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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 7:27 pm 
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kfad wrote:
strawberryrock wrote:
kfad wrote:
My in-laws, who are both staunchly Catholic (my father-in-law is a deacon) love to reminds us that the pope is much more tolerant of their gay family members. It makes it okay for them to accept their son and their granddaughter. I don't understand it. But within the family dynamic, I will take it.


I get being appreciative for that within your family, for sure.

But the idea that I am supposed to be grateful that the Catholic church is maybe a tiny bit closer to tolerating me really upsets me. I don't want to be barely tolerated. It's not that I expect the Catholic church to dramatically turn around, but I am not giving anyone points for this. This world still sucks for queer people, a lot, and they are taught their whole lives that they are less-than, and I think sometimes in progressive circles people who aren't queer forget that because of same-sex marriage and such. And it is just super hurtful to hear straight people talk about how exciting the new pope is and whatever, especially when it's like they don't realize that they are talking about something that is deeply personal to me.

Obviously I'm not referring to all straight people, just when straight people do those things, hopefully that was apparent.


I want to apologize if I implied that in any way. That was not my intent. Merely to express the change in dynamic on a small level the pope has had.


Oh I had no problem with what you said! I was just venting about how mad I am at my coworker.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 7:31 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
But the idea that I am supposed to be grateful that the Catholic church is maybe a tiny bit closer to tolerating me really upsets me. I don't want to be barely tolerated. It's not that I expect the Catholic church to dramatically turn around, but I am not giving anyone points for this. This world still sucks for queer people, a lot, and they are taught their whole lives that they are less-than, and I think sometimes in progressive circles people who aren't queer forget that because of same-sex marriage and such. And it is just super hurtful to hear straight people talk about how exciting the new pope is and whatever, especially when it's like they don't realize that they are talking about something that is deeply personal to me.

Obviously I'm not referring to all straight people, just when straight people do those things, hopefully that was apparent.


This really reminded me of something from a blog that I like here in Scotland:

Quote:
I’ve come to accept that I won’t get married in a Church of England Church, despite considering myself a Christian. I don’t want to argue with officials within an organisation which often seems to be more interested in the Bible than the teachings of Jesus; it’s the same reason that I don’t regularly attend Sunday services. (When I find a church I feel loves me regardless of, not in spite of, my sexuality, I will return to organised religion.)

(http://asummerfullofpeaches.com/2012/07 ... -scotland/)


I've never been religious myself, but I appreciate how much it matters to those who do believe or grew up in a church-going family.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 8:25 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
kfad wrote:
My in-laws, who are both staunchly Catholic (my father-in-law is a deacon) love to reminds us that the pope is much more tolerant of their gay family members. It makes it okay for them to accept their son and their granddaughter. I don't understand it. But within the family dynamic, I will take it.


I get being appreciative for that within your family, for sure.

But the idea that I am supposed to be grateful that the Catholic church is maybe a tiny bit closer to tolerating me really upsets me. I don't want to be barely tolerated. It's not that I expect the Catholic church to dramatically turn around, but I am not giving anyone points for this. This world still sucks for queer people, a lot, and they are taught their whole lives that they are less-than, and I think sometimes in progressive circles people who aren't queer forget that because of same-sex marriage and such. And it is just super hurtful to hear straight people talk about how exciting the new pope is and whatever, especially when it's like they don't realize that they are talking about something that is deeply personal to me.

Obviously I'm not referring to all straight people, just when straight people do those things, hopefully that was apparent.


As a straight person, please allow me to just say fork ALL the popes. <3

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 10:43 pm 
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:( jason saw a tiny baby kitty out the window and we went downstairs to get it or find its home or whatever , but it was gone when we got there. :( I hope there's a mama kitty near by.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 11:26 pm 
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smoothie wrote:
The volunteer program that I've been working at for the past 18 months may be shut down, I am unsure if I chose the wrong education, I am in the middle of moving and today I woke up too late, got my period for the second time this month, forgot to bring lunch and my school is in the middle of nowhere with no opportunity to buy any food nearby, then later I found out that I had forgotten to bring tampons and had to use toilet paper as a pad. And then later, when I was picking up 3 big bags of stuff that I had to carry on my bike while walking the 30 minutes to my boyfriend's apartment, there was a junkie fixing in my apartment building, which really shook me and made me feel unsafe. On the 30 minute walk, a girl jumped out on the road in front of a bus, but luckily a guy grabbed her.
And just now I realized that I haven't had any food besides from oatmeal at 8 this morning and some carrots at school and it's 11.45pm and this day was basically the worst day ever.

I really want to just buy some takeout, but I am too broke to buy anything that isn't completely essential.


Wow. That is an exceptionally shitty day. Awesome that you can see the bright sides, and I hope the rest of your week is just as amazing as today was awful.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 11:29 pm 
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I'm very much an introvert. Only child, single, couple of cats, needs lots of alone time - basically textbook. I also happen to work in retail, so I have to interact with a wide variety of people for 40 hours a week. I really do like my job a lot, and I enjoy the interaction. But sometimes I just hit this wall. The wall came up yesterday, about halfway into my shift. I had another shift today, and thankfully I have the next two days off. It's just so hard to continue when that happens. I'm so grateful that the last two days weren't super busy with customers, but I have several co-workers who are completely draining to me. I like them, but they just suck the life out of me with their rambling. I just got off work about 30 minutes ago, and I'm so happy that I don't have to speak to a single person for the next 2 1/2 days if I don't want to.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 11:32 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
If one more straight person tells me I should be excited about how the new pope hates me less than old popes I am going to set something on fire. Or just cry, which is what I almost just did at work.


I feel ya! <3 I'll back you up if you decide to set something on fire, too!

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 3:14 am 
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I woke up in an exceptionally good mood today, considering my awful day yesterday. I just had a chickpea flour omelette, and even though it's grey and cold outside, I can't wait to get up on my bike and bike the 40 minutes to school while listening to a podcast (currently I'm obsessed with The Psych Files).

Strawberryrock: I've been thinking a lot about how bad we are at stereotyping people who are not heterosexual or white lately. I had some really interesting discussions with one of my best friends who is black and super intelligent and good at wording things. She really made me realize how awful it must be to always be assumed to either belong to one stereotype or the other, and always having people ask invasive questions about your cultural identity or your lovelife or whatever. For her, one of the biggest issues is always being made to feel like she has to have a REASON to be here. There are not a lot of black people here, which means that people always assume that 1) she's culturally different from them and 2) that it is okay to ask these invasive questions about her identity, family, life etc. Because of the color of her skin! Fact is that she grew up here, and is as culturally danish as anyone. But people won't even accept when she says that, because then they feel like they have got the RIGHT to be all curious, even if it makes her uncomfortable.
I got in a really heated argument with some people on facebook (dumb, I know), because she publicly said that people had to stop asking her where she's from and need to stop using negative terms in regards to people's ethnicity. Everyone got all defensive, and were like "but it's because I am SOOOO accepting and soooo into multiculturalism that I'm asking people about these things" or "people ask me about where I'm from if I'm in a foreign country too! it's not a black thing, it happens to everyone" and I was like SERIOUSLY, white privilege much? It is NOT the same thing, being asked where you're from by the other backpackers in india, when you CHOOSE to TRAVEL to another place as an adult. This is her home! It's not like there is another country where she feels like she belongs. Just accept that not all danes are white, and not all black people have another cultural identity than you, for christ's sake! And even if you don't want to be racist, and are really curious about people who are different than you, that still doesn't make it kosher to ask invasive questions about anyone's life!
Sometimes I just want white people to shut the hell up and listen to what people who are not soaked in white privilege has to say. I know it can be hard to acknowledge that you're the one with the privilege, but really, just forking force yourself to shut up and LISTEN. And don't get defensive. Get thinking!

Don't even get me started on when she told me that she and one of her friends who has a big afro often has people TOUCHING THEIR HAIR WITHOUT ASKING. What is this? Kindergarten?! Because that is the last time that would have been acceptable.

There are ways of talking to people who are not invasive or assuming. If you are super curious about someone's background, ask them a neutral question like "hey, have any siblings?" or "did you have art classes in your kindergarden like I did?" or whatever. Leave people with the possibility of telling you exactly what they want to and feel comfortable with, without them having to say "that's not your business". Just like, you know, BE COOL. And listen to other people. And respect their boundaries. And try to challenge stereotypes by not assuming that you know stuff about them, just because they're not like you.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 6:21 am 
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Smoothie, the touching of the hair thing happens here. My former bff is black (why she is a former bff is a long story) and she always had her hair braided. It never occurred when I was with her that I can remember but white people would come up to her and touch her hair or if she was in line somewhere, someone behind her would touch her hair. People aren't dolls and no matter how curious, I don't think you just touch there hair. I was her friend for 20 years and I never randomly touched her hair.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 8:03 am 
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why won't this headache go! GAAAHHHH

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 1:25 pm 
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My friend stood me up a couple of weeks ago. We had a meeting time set up, and she was a total no-show, no call, nothing. I called and left a voicemail, and then emailed several days later asking if everything was okay, because I started to worry that something bad had happened. Like maybe she had been in an accident and was in the hospital or dead or something. I asked her to please contact me, because I was worried. Today (almost 2 weeks later) I get an email from her, saying "Oh, yeah, sorry, I was sick. Can you hang out this week?" And I am really pissed off. I am PMS-y right now, so I can't tell if I'm overreacting, but that's pretty disrespectful, right? I sat around for hours waiting for her. And I really don't want to hang out with her at all now, because I feel like she doesn't respect me or my time.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 1:48 pm 
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Could it be worth letting her know how you feel? It's not good that it took her so long to get back to you, and that you waited for her for hours.


I had a face-to-face appointment with Atos today. For anyone who isn't familiar with them, they're contracted by the UK government to screen the health of government employees and benefit claimants. They don't have a good reputation as they've gained media attention for certifying someone who is in a persistent vegetative state as being fit for work and their actions have been connected to some suicides. I may be jinxing myself but it seemed to go ok. I'll receive a copy of the report they're sending to my manager.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 2:36 pm 
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I was reflecting on how I've been super tired lately and then I was like OH I HAVEN'T TAKEN IRON IN TWO MONTHS. (I'm pretty deficient.) I'm an idiot.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 3:30 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
My friend stood me up a couple of weeks ago. We had a meeting time set up, and she was a total no-show, no call, nothing. I called and left a voicemail, and then emailed several days later asking if everything was okay, because I started to worry that something bad had happened. Like maybe she had been in an accident and was in the hospital or dead or something. I asked her to please contact me, because I was worried. Today (almost 2 weeks later) I get an email from her, saying "Oh, yeah, sorry, I was sick. Can you hang out this week?" And I am really pissed off. I am PMS-y right now, so I can't tell if I'm overreacting, but that's pretty disrespectful, right? I sat around for hours waiting for her. And I really don't want to hang out with her at all now, because I feel like she doesn't respect me or my time.


Definitely not overreacting. Unless she was so sick she was in the hospital, I would be livid. If you don't want to hang out with her, I would tell her why.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 3:57 pm 
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RC that seems pretty rude, but is it in character for her? If not, maybe something bad did happen and she hasn't processed it and doesn't want to talk about it? Because otherwise it's just rude and disrespectful.

I always forget how long my freezer takes to defrost once it gets bad. I started it about 7pm and it's coming up to 10 now, and hardly even started melting. What was I thinking??

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 4:24 pm 
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Fee wrote:
I'm surprised anyone cares what the pope says.

Like I know that's "the thing" for devout Catholics to know the difference between right and wrong but like...really? People still need a pope to have an opinion?

One of my mom's really good friends is like that. She has multiple pictures of the pope in her house. I don't really understand it. I'm somewhat glad that the pope has called Catholics out for focusing on abortion/gay people/birth control because of things like kfad's family situation, but I don't feel excited or grateful or anything like that.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 4:27 pm 
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RC, I'd definitely let her know how you're feeling. I don't think you're overreacting at all, but maybe she doesn't realize how her actions affected you. If she didn't realize it, this is her opportunity to perhaps mend that fence. If she did realize it, then you've at least given her the respect she didn't give you before you call it quits.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 4:39 pm 
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dropscone wrote:
RC that seems pretty rude, but is it in character for her?

It is not very surprising, honestly. There is a history of thoughtless behaviour. (The last time I was really angry at her was when we went on a trip together. I booked the hotel and transportation on my debit card, because she doesn't have a bank account. The way we planned it, she was going to bring her half of the money in cash on the day of the trip and give it to me for spending money, since I had spent all my money on the hotel and bus tickets. Then on the day of the trip, when we arrived at our destination, she said, "Oh, yeah, I don't have any money to pay you back. Sorry." So I was in a strange place with no money for food or anything. I was so angry, and I was stuck there with her for 4 days. It was awkward.)

She says in her email that she first got sick the day before we were supposed to hang out, so she had plenty of time to let me know. I think I'm just going to say that I'm too busy this week to hang out, and then I can have a week to think about whether I want to hang out with her again at all.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 5:28 pm 
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Personally, I wouldn't hang out with someone like that anymore. She clearly doesn't value you or your time and is being extremely selfish and immature.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 5:40 pm 
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Mr. Shankly wrote:
Personally, I wouldn't hang out with someone like that anymore. She clearly doesn't value you or your time and is being extremely selfish and immature.

agreed. From her standing you up plus the trip incident you described, it's clear she doesn't respect you. DTMFA

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 7:16 pm 
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I have two dogs asleep on me right now. I don't want to move.

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 7:35 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
dropscone wrote:
RC that seems pretty rude, but is it in character for her?

It is not very surprising, honestly. There is a history of thoughtless behaviour. (The last time I was really angry at her was when we went on a trip together. I booked the hotel and transportation on my debit card, because she doesn't have a bank account. The way we planned it, she was going to bring her half of the money in cash on the day of the trip and give it to me for spending money, since I had spent all my money on the hotel and bus tickets. Then on the day of the trip, when we arrived at our destination, she said, "Oh, yeah, I don't have any money to pay you back. Sorry." So I was in a strange place with no money for food or anything. I was so angry, and I was stuck there with her for 4 days. It was awkward.)

She says in her email that she first got sick the day before we were supposed to hang out, so she had plenty of time to let me know. I think I'm just going to say that I'm too busy this week to hang out, and then I can have a week to think about whether I want to hang out with her again at all.

Oh, yeah, raspberries. I think I'd be busy for the rest of my life as far as this friend is concerned. I don't know if the trip business is selfishness, thoughtlessness, miserliness or sheer irresponsibility on her part but that's just shitty. I hope she at least shared/halved what money she DID have for herself to spend on the trip with you. And then paid you back in full when you got home. But yeah, no more trips, no more time, no more friendly investment in this person, methinks. Not worth the trouble, sounds like. <3

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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 7:38 pm 
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allularpunk wrote:
postnothing wrote:
allularpunk... may i ask how you got to where you are, career-wise? i am a year out of my bachelor's (where i was pretty active at the school's gallery in terms of curating and showing work), volunteering/applying to all the entry level jobs that i think i'd be qualified for at the galleries/artist run centres in my area, and it really feels like nothing is going to come from it sometimes.


Honestly, a lot of it was luck. I'd had my MA for almost 5 years when a friend of mine who teaches a clay camp at our local museum recommended me to be his assistant. From there, I went on to assist at other camps, because they saw I was good at it and also I said yes to literally anything they asked me to do. By the end of the summer, I was offered a position assisting the after school teachers, and by the following semester I was offered a job teaching after school art projects on my own (well, with an assistant). I made sure to be in constant communication with my boss (though, she is a person who likes that, maybe not all bosses do) about any questions I had, and again anything that was offered to me, job-wise, I said yes. As for the gallery stuff, it was even more random. I was waiting tables and the chair of the art department was dining in the restaurant. I approached him to say hello (he was also the chair when I was in grad school) and off handedly asked if any teaching positions were available. He said maybe, got my contact info, and then called me two days later saying there weren't any teaching positions open, but that the assistant to the director of the gallery was available if I wanted it. I didn't even really know what I would be doing, but I said yes (I've turned into a 'yes' person...and then I figure out how to actually do the stuff as I go along), and within 24 hours it was confirmed and in writing, and here I am. It turns out that my friend that I was in undergrad with is the current director, and when the chair asked him what he thought of me taking that job, he gave me a shining recommendation. Luckily, it turns out that I'm really good at working in a gallery (the hanging aspect as well as the organizing/planning/clerical stuff).

So...nothing logical, except perseverance, I'm afraid. My advice is to keep applying, and again...say yes to anything that is offered. Just about anything can be turned into a resume builder. And I'm nowhere near where I would like to be (meaning, it would be nice to have one full time job instead of running around like a crazy person working 2-3 jobs at a time), but at least I finally have something in my field. Sort of. My field is photography, but not the studio business kind, so at least I'm in the arts.


thanks for the reply! i've just been trying to put myself out there as much as i can, and fingers crossed it will pay out in the end. unfortunately, i had to say no to some really exploitative internships (like, one where this group of gallerists wanted to start a magazine, but just wanted unpaid interns to do all the work -writing, layout, webdesign, marketing- with no credit) and i hope it doesn't come back to bite me.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 8:05 pm 
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seitanicverses wrote:
Oh, yeah, raspberries. I think I'd be busy for the rest of my life as far as this friend is concerned. I don't know if the trip business is selfishness, thoughtlessness, miserliness or sheer irresponsibility on her part but that's just shitty. I hope she at least shared/halved what money she DID have for herself to spend on the trip with you. And then paid you back in full when you got home.

She didn't have any money with her at all because she is incredibly irresponsible with money and spends it all as soon as she gets it (which is why she doesn't have a bank account. She's been kicked out of several banks for overdrawing accounts.). So we couldn't go out to eat and couldn't go to any attractions that cost money. For 4 days we lived off of a bag of french cinnamon twists that I bought at a drugstore with my last few bucks. (These things. I ate so many of them during those 4 days that it makes me feel queasy just looking at them now.) She paid me back in dribs and drabs over a period of years, but still owes me about 200 bucks. After that, I decided no more trips or things that cost money with this person, so I was just hanging out with her at her house for a couple of hours every so often. But now I think I'm done with that too.


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 Post subject: Re: Space to post things that do not go with any other topic
PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 12:44 am 
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Saggy Butt

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:53 pm
Posts: 292
I keep waking up with more bumps on my arm. I think they're spider bites. Either that or I'm turning into bubble wrap.


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