| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Wed Apr 16, 2014 1:19 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 106 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:15 pm 
Addicted to B12 Enemas
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 12:58 am
Posts: 262
Location: SC, PA
Oohh, I have some good ones from bar tending!

When I had just started (like literally, my first time alone behind the bar ever), these two semi regulars come in and I can hear the one asking the other if he knew my name is and how old I am and if I have a boyfriend. So I'm bent over grabbing a back up of a bottle, and the guy who was getting interrogated says "Hey, you might want to watch yourself - Troy is undressing you with his eyes over here" to which Troy replies "I'm past the point of undressing you with my eyes, I'm now caressing you and fondling you with them." Palm, forehead. Really?!

Maybe a year or so after that I started working at a hotel where we had to wear tuxedo shirts and bow ties for our shift. I hated it and it was a running joke that the second I said last call, the bow tie was off and my shirt was pulled out of my pants and unbuttoned because of how much I despised that uniform. So it's a Tuesday night in the slow season and the only people in the bar are my then-boyfriend and his friend. Eventually, this group of guys turns up who are in town on business and one of them asks my boyfriend what there is to do in town. And since Chris is a smart asparagus, he responds by saying "Nothing really, but the highlight of my night is when Gwen takes her shirt off." Before I could even glare at him, every single guy in the group had emptied their wallets onto the bar like I was a stripper. Not quite a line, but still.

The most random one was another night when a different group of guys were also in town for business. They were asking where all the young kids hang out and where they could go to play pool and stuff like that. They were kind of debating what to do when this group of 20 something girls walk in, so the guys buy them a drink and they're all talking and getting along, so I leave them alone and am taking care of other customers. I look down and one of the guys is leaning on the bar, so I walk up to him and he asks me for a pen and piece of paper. I give it to him, thinking he's giving his number to one of the girls he's been talking to. A few minutes later, I walk by and the piece of paper is folded up and pushed towards the top of the bar. I'm still assuming it's a phone number, so I take it and just throw it next to the register so I don't offend him by tossing it out while he's still there. A few minutes later, he's leaning on the bar again asking if I got his note. I told him I didn't read it, so I go over and pick it up and it says "I want to kiss you, do you want to kiss me. Check one - yes, no, maybe" So I walk back over and say really nicely that I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend. He looks at me and practically yells "IN A NOTE!". I grab another slip of paper, write "I have a boyfriend" and hand it back to him. He didn't speak to me for the rest of the night, but he did write "sorry" on the back of the note.

_________________
"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave" - Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:23 am 
A gift from the crasshole god.
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 11:57 am
Posts: 2523
At the bar the other night I was a little drunk and ended up saying "I'm not a flan of that" instead of fan and the weird guy who had literally followed me around all night said "That's good because I am a diabetic."

Gross.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:55 am 
Has it on Blue Vinyl
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 6:10 pm
Posts: 2150
Location: Midlands, UK
I've had a variant on the "model" thing (many years ago). I've never been that skinny and I'm only 5'5" so it's a totally bizarre thing to say! Just makes you think the person who is using the line is totally devoid of original thought or reason.

_________________
"The lack of obstacles between me and cake is one of the best things about being a grownup for sure." - coldandsleepy

"and by "load of facts" you mean a bag of flaming poop, right?" - supercarrot


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:51 pm 
Not NOT A Furry
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:01 pm
Posts: 462
Location: Coeur d' Alene, ID
What's your sign? ...and don't say stop.

_________________
I once caught the clap from a salty navy bean on shore leave. Damn beans.--Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 10:57 pm 
Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:35 pm
Posts: 6417
Location: Norristown, PA
This was just used on my friend while riding a bus in Chicago: Do you know what has 148 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.

_________________
Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives
Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnation
blog! FB!


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 3:14 am 
Not NOT A Furry
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2012 12:39 am
Posts: 473
Location: Sweden
I've actually gotten the "My wife doesn't understand me" line. I thought it only existed in 60's comics.

_________________
I tend to hook up with people who give me chocolate, but I fail to see how this is a bad thing./tofulish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 11:32 am 
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:23 pm
Posts: 2739
choirqueer: that is amazing

amonik: so have I! Meh.

_________________
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 1:35 pm 
Flounceiad 2011
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 4860
Location: A New England
"Art thou a disastrous poll tax? Bycause I feele a risynge comynge on." And many more guaranteed to make the medievalist object of your affection groan!

http://ladysmaragdina.tumblr.com/post/17617171354/chaucerian-lynes-of-pick-up

_________________
You can always politely suggest a ham alternative. ~ vijita
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 2:50 pm 
Seagull of the PPK
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
Posts: 7193
Location: Brasil
cheezier by the century, apparently......

Dyde hit sceaðan, hwonne þu feoll fram Æsgeard?

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:15 pm 
Grandfathered In
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 9163
Location: Seattle
fram heofun, don't you mean?

_________________
Did somebody say Keep on rockin?


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:43 pm 
Seagull of the PPK
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
Posts: 7193
Location: Brasil
[i think in the mind of the person who wrote the list, the "falling angel" is wearing a horn helmet, and accuracy fell victim to the funny factor]

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 7:06 pm 
Flounceiad 2011
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 4860
Location: A New England
torque wrote:
Dyde hit sceaðan, hwonne þu feoll fram Æsgeard?
FootFace wrote:
fram heofun, don't you mean?
torque wrote:
[i think in the mind of the person who wrote the list, the "falling angel" is wearing a horn helmet, and accuracy fell victim to the funny factor]
I love you guys. So much.

_________________
You can always politely suggest a ham alternative. ~ vijita
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 7:30 pm 
Chard Martyr
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:43 pm
Posts: 9952
Location: Astoria, NY by way of San Diego, CA
Does this count? I didn't even figure out it was a pick up line for like 3 hours.

"Do you hang out?"

_________________
I am not a troll. I am TELLING YOU THE ******GOD'S TRUTH****** AND YOU JUST DON'T WANT THE HEAR IT DO YOU?


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 8:24 pm 
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:55 pm
Posts: 2999
Location: The land of maple syrup and beavers.
Had this at a club once: "are you serious"? But serious pronounced "seeeriuuusss".

So, that was weird.

_________________
"I'm so scared of eventually succumbing to saggy butt that I'm going to sacrifice my dog this evening. Anyone for some German Shepherd Pie?" - daisychain

"Well! Fruit is stupid! These onions taste nothing like fruit!" -allularpunk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 6:52 am 
Seagull of the PPK
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
Posts: 7193
Location: Brasil
Desdemona wrote:
torque wrote:
Dyde hit sceaðan, hwonne þu feoll fram Æsgeard?
FootFace wrote:
fram heofun, don't you mean?
torque wrote:
[i think in the mind of the person who wrote the list, the "falling angel" is wearing a horn helmet, and accuracy fell victim to the funny factor]
I love you guys. So much.

Thank you both for making me have a vivid memory of my late and beloved thesis advisor.... woe to the poor sophomore thain (who obviously signed up for this course by accident- yet every course, every semester there seemed to be one) who made the first unthinking reference to vikings and horn helmets, because Dr F would heave himself up on his two canes [which he used for emphasis and mischief way before Dr House made it cool] and declaim loudly, with hard-edged swathes of Anglo Saxon and Old Norse poetry for emphasis, about how popular culture should be taken out back and shot, along with Tolkien's no-good son and dirty hippies.

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:41 am 
Grandfathered In
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 9163
Location: Seattle
I'm currently editing a short book about Vikings and Viking longships. And we had to clarify that Vikings did not wear helmets with horns on them.

_________________
Did somebody say Keep on rockin?


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:54 am 
Grandfathered In
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 9163
Location: Seattle
(By the way, that was an example of an excellent pickup line.)

_________________
Did somebody say Keep on rockin?


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sat Mar 16, 2013 11:32 pm 
Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:35 pm
Posts: 6417
Location: Norristown, PA
FootFace wrote:
(By the way, that was an example of an excellent pickup line.)


Pretty sure that would work on me :D

_________________
Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives
Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnation
blog! FB!


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2013 10:54 am 
Flounceiad 2011
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 4860
Location: A New England
choirqueer wrote:
FootFace wrote:
(By the way, that was an example of an excellent pickup line.)


Pretty sure that would work on me :D
Frealz. Swing by in your longship around 7!

_________________
You can always politely suggest a ham alternative. ~ vijita
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:25 pm 
Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:35 pm
Posts: 6417
Location: Norristown, PA
A friend of mine (a lesbian) just got told (by a guy on a bus) "I'd have a sex change for you cause you so fine!"

_________________
Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives
Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnation
blog! FB!


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:52 pm 
Huffs Nooch
Offline

Joined: Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:30 am
Posts: 128
"Oh come on, I don't mind your big bum"
Oh, go on then! How could I possibly resist?!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 7:46 pm 
Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2010 4:57 pm
Posts: 6144
Location: Boston, MA
"Are you old?"

_________________
I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 4:20 am 
Saggy Butt
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 4:38 pm
Posts: 298
Location: Germany
"If I were Peter Pan, you'd be my happy thought."

_________________
"In my mind, they're like the Westboro Church of veganism." - annak on PETA


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 9:57 pm 
Plays The Sims 2 religiously
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:20 pm
Posts: 6754
Location: Portland, OR
"I'm on furlough from the TSA. Want me to wand you?"

More from here

_________________
i would schmear marmite on a moist scrotum for Mars. - interrobang?!
"Not everything." ~ mumbles (1973-2013) - mumbles


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Bad Pickup Lines
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:02 pm 
Semen Strong
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 18627
Location: Cliffbar NJ
I like older women. From a 16 year old.

Barf.

_________________
But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic  [ 106 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: lutin and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer