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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:04 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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I just saw a release of a document I was quoted to translate for the city's tourism department (and they dinged as "too expensive".
It looked like even google translate was too high class, because it was horrid, horrid, horrid.

Erika, I had someone ask me to look at a website just to proofread, it was great, except for the web design was done by a company whose name was a euphemism for stroganoff. and the logo looked like someone stroganoff a pencil. I responded to the request civilly but said hey, this is really not acceptable and should be removed, and someone should tell the business owner that this is way beyond the pale.
The guy hunted me down somehow (sloppy email forwards, i guess?) I got kfishered to my email, to my facebook, companies I work for, to everyplace, the guy was horrid and violent, and of course wouldn't believe that his business meant stroganoff english (i assumed as a speaker of a little english that maybe he just didn't know) and i was out to get him and "should be stopped". So, uh, tread carefully.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:24 am 
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torque wrote:
I just saw a release of a document I was quoted to translate for the city's tourism department (and they dinged as "too expensive".
It looked like even google translate was too high class, because it was horrid, horrid, horrid.

Erika, I had someone ask me to look at a website just to proofread, it was great, except for the web design was done by a company whose name was a euphemism for stroganoff. and the logo looked like someone stroganoff a pencil. I responded to the request civilly but said hey, this is really not acceptable and should be removed, and someone should tell the business owner that this is way beyond the pale.
The guy hunted me down somehow (sloppy email forwards, i guess?) I got kfishered to my email, to my facebook, companies I work for, to everyplace, the guy was horrid and violent, and of course wouldn't believe that his business meant stroganoff english (i assumed as a speaker of a little english that maybe he just didn't know) and i was out to get him and "should be stopped". So, uh, tread carefully.


Now I really want to know what this business is called!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 1:52 am 
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And I really want to know what happened with kfischer!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:28 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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ha, amonik, me too!

CQ, i will tell you but you have to open a new window and not search directly from here, since he uses the trackback thing to harrass people (or something, he managed to hunt me down pretty good), and I just finished scraping this scumbag off my shoe. it rhymes with sand blob studios but has a manually-masturbatory theme, how about that?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 8:42 am 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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No way! That is forking ridiculous, torque!


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 12:27 pm 
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Haha, Sand Blob Studios. I want that to be a real thing. Specializing in cinematic swamp creatures, other-worldly unidentifiable monsters, and state of the art quicksand technology.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 1:40 pm 
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torque wrote:
ha, amonik, me too!

CQ, i will tell you but you have to open a new window and not search directly from here, since he uses the trackback thing to harrass people (or something, he managed to hunt me down pretty good), and I just finished scraping this scumbag off my shoe. it rhymes with sand blob studios but has a manually-masturbatory theme, how about that?

Googling it (in a new window!) only got me a bunch of Brazilian porn. Which...well, is precisely the problem, isn't it?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 2:08 pm 
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torque wrote:
it rhymes with sand blob studios but has a manually-masturbatory theme, how about that?


SERIOUSLY?! OMG, that makes me wish I had titled my short-lived "English language consultancy" in Hong Kong something along the lines of "daap fei gei" ("beating the airplane," you can guess what that's Cantonese slang for).

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 2:52 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
torque wrote:
ha, amonik, me too!

CQ, i will tell you but you have to open a new window and not search directly from here, since he uses the trackback thing to harrass people (or something, he managed to hunt me down pretty good), and I just finished scraping this scumbag off my shoe. it rhymes with sand blob studios but has a manually-masturbatory theme, how about that?

Googling it (in a new window!) only got me a bunch of Brazilian porn. Which...well, is precisely the problem, isn't it?


Same!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 4:10 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
j-dub wrote:
torque wrote:
ha, amonik, me too!

CQ, i will tell you but you have to open a new window and not search directly from here, since he uses the trackback thing to harrass people (or something, he managed to hunt me down pretty good), and I just finished scraping this scumbag off my shoe. it rhymes with sand blob studios but has a manually-masturbatory theme, how about that?

Googling it (in a new window!) only got me a bunch of Brazilian porn. Which...well, is precisely the problem, isn't it? why I haven't been back in this thread until now.


Same!


Fixed!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:57 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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i love this.
i am afraid to google the guy because of the headache he was.
i wish i could find his logo without having to hunt through porn (or having him start harrassing me again). it was a hand holding a very phallic looking writing instrument in a rather, uh, jerky sort of position. When I saw it I thought there was NO WAY he could have made this up without intending to. either he wised up or maybe he is just.... busy.... in the backroom.... with his airplane....

to move along in this thread, last week a client was complaining to me about a revisor who was being extra stupid and screwing up a book publishing job (by laying out a book without using the English rules for hyphenating words). I chuckled. So of course, karma steps in, and this week the very same revisor (! different client, same revisor! what are the chances!) handed me my asparagus twice in one day for making stupid mistakes. Touché.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:58 pm 
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Lime and a Coconut
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BIG DAY, GUYS!!! Our favorite local "character" is off his meds again!

So he opens up the door and starts hollering up the stairs, and we immediately know it's not good. I grab my stun gun off my desk shelf and unholster it (yeah, I keep a stun gun at my desk, it helps me feel like Veronica Mars). He appears, covered in blood and holding a tallboy of beer and obviously FACED. I tell him immediately he has to leave and he responds by flopping onto the couch and pretending to go catatonic.

I approach him with C, one of the attorneys at our office, who is easily 6'2" and 220 lbs., and keep telling him to leave, with C cajoling him in a friendly voice, "come on, buddy, let's go. We can talk outside." The guy still isn't moving, and is pointing at me yelling about how I'm a man-hating lesbian, which only made me laugh and say "I only hate this man," pointing back at him. He responds by hollering "I AM THE PINNACLE OF MANLINESS!" Which, as nervous as I was (my butt was quivering! How embarrassing!), I had to laugh a lot at that.

So C keeps up with the nice, friendly act, telling him he's got to go, they can talk outside, etc. The guy still isn't moving, is getting more belligerent, so I step forward, press the go button on the stun gun, and let it SNAPSNAPSNAP for a second or two in the air about four feet away from him to know what I've got and that we mean business. I said "do you want some of this?" C said "I sure don't want some of that, I don't think you do, either. You should go, pal." That shut him up for a stunned few seconds (no pun intended), but then his liver found his courage again and he started yelling at me again and "if you use that on me I'll kick your asparagus 7.5 different directions! I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO SKI AT SOCHI!" And thus, my new favorite threat was born.

Finally, C gets him down the first couple of steps, and I had to laugh, again, when the guy leans over and hisses in a condescending voice, "you probably think I'm drunk, you forkin' idiot!" C tried to keep him moving, but it devolved from there, and C has to get more aggressive, pushing/carrying him down the stairs, with his tallboy spilling all over the carpet, as I'm shouting back into the office that we need some help. About five more attorneys run out, including one who is even larger than C (and was a mover and a bouncer before law school). After pushing and scrambling and hollering, he is pushed out our front door, managing to ring our doorbell in the process, which, as nervous and slightly scared as we were, had everyone in the office in hysterics. Aaaand the door is now locked.

In other words, just another Monday at my office.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:17 pm 
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A STUN GUN?! Now I've heard it all. Have you ever actually had to use it?

That reminds me of what a friend told me today. I was talking about all the difficult patrons I had today (and I stress that most patrons are not difficult and if you're a normal person with an information need, you'll never be called difficult; difficult is reserved for the really rude and well, difficult people out there, like Erika's "character") and how one called me a "nasty bisque" earlier. My friend suggested I bring a gun to work and keep it under my shirt and when someone is being difficult "cooly lift up your shirt to reveal that you are both pregnant AND willing to shoot them in the face." Anyway, later after a couple shift changes, she came back to the desk and was as sweet as pie to me. She either didn't remember calling me that (entirely possible, trust me) or just figured that in order to get anything from me, she'd have to be nice.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:20 am 
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bastah wrote:
A STUN GUN?! Now I've heard it all. Have you ever actually had to use it?


Well, yeah. I used it today. To get a drunk crazy guy out of the office. As far as actually shocking anyone, I haven't. Yet.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:35 pm 
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Heeeerrrrree's JACKY!
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I have mace in my desk, as well as a stun gun in the back room. All in the line of duty. The mace has only ever been brought out once... and thankfully not by me.


This morning a clients mother called three times. "I need to talk to my kid and they won't let me". "Kids mrsa is flaring up" and finally, "How did you let kid get sentenced without me?"

It is going to be a long day.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:19 pm 
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An opposing attorney just said "I'm hip to that". I love Eugene.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 7:53 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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So, Mr "I can't pay"'s boss came to me today and told me that Mr ICP sent the two jobs he wouldn't pay for to other translators, who did a horrible job.... and their internal QC person (who, irony of ironies, went to Mr ICP's former job and took over his former post!) quit in a huff and didn't check the quality before delivering the reports to the end clients and the clients were Very Peeved.
Yet, amazingly, Mr ICP is the new operations manager and still doesn't want to pay the fair price they've been paying for years! ICP's boss asked me to send him a formal letter giving him the names of three of my competitors for them to get an idea of what a good financial deal they get.
I appreciate the boss's effort here to try to bridge the gap between Mr Penny-pincher and me and to just get shiitake working again (and I truly feel terrible for them, I've been working with them for years and I know what jerks these clients are and what an earful they must have gotten about unreadable reports...) but it strikes me how bizarre this situation is- please provide the names and contacts of three of your competitors so that we can try to undercut you.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 8:23 pm 
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Lime and a Coconut
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torque wrote:
So, Mr "I can't pay"'s boss came to me today and told me that Mr ICP sent the two jobs he wouldn't pay for to other translators, who did a horrible job.... and their internal QC person (who, irony of ironies, went to Mr ICP's former job and took over his former post!) quit in a huff and didn't check the quality before delivering the reports to the end clients and the clients were Very Peeved.
Yet, amazingly, Mr ICP is the new operations manager and still doesn't want to pay the fair price they've been paying for years! ICP's boss asked me to send him a formal letter giving him the names of three of my competitors for them to get an idea of what a good financial deal they get.
I appreciate the boss's effort here to try to bridge the gap between Mr Penny-pincher and me and to just get shiitake working again (and I truly feel terrible for them, I've been working with them for years and I know what jerks these clients are and what an earful they must have gotten about unreadable reports...) but it strikes me how bizarre this situation is- please provide the names and contacts of three of your competitors so that we can try to undercut you.


Jeez... is there a tactful way to respond and say that generally, cost-comparisons are carried out by the client and not by the competing businesses? I get that they're a long time client and you don't want to lose them, but that's borderline insulting.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 8:59 pm 
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Yeah, I reread that a few times, because I thought I was reading it wrong.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 9:47 pm 
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You're not a car insurance company that advertises cost comparisons! That is just silly.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2014 8:23 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Amazingly enough, I just talked to my cousin to see about this because according to Mr T (and confirmed by cousin), cost comparisons, like the ones required when you take a government contract, are typically done BY THE QUOTING BUSINESS here, not the client. Go figure.
Don't they know that I will cherry pick and send the client the extra expensive ones? Or even call up my colleagues and say, hey, if Mr ICP calls, charge him 50% more than your price. And that is exactly what people do, and probably why Brazil wastes 99.9% of its public funding.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2014 8:29 am 
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Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
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Whoa crazy! It sounded like maybe the boss wanted you to pick expensive ones just to show ICP that he's getting a good deal with you and he shouldn't complain?


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2014 8:48 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Yes, that's exactly the objective. Also, the big boss needs the problem fixed and would rather avoid confrontation with ICP. She is not only an engineer but a psychologist and she invents schemes like this to make people think that things are their own idea. I've seen her do it with other people, but I've never had to take part before. I feel like I'm in game of thrones or something.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2014 10:14 am 
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Lime and a Coconut
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torque wrote:
Also, the big boss needs the problem fixed and would rather avoid confrontation with ICP.


I love this nickname you've given the guy, because now I'm just picturing these two not wanting to pay proper translation costs:

Image

Magnets and billing, how do they work?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2014 10:26 am 
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Super fun lady huffed into the HFS last night and demanded to know why we were out of one particular brand/size of stevia, then demanded to know why our shelves looked so empty (people buy things!), then demanded to know when it would be in, then when I told her we could call her when it came in or order her some, but that it might be in tomorrow on our shipment, she exclaimed that she would be the one calling tomorrow to see if it was here, then demanded to know what time the shipment would be here, but we never know those things because it could come in the morning or afternoon, depending, then she demanded to speak to someone who did know when it would be in, but there was no one (because no one can know), then demanded a business card, demanded to know my name, and told me she would absolutely be calling my manager tomorrow.

Demanding bisque.

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