Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Cute! You should in the very least come to Veganstock in a few weeks! viewtopic.php?f=14&t=20775

I'll buy you some velcro shoes @ goodwill.

I gave up on OkC and deactivated my account. The only good thing to ever come out of OkC for me was ESL Teacher, and he broke my heart, and yet continues to be the only person I have feelings for. The longer we've been broken up, the stronger my feelings seem to be getting, instead of lesser. BALLS.

I figure that I'm not going to successfully fall for someone via online dating, because finding someone who can compare to ESL Teacher is hard enough without physical chemistry. So... I guess I'm going to continue flailing like an idiot? I'm hoping I'll somehow magically meet someone foxy in real life and that will solve my problems.

Gold.

I'm so sorry DC, I hope your heart is happy again soon <3

I almost asked toxic guy to come visit on Saturday, but I fought the chemistry and have just asked a nice, normalish guy if he wants to hang out. He's new to the whole thing and was worried he'd been too full on by asking me out last night. I figured I can be at least a nice first date for him to go on.

We can do this over Veganstock weekend too ya know.

And I will use your visage for the game if you are up for it! You know we already have a "Has an etsy store" as a personality card.

I turned my OKC profile back on out of boredom. I've talked to a few guys I might be interested in meeting and a few I'm probably not interested in meeting. I'm so fickle about it all. No one who seems totally awesome and like "I have GOT to meet this dude." Meh.

Oh my gosh, I actually had a good OK Cupid date this weekend for the first time in FOREVER! We had afternoon coffee that turned into early evening beers and geeked out about a bunch of stuff like PT Anderson and David Bowie. I've got a second date lined up tonight.

Only trouble is: I met him the same week that I also finally made out with a "real life" dude that I've had a crush on for awhile. Whoops. Now I'm torn. It's only been about a week of this though so I'm hoping my feelings will magically sort themselves out. Or maybe one dude will turn out to be less interesting. I guess I'm psyched that all my stars are aligning or whatever but crepe, this has never happened before!

I haven't been on this thread for a while so here's a bit of an update:

I went on a lot of casual dates and then settled with one guy from POF kind of regularly before going on a trip overseas for a couple of weeks. When I got back we just weren't feeling it around each other anymore and broke it off. A big problem for me was his insistence on calling me his girlfriend early on, leaving stuff at my house, inserting himself into my life & decisions in a way that I thought was a little inappropriate & bossy. Also insisting on PDA when I told him it made me uncomfortable. All manner of wrong really, and I am now happily single again. Sweet freedom!

I'm going to take a break from dating for a while, and I took down all my online profiles. I realized that I really like being single and it's going to take some kind of unicorn person to change my status.

A couple things I learned from online dating: meet up early (others have said this). The less time you spend fantasizing & building each other up with sweet email/chatty talk the better.

Notice red flags: Maybe it's just Phoenix, but I was shocked at how openly racist people I met were. I'm white, & I date the rainbow, but a lot of men I met felt free to tell me early on that they only dated white girls - a few of them were Latino and African-American men who only dated white girls. They always mentioned their mothers & sisters and how they didn't want to date anyone like them. So maybe it's not so much racist as mommy-sister issues? Anyway, ew. People who liked me specifically because I was white, short, or petite were red flags to me because they were often a bit shallow, like anyone with a set "type." I feel like those kind of people didn't see me as human. Another red flag? Bringing up how the Jews control everything or any complaining about Jewish people and Israel. More common than I expected.

Oh this is already too long so I'll quit. Good luck out there, & be yourself no matter what.

Ok, so nice normalish guy I have a date with on Saturday facebooked me. He's a biker of both types, owns two motorbikes, cycles 150 - 200 miles a week, is as fit as a butcher's dog and has a tattoo on his thigh. Normalish, ok guy is making me break a sweat here.

Fezza, that doesn't sound normal to me, but in a good way!

Things are continuing to go pretty well with the okcupid lady I've been seeing for a month and a half. I like her a lot but I don't have much time recently and dating is time consuming and maybe I'd rather be unattached right now? I'm not sure.

A short rant:

Guys always talk about how girls flip out on them, they're so crazy, clingy, possessive, etc. A suggestion, good sirs, if I may: don't say things like "I think we're really lucky to have met each other" after a few weeks of nice, if bland, dates. Don't carelessly refer to yourself as my "boyfriend" in conversation. You know the deal, I laid it out online and in person, that I'm keeping it cool with you. Luckily for all of us, I'm too smart to believe that from someone I've been dating casually for a few weeks. But one day very soon, if you haven't already several times in the past, you will meet a woman who will want or need to hear what you're saying badly enough to believe it. And when you, a grown adult, subsequently go into passive-aggressive hiding rather than openly and honestly say "I'm not interested in dating anymore," she will not let you off with a shrug and a 'go fork yourself' like I did. And you will totally look back and think about how totally rad I was (and in your memory I will be surfing with a parrot on my shoulder).

/rant

okay, that last sentence was a slight elaboration but the rest of it is cold, hard truth! Dudes be crazy. Anyway, having got that rant off my chest, I'm happy to say that all referenced dramz are now in the past and that the person I'm currently seeing is the bee's knees.

PREACH IT.

Also, you will not just be surfing with a parrot on your shoulder, the parrot will be shooting lasers from its eyes.

Yeah, not sure there's anything normal about him now.

I gave him a list of potential bars for this weekend and suggested the cinema, he reckons we should do it all, pub crawl and film. I like his way of thinking already!

Erika, you're awesome.

Fezza, YAY!

I messaged two other girls last night and they both messaged me back, which never happens, I feel like usually I get maaaybe a 1 out of 5 response rate? That's probably rounding up. I need to stop wasting my time on OkCupid though because on 98% of the profiles I click on, I'm like, she's cute, OH I REMEMBER THIS PROFILE THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T MESSAGE HER. She's paleo/poly/only likes butch girls/some other dealbreaker.

Strawberryrock, yay for response rate on those two girls. And I totally get it. I'll be looking at profiles and then remember why I never responded to their message or messaged them and it's like ooohhh yeahhhhhhh, d'oh!

Ah well. Such is life. So many duds.

So, on thinking about Biker boy's challenge for our first date... his favourite quote is "go big or go home..."... would it be full on or fun if I suggested we do cinema tonight and pub crawl tomorrow night, two night first meet/date?

It's a holiday weekend here, everyone is out partying or in Donegal for the weekend, if he's at a lose end tonight too, we might as well. I think I need to go bigger than he's suggesting, just to show him he's dealing with a ballsy woman.

My feeling is that since you seem to be inadvertently getting all these guys who think they aren't ready for as serious a relationship as they mistakenly believe you would like, I'd just let him do the suggesting and not get too invested. You don't have anything to prove. If he is as awesome as he seems and deserves the seriously ballsy asskicking woman you are, he'll realize how cool you are without you having to work hard to provide a spectacular date.

Not to be too personal, but it seems like you are a super-strong woman who can take care of anyone - like you did monkeyboy for so many years. You've come a really long way in not falling for needing to prove how strong you are by hanging on to bad relationships and trying to fix things for people recently, so maybe the place to stand here is that this guy needs to show you what a ballsy, awesome dude he is, not vice versa,

I say that out of love and a profound wish for you to be happy.

Aaaww thanks for that! <3

Don't worry, it's all in a light hearted challenge way. We have a very witty cheeky thing going on, lots of mock fighting and squaring up for internet fights. It's not to provide a spectacular date, it's to see if we're both daft enough to commit to spending two evenings with a complete stranger... it could get uncomfortably hilarious.

//Hope I am not totally stepping over the line//

Yes, but it seems like you've had the same witty, cheeky thing going on with a bunch of guys on POF and OKC, and its ended up going the same way. If it was just one guy, I'd say "fork'im he doesn't deserve you." But either you are projecting something about wanting a serious relationship, or, more likely, the culture sends a huge message to men about women in their late 30s/early 40s desperately wanting a man, that these guys are misconstruing your very natural ballsy, cheeky and fun nature and flipping out. I think you are the bees freaking knees, but maybe let this one start slower than a 2 day megadate spectacular? I know you say it just rolls off your back, but you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel a little hurt by some of the surprising, dumbassed responses you've gotten to your awesomeness.

//2 cents//

//not at all <3!//

Tbh I think it's a 30/40s thing, it's happening to most of my single lady friends too lately. Full on guys who then back pedal, I don't know it it's an online dating thing, it's where most of them have been experiencing it.

I am in my post-gig spontaneous mood though, perhaps I'll take my friend Fiona out and feel her up in the back of the cinema, just to temper myself. She's a good friend, she'll not mind obliging me.. again..

ETA: forgot to say before, I think Thai boxer broke the pattern for me, pretty sure he dumped me cos he thinks I'm too erm.. curvy. He's a self-confessed shallow bint, so it was a refreshing change and we have ended up with a funny friendship.

Ok, Fiona replied, she's going to let me grope her to the cinema tonight, that'll keep me out of trouble for a while.

Gosh, I haven't had a good groping in the cinema for far too long. I need to find a willing partner and a boring film.

You need to move to Belfast, I get two for one on tickets too, you'd be putty in my warm, sweaty hands.