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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:40 pm 
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This is from my old days as a cook/cashier at a small yuppie restaurant chain in Oregon. Note that we provided sriracha to our customers to put on their food, which as many of you know has a picture of a rooster on the front.

I was working the register one day right before the dinner rush, and a middle aged woman comes up and puts in an order to go. She orders four entrees, so I figure she's picking up dinner for the family. After she finishes saying her order and I punch it in, I ask her if there's anything else I can get her. She gets this sheepish look on her face, leans in closer to the register and says, "Also, my daughter asked me to pick up a particular kind of sauce for her. She called it," then whispers, "the cork sauce."

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"The cork sauce," she whispers again.

Awkward silence.

Finally making the connection, I reply, "Oh, I believe she's referring to the sriracha hot sauce. It's the one with a rooster on the front. You can find it at any of the condiment stations, along with little plastic cups to put it in."

"Thank you," she says, and walks quickly off to the condiment station.

After holding it together for a couple more minutes and helping a couple more customers, I went in the back, told my manager, and had a good laugh. Sometimes I miss working a register.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:09 am 
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j-dub wrote:
I can't talk about clients at my current job due to ethical and confidentiality concerns, but I've got some old favourites.

I spent two years working at a famous, mermaidy coffee chain.


Ugggggh the summer I worked at a Safeway Starbucks was THE WORST.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:10 am 
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Veganismbot wrote:
This is from my old days as a cook/cashier at a small yuppie restaurant chain in Oregon.


Tell them about the "less lettuce" lady!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:24 am 
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This is why I try, as much as possible, to be very polite with anyone providing service. I want to make up for the asparagi.

I am lucky in the job I have now that I rarely deal with clients and when I do they are usually very polite. Except the guy who, when I called him (at his request) and told him who I was and my job title, said "Well, good for you!" in a sing-songy mocking voice.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:32 am 
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Veganismbot wrote:
"The cork sauce," she whispers again.

Hahaha, that's what we call it at home. It was months before I learned it had an actual name.

I worked in the dining hall in college. I got some awesome questions about food and some stunning displays of cluelessness/lack of problem solving skills.

College kid: "What's in that?" *points at a stromboli type thing*
Me: "Cheese and (some fancy meat I forget the name of). It's kind of like ham."
College kid: "So it's like a plant?"

GREAT NEWS YOU GUYS ham is a plant. Apparently.

Also on the hot line, could you have the gravy from a stew "on the side". No, I'm not going to stand here and separate out the food for you. I got that a lot with any mixed dish, someone would want all the "good" bits or something.

There was this one kid who every day would ask for cucumber dressing on his sandwich, and every day I would tell him we have mayo/mustard. Finally one day I suggested he go add dressing at the salad bar. He looked at me like I was the world's biggest genius for suggesting salad dressing might be on the salad bar. He was GOBSMACKED.

I also encountered kids who didn't know what the peanut butter was (I can see the confusion, since instead of in a jar it was in a tub with a BIG LABEL THAT SAYS PEANUT BUTTER on the side...) or how to make toast. It sometimes made me wonder how they got into college in the first place. Every single thing in the dining hall was labeled either with what it is or how to use it. READ! AHH!


So I sometimes do education-y things like enrichment activities, after school programs, scouts, public events. I get it from all sides, kids, teachers, most of all PARENTS. (OMG, parents.) At a public event I had a game that was running in 4 different time slots, which were clearly posted at the signup. You can't start in the middle because, surprise! we explain the rules at the beginning. This one mom came late for ALL FOUR CLASSES. Each time I sent her away (sorry we started 15 minutes ago! it is almost over!) and she got really mad at me. If you want your kid to do the program so bad, how about you show up on time? Grrrrrrrrrr. Also why is it you personally are so much more important than all these people who would have to stand here and do nothing while I explain again just for you? I have terrible news for you. YOU ARE NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE.

Also parents, do not bring your kid to a science program and then butt in and do everything for them. I mean, unless you don't really want them to LEARN anything. No one is grading this. Close your piehole and let them think for a minute. Also do not bring your kids to a scouting thing and then be mad that your kids have activities to do. After which they get a badge. It was the entire point of the thing - so the kids could earn their badge. No activities completed? No badge! GUESS HOW SCOUTING WORKS. Also if you stop complaining for five seconds you might notice your kids are having FUN doing the activities, but WHAT DOES THAT MATTER. Your kids are having fun and earning a badge at a scouting activity that was supposed to be fun and earn a badge. I KNOW. It's the WORST NIGHT OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. I totally feel for you.

PARENTS. AHHHH. I cave even when they are totally unreasonable jerks because I feel bad for the kids. The kids should still get to learn and have fun.

Uh. Sorry, parents. All you PpkParents would never be THOSE parents, riiiiiiiight? ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:46 am 
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Speaking of the 'bucks, I worked for them, on and off, for years while I was in university. At my first store (at the time one of Canada's busiest) a regular problematic homeless guy took a "liking" to me. He would stare at me through the windows, constantly try to talk to me, say gross things/make vulgar gestures and generally be super creepy. We eventually had to get the cops involved when we caught him masturbating while staring at me on our patio. We eventually saw less and less of him.

Fast forward a couple of years, I have moved cities and provinces and begun working at the 'bucks again. I am again at a very busy store. I am making the drinks on the espresso bar one day, which is surrounded by glass and a sliding door. I hear a knock at the window and laughing, I look up to see Creepy Masturbater waving at me! Yeah, that delightful.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:56 am 
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studio wrote:
Fast forward a couple of years, I have moved cities and provinces and begun working at the 'bucks again. I am again at a very busy store. I am making the drinks on the espresso bar one day, which is surrounded by glass and a sliding door. I hear a knock at the window and laughing, I look up to see Creepy Masturbater waving at me! Yeah, that delightful.

UM... restraining order!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:56 am 
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One very early morning at S-bucks, maybe 6:00am-ish?, this tall burnout hippie looking guy comes in and asks me why the coffee is more expensive today. I tell him it's because Starbucks just raised prices nationwide. He says that's too much to pay for a cup of coffee (it was a 10 cent rise, sheesh). I say that I'm sorry but there's no way for me to change the prices as it's all set up in the register already. He leans in right close to my face and says "Just get me a cup of coffee." and I say "What size would you li --" and just SCREAMS "COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!" right at me.

So I am like, close to tears, getting this douche his coffee, and then he says "And put some ice in it, you guys always make it too hot." So I do, he pays, takes it, and leaves. My manager walks over and was like what the fizzle that guy was a crasshole, don't feel like you have to put up with that! As soon as she is done, he comes marching back up and says "I want to complain! I told her to put ice in here and she didn't put enough in! I specifically asked for ice because your coffee is too hot!" (Yeah because ice doesn't melt in hot coffee or anything) Rita just said "Don't bother coming back into our store again sir, you're being a crasshole to my employee." and then called the Safeway manager to boot him out.

Justice!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:58 am 
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This experience is pretty common where I work.

I serve the guy wearing an afgan and sporting a gold leg an iced tea.
Guy wearing an afgan and sporting a gold leg: "I didn't want that much ice, can you take some out?"

A few minutes later...
Guy wearing an afgan and sporting a gold leg, looking around the coffee shop that looks nothing like Dollywood: "This place looks like Dollywood!"

A few more minutes later...
My boss: "Why is your leg gold?"
Guy wearing an afgan and sporting a gold leg: "I was diggin in some mud and I struck gold!"

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:07 pm 
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maygles wrote:
"Don't bother coming back into our store again sir, you're being a crasshole to my employee."


That's awesome!! Most bosses I know (mine and friends') WANT to say this but never do because they're so afraid of losing business/giving a bad impression of a place.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:11 pm 
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I used to work in a Dollar Tree, where everything is a dollar, except for some very small things that are 2 for a dollar, 3 for a dollar, etc. There are huge signs all over the store that say, "Yes, everything is really a dollar!" It was printed on the front of every other shelf in every isle. On my name tag it said, "Believe it!" And yet I had at least a dozen people ask me how much something was every day. Every. Day. Several were regulars. Most of them weren't kidding.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:15 pm 
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I grew up near a very large and famous concrete structure.
My first job was at a drug store that faced said structure and that had a front made entirely of windows. Every day during tourist season I would get the "Where is the structure?" question. So every time I would politely give directions to the visitors center. My estimate is that 7 out of ten times what they wanted to know was where the structure was. As in they were looking out the window and not seeing it, or not realizing that the huge impossible to miss thing in their field of vision was what they were looking for.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:49 pm 
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Mack the Spork wrote:
maygles wrote:
"Don't bother coming back into our store again sir, you're being a crasshole to my employee."


That's awesome!! Most bosses I know (mine and friends') WANT to say this but never do because they're so afraid of losing business/giving a bad impression of a place.


Sadly the manager of that Safeway, some jerk with an inflated sense of self because of his MBA that he mentioned ALL THE TIME, was such a shitbag to her that she ended up quitting like two months after I started working there. It got pretty shiitake after she left so I only stuck around for another month or two and used school starting as an excuse to quit.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:52 pm 
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Many of my weird work interactions happen in writing, for which I am very grateful. You can usually spot these because they're typed on a typer writer, hand written, and/or stuffed into tiny envelopes.

I recently got a really racist typewriter-written book proposal. At the end of the proposal, the author detailed his gun collection, shooting experience, and survivalist training and let me know that he's ready to flee to another country upon the publication of his book since he expects death threats.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 1:52 pm 
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b.vicious wrote:
I used to work in a Dollar Tree, where everything is a dollar, except for some very small things that are 2 for a dollar, 3 for a dollar, etc. There are huge signs all over the store that say, "Yes, everything is really a dollar!" It was printed on the front of every other shelf in every isle. On my name tag it said, "Believe it!" And yet I had at least a dozen people ask me how much something was every day. Every. Day. Several were regulars. Most of them weren't kidding.

Ha, along those lines I used to work at a drink place in the food court of a mall. It was called Quenchers and we had nothing but drinks. There were three large menu panels above my head, one for smoothies, one for slushies and one for juices and lemonades. And people would walk up and ask, "What do you have to drink?" All day long, every day. Or they'd order a diet Coke.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:25 pm 
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mollyjade wrote:
I recently got a really racist typewriter-written book proposal. At the end of the proposal, the author detailed his gun collection, shooting experience, and survivalist training and let me know that he's ready to flee to another country upon the publication of his book since he expects death threats.

I think I had this guy in a volunteer training.
The little town we lived in had a mysterious murder 30+ years ago and while everyone believes the teenage son killed his parents, he was never convicted. As it turns out all-grownup-teenage-son is a gun nut and survivalist and aspired to be a literacy volunteer (of all things). He came to my training, when his turn came to introduce himself and say why he was there he introduced himself, said he was "the same guy who did what you think i did" and implied he had a pistol in his belt. We were in a library annex, not in the public area, and the other 29 volunteers were shitting their pants. I had no idea who the F he was supposed to be, but everyone was very disturbed so I said we should take a break. Stupidly, I said I didn't know him aside from his name, but if he wanted to help our cause we'd love to have him, but if he didn't mind people were a little intimidated by the pistol, if he could leave it in his car that might make everything a bit easier (i was pretty sure he didn't have a pistol in his belt or i NEVER would have said this. i think about it now and realize he could have had a little teeny one and it makes me want to pass out) . He went off and never came back from coffee break, no idea why but NOT COMPLAINING!!!!

Later I'll have to tell about the Reason I Quit Teaching High School (aka would you like to work for the mob?)

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:37 pm 
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mollyjade wrote:
I recently got a really racist typewriter-written book proposal. At the end of the proposal, the author detailed his gun collection, shooting experience, and survivalist training and let me know that he's ready to flee to another country upon the publication of his book since he expects death threats.


I got a children's book proposal from an inmate. The story was about his dog Chopper.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:42 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
I got a children's book proposal from an inmate. The story was about his dog Chopper.


Wait, was it about a dog named 'Chopper' or the act of chopping dogs?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:55 pm 
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Ok, so this isn't about a very special customer/client exactly but I work in a hospital laboratory and the best sample I have ever received was a head wound swab with the clinical details "explosive diarrhoea" and I still wonder what the connection was. Did he literally have explosive diarrhoea and it caused him to hit his head, causing the wound? Or, was it so explosive it managed to get into a pre-existing wound on his head? How does this happen?


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 3:16 pm 
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Ugh, my total pet peeve just happened. Phone rings and "uh, yeah, someone just called me from this number?"

I usually give them a long, silent pause, and then say, "okay."

There are easily 25 "someone"s in our office! Someone took the time to leave you a message, show them a little courtesy by taking the time to listen to it before you forking call back!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:51 pm 
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Just as a general rule people who call you back without listening to your voicemail peeve me.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 6:21 pm 
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monkeytoes wrote:
Just as a general rule people who call you back without listening to your voicemail peeve me.


I don't do this, but my mom does, and when I asked her what was up with that, she explained that the reason she does it is because she feels like it makes more sense to call the person back right away rather than spending the extra time to listen to the message, and if she only has a few minutes free to return the phone call, she'd rather spend those free minute actually talking to the person. It's still not what I would personally do, but I at least understand why someone would do that now that she explained.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:03 pm 
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Rowan wrote:
FootFace wrote:
I got a children's book proposal from an inmate. The story was about his dog Chopper.


Wait, was it about a dog named 'Chopper' or the act of chopping dogs?


It was a dog named Chopper, not a dog-chopping implement.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:05 pm 
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That makes a much happier story.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:53 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
Ugh, my total pet peeve just happened. Phone rings and "uh, yeah, someone just called me from this number?"

I usually give them a long, silent pause, and then say, "okay."

There are easily 25 "someone"s in our office! Someone took the time to leave you a message, show them a little courtesy by taking the time to listen to it before you forking call back!


This one so hard. We're one phone number for about 25 employees on staff at any one time, 50+ total. Nearly 50 patients. Eight separate buildings. And 95% of the time they understand this and still make me go through the song and dance anyway.

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