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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:03 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:10 pm 
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No-pants hermit 4 lyfe
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maybe just a picture of you with a cold sore tonguing the opening of the carton.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:36 pm 
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Chip Strong

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mumbles wrote:
Soy milk theft has now reached epic proportions. Two almost full cartons taken without warrant in the last week, the last again left with a few drops in the carton, as if to mock me.

I might actually be motivated to do something about this now. DEFCON: doing something about it. I guess I'll probably go with the suggestion about lashings and lashing of horse semen.


I assume you've already tried putting your initials in it? That's only moderately passive-aggressive and does send the clear signal that it's not communal property.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:03 pm 
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So far I've tried talking about it on the PPK.

The thing is this: I don't want people not to be able to partake of my soy milk. I'm into that.

It's just the not-leaving-enough-for-me thing that shaves my chops.

I think I'm going to try to persuade The Company to add some soy milk to the mix of, like, eight different kinds of milk they already provide.

I just don't know who to ask. Also, I don't like asking for stuff. But I'm working on a proposal. I'm documenting the gains in workplace efficiency to be had by providing soy milk. The question isn't whether or not they want to provide soy milk: it's whether they can afford not to.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:18 pm 
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No-pants hermit 4 lyfe
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frame it as a discrimination issue. based on my experience, that will result in their either giving you what you want or pretending to close down the company so they can get rid of you without offering you any severance.

seriously, though, maybe leaving a note on the carton that says exactly what you just wrote would work wonders. maybe whoever is drinking it really doesn't know that the company isn't providing it. i've never felt bad about taking advantage of office freebies (or just, you know, stuff lying around), but i'd be more considerate of a colleague.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:31 pm 
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but also, you shouldnt have to fund other peoples milk. i think its great if they want soymilk instead of cow juice, and really nice of you to share, but in all fairness, if the company is providing for everyone else, why do you have to buy your own (and pay for other people who want it too? ) ? what if you had a dairy allergy? anyway if they buy 8 different other kinds of milk, seems like they shoudl be able to provide soy, especially if there is a demand for it. hell maybe more people will start drinking soy and they will only have to buy 4 different other kinds in the future ;p

sure would be nice if the others who use yours pitched in and bought a carton to share every so often too!


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:40 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:40 pm 
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Do this in sight of the fridge that holds your soymilk.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:50 pm 
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No-pants hermit 4 lyfe
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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 6:32 pm 
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I want to put that on the fridge at work, but I'm sure my boss would not find it funny.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 6:44 pm 
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I say you stuff your empty soy milk cartons with the passive aggressive notes you'd write to your work mates if you felt it prudent and set them free in the Hudson River, or nearest body of water, for future generations to find and ponder.

You could also start a mystery treasure hunt for your coworkers with soy milk cartons stuffed with notes located in strategic cubicles: "the finder of this note must immediately take the subway to Grand Central Station where you will wait by the ______ kiosk for a woman in a rainbow Afro wig. When you see her, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. She is very dangerous. Let her stop for you and she will give you further instructions. Please. My life depends on your actions. DO NOT FAIL ME."

"Take the ____ E train to the lower east side. Take the ____ streetcar/bus and get off at the intersection between ____th and ____rd streets. In a back alley behind the abandoned convenience store and the Thai restaurant, about one hundred feet down, you will find an unmarked grey door with a window grille. Knock on that door and wait for a response. When the response comes, the secret code is "dong phuc tong phuket". Await further instructions from the doorman once your secret code has been accepted. Please. My livelihood depends on you following my instructions to the letter. DO NOT FAIL ME."

Or just accept the fact that you have to provide soy milk for these mothers-fuckers.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 8:01 pm 
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Fill up the empty one with water and wait for someone to complain.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 8:58 pm 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
Fill up the empty one with water and wait for someone to complain.

Oh I like this!

Or to mix and match, fill up an empty one with passive aggressive notes then laugh as the mothers-fucker spill notes into their coffee.

Then gouge their eyes out.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:53 pm 
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Fill that shiitake with orange juice or grapefruit juice. Let the mustards put that in their coffee.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:37 pm 
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Chip Strong
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No. Fill the empty containers with pee.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:42 pm 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
Fill up the empty one with water and wait for someone to complain.

Great idea!
Vantine wrote:
Fill that shiitake with orange juice or grapefruit juice. Let the mustards put that in their coffee.

Even better idea!
j-dub wrote:
Or to mix and match, fill up an empty one with passive aggressive notes then laugh as the mothers-fucker spill notes into their coffee.

Sadly, passive aggressive notes do not have the same weight or pour-ability of liquids.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:47 pm 
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Note to self: do not peas off the ppk

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 8:24 am 
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eatsbabies wrote:
No. Fill the empty containers with pee.

This is really your only option.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 8:54 am 
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Maybe you could leave a passive aggressive note from the soy milk. Like "hey guys, I love when you drink me, but please remember to throw me in the forking garbage and replace me with a fresh, new, younger soymilk every once in a while"

I have learned that anthropomorphism is cute and non-threatening.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 11:19 am 
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If its not labeled as yours and the company provides milk in general people must think its communal. I would either ask for soy to be provided, label it in the fridge or keep individual shelf stable containers at my desk.

I'm no fun. Nevermind, do something involving semen.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 2:45 pm 
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mumbles wrote:
maximumrockandlol wrote:
I used to bring the little single serving packs when I worked in an office. I always worried more about people I worked with spitting, ensemenating, coughing, drinking from or otherwise molesting my soy milk more than them using it for consumption purposes.

Did you work on a pirate ship?


As someone who works on ships and with pirates (sometimes even at the same time) I would just like to point out that, on the whole, they're quite respectful of not molesting soymilk. They also usually don't even drink it, because they realize that it's in limited supply and that they will get In Big Trouble if they eat the vegan food when they could eat the regular food. People actually get in Serious Trouble if they eat vegan food when they're not vegan on a boat, because then their vegan shipmates starve and get really unhappy.

Anyway, yeah. Talk to the company about providing non-dairy milk of some sort, since they already provide other kinds and it's obviously in demand.
Or notes. Living in a college dorm I have learned by observation and by practice the art of passive-aggressive notes. Usually I just write my name and a warning that if anyone touches it without my permission that I will impale them with prison-style weapons. You could also mention something about being a vegan for health instead of ethical reasons, so it wouldn't perturb you in the slightest to flay them alive, tan them with their own brains, and then hang the hide up in your office as a warning to others.
But that might be taking it a bit too far, I dunno.
You should probably just make a big theatrical deal of spitting in your soymilk every time someone else is around.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 9:41 pm 
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Shantylass wrote:
As someone who works on ships and with pirates


Okay, now I want to know your life story!

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:28 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
Shantylass wrote:
As someone who works on ships and with pirates


Okay, now I want to know your life story!


But it wouldn't be a very good story, since it doesn't have an end yet. Also severe topicdrift.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:49 pm 
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I'm one of those people that will, and has in the past, verbally abuse someone in a very non-workplace-friendly way for taking my food. I worked for the money, I spent that money on MY food, and I very thoughtfully (and clearly in block capitals with a big thick marker pen) labelled it as MINE and yet you still want to take it?!?!?!?!

*deep breath*

Anyways...my suggestion is to get one of those little portable fridges, plug it in under your desk, and put your milk in that.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 1:15 pm 
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Chip Strong
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Thank you for bringing back one of my favorite threads.


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