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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:15 pm 
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Addicted to B12 Enemas

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Location: SC, PA
Oohh, I have some good ones from bar tending!

When I had just started (like literally, my first time alone behind the bar ever), these two semi regulars come in and I can hear the one asking the other if he knew my name is and how old I am and if I have a boyfriend. So I'm bent over grabbing a back up of a bottle, and the guy who was getting interrogated says "Hey, you might want to watch yourself - Troy is undressing you with his eyes over here" to which Troy replies "I'm past the point of undressing you with my eyes, I'm now caressing you and fondling you with them." Palm, forehead. Really?!

Maybe a year or so after that I started working at a hotel where we had to wear tuxedo shirts and bow ties for our shift. I hated it and it was a running joke that the second I said last call, the bow tie was off and my shirt was pulled out of my pants and unbuttoned because of how much I despised that uniform. So it's a Tuesday night in the slow season and the only people in the bar are my then-boyfriend and his friend. Eventually, this group of guys turns up who are in town on business and one of them asks my boyfriend what there is to do in town. And since Chris is a smart asparagus, he responds by saying "Nothing really, but the highlight of my night is when Gwen takes her shirt off." Before I could even glare at him, every single guy in the group had emptied their wallets onto the bar like I was a stripper. Not quite a line, but still.

The most random one was another night when a different group of guys were also in town for business. They were asking where all the young kids hang out and where they could go to play pool and stuff like that. They were kind of debating what to do when this group of 20 something girls walk in, so the guys buy them a drink and they're all talking and getting along, so I leave them alone and am taking care of other customers. I look down and one of the guys is leaning on the bar, so I walk up to him and he asks me for a pen and piece of paper. I give it to him, thinking he's giving his number to one of the girls he's been talking to. A few minutes later, I walk by and the piece of paper is folded up and pushed towards the top of the bar. I'm still assuming it's a phone number, so I take it and just throw it next to the register so I don't offend him by tossing it out while he's still there. A few minutes later, he's leaning on the bar again asking if I got his note. I told him I didn't read it, so I go over and pick it up and it says "I want to kiss you, do you want to kiss me. Check one - yes, no, maybe" So I walk back over and say really nicely that I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend. He looks at me and practically yells "IN A NOTE!". I grab another slip of paper, write "I have a boyfriend" and hand it back to him. He didn't speak to me for the rest of the night, but he did write "sorry" on the back of the note.

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:23 am 
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At the bar the other night I was a little drunk and ended up saying "I'm not a flan of that" instead of fan and the weird guy who had literally followed me around all night said "That's good because I am a diabetic."

Gross.


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:55 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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I've had a variant on the "model" thing (many years ago). I've never been that skinny and I'm only 5'5" so it's a totally bizarre thing to say! Just makes you think the person who is using the line is totally devoid of original thought or reason.

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:51 pm 
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Not NOT A Furry
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What's your sign? ...and don't say stop.

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 10:57 pm 
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Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
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This was just used on my friend while riding a bus in Chicago: Do you know what has 148 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 3:14 am 
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Nailed to the V
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I've actually gotten the "My wife doesn't understand me" line. I thought it only existed in 60's comics.

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I tend to hook up with people who give me chocolate, but I fail to see how this is a bad thing./tofulish


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 11:32 am 
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choirqueer: that is amazing

amonik: so have I! Meh.

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Simon: That's not much.
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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 1:35 pm 
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Flounceiad 2011
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"Art thou a disastrous poll tax? Bycause I feele a risynge comynge on." And many more guaranteed to make the medievalist object of your affection groan!

http://ladysmaragdina.tumblr.com/post/17617171354/chaucerian-lynes-of-pick-up

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Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
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"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 2:50 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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cheezier by the century, apparently......

Dyde hit sceaðan, hwonne þu feoll fram Æsgeard?

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Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:15 pm 
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Grandfathered In
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fram heofun, don't you mean?

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:43 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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[i think in the mind of the person who wrote the list, the "falling angel" is wearing a horn helmet, and accuracy fell victim to the funny factor]

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Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 7:06 pm 
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Flounceiad 2011
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torque wrote:
Dyde hit sceaðan, hwonne þu feoll fram Æsgeard?
FootFace wrote:
fram heofun, don't you mean?
torque wrote:
[i think in the mind of the person who wrote the list, the "falling angel" is wearing a horn helmet, and accuracy fell victim to the funny factor]
I love you guys. So much.

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Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
I didn't embarrass him by saying anything about wanking ~ 8ball
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 7:30 pm 
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Vegan Since Before There Were Vegetables
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Location: Astoria, NY by way of San Diego, CA
Does this count? I didn't even figure out it was a pick up line for like 3 hours.

"Do you hang out?"

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I am not a troll. I am TELLING YOU THE ******GOD'S TRUTH****** AND YOU JUST DON'T WANT THE HEAR IT DO YOU?


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 8:24 pm 
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Invented Vegan Meringue
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Location: The land of maple syrup and beavers.
Had this at a club once: "are you serious"? But serious pronounced "seeeriuuusss".

So, that was weird.

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 6:52 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Location: Brasil
Desdemona wrote:
torque wrote:
Dyde hit sceaðan, hwonne þu feoll fram Æsgeard?
FootFace wrote:
fram heofun, don't you mean?
torque wrote:
[i think in the mind of the person who wrote the list, the "falling angel" is wearing a horn helmet, and accuracy fell victim to the funny factor]
I love you guys. So much.

Thank you both for making me have a vivid memory of my late and beloved thesis advisor.... woe to the poor sophomore thain (who obviously signed up for this course by accident- yet every course, every semester there seemed to be one) who made the first unthinking reference to vikings and horn helmets, because Dr F would heave himself up on his two canes [which he used for emphasis and mischief way before Dr House made it cool] and declaim loudly, with hard-edged swathes of Anglo Saxon and Old Norse poetry for emphasis, about how popular culture should be taken out back and shot, along with Tolkien's no-good son and dirty hippies.

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Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:41 am 
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Grandfathered In
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I'm currently editing a short book about Vikings and Viking longships. And we had to clarify that Vikings did not wear helmets with horns on them.

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:54 am 
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Grandfathered In
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(By the way, that was an example of an excellent pickup line.)

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sat Mar 16, 2013 11:32 pm 
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Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
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FootFace wrote:
(By the way, that was an example of an excellent pickup line.)


Pretty sure that would work on me :D

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Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives
Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnation
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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2013 10:54 am 
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Flounceiad 2011
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Location: A New England
choirqueer wrote:
FootFace wrote:
(By the way, that was an example of an excellent pickup line.)


Pretty sure that would work on me :D
Frealz. Swing by in your longship around 7!

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Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
I didn't embarrass him by saying anything about wanking ~ 8ball
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:25 pm 
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Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
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A friend of mine (a lesbian) just got told (by a guy on a bus) "I'd have a sex change for you cause you so fine!"

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Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives
Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnation
blog! FB!


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:52 pm 
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Huffs Nooch

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"Oh come on, I don't mind your big bum"
Oh, go on then! How could I possibly resist?!


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 7:46 pm 
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Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
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"Are you old?"

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 4:20 am 
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Saggy Butt
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"If I were Peter Pan, you'd be my happy thought."

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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 9:57 pm 
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Plays The Sims 2 religiously
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"I'm on furlough from the TSA. Want me to wand you?"

More from here

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"Not everything." ~ mumbles (1973-2013) - mumbles


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 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:02 pm 
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Semen Strong
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I like older women. From a 16 year old.

Barf.

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