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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 7:10 am 
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Aelle, I would send a save the date out now if you know the date yet, as it's mostly people flying in from other countries. The proper invites can go later. My brother and his fiancé are getting married next month and they sent out their save the date by email at the beginning of this year (except to those that don't have it) and then the actual invites went out may/june this year.

vixki, have a fab day! The weather is looking like it's going to be great for you.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:30 am 
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Have fun vixki! I work weddings all weekend and man, I wish I was the bride instead of the help.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 10:50 am 
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vixki wrote:
My wedding is tomorrow!!!! And it's such perfect weather!! :D

Have a fantastic day!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 11:10 am 
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vixki wrote:
My wedding is tomorrow!!!! And it's such perfect weather!! :D


How exciting, have a great day!


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:25 pm 
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married! hottest day of year, whoo! I'm exhausted, zzzz. now off to sicily!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:28 pm 
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Yay! You guys look great!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 9:15 pm 
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Awwwwwwwww!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 9:29 pm 
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Beautiful!

And yes, save the date cards are great for weddings that you know will require travel. I sent save the date postcards a year out and then regular invitations six weeks out. Just remember that everyone who gets a save the date has to get an invitation.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 10:19 am 
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Hoorah! Congratulations!!! You are way prettier than Mr. bean! :)
Have a great time in Sicily. We went there last year and had such a wonderful time.
Huzzah!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 5:32 pm 
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Congrats vixki! You look so beautiful and happy!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 6:28 pm 
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Wedding etiquette question!

I have some lovely friends getting married in October. I've known M and T for about 15 years, but have lived on the opposite side of the state from them for the last 12 of those so I don't see them often. Last time I saw them was 2 years ago so they do not know biker boy. I just got the invitation for their wedding and it was just addressed to me, no "and guest."

Now, I know that that likely means they are limiting the guest list and are not factoring in a plus-one for me, which I totally get. I really want to go because I don't see them often, because they have been together 20 years waiting for the right to get married and it means a hell of a lot to all of us who love them, and because they will put on a fun party. But driving across the state by myself two days in a row, staying in a hotel room by myself and attending by myself (although I have friends who will be there) sounds like less than the best time ever. Plus, I would love for all of my friends over there to meet biker boy since I intend for him to be a permanent part of my life.

So... do I even ask if it's OK to bring him? If I do, I want to be perfectly clear that I understand if it's a no. I'm just thinking of the other side of it: if I didn't invite someone's significant other because I really didn't realize how well, significant they were, I would maybe feel bad if my friend showed up alone and wonder why they didn't ask. I don't want to stress them out and I don't want them to feel pressured to say yes... argh! complicated!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 6:46 pm 
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If you're traveling for their wedding, etiquette (and basic common decency) dictates that they are supposed to invite any "serious" partner you might have. No matter how much they might be limiting the guest list they really should afford you a +1, or not have invited you at all.

So yeah, ask them before inviting your partner, since they may not have considered it from your perspective.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:15 pm 
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If I put myself in the couples' position, I understand not wanting to give everyone a +1, because $$$$ and in my case we really couldn't afford to invite people we didn't both know, and we wanted to keep it small with only the people in our lives that had been a part of our lives in the seven years we'd been together (so, unfortunately, very few BFFs from childhood/high school, and very few people we didn't both have a relationship with). I don't really feel that this was selfish, but I understand your wanting to bring BB. Is the reception separate from the ceremony? A lot of people invite more people to the ceremony because it doesn't really cost extra and then limit the reception, especially if they have catering and a hosted bar.

If someone I hadn't offered a plus one to had asked, I probably would have agreed, but if everyone had brought partners that we didn't know, we would have had a much less intimate wedding, and my parents would have been pissed because they paid for the wine, haha. All that said, I don't think you really have anything to lose by asking!


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 9:54 pm 
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Oh, I don't think limiting your guest list is selfish at all! I understand there's cost issues, venue issues, etc... If they say no, that's OK. I'm more worried that if I ask, they'll feel like they have to say yes. If it was here in the greater Seattle area, I'd be happy just go on my own (but then again, if they lived closer I'd see a lot more of them and they'd know bb.)

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 7:42 am 
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I think you should ask them. You're being super polite and respectful about it :)


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:37 am 
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I would ask them. For one thing, they're very long term friends of yours so I'm sure you guys don't need to be walking on eggs around each other. For another, as far as wedding planning goes, by the time the invitations go out, you've had a lot of practice enforcing boundaries and saying no even to people you love (I'm starting to get good at it!) So if they can't have any more guests, they may already have thought about how to kindly turn down requests.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:48 am 
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At my wedding we limited the +1's we didn't know due to cost issues. One person asked if she could bring her partner. I didn't even know she had a partner (we didn't leave near each other) and of course I said yes and felt horrible that I hadn't invited him in the first place. Another wedding guest didn't ask, and just showed up with a date, who wasn't even his "partner," it was just some random date and I don't think he ever saw her again after that. I thought THAT was rude and I didn't really like having to pay for her dinner. Anyway, boring story even more boring, MT I think you are perfectly in the right to ask.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 5:40 pm 
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i have a wedding etiquette question! i searched for this in the thread, but didn't see much about it. it concerns being a bridesmaid at a destination wedding.

my bff since grade school is getting married next June. we're really close. i fly up to visit her about once each year. i've gone on vacations with her and her family. we've always managed to stay in touch even when oceans separated us. she currently lives on Long Island-- in the Hamptons-- and plans on having her ceremony there. she invited me and five others to be bridesmaids. her oldest sister is MOH, thank heavens.

i've looked into flights, hotels, and car rentals. three days up there for just those things will cost ~1,500. i know she also wants to do some fancy dinners, brunches, spa, hair, and make-up. she's not exactly a wealthy person, so all the bridesmaids will be expected to split the cost for these things. i just got real with my finances. i don't make a lot of money. i'm trying to make a move to a bigger city and change jobs.

i'm trying to talk to her sister, the MOH, who i'm also very good friends with, but haven't heard back. i've heard that you aren't expected to attend destination weddings, but what about when you're asked to the bridesmaid at one of your best friend's weddings? even though i'm not a fan of weddings, i feel like if i ever attended one, it should be hers. it's selfish, but i don't want her wedding to be my vacation of 2014. and, you know, the standard vegan pain-in-the-arse-for-everyone-else stuff.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 7:05 pm 
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don't take this the wrong way, but I think it's kinda rude for a bride to basically give a bill like that to someone to attend their own party....I know it's fairly standard practice, but I'd never expect somebody to fork over that kind of money for *my* celebration.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 7:33 pm 
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I don't have an answer for you, but it doesn't sound like a destination wedding if she's having it in the town where she lives.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 7:52 pm 
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i see your point. a friend of mine gave it the name of a destination wedding because none of the bride's family and friends live in the northeast, so it's a destination for everyone else.

i'd be happy to do it if the plane ticket (and dress and helping out and learning how to smile for a photo for once) was the only thing i had to worry about, but... ugh it's a just a lot to worry about and i'm not sure i can get past it.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 4:46 pm 
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chouettes crêpes wrote:
i have a wedding etiquette question! i searched for this in the thread, but didn't see much about it. it concerns being a bridesmaid at a destination wedding.

my bff since grade school is getting married next June. we're really close. i fly up to visit her about once each year. i've gone on vacations with her and her family. we've always managed to stay in touch even when oceans separated us. she currently lives on Long Island-- in the Hamptons-- and plans on having her ceremony there. she invited me and five others to be bridesmaids. her oldest sister is MOH, thank heavens.

i've looked into flights, hotels, and car rentals. three days up there for just those things will cost ~1,500. i know she also wants to do some fancy dinners, brunches, spa, hair, and make-up. she's not exactly a wealthy person, so all the bridesmaids will be expected to split the cost for these things. i just got real with my finances. i don't make a lot of money. i'm trying to make a move to a bigger city and change jobs.

i'm trying to talk to her sister, the MOH, who i'm also very good friends with, but haven't heard back. i've heard that you aren't expected to attend destination weddings, but what about when you're asked to the bridesmaid at one of your best friend's weddings? even though i'm not a fan of weddings, i feel like if i ever attended one, it should be hers. it's selfish, but i don't want her wedding to be my vacation of 2014. and, you know, the standard vegan pain-in-the-arse-for-everyone-else stuff.

I feel some of your pain, though my situation is a bit different. A friend who WAS a really close friend for a couple of years in Uni recently reconnected with me, which is great, and right before my small wedding (that I admittedly had not even thought of inviting her to) she asked me if I would be a bridesmaid for her own wedding next summer! Eep. So I said yes, and then subtly got a last-minute invitation in the mail for her to attend mine, but we must have really different ideas about how BFF we are because there were many friends I would have invited over her and I feel badly that I didn't! I'm honoured to be asked and excited for the travel, but see, Canada is this big forking country. I live as far west on the Pacific side as you can go--she is having her wedding as far East on the Atlantic as you can go. She's also chosen expensive bridal dresses and my husband and I are expected to rent a cabin since the wedding is way way way out in the middle of nowhere on some beach. And I can already tell she's going to expect us to get really, really excited about decorating and crafts and stuff, and I'm really not into that at weddings. I've worked about three weddings a week this summer and the bridal party are always miserable. (Which is why I didn't have one! I want my guests to have fun!).

I really don't like being a bridesmaid.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 7:49 pm 
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I would just talk to your friend about sitting out the more fun, optional things like makeup and spas. I mean if she's not a Money Bags herself she'll probably understand and work something out with you. Like maybe she knows someone who could give you a lift to and fro instead of you having to rent a car.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 9:12 pm 
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vijita-- yeah, my situation sounds really similar to yours. except the closeness thing. we've been friends for nearly 20 years! isn't that crazy? but yeah, i'm not a wedding lady, she expects us to help out a lot and do crafty things, so besides a chance to talk with people i don't see often, it won't be much like a vacation. and it's not like i'll be seeing much of my friend, either. she gets really crotchety under stress and i've already planned out uncomfortable situations in my head that will likely happen... in my head...

fee-- i'm just kinda worried about the planning of all that.... for one thing, everything in the hamptons is an hour's drive. i've already looked into some condos that i thought maybe the bridesmaids could rent together (but one will have a 2 month old by then, others have husbands and boyfriends, so...) and they're already booked for the entirety of next summer! so i just kinda thought it'd be best to look out for myself in that regard.

i'd just so rather see her once she's settled and happy and married and pregnant and stuff rather than during a time that's going to (okay, seems like it's going to) stress both her and myself out so much.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2013 7:38 am 
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chouettes crêpes wrote:
i'd just so rather see her once she's settled and happy and married and pregnant and stuff rather than during a time that's going to (okay, seems like it's going to) stress both her and myself out so much.


that sounds like a pretty good compromise!

......because I still think it's unreasonable to ask someone to splash out that extravagantly for their wedding.


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