's partner, but I have no problem fulfilling my own needs. I think pressuring a partner to have sex who doesn't want to is awful. It's something we all take care of on our own outside of relationships so there's no reason to think your partner has to do it now that you're together. I feel the same way about laundry, dishes, etc. I never get people who expect one partner to do all the work that you clearly had to do for yourself until you got together.

Anyway, relationships aren't all about sex. If that's the foundation then there are problems bigger than a lack of sex. Hopefully your partner can learn to feel loved based on communication instead of demanding their needs be met at all costs. Apparently it's been months since that post, so hopefully this has already been resolved. I just wanted to chime in as someone with a much bigger sex drive than my partner, that I can certainly feel loved and have a happy relationship without demanding sex.


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