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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 7:35 pm 
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I don't think the root of the fear mongering is racism, at least not most of it. This is a product of an uncertain world and an uncertain economy. People feel their own futures are in turmoil, so it spills over. I know lots of previous Obama supporters who are wildly swinging the other way. They might swing back.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 7:37 pm 
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A relative of one of my friends used identity disparaging words in conversation.. "homo, gay" etc. Then he said someone was a "stupid baguette" and I interrupted him, asking him what he meant.. trying to point out that he should say what he meant, ultimately I realized that he was a truly homophobic crasshole. I left the bar and cried. No one else spoke up. This stung me so hard because I'm gay.

How do I calm down, unclench my stomach, and stop being so upset? Also, how do I find friends whose vocabulary doesn't include oppressive language?

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:06 pm 
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acr wrote:
lillianp wrote:
Ran into my ex best friend from high school (she's kind of along the lines of that person Torque was talking about in the other thread-excuse the vague vagueness) in the library of my hometown. Considering how we stopped being friends, I'm rather shocked at how open and friendly she was. All I wanted to do was run away and I'm pretty sure I'm not ever going to let her back into my life because it will just turn back into crazypantsville. Hoping to never run into her again.


i just found out that one of the high school friends i was most relieved to get away from is in my city now. i run into a person i know about once a year, and there's no reason for me to think she and i would ever be in the same place at the same time, but i'm still so afraid of bumping into her and not being able to escape before she recognizes me. given how bad i am at placing people in general and how utterly unaware of my surroundings i tend to be, there is a very real chance that she could have me cornered before i even realized what was happening if we somehow did end up in a room together.


I hope it doesn't happen to you. She saw me and said my name before I even realized she was there. If I'd realized I would have gone and hid in the bathroom or gone out the back door or something. I don't know.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:07 pm 
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julialegume wrote:
Also, how do I find friends whose vocabulary doesn't include oppressive language?

Hang out with the queers? And PPKers?

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:32 pm 
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julialegume wrote:
A relative of one of my friends used identity disparaging words in conversation.. "homo, gay" etc. Then he said someone was a "stupid baguette" and I interrupted him, asking him what he meant.. trying to point out that he should say what he meant,

i wish you could come hang out at my house.
you did a lot more than many folks who wouldn't even challenge that kind of language. not that it's your responsibility any more than anyone else's. I get really mad sometimes because I won't stand for that sort of language in my house, sometimes i feel like it's a losing battle; but then i figure it doesn't cost me too much to fight it compared to what it costs other people who get harrassed every day of their lives, and there's no reason to give up.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:41 pm 
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I don't allow that kind of language around me. No anti-immigrant stuff, no racist crepe, no disparaging people for their abilities or their genders or their choices. I call people out and I leave gatherings. I am not popular with my husband's family, but I feel at ease with my own choices.

I don't give two shiitakes if jerks don't like me, I don't like them. I am in complete agreement with T, that speaking up is the easiest form of advocacy for those of us who have access and privilege.

I am sorry you were hurt julialegume. I think it is a form of negligence at best and harassment and violence at worst to use disparaging language around people who may feel marginalized and disempowered by it.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:46 pm 
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^^ that's T&T, 2 saucy brats calling you out on yer mean language, kickin yer asparagus, eatin yer weenie. hi-5, tofulish.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:51 pm 
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I love you T. <3 I hope you do another NJ trip soon!

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:56 pm 
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from your mouth to god's ear!!!!! (had a good month last month, money set aside for plane tickets. now to talk the school into excusing FC for a month....... next year, your summer.)

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:02 pm 
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Yay ::crosses fingers, does school excuse dance::

Image

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:22 pm 
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Always fun when you run into a girl who you dated once at a bar after awkwardly and humiliatingly drunk texting her two days before.

I had already paid and ordered for my buffalo soy curl wrap and bolted anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:04 am 
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T&T, you're awesome. I want to carry you both around as shields against some of the people I'm forced to associate with.

I need the opinion of wise PPKers. An old high school "friend" (we're not particularly close anymore) dramatically unfriended me on FB after I left some (not very polite) comments on a dumb sexist thingy she posted. When I tried to talk to her afterwards she said she "needed time to think" so I've left her alone. It has now been more than a month without her speaking to me at all (even on my birthday). I wouldn't mind letting the relationship just go away, except that we often spend time together in our small group of mutual friends, and their primary means of communication in planning a get-together is Facebook.

I don't want to make things too awkward for our friends, but I also don't want to fall over myself trying to reconcile with someone I'm not sure I even like very much, especially if she apparently doesn't want to speak to me. WWPPKD?

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:12 am 
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Late to the conversation here, but being an introvert and being called shy is one of the most annoying things ever. I'm quiet because I choose to be, not because I'm afraid to talk to you. PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:14 am 
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Could someone just make a group message so that everyone is involved, even those who are not friends on Facebook? I usually hate group messages but this might work for you since it would be the group talking together on a sort of neutral territory.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:20 am 
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Ugh, b.vicious. I'm not sure what I'd do. How rude was the comment? How terrible was the original post? How often to you hang in groups associated with this person? Could you send her a message apologizing for being rude or quick to react, but that you felt the comment was sexist, and maybe should have found a better way of discussing it with her?

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:20 am 
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Mr. Shankly wrote:
Could someone just make a group message so that everyone is involved, even those who are not friends on Facebook? I usually hate group messages but this might work for you since it would be the group talking together on a sort of neutral territory.

This is the most likely scenario, but it would suck that neither one of us could include the whole group in a message. (Last time she got mad at me for something stupid, our mutual friend started sending me screencaps of the conversation so I would know what was going on, haha.)

ndpittman wrote:
Ugh, b.vicious. I'm not sure what I'd do. How rude was the comment? How terrible was the original post? How often to you hang in groups associated with this person? Could you send her a message apologizing for being rude or quick to react, but that you felt the comment was sexist, and maybe should have found a better way of discussing it with her?

Heh, I wish I could remember exactly what it was! Unfortunately I have no record of it since I can't see her posts anymore. She posted something about sluts ruining men or whatever, and I was really snarky in response with a bit of good ol' cursing (not AT her, but you know, for emphasis). That's not bad advice, and my fiance told me the same thing, but I have trouble apologizing when I don't entirely mean it. Might be worth it just to smooth things over, though.

ETA: I found what she posted, had it copied somewhere. "Men always lose out on a good woman, because they're so use to dealing with sluts and don't know how to treat a real lady." Yuck.

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Last edited by b.vicious on Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:26 am 
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b.vicious wrote:
Mr. Shankly wrote:
Could someone just make a group message so that everyone is involved, even those who are not friends on Facebook? I usually hate group messages but this might work for you since it would be the group talking together on a sort of neutral territory.

This is the most likely scenario, but it would suck that neither one of us could include the whole group in a message. (Last time she got mad at me for something stupid, our mutual friend started sending me screencaps of the conversation so I would know what was going on, haha.)

Did she unfriend you or block you?

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:31 am 
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Mr. Shankly wrote:
b.vicious wrote:
Mr. Shankly wrote:
Could someone just make a group message so that everyone is involved, even those who are not friends on Facebook? I usually hate group messages but this might work for you since it would be the group talking together on a sort of neutral territory.

This is the most likely scenario, but it would suck that neither one of us could include the whole group in a message. (Last time she got mad at me for something stupid, our mutual friend started sending me screencaps of the conversation so I would know what was going on, haha.)

Did she unfriend you or block you?

Just unfriended, which means other people can include us in the same message, but we can't include each other in group messages, though we can message each other individually.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:38 am 
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b.vicious wrote:
Just unfriended, which means other people can include us in the same message, but we can't include each other in group messages, though we can message each other individually.

I didn't know that! So scrap my original idea. I also have a hard time apologizing when I don't think I've done or said anything wrong, especially if what they said was absolutely terrible. I've been in this situation before and I actually happen to not like my best friends other very good friend at all and I ended up having to block her on FB because she wouldn't stop sending me angry messages. The way I've dealt with it is that I've just kept in contact with my friend about what's going on and it's been fine like that. Would it be too difficult to just have your friends keep you up to date on what's going on and you give them input?

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:07 am 
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Perhaps. I just don't want to annoy my friends. It was not fun last time.

Sorry for turning this into the Brandy thread.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:13 am 
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Whatever, I'm mad at everyone.

ETA: Ok, I got over it.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:34 am 
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b.vicious wrote:
Perhaps. I just don't want to annoy my friends. It was not fun last time.

Sorry for turning this into the Brandy thread.

I just wish I could better help!

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:39 am 
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creep wrote:
Late to the conversation here, but being an introvert and being called shy is one of the most annoying things ever. I'm quiet because I choose to be, not because I'm afraid to talk to you. PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH

Sometimes when I meet new people in groups I'm on the quiet side, because I'm LISTENING to them and their dynamic! Who could have possibly imagined?!


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:45 am 
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Mr. Shankly wrote:
b.vicious wrote:
Perhaps. I just don't want to annoy my friends. It was not fun last time.

Sorry for turning this into the Brandy thread.

I just wish I could better help!

Thanks for your attempt! I'm frustrated by the whole thing and appreciate the advice. I want to just ignore it and hope it goes away but I don't know how well that's going to work. I wish we didn't have so many mutual friends.

Now I'm looking at her profile, and I can see all the things she "likes" and, well, it's a wonder we ever get along at all.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:23 pm 
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I really REALLY hate the Epic Rap Battles of History videos on Youtube and the Mr. has been watching them all day very loudly and ignoring me or telling me to go away when I ask him to turn it down. It's the most annoying thing ever. It's not funny!

What a jerkface.


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