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 Post subject: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 11:32 am 
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Tofu Pup

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I am gluten free, my sister invited me for dinner. my brother in law was making meatloaf spaghetti which was gf if I brought my own noodles. after eating my brother in law informed us that he had to add breadcrumbs to get the texture right. now with thanksgiving coming up I don't want to eat around him. I did what he can't and I know he will do whatever to sabotage me.
dont want to be a hermit but everything centers around food


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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 12:08 pm 
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Honestly, if I was GF, I'd make all my own foods because gluten cross contamination is everywhere and I wouldn't even trust restaurants. A lot of people who are celiac seem to note they can't trust restaurants because they will make GF items on the same equipment. So unless you are making it in a GF kitchen, I wouldn't expect it to be GF.

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 6:15 pm 
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edword wrote:
I am gluten free, my sister invited me for dinner. my brother in law was making meatloaf spaghetti which was gf if I brought my own noodles. after eating my brother in law informed us that he had to add breadcrumbs to get the texture right. now with thanksgiving coming up I don't want to eat around him. I did what he can't and I know he will do whatever to sabotage me.
dont want to be a hermit but everything centers around food


Presumably, you are trying to eat gluten free because you get sick if you do not. If other people aren't taking that, your health, seriously, you might be better off taking matters into your own hands, preparing your own food, and for your own sanity just accepting that not everyone is going to be perfect about accommodating you. They are going to forget, make mistakes, etc. It shouldn't be like that, but it often is, so accepting it will help you feel less annoyed.........and protect your health by not having any illusions about other people doing it for you.

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 7:16 pm 
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i think many of us can sympathize, since I know I am not the only person who has also been sabotaged intentionally by relatives or other douchebags. I agree, you really have three options:
1- just shrug and eat it
2- make all your own food and trust nobody
3- expect people to change and probably get yourself stressed out

I have usually gone with #2, and if I had a special diet for health reasons I would definitely not consider any other option (everyone I know with allergies refuses to eat out, too risky. I had a coworker whose daughter almost died after eating peanuts in a restaurant after being reassured several times there were no peanuts anywhere on the menu. Turned out there was peanut flour in something.)
There have been times when I have just said "whatever" when I heard that someone was trying to sabotage me, mostly because I suspect they were doing it for a reaction (my family). I have the luxury of choosing what I eat and would rather rise above than provide drama. I feel for you, and thanksgiving is like a minefield. I will be bringing my own food to the Thanksgiving we are going to, and plenty to share. Hang tough!

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 6:29 am 
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Tofu Pup
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Let me just start with the fact that most members of my family have no desire to do anything healthy for themselves. Yet, they do not hesitate to ridicule or question me about my choice to be a vegan. I heard recently through the grapevine that I'm on " another fad diet and it won't last long."
While many of them gobble down mcdonalds, ice cream, and gmos.
I have decided that this year I'm having my own thanksgiving with my bf and invited one of my sister's family to join us. She is the only other health conscious family member. She isn't vegan, but she is gluten-free. So, I'm going to try to make all dishes accommodate both diets.
Unfortunately, the rest of the family just think I'm a radical pain in the awss. They


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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:12 am 
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How do you know that he was sabotaging you and being malicious on purpose? Most people who don't have food sensitivities don't understand that a little breadcrumbs will be an issue for someone who is GF. He probably was just trying to get his meal to come out the way he wanted without giving it a second thought.

I've been vegan for 6 years and GF for 2.5 and never once have I encountered a family member who went out of their way to sabotage my food for any reason. That seems a bit far fetched to me. But if you sincerely think that is what happened then the only thing you can do is bring your own food from now on and don't trust anything other people have prepared for you.

I do this regardless but for the opposite reason. When it comes to holidays and events where food is involved everyone tries to go out of their way to make sure I can eat. I actually feel bad when they attempt to change their menu or check in with me about certain items. So I've made it a strict policy that no one go out of their way for me. It's just easier that way. They get to continue cooking the way that is comfortable for them and I know for sure that I'm not eating anything I don't want to be eating. It's a win win.

Although I do agree that it is shitty when someone knows you are GF, it was discussed, they knew you were bringing GF pasta and they still screwed up somewhere. It's also oddly surprising how little people know about food and the dynamics of it. As in I've encountered people who know flour = gluten but would not put two and two together that breadcrumbs are made from bread which is made from flour which = gluten. Ya know?

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 3:20 pm 
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Tofu Pup
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I agree that it sounds absurd that family would sabotage on purpose, however, i have a couple of family members like that. It's apparent they are quite jealous that i have the desire, will-power, and perseverance to stick to a lifestyle diet. One sister is particularly mean with a smile on her face. She'll insist she didn't put butter in it, and after you eat it she'll "remember" that she DID use butter. Grrrr.


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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 3:22 pm 
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I can't be the only one wondering what meatloaf spaghetti is

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 3:26 pm 
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Fee wrote:
I can't be the only one wondering what meatloaf spaghetti is

forking hell! How did I miss that? And my god yes, now I want to know. And I want to know how your relative managed to have no problem making something called meatloaf spaghetti vegan but not GF. Is there normally no actual meat involved in this dish?

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:25 pm 
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GraciaKai wrote:
Fee wrote:
I can't be the only one wondering what meatloaf spaghetti is

forking hell! How did I miss that? And my god yes, now I want to know. And I want to know how your relative managed to have no problem making something called meatloaf spaghetti vegan but not GF. Is there normally no actual meat involved in this dish?


Do not Google it. Do not.

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:58 pm 
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I couldn't NOT! And now I'm just confused.

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2014 12:08 am 
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My first thought upon reading the OP was that perhaps edword may somehow not be aware the PPK is vegan. My apologies if I am wrong and you are vegan edword! Either way, I'm sorry you accidentally ate something you didn't want to, and hope you didn't have any ill effects.

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2014 7:12 am 
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I just kind of figure it was veganized... :) But now that I googled, that is just kind of odd (and I'd also say that from what I know of meatloaf, like with meat... it has to have some binder like bread crumbs).

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2014 4:46 pm 
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GraciaKai wrote:
How do you know that he was sabotaging you and being malicious on purpose? Most people who don't have food sensitivities don't understand that a little breadcrumbs will be an issue for someone who is GF. He probably was just trying to get his meal to come out the way he wanted without giving it a second thought.

I've been vegan for 6 years and GF for 2.5 and never once have I encountered a family member who went out of their way to sabotage my food for any reason. That seems a bit far fetched to me. But if you sincerely think that is what happened then the only thing you can do is bring your own food from now on and don't trust anything other people have prepared for you.

I do this regardless but for the opposite reason. When it comes to holidays and events where food is involved everyone tries to go out of their way to make sure I can eat. I actually feel bad when they attempt to change their menu or check in with me about certain items. So I've made it a strict policy that no one go out of their way for me. It's just easier that way. They get to continue cooking the way that is comfortable for them and I know for sure that I'm not eating anything I don't want to be eating. It's a win win.

Although I do agree that it is shitty when someone knows you are GF, it was discussed, they knew you were bringing GF pasta and they still screwed up somewhere. It's also oddly surprising how little people know about food and the dynamics of it. As in I've encountered people who know flour = gluten but would not put two and two together that breadcrumbs are made from bread which is made from flour which = gluten. Ya know?


That's great you have such a supportive circle around you but that isn't everyone's experience. Nothing like that has ever happened to me but I know people who have intentionally fed hamburgers to vegetarian children just to spite their parents. And this huge pain in the asparagus in our social circle makes the Earth stop spinning because of her kids' food allergies. Just over the top annoying about it. At a sleepover, a parent gave the kid several things that he could "never!" eat and he was completely fine all night and into the morning.

People can be the worst, what if the kid *had* been allergic!? I eat out at restaurants all the time but anytime an Omni offers to cook for me at their house, I decline. Too risky.


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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2014 4:53 pm 
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I just don't understand why anyone would ever do that. What is the point! I believe you, it is just really stupid and weird to me. Allergies or not if someone doesn't eat something whatever that something is, it's no one else's business and nothing good can come from tricking someone into secretly eating something they don't want to. I don't get it.

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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2014 5:18 pm 
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When I lived with [future family member], he fed me all kinds of things containing chicken broth. He figured it only contained a tiny, tiny amount of chicken, so there was no sense worrying about it. Not how I would have framed it! I never picked up on the flavor, just noticed that the previously full can of chicken bouillon had become empty over time... He's a lovely man, and would never have considered this 'sabotage.' When my boyfriend first went vegan, I certainly undermined his efforts--- I'd ask things like "I need to use up the rest of this margarine. Will you help it eat it if I promise to buy a vegan kind next time?" Not "sabotage," but not helpful, either.


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 Post subject: Re: when relatives sabotage your lifestyle
PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2014 6:36 pm 
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My sister has done this. In her case, it comes from a very sad, jealous place. But knowing that doesn't make it easier.

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