Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I've been eating a lot of sweets lately and i just want more. i really want to bake pbj bars with chocolate chips. the recipe uses spelt flour and maple syrup and the jam is homemade, so it's basically ok, right? like, they're practically healthy what with the peanuts and whole grains, right????

Okay so something happened on NYE that's been bothering me. I didn't drink and I didn't make a big deal about it or anything, I never said a word about it, in fact. But after maybe my third or fourth refusal of the champagne one of my friends says something like "No offense, Fee, but you're not as much any more" There were probably three other people in the room and no one stuck up for me. No one said "that's not true" or anything like that. I kind of told the person that said that later on that hey, maybe I was more "fun" or whatever when we used to get wasted together - although I think that's probably just how you're remembering it - but I was more unhappy than you even know. And I left it at that because she was really drunk and I didn't want to waste my personal feelings on some drunk person who wasn't internalizing anything I was saying.

But now it's really bothering me that no one said anything. How can I hang out with people that wouldn't stick up for me? I was told later that after I left they told her she had been bullying me into drinking, but that doesn't make it better really.

Fee, it sounds like maybe they felt awkward standing up for you in front of you. Maybe they felt like they'd be making a scene and making a bigger deal out of the incident. Can you talk to any of them about it and let them know how you are feeling?

I have, but not specifically about the fact that they didn't say anything. I mean my friends know why I make the choices that I do, I guess I just want them to be happy for me instead of feeling like I've crashed their good-time party with my reasons and choices.

If you used to drink with most of your friends, it'll take time. People who drink want other people to drink, just like people who eat meat want others to eat meat. Since you are no longer drinking, you are no longer validating their own drinking. It took me a couple years with my family and even my cousin asked me last week why I wasn't drinking a margarita. He had recently stopped drinking then went back to drinking.

I think eventually, when they realize that you won't be drinking, they'll settle down (hopefully).

ahhh :( hugs fisticuffz

Kids stayed after school with my coteacher to makeup some of their crepe so they don't fail. She emailed me that they need grade sheets because they don't know what they are missing. I am so pissed. I emailed them yesterday! I went over them with these kids yesterday! Plus, this missing stuff is stuff I've been hounding them about for weeks and weeks so it's missing on all their weekly grade sheets. So, they didn't make up their work because they are helpless and I didn't see the email until after 2. (these helpless kids are 17/18)

My mom is annoying me too. I got a big box from Sephora today and she is repeatedly going around saying how it "must be nice" she "doesn't have this in HER budget" etc etc. It was a Christmas present from my aunt! What the fizzle? She got the box from UPS and practically threw it at me when I was still sleeping. I guess she is pissed off at me for something, but I don't I know what.

Blech.

I don't want to deal with all the end of quarter bullshiitake. I sent 30 failing emails yesterday, representing 1/3 of my students, and I've heard back from 2. If I actually fail kids, I'll be in trouble, but they are failing with super low averages because they won't do anything and are missing tests.

You should probably just ask an RD. Wait, I think you just did and she said they were healthy! Sweet.

good call! RD approved!

(and they're totally in the oven already)

dear sour dots: you are my best frenemy. i love you so much, but you make me do bad things, like eat giant boxes of you for dinner.

This is an excellent idea! And then I wouldn't have to pay customs because individuals can mark packages as gifts!

I'm super awkward so I would tend to assume it was a lot to do with awkwardness too. I mean, I don't know them, but I think it might be that they were embarrassed of the friend who was being all drunky bratty moreso than thinking, "oh yes, we agree that Fee sucks now."

Yes, I also think people don't want to escalate a situation. Even if everyone agreed that the person was out of line and wrong, they may have thought it was better to just let it go and let the situation calm down, instead of getting it all riled up by taking sides and feeding the conflict.

I have this friend who is a bit too needy for me to deal with, and I don't really know what to do about it. This friend wants to hang out at least once a week, and I just really don't want to. They are definitely more into the friendship than I am. Every time we do hang out, they go on and on about how much they love hanging out with me, and how they are so glad I am their friend and that I am basically their ONLY friend (constantly stressing the "only friend" bit, which makes me feel guilty, but I suspect that is the point). Sometimes it seems slightly obsessive (they were really excited once because they started dating a person whom they said was "just like me", personality-wise). I didn't hang out with them for over a month because everything was just shitty and stressful in my life, and when I did finally visit, they kept saying "I was so afraid you weren't my friend anymore! I thought you didn't like me! I'm so glad you're here now!" They are definitely manipulative with the guilt, but I don't know if it is intentional. I kind of want to scale back the friendship a bit, but I don't know how to go about that without my friend freaking out. I do still enjoy hanging out with them sometimes, because we do have some similar interests, so I don't want to end the friendship entirely. I just want a little space! Any advice, oh wise ppk?

That's tough, RC! I'd say that you probably should just not be available to hang out when the other person is. You have your dog to take care of and other responsibilities or whatever excuses make sense to use. Or you can even say you're just not up to hanging out (which is the truth!). I don't think you need to have a talk with the friend about hanging out too much because that will probably only hurt their feelings, but I think just sort of scaling back on the hanging out should be sufficient. That way you can still remain friends (probably) without feeling overwhelmed

Oh, the power you have!
(also: yum!)

That's what I've been trying. I constantly get "Can you hang out today?? I miss you so much!!" emails, and when I do visit it's "I haven't seen you in SO LONG and I was so upset because I thought you weren't my friend anymore!" I'm pretty sure when I keep making excuses that they figure out that I am just making excuses... I guess maybe I just need to stop feeling guilty, but it's hard because it is true that I am this person's only friend outside of their family.

Probably a bit too obvious a suggestion, but is there any way you can suggest hanging out somewhere they're likely to make other friends? Quiz evenings or sports things spring to mind...

But that would involve me going to a social event, which is like torture to me! My friend sometimes does things like pub trivia and being on amateur sports teams with family members, but that doesn't seem to lead to new friendships for them. My friend is a bit paranoid and anxious around strangers and constantly thinks that other people are judging them, so that doesn't make it easy to make friends.

If you just said that you aren't up to hanging out, would that offend your friend? I have some friends who I can tell that I'm kinda mopey and just don't want to go anywhere and other friends who I feel like I need to make up an excuse for. Maybe something like "I like hanging out with you, but I haven't been feeling like hanging out with anyone very much lately. I just wanted to let you know so that you won't be offended if it seems like we aren't hanging out much"

easier said than done, i know.

I have a friend like that, RC. She honestly annoys the bejesus out of me 98% of the time, but I feel way too guilty to not hang out with her or respond to her (constant) texts. We got into an argument last night, so I'm kind of just...ignoring her now.

It may not be the best advice, but ignoring until YOU feel like hanging out or have free time to respond is what I do, and I don't apologize for it. I have a life, deal with it or don't be friends with me. I'll explain "Work's been crazy," but I never say "Sorry for not getting back to you sooner." and I don't let myself feel guilty.


In other news, my roommate has houseguests, and they (apparently; I just got home) have locked my cat out of the basement all day. Her food, water, and litter box are down there. Seriously? How rude can you be? My cat is a living creature that needs food and water. If you're allergic to cats, you probably shouldn't be staying somewhere that a cat lives. I get locking her out at night so she doesn't cuddle, but all day?

I just made a really delicious... something. I was sort of thinking garlic bread when I started so I spread a little EB on a pita. But I didn't feel like mincing garlic, so I took some frozen basil puree and frozen chili pepper puree out of the freezer and thawed it out and stirred in a little garlic powder and spread it on. Then I sprinkled on some daiya mozz and a little nooch and broiled it. Yummy! And now I want another one. I need to go for a run though, so I guess I will make another when I'm done. Maybe without the EB since it was sort of extraneous.

Yeah, I can say that, and they'll say "Okay, I understand," but then I get "are you ready to hang out now? I miss you so much!" emails and texts and I'll start to feel bad. I have in the past told them I was staying away from phones, the internet and everything, so they wouldn't try to contact me. I actually changed my email, aim, and facebook settings at one point so they couldn't see when I was online, because I knew the minute they saw me on they would be messaging me. That time I didn't see them for about a year (I had definite reasons for not wanting to hang out with this person then, mostly due to them not respecting and listening to me (getting high while driving with me in the car after I asked them not to, shoplifting when I told them I was not comfortable with them doing that while I was in the store with them)) and I found that while I missed certain places we would go to together, and stuff we would do, I didn't really miss my friend as a person that much. And I guess that's the main thing. Me feeling guilty whenever they say that they are so glad we are friends, and aren't I so glad we are friends? Because they love having me for a friend so much! And how they hope we'll be best friends FOREVER! And then I feel bad because I just don't feel nearly as strongly about the friendship. But I guess there's nothing I can do about that.

Random sort of rant...

I have spent all day explaining to people on another forum that what they mean by other religions is actually other denominations of Christianity.

I just wish people would learn that basic distinction.

fork that. I think that sucks. That's one of those times where people should make themselves uncomfortable if it is something that is important to you. I'd talk to everyone involved when they are sober and just be real blunt about why it upset you.