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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 10:36 am 
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allularpunk wrote:
Today a man asked me what was the best soap. For what? For moisturizing? For acne? For delicious scent? For the least additives? And then he asked me what was the best vitamin. FOR WHAT?


This reminds me of standing in line at the corner store recently where they sell all sorts of drink, from soda to beer to hard liquor and a tourist asked the owner of the store how much it was for a six pack. A six pack of what? Coke, beer, bottled water? When the store owner tried to get the guy to narrow it down his answer was "I don't know. What's your cheapest six pack?"

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 1:21 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:
allularpunk wrote:
Today a man asked me what was the best soap. For what? For moisturizing? For acne? For delicious scent? For the least additives? And then he asked me what was the best vitamin. FOR WHAT?


This reminds me of standing in line at the corner store recently where they sell all sorts of drink, from soda to beer to hard liquor and a tourist asked the owner of the store how much it was for a six pack. A six pack of what? Coke, beer, bottled water? When the store owner tried to get the guy to narrow it down his answer was "I don't know. What's your cheapest six pack?"


My husband used to work at a bookstore and a customer came in looking for "something to read." He tried to get them to narrow it down, but all he got was "You know, something to READ."


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 1:36 pm 
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And while you are at it can you just tell me how best to live my life?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 9:31 am 
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Ugh. So one of my three jobs is data entry. I work on a contract basis. This current job is not okay. I updated their donor list right before the holiday send out. It was intensive and I did 20 hours of work in two days and still haven't been paid. Because I am to now export all of that out to the new system. That no one is giving me. Because now they want it in Excel. With more steps than it would take for me to put it into the new system. And I can't talk to the INTERN doing it, because he works like three hours a week.
I am not happy.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 11:33 am 
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Can I just drop in to say how crazy it makes me when I asked a potential client "what charges are you facing?" and they reply with something overly dramatic like "oh, nothing, I just got arrested for exercising my 2nd Amendment rights.." That's very helpful, but can you maybe tell me what they'll actually be reading out in court when they list the charges?

"Hear ye, hear ye, now comes the case of John Doe, charged with one count of 'rebelling against the pigs' with a 'being a generally mellow guy' enhancement."

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 11:48 am 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:

"Hear ye, hear ye, now comes the case of John Doe, charged with one count of 'rebelling against the pigs' with a 'being a generally mellow guy' enhancement."


This is the best thing I've ever read. You should start a blog where you translate court decisions into entitled-client-speak.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 11:49 am 
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jordanpattern wrote:
Erika Soyf*cker wrote:

"Hear ye, hear ye, now comes the case of John Doe, charged with one count of 'rebelling against the pigs' with a 'being a generally mellow guy' enhancement."


This is the best thing I've ever read. You should start a blog where you translate court decisions into entitled-client-speak.



Oh my gosh! That would be amazing!~

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 12:26 pm 
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jordanpattern wrote:
Erika Soyf*cker wrote:

"Hear ye, hear ye, now comes the case of John Doe, charged with one count of 'rebelling against the pigs' with a 'being a generally mellow guy' enhancement."


This is the best thing I've ever read. You should start a blog where you translate court decisions into entitled-client-speak.


Only if you contribute to it translating police reports: "based on my training and experience, drug dealers often live at homes with addresses. I decided to do a full cavity search."

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 12:29 pm 
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Done!

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If you spit on my food I will blow your forking head off, you filthy shitdog. - Mumbles
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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 3:38 pm 
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I would read this blog.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 6:29 pm 
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Damn, lady, I'm sorry that you're experiencing this awful situation, but for the 500th time, the attorney you want to speak to doesn't practice that area of law and cannot advise you or talk to you on the phone for any price, threat, or amount of pleading.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 1:26 pm 
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I love when the people come in for a FREE consult (through an employment thing that affects me not) and act like they have already hired us. Today we are running late due to court running late, and this guy is furious. I understand his time is important. But good grief, the reaction is not in relation to the situation. And bossman pronouncing your name wrong is because he can't read YOUR handwriting.

The week saved up all the attitude for today! HOORAY!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 6:27 pm 
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This lady... we'll call her a "volunteer." She's in an office talking to an attorney when she gets a phone call with the loudest ring tone I've ever heard. She excuses herself to answer her call. In the main part of the office. She does two slow circuits of the office, loudly saying "No, I didn't say you were a piece of shiitake. No one thinks you're a piece of shiitake." Then hangs up and goes back into the attorney's office. And it is then that it becomes apparent that she has been cropdusting us with her circuits. mother hubbard.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 8:14 am 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
And it is then that it becomes apparent that she has been cropdusting us with her circuits. mother hubbard.

i'm assuming this is a euphemism for unleashing the old silent but deadly? in a cyclone pattern?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 2:09 pm 
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torque wrote:
Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
And it is then that it becomes apparent that she has been cropdusting us with her circuits. mother hubbard.

i'm assuming this is a euphemism for unleashing the old silent but deadly? in a cyclone pattern?


Actually I'm unclear on whether it was an SBD (or a series of long, sustained SBDs) or just her natural funk. Which is not unnoticeable.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 8:10 am 
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I came in this morning to two jerky emails from people who had ordered t-shirts from our web store on Saturday, and hadn't been given a tracking number by Sunday afternoon and were very very upset about it. Because, yeah, it's totally common to order something over the weekend from a small business whose main product is beer, not t-shirts, and have your t-shirt order filled the second you place it, I guess. ?


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:57 pm 
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Hollie wrote:
I came in this morning to two jerky emails from people who had ordered t-shirts from our web store on Saturday, and hadn't been given a tracking number by Sunday afternoon and were very very upset about it. Because, yeah, it's totally common to order something over the weekend from a small business whose main product is beer, not t-shirts, and have your t-shirt order filled the second you place it, I guess. ?


I think there's this magical mindset among some people that if you do something with a computer, then it is automatically done, in its entirety, instantly. They don't take into account that there is someone on the back end of that computer physically completing the task.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 6:59 pm 
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FFS. We have prison artwork in the staircase leading to the lobby. Nothing particularly fancy or expensive, mostly bic pen on hankie "laugh now, cry later" "mi vida loca" kinda stuff. Some shitbag came in and ripped them all off the walls and stole them in the few minutes between people coming in and out of the office just now.

God forbid somebody somewhere have something nice that can potentially be sold for drugs.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:26 am 
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my kid was just saying that the janitor lady ripped down both of her class's projects that had been posted in the hallway. one poster didn't agree with her politics. the other was about racism. either she's also racist, or maybe illiterate. people are unbelievable.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 3:33 pm 
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torque wrote:
my kid was just saying that the janitor lady ripped down both of her class's projects that had been posted in the hallway. one poster didn't agree with her politics. the other was about racism. either she's also racist, or maybe illiterate. people are unbelievable.


Ugh. I don't what her reasoning was. That was not her property to dispose of. That just makes me made.

Opposing attorney with no context of who her client is trying to sue is trying to read bossman the riot act. But her facts have nothing to do with the case. It is really hysterical.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:47 pm 
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I had to send out an email* to remind trainees about a poster contest that had its deadline extended. The information was included in an attachment, which had the contact details for the people dealing with the contest at the bottom. This same information (contact Dr So-and-so or this other person for details or some such) was also at the bottom of my email. So of course some dumb mustard replied to me with their poster attached.

*This was only barely related to my job and I don't know why I was asked to send it other than because I didn't have much to do.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 8:22 pm 
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We had a message on our answering machine this morning that said, "Hi, have you seen the cat? He is all grey and he has his claws and his balls. [giggles] His name is Shakespeare and he is my cat." So now we're keeping an eye out for a grey cat with claws and balls.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:24 am 
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kfad wrote:

Opposing attorney with no context of who her client is trying to sue is trying to read bossman the riot act. But her facts have nothing to do with the case. It is really hysterical.


Orly Taitz?

I had to suppress a guffaw of disbelief at seeing her name on the California ballot under 'governor' a few weeks ago. Keep dreaming, kookoo bird.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:25 am 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
We had a message on our answering machine this morning that said, "Hi, have you seen the cat? He is all grey and he has his claws and his balls. [giggles] His name is Shakespeare and he is my cat." So now we're keeping an eye out for a grey cat with claws and balls.


who may or may not pen astounding couplets.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:34 am 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
raspberrycomplaint wrote:
We had a message on our answering machine this morning that said, "Hi, have you seen the cat? He is all grey and he has his claws and his balls. [giggles] His name is Shakespeare and he is my cat." So now we're keeping an eye out for a grey cat with claws and balls.


who may or may not pen astounding couplets.

If he meows in blank verse you'll know you've got the right cat.

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