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 Post subject: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:36 am 
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You think a person is decent, interesting, good. However, they keep misinterpeting things you to say to come back at you as grouchy?

Ever encounter that?

Have you ever decided to take the route of leaving well and that person alone?

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:46 am 
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Can you give an example? Is the grouchiness directed at you?

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:59 am 
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I know a decent guy who's a Debbie Downer. Just kind of negative so that he interprets things pessimistically. I think that's similar to what you're talking about. Other than that he's a good guy, but he's definitely one that doesn't get invited to all the parties, etc.

I don't know that it's a total avoid. Just depends on the situation.


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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:07 am 
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I have a relative who tends to lash out when frustrated within themselves--kind of a misery loves company scenario. If this person wasn't my relative and I didn't understand that their grouchiness actually has little to do with me I probably would give up on them--but it's taken years for me to understand this aspect of their personality and realize that they actually have this kind of relationship with everyone so it's not "just me".

That said, as I get older, I tend not to bother with difficult people, even if they're good people (I believe most people are good people anyhoo--I don't really believe anyone wakes up in the morning saying "I'm gonna shiitake on everyone else all day just for fun."). Too much trouble, too much "what did I do wrong?" "who pissed in their cornflakes?" sort of thinking. When younger, I saw them as a challenge--like I will be the one who can improve their outlook--but no, I can't so...yeah. I think it does depend on the situation, your interpretation and tolerance of such situations. As for me, other than relatives or folks I work with where I'd really sort of have to make an effort, I prolly wouldn't bother.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:19 am 
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My best friends are grouchy but decent.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:21 am 
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I think I fall under this category myself.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:33 am 
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ashley wrote:
I think I fall under this category myself.

I was about to post the same thing. I like to think of myself as a charming curmudgeon.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:36 am 
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I know some charming curmudgeons!

I know some folks whose barbs are a little more...barbed, you know? Personal, mean, argumentative. Charming curmudgeons are a different animal, in my view.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:46 am 
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A woman I work with is really bitter and grouchy, so much so that I took her off my twitter feed. Bad move! She confronted me about it! I actually do like her, but she is so angry it's hard to talk to her sometimes.


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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:05 pm 
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Tigon wrote:
I know a decent guy who's a Debbie Downer. Just kind of negative so that he interprets things pessimistically. I think that's similar to what you're talking about. Other than that he's a good guy, but he's definitely one that doesn't get invited to all the parties, etc.



Same boat here. I know of a person that is really nice, he is kind and caring but he has to make everything the focus of his happiness and it is hard when he is like 'the word is horrible'...We would hang out a lot, then his attitude/neediness just brought us down so we talk now but that is about it. Like negativity is easily absorbed and can make you feel bitter. Why bother? At one point I was not even friends with him.

My dad is the same type of 'me me - life is gloomy - make me happy'. I can distance myself from him but still need to deal with him sometimes.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:07 pm 
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I have a number of grumps I can't avoid. That makes it all that much more important for me to avoid the ones I can.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:47 pm 
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I feel like if you can't be pleasant to or around me, you don't respect me. My life is stressful enough. Why waste it being around grouches? I avoid or tell 'em what's up.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 2:14 pm 
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seitanicverses wrote:
I know some charming curmudgeons!

I know some folks whose barbs are a little more...barbed, you know? Personal, mean, argumentative. Charming curmudgeons are a different animal, in my view.


For sure. Mean is no good, but if I avoided grouchy people I'd have had like a third as many friends.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 2:38 pm 
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solipsistnation wrote:
seitanicverses wrote:
I know some charming curmudgeons!

I know some folks whose barbs are a little more...barbed, you know? Personal, mean, argumentative. Charming curmudgeons are a different animal, in my view.


For sure. Mean is no good, but if I avoided grouchy people I'd have had like a third as many friends.


This. I don't like mean people. I'm a grouch, but I'm not a mean grouch. And I'm generally not grouchy at people.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 2:40 pm 
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Don't avoid. I can be pretty grouchy so I usually get where they're coming from and try to tactfully weedle them to a better frame of mind, but leave them alone while they're in a really irritable mood, because I know I can be pretty irritating!

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 3:11 pm 
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my friend's boyfriend/baby daddy is the kinda guy who i think tries really hard to be nice, but deep down he might be kinda a jerk? i dunno. i try to avoid him because he often seems on the brink of losing patience w/ everything.


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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 3:18 pm 
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beforewisdom wrote:
You think a person is decent, interesting, good. However, they keep misinterpeting things you to say to come back at you as grouchy?

Ever encounter that?

Have you ever decided to take the route of leaving well and that person alone?


For me it's a case-by-case thing. But how do you feel about this particular person? Is this someone you want to connect with more and build a friendship with, or is your instinct telling you that you'd be better off without them? I say this knowing that in more than one case I've "stuck it out" with a new acquaintance who initially struck me as uncomfortable grouchy and turned out to be a really good friend, but sometimes you just know early on in getting to know someone that they're not going to be your new BFF, and that's okay. It doesn't make you a mean person and it doesn't mean they're an awful person either. You just might not be the best fit for each other at this moment.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 4:01 pm 
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lobsteriffic wrote:
solipsistnation wrote:
seitanicverses wrote:
I know some charming curmudgeons!

I know some folks whose barbs are a little more...barbed, you know? Personal, mean, argumentative. Charming curmudgeons are a different animal, in my view.


For sure. Mean is no good, but if I avoided grouchy people I'd have had like a third as many friends.


This. I don't like mean people. I'm a grouch, but I'm not a mean grouch. And I'm generally not grouchy at people.

For what it's worth, I have always found you lovely and non-grouchy!!

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 4:45 pm 
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couroupita wrote:
lobsteriffic wrote:
solipsistnation wrote:

For sure. Mean is no good, but if I avoided grouchy people I'd have had like a third as many friends.


This. I don't like mean people. I'm a grouch, but I'm not a mean grouch. And I'm generally not grouchy at people.

For what it's worth, I have always found you lovely and non-grouchy!!


Sshh, I have a rep as a grump that I need to protect!

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 9:47 pm 
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yes.
I pretty much avoid anyone who doesn't bring me up. I mean, obviously family can be a bit of an exception, but I definitely don't seek out the companionship of people who are mean, or grumpy or downers or dull or whatever. I have enough awesome friends that I would love to see more often, so I don't feel like spending time with people I don't really love being around.
Also, obviously ( i hope ) if it's just a good friend having a hard time, that's *totally* different

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 1:54 am 
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i think i would take grouchy over always-has-to-be-right/snappy any day. sigh... difficult people.


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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:56 am 
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So I am described by people who love me a lot as a bit of a hater or even grouchy. I don't necessarily try to cultivate these qualities, but they're there, even when my personality os at its sunniest. Some people don't like me; some people really like me a lot. It sort of balances out.

For my part, I think I am most attracted to folks with a bit of a cynical or grumpy streak. The key here to me is that someone is otherwise kind and (ultra important to me) interesting. I cannot say no to interesting, even with a grumpy streak.)


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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:29 am 
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That depends on what kind of a grouchy person they are.
If they're full on buzzkills that always talk things down and never seem satisfied, then I usually avoid hanging out with them. If they're charming and respectful and funny grouches, then I don't mind, it's all about being able to laugh about it and not be insulted if someone disagrees with your negativity.

I just really see no need to hang out with people who make the world a less awesome place by adding some kind of bad narrative. I need positivity in high doses and I'm pretty allergic to unnecessary negativity, and the other way around, I know that sometimes my grouchier friends get sick of me almost always seeing the positive in things.
But when I wake up in the morning my first thoughts are usually happy expectations of the day, and I can usually get high on art and literature and music and cinema and I truly believe that you can get better at anything if you're just set on it, and I don't think the world is against me when something bad happens and I really like it like this.

I had a lot of problems with depression and anxiety before, and for me it was definitely a matter of getting therapy, and using the therapy to create a new narrative for my life and for the world. I have absolutely no need to get sucked back into the negative frame of mind. I worked really hard to get to a place where being me felt awesome, and I am not going to let anything or anyone jeopardize that. If i feel that people are threatening my happiness by being grouchy and sour, it's bye bye.


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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 6:21 am 
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Olives wrote:
For my part, I think I am most attracted to folks with a bit of a cynical or grumpy streak.

Yep totally, as long as they can laugh about it too. I think it's a bit of a fine balance, I definitely can't be around angry people or any passive-aggressive bullshiitake, but I think a bit of cynicism doesn't hurt.

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 Post subject: Re: Do you avoid grouchy but decent people?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:21 am 
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caterpillar wrote:
Olives wrote:
For my part, I think I am most attracted to folks with a bit of a cynical or grumpy streak.

Yep totally, as long as they can laugh about it too. I think it's a bit of a fine balance, I definitely can't be around angry people or any passive-aggressive bullshiitake, but I think a bit of cynicism doesn't hurt.

Yes! Humor is a big piece of it to me. Also, being thoughtful of other's feelings. I feel like most of the somewhat grouchy people I know are more direct, and less prone to passive aggressive bs.


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