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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 5:39 am 
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Because Bob Barker Told Me To

Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2011 8:18 pm
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Mr. Shankly wrote:
People who steal. Stop it!


For real. Please buy your own toilet paper instead of taking it from your doctors' office bathroom.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 5:50 am 
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Impressive boner
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Location: Nottingham.
I get a lot of clients who call to ask how much of their incapacitated relative's money they can have without getting into any trouble. They're not supposed to take any of it under the terms of the Court orders we deal with, so what they're really asking is how much they can steal without any repercussions. It sucks. One pair of nieces took over 1/4 of a million from their aunt, which was more than 60% of her total estate, and accused me of making them feel like criminals when I told them to give it back.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:44 pm 
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TOTALLY CRADICAL
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When I am working at my desk and I ask how I can help you, the correct response is not "in more ways than one, gawgeous, HAW HAW HAW!" It will not end well for you, sir. Especially when you're in my office inquiring about hiring an attorney for a friend (or a friend, or a "friend") who is facing prostitution charges.

Also, being drunk enough at 9:30 am to stagger into my desk and move it a good foot=nice one.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:58 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung
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Location: Almost Boston
Not exactly clients, but people who were screwing up my work nonetheless:

My work is located on a property that used to be the town "poor farm". There are some abandoned, falling-down buildings on the property (alms houses and an old barn). Apparently there are some local photographers who have recently decided that it is a great backdrop for photos. They were all over the place this weekend, having kids pose in the doorways of the houses (old, falling-down, lead paint, asbestos filled houses!). Some of the kids were playing on an old rusty swingset that was left outside one of the houses. Our volunteers were trying to walk dogs and they had to get past all the kids and people with cameras and some of the dogs were freaking out. And then one of the photographers dragged an old trunk into out parking lot, stuck it between two cars and had kids posing on it. In the middle of the parking lot! What about any of this seemed okay to the photographers? And the parents?


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 9:51 pm 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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I don't even know where to begin when talking about this patron. So I'll skip all the back story (which includes him being currently temporarily banned) and say that he went to a different library today and told them how uncivilized we are at our branch, and that if he comes back, we all better watch out. He does know that we're part of the same library system, but perhaps he doesn't know that the staff at that library is good friends with the staff at mine? I'll make sure the police get involved


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 3:21 pm 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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Yesterday a patron came in wanting to use the copy machine. Even though our machine takes dollar bills, he still wanted me to give him change. Um OK. Then he tells me that TWO YEARS ago, he came here to make a copy of a $600 check, and he left the check in the copier. He wanted to know why we didn't mail him the check since his address was on it. Then he goes on and on about how a librarian could have stolen it by us not mailing it to him, and how what we did wasn't legal. No one remembers this check. Two years later is a little late to come bisque at us. Perhaps it was mailed and it got lost in the mail. Maybe a patron found it in the copier and took it. Who knows? He went on for 15 minutes about it and there was absolutely nothing we could say or do to help him. Because you know, it happened two years ago. He knows that no one could cash the check now, but that doesn't matter.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 5:34 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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said it before and say it again- when it comes to crazy clients i think the library folks win the thread, hands down

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 12:42 pm 
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Dead by dawn
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I am so sick of people going on vacation in the middle of their purchase loans and expecting us to alter our timeline to accommodate them. People. You are buying a home and asking me to provide you with a half million dollars to do so. It's a complicated process in which you are an active participant. What part of this suggests to you that it's a fine forking time to go to Disneyland?!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 2:14 pm 
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TOTALLY CRADICAL
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bastah wrote:
Then he tells me that TWO YEARS ago, he came here to make a copy of a $600 check, and he left the check in the copier. He wanted to know why we didn't mail him the check since his address was on it.


This is amazing!

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"It's, you know, your typical Portland restaurant; bowls." ~Kittee
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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 2:27 pm 
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WRETCHED
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Location: Maryland/DC area
I work for a corporation and every once in a while, you'll get people who tell me "This will cost the company $XXXX millions if you don't do this today". I've heard it enough that I'm like yeah, yeah whatever. What annoys me though is when my fellow support people pull the "$XXXX millions line". Look, its not going to cost the company millions, we do the best we can, if something is costing the company that much money, you should've thought of that last week.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:37 pm 
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Lubes With Earth Balance
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Mentioned in worse thing thread, but...

Yesterday, I sold a typical kooky old seattleite some Autoharp strings. Oops. Guess I gave him the wrong ones (sorry but shouldn't you check?). Ok, fine, no big deal, we'll trade them out. He proceeds to go on to tell my coworker and I that he wants to cut off my pretty red hair. And put it on a spear. As a trophy. Like people used to do with heads during war. And parade it around like he won me.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:53 pm 
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Chip Strong
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Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:56 pm
Posts: 985
Location: Baltimore
missdelaney wrote:
Mentioned in worse thing thread, but...

Yesterday, I sold a typical kooky old seattleite some Autoharp strings. Oops. Guess I gave him the wrong ones (sorry but shouldn't you check?). Ok, fine, no big deal, we'll trade them out. He proceeds to go on to tell my coworker and I that he wants to cut off my pretty red hair. And put it on a spear. As a trophy. Like people used to do with heads during war. And parade it around like he won me.



WHAT. That is so not okay. I'm sorry you had such a bad day.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:33 pm 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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missdelaney wrote:
Mentioned in worse thing thread, but...

Yesterday, I sold a typical kooky old seattleite some Autoharp strings. Oops. Guess I gave him the wrong ones (sorry but shouldn't you check?). Ok, fine, no big deal, we'll trade them out. He proceeds to go on to tell my coworker and I that he wants to cut off my pretty red hair. And put it on a spear. As a trophy. Like people used to do with heads during war. And parade it around like he won me.

Woooooow. How was it necessary to say that? Thinking it is one thing, but saying it is another. Someone needs to learn how not to sweat the small stuff.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:21 pm 
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TOTALLY CRADICAL
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:42 am
Posts: 4358
Location: Smugville, CA
in my inbox this morning:

Quote:
About Presdient Obama not passing
Marijuana frst of all you got to
understand everything that the President
tried pass a bill it have to go the
house of congress. you are wrong about
President Obama I vote for President
Obama I'm glad he win. there is know
President that run for eletion loss
run tiwe like Bush In Reagan
I knew that President Obama going to win
down thoug history there no Presidnet
loss election. in before you say something about president you need
to vote you don't vote so you don't have
nothing to say about the Presidnet
what are what he did not do


The last three full-time jobs I've had, I received emails like this on a weekly basis. I guess I have a knack for it.

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Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
"It's, you know, your typical Portland restaurant; bowls." ~Kittee
Sews Before Bros


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:26 pm 
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No-pants hermit 4 lyfe
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who sent that e-mail? seamus?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:03 pm 
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TOTALLY CRADICAL
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Location: Smugville, CA
acr wrote:
who sent that e-mail? seamus?


He left a voicemail, too! The voicemail was a lot less garbled. I think alcohol was involved in both.

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Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
"It's, you know, your typical Portland restaurant; bowls." ~Kittee
Sews Before Bros


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 7:06 am 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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I do catering for bands and artists etc. and yesterday, upon looking at my carrot cake with white icing, this famous singer said: "If it's CARROT cake, har har, I take it that the white icing is semen, har har har." (Oh and before that, upon learning that they were having carrot cake for dessert, his wife said: "Oh hun, it's carrot cake. We don't like carrot cake.")

* SIGH *

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The night is dark and full of turnips.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 1:16 pm 
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Not NOT A Furry
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Location: Sun City
Paloma wrote:
I do catering for bands and artists etc. and yesterday, upon looking at my carrot cake with white icing, this famous singer said: "If it's CARROT cake, har har, I take it that the white icing is semen, har har har." (Oh and before that, upon learning that they were having carrot cake for dessert, his wife said: "Oh hun, it's carrot cake. We don't like carrot cake.")

* SIGH *

Well, I personally love carrot cake! I'll have a slice! Or two or three...


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:49 pm 
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Location: Portland, OR
Semen and carrots? I'm confused.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 4:01 pm 
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Tofu Pup Forever

Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2012 2:09 pm
Posts: 16
I am a receptionist at a vet clinic and last week about 7:30 AM, I got a totally dirty phone call! What kind of a nut job calls a vet clinic talking dirty before 8 AM?


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 5:23 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Mars wrote:
Semen and carrots? I'm confused.


Carrot = penis.
Icing = semen.

Yep. He went there.

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The night is dark and full of turnips.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 6:40 pm 
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Fair trade, organic mistletoe
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Paloma wrote:
Mars wrote:
Semen and carrots? I'm confused.


Carrot = penis.
Icing = semen.

Yep. He went there.

"There" seems like a nonsensical place.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 4:20 am 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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j-dub wrote:
"There" seems like a nonsensical place.


Yeah. It was very "Excuse me, what the fork just happened, did he really say what I heard him say, what the fork?"

Image

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:17 am 
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Many of the library patrons who cause trouble will, no doubt, one day visit a place similar to Erika's workplace (out of necessity).

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Dessert is currently a big bowl of sanctimonious, passive aggressive vegan enduced boak. Fezza
You people are way less funny than Pandacookie. Sucks to be you.-interrobang?!


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 5:15 pm 
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TOTALLY CRADICAL
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Vantine wrote:
Many of the library patrons who cause trouble will, no doubt, one day visit a place similar to Erika's workplace (out of necessity).


So much truth there.

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Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
"It's, you know, your typical Portland restaurant; bowls." ~Kittee
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