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weddings are annoying, but...
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Author:  Nebraskalaska [ Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

Yeah, I just don't like the term in general, especially since it's a negative term that is gendered and focuses solely on the bride, not both partners, or the wedding itself. I've never heard of anyone use the term Groomzilla, except maybe jokingly. I don't think there is a Bridezilla mentality. People get stressed, it happens, and we don't need a sexist term for it. No one ever called me a Finalzilla or Portfoliozilla in college when I was working 15 hour days to finish my final projects and was having far more meltdowns and was way more annoying than I ever had with wedding planning. People just said I was stressed because of finals. Why? because women and men are viewed by society to have an equal share of stress in a similarly important time in their lives.

It's a double standard. If a guy shows some stress or frustration related to wedding planning it's just really cool that he's involved with the planning! How cute and nice! If a woman dares to get a bit frazzled she's a Bridezilla.

The deck is stacked against women from the very beginning, and the term is actually a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. I noticed when I was engaged people eagerly asked me if I was stressed (never my fiancee, who did equal amounts of planning), because they wanted to hear about some juicy meltdown or Bridezilla moment. Screw that.

Author:  vijita [ Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

Jay did barely anything but it suited us okay. I got stressed, but I get stressed about everything. In the end we have differing opinions about just how much I did, but honestly, it doesn't matter. Events are stressful. I work tonnes of weddings and you definitely see people get a bit crazy, but it is what it is. I think I was a very laid back bride, but I also did it all myself even though my friends offered their help. I just found it more convenient to just do it myself, despite the fact that it would have been easier with some help. I didn't want to order anyone around.

Author:  vegetable_assassin [ Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

Pinko wrote:
That said, we had a catholic wedding and did all the marriage prep stuff that entailed and you do need a long lead time. It's pretty much impossible to have a whirlwind wedding if you want to get married in the church.


This is one main reason why we are leaving ample time for the details, like pre canna classes which we haven't started yet. Also I'm catholic, but he is not, he went to Lutheran church a few times as a kid but not religious. So we're getting married in the church because it matters to me, but I don't want to impose my views on all the planning aspects. Its hard not to though, because he is being neutral about much of it. The main importances to him are that we arrange ways to get all our friends there if they cant afford it, have great vegan food, and no cameras running rampant to ruin our leisurely enjoyment and festivities of the reception. All these things are important to me too, especially since we both abhor photos of ourselves. I think we should just have a photographer beforehand to take some pics, then ban everyone else's cameras, I'm sure my mother will hate it.

Author:  vixki [ Thu Apr 18, 2013 7:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

I'm in total wedding overload right now. It's just two and a half months away and I feel like I have NOTHING done.

And my cousin (who RSVP'd as coming to my wedding ages ago, only to, a couple of weeks ago, change his mind and say he can't come because he's decided to hold his Stag Do on the very same day) has sent out his wedding invites and they are going ALL OUT. They must be spending a complete ton, and my wedding is really quite a homespun affair, which I like, but I'm still not looking forward to the comparisons.

Author:  julialegume [ Thu Apr 18, 2013 12:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

omg vixki, if people are comparing your weddings by saying your "homespun" wedding was not as good as someone's "ALL OUT" wedding, then they are missing the point of the wedding. The event is not for the guests to sit at an over the top table and look at the bride's million dollar gown. It's for friends and family to witness love. How can you compare love?

Author:  vijita [ Fri Apr 19, 2013 2:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

julialegume wrote:
omg vixki, if people are comparing your weddings by saying your "homespun" wedding was not as good as someone's "ALL OUT" wedding, then they are missing the point of the wedding. The event is not for the guests to sit at an over the top table and look at the bride's million dollar gown. It's for friends and family to witness love. How can you compare love?

Absolutely!

Author:  vijita [ Wed Apr 24, 2013 5:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

I have a few more photos! Do you guys wanna see? Okay I'm not giving you an option.

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FOOD! Salad with papadum.

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This was another salad. I totes don't remember the details.
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Dal and turmeric rice.
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Garlic naan
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Celeriac kofta balls in a coconut curry sauce
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Me loading up.
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The vegan chocolate peanut butter cake with a train that I got my dad for his birthday!
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I guess we danced at some point?
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Author:  Tofulish [ Wed Apr 24, 2013 7:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

The pictures aren't showing up for me which makes me megasaaaaaad

Author:  vijita [ Wed Apr 24, 2013 10:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

Weird! Hmm.

Author:  Rhizopus Oligosporus [ Wed Apr 24, 2013 10:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

Tofulish wrote:
The pictures aren't showing up for me which makes me megasaaaaaad
Same! Wah! Want to seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Author:  vijita [ Wed Apr 24, 2013 11:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

Sorry! I'll get them on flickr. We didn't have a photographer, just three family members taking photos, so sorting through them all is taking forever!

Author:  aelle [ Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

I'm looking forward to your pictures Vijita!

I am researching the legal requirements for our wedding and I am already having a mini panic attack. I remember now why we threw the towel when we were still in Korea.

Reminder: I am French, he is Dutch, we live in Germany. I want to have the wedding in France so that my grandparents (who are old and not mobile) can attend. But this may or may not be possible as French citizens are required by law to get married in their city of residence. This is often waived, but I have never seen it done for someone who lives abroad. First thing.

Second thing: both future spouses are required to be physically present to hand in the application file (to guarantee consent, I suppose?) more than 10 days before the wedding. The only time we might get to do that could be at Christmas. So we need our huge stack of documents to be sorted out before then. If we want a prenup, we need to have that dealt with before then. Do we want a prenup? I don't know, do we? I'm trying to read the Hague Conference on private international law to figure out what exactly it would be that we would be signing and under what jurisdiction we will end up married, and I have no clue. A consult with a specialist of international law might be in order soon.

I don't even want to start estimating how much money we will throw at Wally's entire existence being translated and apostilled and whatnot. And having an interpreter at the wedding. Blech. I'd really rather spend my money on food!

So! As a contingency plan, I look up "how to get married in Germany" and this is one of the first links that pops up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dnHVEqU7Hg

All the forums say: if you're not German, don't even attempt it! Elope to Denmark! Which I can't do because I am French, see paragraph number one. Gah!

Author:  Tofulish [ Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

Several of my French friends have just flown to NY and gotten the civil service of marriage performed over a weekend, and then had their marriage recognized in France and done a separate wedding ceremony etc. You don't have to do both the civil and church wedding in the same place....

Author:  aelle [ Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

We're only having a civil ceremony, and that's the one I would like to do in France.

Author:  vijita [ Tue Apr 30, 2013 1:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

Photos! I forgot. So no one can see the ones I posted? Weird! FB isn't letting me post some here either so fork it, if anyone is interested, this is the dropbox link to a zillion photos! https://www.dropbox.com/sh/kgflxck9f5fm ... ?n=5427457

Author:  julialegume [ Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

vijita - I love the ones of Harrison!

Author:  katiejayne [ Wed May 01, 2013 12:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

vijita wrote:
Photos! I forgot. So no one can see the ones I posted? Weird! FB isn't letting me post some here either so fork it, if anyone is interested, this is the dropbox link to a zillion photos! https://www.dropbox.com/sh/kgflxck9f5fm ... ?n=5427457

I love you guys!! Best wedding/weekend fun times/Madame Puddington hangout trip ever.

julialegume wrote:
vijita - I love the ones of Harrison!

You would! (I do too, he is pretty cute)

Author:  vijita [ Wed May 01, 2013 8:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

I feel like you guys think Harrison is much cuter than he is...and that makes me a horrible aunt. I am admittedly much more entranced by Emme and Rafael. Oh but you've never spent an entire week listening to that little terror sleeping in the room next to you flipping out all night.

But I'm glad in retrospect that I had babies at the wedding! I thought they would drive me crazy but they were just cute little accessories.

/not a baby person.

Author:  vijita [ Wed May 01, 2013 8:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

katiejayne wrote:
I love you guys!! Best wedding/weekend fun times/Madame Puddington hangout trip ever.


<3 <3 <3. LOVED the American contingent so much. And I'm so glad you got to see Puddy practicing her sprints for the 2014 Kitty Olympics.

Author:  katiejayne [ Wed May 01, 2013 11:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

vijita wrote:
katiejayne wrote:
I love you guys!! Best wedding/weekend fun times/Madame Puddington hangout trip ever.


<3 <3 <3. LOVED the American contingent so much. And I'm so glad you got to see Puddy practicing her sprints for the 2014 Kitty Olympics.

She was doing a lot of sprint practicing!! Silly cat.

Author:  dakini [ Wed May 01, 2013 7:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

We ordered our invitations last night from the David's Bridal website. We were initially planning on buying a pattern from Etsy and printing it ourselves but I decided I wanted to limit the amount of work we had to do as there is no shortage of work to be done when planning a wedding. But I was really stoked because the original total cost was scary, so I spent 30 minutes looking up coupon codes and trying about 50 expired ones and then one finally worked! And I saved $130. So the lesson here is, coupon codes are worth scouring the internet for!

Author:  Gulliver [ Sat May 11, 2013 3:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

aelle wrote:
I am researching the legal requirements for our wedding and I am already having a mini panic attack. I remember now why we threw the towel when we were still in Korea.
An acquaintance of mine who I believe was Thai (I really didn't know her that well) married a French guy while she was living in Spain. In the end, they had three mini-weddings, one in Spain for friends, one in France for his family, and one in Thailand for hers.

I'm sure if you get married often enough, one of them will stick...

Author:  aelle [ Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

There is still no date or a firm "yes" from the authorities of the city we want to get married in, but everyone who went through similar things tells me that I should relax and that there will be no problem. I am just going to break down the legal process in manageable steps and deal with them one by one. I need to start by writing to city hall to officially request a date as a non resident, putting the citizenship issues aside for now, and we'll go from there.

I have to say that I am so glad I picked a married friend to be my witness/MOH. She had a similarly unconventional wedding a couple years back that she planned basically by herself, so she's been there and she is a great cornerstone of sanity.

I have a hard time figuring out a timeline for my planning. Since all but 2 guests will be from out of town and 60% flying in from abroad, typical timelines don't seem to make much sense. Is it possible to send invitations *too* early? Do people forget if it's months and months away or something?

Author:  vixki [ Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

My wedding is tomorrow!!!! And it's such perfect weather!! :D

Author:  aelle [ Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: weddings are annoying, but...

How awesome! Have a great time!

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