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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:43 am 
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allularpunk wrote:
I've been friends with this girl for almost 5 years and we've always talked about everything. I've never had the kind of sex I'm having now, so yeah I want to talk about it with my best friend. I know she has good sex with her guy, because she's said so, and it's regular as far as I can tell from the few times she does talk about sex, and she enjoys it, so what's the deal? I feel kind of attacked and shamed and it's making me glum.

OH HELL NO!

One of the best thing about good friends is talking raunchy without judgement! It's pretty much non-stop raunch here in Mars and friends land. I wonder if you might start thinking about branching out as far as friends go. Maybe that meetup.com site Tofulish has mentioned, or even OKC for just friends.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:22 am 
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allularpunk wrote:
The girl I consider to be my best friend just said something to me that really hurt my feelings. We were walking home from our run, talking about How I Met Your Mother, of all things, because neither of us has ever met a guy that is so into marriage as Ted is and I was saying that the first thing I think about when I start dating them is if we have good sex and good conversation, not marriage. I then told her that speaking of sex, I was feeling pretty horny with T out of town, and she said, 'You talk about sex a lot!' And her tone was kind of...judgmental? Accusatory? At any rate, it was not said in a nice way. I just said, 'Oh...sorry.' And she said that she supposed she just didn't think about talking about sex that much since she's been with the same guy for 8 years and I said that I felt embarrassed, because I did... She goes, 'If I can't tell you to stop talking about sex, then why are we even friends?' in kind of a jokey tone, but I wanted to say that if I couldn't talk about sex, then why are we friends, but instead I just said that I didn't think I talked about it that much and she said that I didn't talk about it all the time. I didn't reply, so she repeated herself, and I said, 'I heard you' in my evenest tone, she just went, 'Well, ok then!' in a sarcastic way.

I've been friends with this girl for almost 5 years and we've always talked about everything. I've never had the kind of sex I'm having now, so yeah I want to talk about it with my best friend. I know she has good sex with her guy, because she's said so, and it's regular as far as I can tell from the few times she does talk about sex, and she enjoys it, so what's the deal? I feel kind of attacked and shamed and it's making me glum.


Is it possible that her relationship or her sex life aren't doing too well, and that you talking about how great yours is made her feel shitty? Not that it's ok for her to snap at you, but it could be a reflection of the stuff she needs to deal with rather than actual judgement.

When Wally and I were long distance, his roommate's long term girlfriend was super annoyed and unpleasant at us because of how much sex we had when I visited. We tried to be quieter, to have them leave the house as much as possible, but she was still annoyed. Turns out her relationship had turned into a dead bedroom situation and they broke up shortly after that.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:48 am 
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aelle wrote:
Is it possible that her relationship or her sex life aren't doing too well, and that you talking about how great yours is made her feel shitty? Not that it's ok for her to snap at you, but it could be a reflection of the stuff she needs to deal with rather than actual judgement.


I didn't want to say that at first because it would sound like I'm just being all, 'She's just JEALOUS', but I do think that this is part of it. Her relationship has always been a roller coaster, and she tends to brush me off when I talk about how great things are going with T, or if I'm having a problem, she'll just be like 'UH OH', but then offer no advice. She was never like this when I was miserable in my last relationship, and I talked about it a lot. She's going through a lot of stuff right now, and I'm trying to be understanding and not let it bother me while still being supportive, but she's been kind of dismissive in general of me lately, and I will not stand for feeling judged because I enjoy sex and want to talk about it.

Mars, I do have a friend that loves talking to me about sex, but she lives out of town right now, so I rarely see her (and I'm not a phone person). I'm just so shitty at making friends. I want to become better friends with T's girl friends, because they're awesome and we have fun together, but I won't feel comfortable talking about our sex life with them because they're so close to him (and they might be squicked out hearing about it anyway, who knows). Anyway, the dumb thing is that I didn't even say anything raunchy, just mentioned that I was feeling hard up! Bah, whatever. At least I can talk to T about how awesome our sex is, haha.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:55 am 
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Well you always have the ppk to talk about sex with, hahahahaha!

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:57 am 
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AP, I think its useful to look at what your friendship is based on. I had one, where we always made fun of the guys we were dating and sort of bonded by complaining about them and venting to one another. When I started dating B, I thought that for the relationship to have a chance, I needed to not complain about it, and the friendship ended up falling away, which was sad, but my relationship with B went well!

I also think someone who says "Why are we friends if I can't tell you to shut up about something you are happy about" isn't as good a friend as someone who can be happy for you, because you're happy.

I think sex is awesome, and YAY for you having lots of good sex!

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:58 am 
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I don't know, I don't see talking about sex as much different than talking about any other topic in that it is possible to talk about it too much to someone who's uninterested. And different people have different comfort levels with any one topic. I have a friend that loves period talk. And another that loves talking about horses. And another that talks about her kids a lot. And my mom goes on and on about her kickboxing. And I don't mind talking about any of those, but sometimes it's like "okay, new topic time!" and it's hard to say that without hurting feelings because it's obviously something they really enjoy talking about.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 11:06 am 
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Fee wrote:
I don't know, I don't see talking about sex as much different than talking about any other topic in that it is possible to talk about it too much to someone who's uninterested. And different people have different comfort levels with any one topic. I have a friend that loves period talk. And another that loves talking about horses. And another that talks about her kids a lot. And my mom goes on and on about her kickboxing. And I don't mind talking about any of those, but sometimes it's like "okay, new topic time!" and it's hard to say that without hurting feelings because it's obviously something they really enjoy talking about.

Yeah, this is what I was thinking, Fee. I'm always careful when talking about things that interest me to others to keep it sort of short especially if they're not engaging in the conversation and then move on to another topic. I would think the friend is just maybe not interested in talking about relationships at the moment, her relationship conversation capacity has been reached in that moment, kind of thing and she got a bit snappish in response instead of saying something like: "Hey, let's talk about other stuff!" I dunno, but that was what I thought when I read allular's post anyhoo...would be my guess.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 11:14 am 
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I would agree with you guys if I really talked about sex all the time, but I don't. I mean...I really don't. This is the first time I've even mentioned anything about it to her in weeks.

Tofulish - our relationship was originally based on mutual interests: cooking, books, stuff like that. She still cooks a lot, but because of her situation with her vision, she doesn't do a lot of the stuff that she used to like doing, which is why I was saying that I'm trying to be supportive and understanding, but I'm just a little tired of being snapped at. I don't really think there is a solution to the situation until she comes to terms with her new life, which is going to take a lot of time for her. In my experience with her, she gets really defensive when I try to talk about solving our problems with each other. Maybe we just need a break from one another.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 1:33 pm 
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I have some major irritations over the two main reactions I've seen to transit worker strikes here in San Francisco:

1. "Workers are greedy." Workers are not greedy. I hate, hate, hate when striking workers are accused of greed. My dad was a unionized fire fighter for 33 years, and if it weren't for his union, I wouldn't have had health care, a roof over my head, or a college education. If it weren't for his union, he may have died before retirement because crucial safety measures were "too expensive" for management to implement. My understanding is that while transit workers are definitely striking for improved wages and benefits, one of the main issues here is safety. Two workers have been electrocuted in the past year due to a lack of safety measures; station agents have to deal with drugged up/mentally ill attackers; not to mention all these safety issues are probably for the riders' safety as well. Plus, even if it was about nothing but money, why the fork is that a problem? Why the hell shouldn't they earn a decent salary? Train operators earn about $71k plus overtime, which is definitely decent, but in the Bay Area, also on the lower end of the spectrum. It's an expensive place to live. $71k sounds awesome to me, but would probably be less awesome if I had an entire family to support. I'm baffled that someone earning $71k for working full time is considered 'greedy' for wanting a 5% raise, but someone who retired from the board of supervisors in May 2011 and still drew a $333k salary in 2012 is not being vilified (source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/1 ... 17426.html). Considering management hired a top-dollar law firm to bust OSHA regulations during negotiations, I fully support their right to walk out of negotiations. Safety is non-negotiable. Especially when hurtling through an underwater tunnel at 70 mph.

2. "Just take the day off!" Oh how nice for you that you have a dot com job where you can telecommute in your pajamas. Some of us are (gasp) paid hourly or (gasp!) have to actually show up at the office. Like, on a daily basis. Like they used to? In the 20th Century? And if I have to be at work, then there are thousands of others who do, too. This agency serves an average of 400,000 riders a day, I'm sure at least 25% of them are service industry workers who don't have the luxury of "calling in inconvenienced," as one FB friend-of-a-friend suggested.

I guess the point of my rant is this: privilege! GTFOver it!

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 1:40 pm 
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Uch, Erika, I've also been super irritated by reactions to strikes recently. All of the refuse & recycling collectors were on strike here for a couple of weeks (obviously for good reason) and so many people were just bisqueing and moaning about how awful it is that there's rubbish in the streets and how surely we should be getting council tax refunds for the inconvenience. fork off. Even after explaining the reasons for the strike people still didn't get it and just went right back to their whining.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:00 pm 
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My dogs were just flipping out at something outside, so I went to move them away from the windows, and I saw a landscaper on the sidewalk in front of our house. He saw me and started waving a weedwacker in the air, and I thought he was just waving hi. But then he kept getting more emphatic, staring at me and frantically waving the weedwacker, so I just thought, "Okay, this guy is weird," and moved away from the window. Apparently he was trying to communicate that he had accidentally let the neighbours' dog out of their yard and she was at my back door. Not sure how I was supposed to get that from weedwacker signals.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:18 pm 
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I had four no-shows at work last week and two today. In two cases, it was one customer with multiple dogs. I only take 6-7 per day, and often, those are slots I could've filled with other appointments, so that's money I'm not making for the day. People are rude as shiitake.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:28 pm 
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creep wrote:
I had four no-shows at work last week and two today. In two cases, it was one customer with multiple dogs. I only take 6-7 per day, and often, those are slots I could've filled with other appointments, so that's money I'm not making for the day. People are rude as shiitake.

Send them a bill with a cancellation charge - they may not pay it, but it might make them think twice before no-showing again.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:55 pm 
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Most of the time, they're people who have never come to us before, so we're lucky to even have a phone number. It's generally not a problem with regulars, and it doesn't even happen super often. I don't know why there were so many in such a short period.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:01 pm 
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I hate when I'm in a good mood and then I have to deal with a grumpy person, and it's like their bad mood is contagious and I'm grumpy for the rest of the day.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:02 pm 
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That happens to me too, even though I try not to let it bring me down.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:04 pm 
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god forking damn I love this little feline beast. she makes me grin, even when she's just plonking down near me

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:06 pm 
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joshua wrote:
god forking damn I love this little feline beast. she makes me grin, even when she's just plonking down near me


Aw <3

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 7:47 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
I hate when I'm in a good mood and then I have to deal with a grumpy person, and it's like their bad mood is contagious and I'm grumpy for the rest of the day.

Ooo, I hate that. I try really hard not to let my bad moods rub off on other people for this very reason.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:15 pm 
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I don't know where to ask this and didn't want to start a new thread so I'll ask here. Is there an app to use this forum on the iPhone? Or a mobile version? Basically what is the best way to use this forum on an iPhone 4s? I've been using a bookmark of it in Safari but that can't be the best way.

Thanks


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:40 pm 
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We don't have an app or mobile version. You just have to read it from your browser.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:42 pm 
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Tynamite wrote:
I don't know where to ask this and didn't want to start a new thread so I'll ask here. Is there an app to use this forum on the iPhone? Or a mobile version? Basically what is the best way to use this forum on an iPhone 4s? I've been using a bookmark of it in Safari but that can't be the best way.

Thanks

that's pretty much the only supported way afaik. you can try your hand with Forum Runner (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/forum-r ... 27234?mt=8) but it's arguable if that's actually better or not.. ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:18 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:32 pm 
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I get to go to L.A. in two days! I'm so excited! If anyone has places I MUST go (I'm sure you all do) I'd love to take your opinions and ideas into consideration while planning my time there.
Although, it's highly likely I'll just chill at the beach and not do much of anything.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:45 pm 
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Do I apply for a job across the country, even though we're not ready to move yet? We were planning on September, but I don't know if another wine buyer position will open up between now and then. Obviously, I don't know if I'll get it, but I have an in with the team leader. Decisionsssssssss.

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