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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:53 pm 
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Lime and a Coconut
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jordanpattern wrote:
dum dum lawyer who doesn't read contracts


Wow, that really sucks for the buyer. I get that you feel awful, but I hope you know on every level that this is in no way shape or form your fault or even your problem. I hope that lawyer has the money for a hotel room and a storage unit for their client until next week.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 1:20 pm 
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Client is ten minutes late. But not a big deal. He gets on the phone with another client who just will not let him hang up so now we are 20 minutes into client a's appt and there are back to backs all day.

Why are people?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 4:26 pm 
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Heeeerrrrree's JACKY!
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Also, no, jerkface, you do no get to come take it out on me if you don't get your way at your court date. That feels too much like a threat for me to put up with it.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 4:59 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung
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A woman wanted us to trap a canada goose so she can take it with her to florida. She feeds the gooses every day and considers them her pets (they are definitely wild!) so she wants to bring one with her when she moves. When we told her she couldn't do that, she stole a goose egg. She is keeping it wrapped in a towel until it hatches, and then she will take the gosling to florida with her. Okay, good luck with that.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 5:51 pm 
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Discovered unobtainium
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electric_claire wrote:
You guys. I don't even know when my cats were born. How will I know what they want and need?


I felt that this needed a thread!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 6:12 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung
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Oh, I forgot to tell what happened with Sagittarius dog guy. So, my mother (my poor poor mother) made an appointment to meet him and return the dog. He agreed to meet in front of his house. My mom got there with the dog, and he wasn't there. She waited and waited and finally went up and knocked on the door. He answered the door wearing a tiny, filthy bathrobe. My mom was not thrilled that he insisted on standing there half naked and having a conversation with her. He also had a giant crossbow resting against the wall next to him. I am so glad I was not there.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 12:34 pm 
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Lime and a Coconut
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Just took a phone call from someone who knows a senior member of our office "from way back"* and wants him to hire his daughter. His grown-ass daughter who is apparently a lawyer but can't make her own cold calls to find a job. So I say "okay, maybe I can give you an email address and you can have your daughter email her resume."

His response? "Well, I'm in the car, so why don't I give you my email and you can email me about it."

The fork?! We're not even hiring! I cannot believe this but it's happened enough in the last year that apparently this is just how people look for jobs now. They have their mommies and daddies call for them and make it someone else's "to do." Yeah, I'm not emailing that guy.

*This never, ever works. He has tons of "friends" from "way back" who he never remembers.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 12:38 pm 
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Not a creepy cheese pocket person
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I wonder if the daughter even knows he's making these calls. This is the kind of thing my mother would do without asking/telling me. (I say would, I mean has.)


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 12:42 pm 
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Lime and a Coconut
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mollyjade wrote:
I wonder if the daughter even knows he's making these calls. This is the kind of thing my mother would do without asking/telling me. (I say would, I mean has.)


This point has been raised before, and it is fair! Thankfully Daddyo thought we'd be so eager to get our paws on her that he didn't even bother with her name, just gave me his name and email address. So if we do somehow get a resume from her I won't associate her name with her idiot father.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:08 pm 
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i guess they aren't aware how things have changed and just how much easier it was to get a job back in the day.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:16 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
Just took a phone call from someone who knows a senior member of our office "from way back"* and wants him to hire his daughter. His grown-ass daughter who is apparently a lawyer but can't make her own cold calls to find a job. So I say "okay, maybe I can give you an email address and you can have your daughter email her resume."

His response? "Well, I'm in the car, so why don't I give you my email and you can email me about it."

The fork?! We're not even hiring! I cannot believe this but it's happened enough in the last year that apparently this is just how people look for jobs now. They have their mommies and daddies call for them and make it someone else's "to do." Yeah, I'm not emailing that guy.

*This never, ever works. He has tons of "friends" from "way back" who he never remembers.



I was going to say something snarky and then I realized that I am sort of doing the same thing for my husband. (He is looking for work and I have friends who are head hunters and I am being the go between).

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 2:51 pm 
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I find it wild how much power some of our customers (at the garden store) give us in choosing what they are going to grow that year. This is beyond asking advice on choosing varieties. They will straight out ask us to pick out seeds for them, whatever we want, and just generally dismiss our follow up questions, such as 'What do you like to eat', so there are several people in my city who are growing my dream garden this summer! Lemon cucumbers, fancy kale, butternut squash, rattlesnake beans, golden beets. So strange to me!


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 3:52 pm 
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"tomatoes", snort. But my favorite plant/seed place is closing (the guy is gravely ill) and I miss my plant guy so much, I can totally get what you're saying!

Kfad, i think there's a diff between talking to headhunters and cold calling offices for him. i would think that's part of what a headhunter does (follow leads, sniff out people);.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 6:16 pm 
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Lime and a Coconut
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He managed to find and send an email later on (golf clap). The "old friend" declined to hire the daughter anyway, on the grounds that we're already overloaded with staff and she has no experience in the area of law we practice (or in the state where we practice).

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 8:27 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
A woman wanted us to trap a canada goose so she can take it with her to florida. She feeds the gooses every day and considers them her pets (they are definitely wild!) so she wants to bring one with her when she moves. When we told her she couldn't do that, she stole a goose egg. She is keeping it wrapped in a towel until it hatches, and then she will take the gosling to florida with her. Okay, good luck with that.

That is super illegal and a violation of the Migratory Bird Act! She needs to either put that egg back or be reported.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 9:10 pm 
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Does she know there are birds in Florida?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 3:20 pm 
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Sure, but only flamingos.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 3:27 pm 
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i got cursed at repeated by a patient because he thought yellow wax beans were pasta and he DOES NOT WANT ANY forking PASTA! "I KNOW WHAT forking BEANS ARE AND THOSE ARE NOT forking BEANS! I"M NOT STUPID. DON'T TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE forking BEANS. YOU DON'T KNOW ME!"

i wish i could contribute more to this thread without violating hipaa. i have good stuff.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 3:45 pm 
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ijustdiedinside wrote:
i got cursed at repeated by a patient because he thought yellow wax beans were pasta and he DOES NOT WANT ANY forking PASTA! "I KNOW WHAT forking BEANS ARE AND THOSE ARE NOT forking BEANS! I"M NOT STUPID. DON'T TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE forking BEANS. YOU DON'T KNOW ME!"

i wish i could contribute more to this thread without violating hipaa. i have good stuff.


What a muppet. Some people really need to learn that manners cost nothing.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 8:15 am 
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ijustdiedinside wrote:
i wish i could contribute more to this thread without violating hipaa. i have good stuff.


Ha, me too. It's one of the ironies of any job where you are bound by secrecy - so many great stories, no one you can tell them to. We're going to have to fictionalize them someday.

That Canada goose story is crazy, rc. Imagine driving to Florida with a fully grown Canada goose in your back seat.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 9:32 am 
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I have a friend who is a psych nurse at the VA. She can only tell tiny snippets of stories in very general terms, but man, her job is never boring, I tell you what.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:09 am 
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Luckily, there's no secrecy requirement in bookstore work. :P

A guy came in the other day who was obviously a member of a bachelor party. He asked if we had any pornography. I joked that we had Lady Chatterly's Lover but that was about it. He then asked where that was, and I told him upstairs.

Him: So, the pornographic books are upstairs?
Me: No, the classics are upstairs.
Him: But the book you mention. It's pornographic?
Me: Well, not exactly. Probably not what your looking for.
Him: You know what I mean, right?
(At this point he starts circling his nipple with his fingertip.)
Him: You know, so I can read it and touch myself.
Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. We don't really have that.
Him: (picking up speed and enthusiasm with the nipple circling) You know. So I can touch myself.
Me: Yeah, no, not really.
Him: (Now touching both nipples) So you don't have pornography? You know. So I can touch myself.
Me: Is it ok if I help the gentleman waiting behind you?

When he went out the door, I could hear his buddies burst into hysterics.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 11:02 am 
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Yeah, the best stories I can only share with my co-workers who already know them...the best stuff is confidential. I contribute what can't be traced to a specific client because it could be almost any of them.

The beans vs. pasta conversation sounds like the discussions I have with my clients about issues - what we are dealing with right now vs. how they think reality works.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 1:13 pm 
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Yeah... that (the beans/pasta) reminds me of a day when Ms Nobody was rather agitated, trying to open the 'oven' (various cupboards and a fridge) to take out the cake she had thought she was baking. She was really worried that it would burn, but it was difficult to reassure her because there was no cake to take to safety. Even when someone turned up with a real cake for snack and I tried to say "Oh look, someone must have taken it out of the oven for you" she knew her cake was different and kept shouting at us for making her leave it to burn.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:05 pm 
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Showing up an hour late for a consult is one thing. Showing up without the money to pay for the consult because you don't have it at all, makes me wonder how you plan on retaining a lawyer.

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