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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 9:01 pm 
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Oh no, Holly, that's awful. I'm so sorry.

I'm in a similar position and honestly don't get stepmothers who make it so hard for their husband's kids to visit. Is it jealousy - because they hate the idea of their partner belonging to anyone else? Are they just clueless and accidentally horrible? And why don't Dads stand up for their kids to these people they have married? I just never talk to my Dad anymore, because after 25 years, my stepmother will still scream at him if he is ever alone with me (while still insisting that she wants us to visit more).

I read a book where the author's Dad had remarried and had kids and his second wife decided that they shouldn't tell their kids about his first family. So the man and his brothers weren't part of their Dad's life at all and when he died, no one invited them to the funeral. I just can't imagine anyone being ok with that, but I am pretty sure that if my stepmother had asked my Dad to do that, he would have.

I hope you have a safe and easy trip home and I am sorry your trip was so hard and so unnecessarily stressful

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 9:45 pm 
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Hollie, I don't think she's clueless. The problem is that she thinks you are clueless.

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 6:42 am 
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I'm sorry for you Hollie. I hope you feel better now you've left.

My dad had a girlfriend who was terribly jealous of my siblings and I for no reason. She was pretending to be nice in front of us, and we were nice to her, but I learned later she was making sick accusations about us behind our backs. My dad broke up with her because of that, and I am so grateful he had the sense to make that decision.

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 9:21 am 
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OMG Hollie, sending you lots of love! Give her fake numbers if she keeps bothering you about it.

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:16 pm 
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My VPP at the moment: The use of the word "harvest" when applied to hunting animals.

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:31 pm 
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particularly now that I have my own kid, it's really hard for me to imagine letting someone come in between my relationship with him. (I say that now, when he's so young and cute and dependent, but maybe in 15 years i'lll understand a bit more...??). One of my husband's uncles was in kind of a similar situation with his kids' own mother- apparently they didn't get along for several years at the end of their marriage, and for the last year of it he would stay at a hotel during the week and only come home on weekends, and they told the kids he was out of town for work. Once they finally got divorced it was still ugly of course, and my husband's family all think like, she poisoned the kids against him. I'm sure from the little I know about it that she said unkind things about him, but I know I sure as hell would be mad if my dad had been lying to me about being out of town for the better part of a year! Even if it was her idea and prompting, I always think, don't you have a backbone and aren't your kids important enough to stand up for? Is avoiding conflict more important than being a part of your kids lives? I just don't get it.


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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:35 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
Hollie, I don't think she's clueless. The problem is that she thinks you are clueless.


She probably does think I'm stupid, but the thing is, she really is incredibly unintelligent,. She has a very limited worldview and anything beyond it is incomprehensible to her. I've known her since I was 17, and she's always been nosy and gossipy and judgmental and seems to have no idea it's invasive and rude. Her daughters are the same way. They have to always know what you're doing, who you're texting, where you're going at all times. I was an only child and a latchkey kid, so I was raised in a completely different environment. Someone constantly all up in my business is stressful and upsetting to me.

My dad did have a talk with her before I talked to him (this was when I left and had the attack), but when I talked to him the next day, he said I had made her cry, and I was like OH HELL NO, she is not the victim here. I told him how hard being there had been for me, how much the thing with the stew had hurt my feelings and referenced a few other things (she told me I needed to have my blood pressure checked because my face was red -- I had just gotten out of the shower and it's 80 degrees in their house - so yeah, my face was kinda red), and that if I ever come to visit them again, it will be a much shorter visit and that I would stay at a hotel in town. The thing is, she is the only person my dad really has any contact with. They live in a rural area and sometimes go days without seeing another person, so his perception of how she acts is kind of warped from reality.

I was supposed to call to let my dad know I got home, and she answered. She said he was taking a nap because his stomach was so upset. This was definitely a passive aggressive jab at me. Because it's my fault he's upset. Not the person who forking needled and picked at his visiting daughter for five days until she had a panic attack.

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and sympathy. I'm home now! Mavis is pretty jacked!


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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:03 pm 
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Good for you to have confronted them about the mattter rather than let it slide. Their reaction is disappointing, but you've done all you could, and you have good ideas about how to deal with future visits.

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 11:06 pm 
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I'm so sorry Hollie! Good for you for sticking to your guns and not being gaslit by their mutual agreement that you made her cry and him sick.

I have been making efforts with my Dad and stepmom for 25+ years and it's never easy and they never seem to change no matter how many conversations we have. I kind of wish I had taken all that money and time and done other things with it. Even last year when I went, they made me feel like my daughter was a huge burden and they would both say nasty things about her. She is my step mom's third least favorite grandchild. This is something she actually told our kids. And L tried to be friendly and my stepmom will blank her and pretend she can't hear her. And she compared my 4 year old to their 15 year old foster son, so Leela clearly was lacking in maturity.

You're not alone, and these dynamics, though weird and anxiety inducing, don't mean anything about you. And they suck and feel terrible. Sending you many good thoughts!

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My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

THROW A forking YAM IN THE OVEN ITS forking CHRISTMAS - LisaPunk


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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Wed Apr 19, 2017 12:59 am 
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Brian's step-mom is actually super, above and beyond nice. We visited his dad in Florida for the first time since me being vegan, and his step-mom did RESEARCH, bought this ground pre-spiced tacoesque tofu, and made me vegan brownies. We found a pizza place that had Daiya cheese and I got to enjoy a full two days in BFE Florida without anyone saying 'well you can have a baked potato'.

Then we came back and I told Brian's mom this (cause she asked how the visit was) and I could tell she was miffed (jealousyyyyyy) but you know, she's been dealing with it for ten years and she still does things like offers me the jar of salsa she's had in her pantry forever along with non-vegan chips. After I woke up super early, then had to work a 10 hour shift after going back home. It's anti-worth it to go to the local family functions.

Also, I had to work 10 hours on Christmas (honestly the easiest day to work, so NBD to me) and not only would my sister-in-law not change any of her plans to accommodate my very real work schedule (after I told her 5 times over three months when I had to work), but they seemed surprised that I was serious when I said I wasn't making food because I literally did not have time. No one offered to bring anything, not even soda or hummus. No one brought anything on Thanksgiving, I made everything.

And then they wonder why we don't want to do family things!

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 8:15 am 
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Thanks everyone for the encouragement and empathy in the thread. I know that whole thing really didn't go here after the part about the stew because it didn't much have to do with veganism, but it was a continuing story, you understand. heh.

MBM - You vegans all think you're too good for my moldy salsa. This is why no one likes vegans.


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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2017 1:28 pm 
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When people ask for recommendations and someone suggests they check out Happy Cow. ESPECIALLY in a city specific vegan forum.

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 12:57 pm 
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Raaar. I was looking to see if I could find some recipes from the Salud! cookbook, and accidentally ran across a bad review of it because the food wasn't healthy and used oil and vegan cheese. Nothing new, but still anger-inducing.


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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2017 10:29 pm 
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I was fundraising at a bake sale last week and one of the people that works in our animal facility comes down and starts reading the labels on the items that I donated and going "Oh no, no, I don't do vegan stuff. No. I do full fat, sugar, milk and eggs only". "Is all of it vegan?". We look around at each other, and finally someone tells her no and points at the 25 other items on the table. Then somehow or another, she's back at my brownies no-noing them, and someone asks which ones had peanut butter vs oil and I explained (because I tried to bring something for everyone--pb instead of oil, apple sauce instead of oil, nuts and no nuts) that I used nuts in some of the trays and no nuts in the other so that people could decide based on that, since the fat doesn't really affect the taste from my experience and they all have tons of chocolate...
Then she was shocked that they were mine (which I have a hard time believing because years back the animal facility revealed to me that they had suspected that I was responsible for breaking in and freeing some of the animals) and barely apologized as best she could before buying a cupcake.
The entire table laughed as soon as she was gone.


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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2017 7:40 am 
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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2017 12:47 pm 
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I ONLY EAT NONVEGAN STUFF! I ONLY EAT BUTTER AND EGGS AND MEAT!

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2017 2:22 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 5:08 am 
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Rosie wrote:
Rosie wrote:
The new Linda McCartney pulled pork 1/4 pounder only has one non-vegan ingredient. Honey. forking honey. So annoying.



I wrote them an email, it probably won't do anything and I'm not the best at writing letters but if you don't ask you don't get!

Spoiler: show
Hi Guys.
I want to start off by saying I'm a huge fan of the vegan products you offer, your mushroom and spinach burger is a favourite in our household and your vegetarian sausages are probably the best on the market.

I regularly check for new products in the veggie section and was intrigued by your new Vegetarian Pulled Pork 1/4lb Burgers. When reading the ingredients on the back I became excited when I saw no egg or dairy listed, until I saw honey on there. It seems silly to include honey in an otherwise vegan-friendly product, when there are so many cruelty-free alternatives (agave nectar, brown rice syrup, maple syrup to name a few).

I realise this is a new product but is there any way you would consider eliminating this in future batches? You would make the burgers edible for literally tens of thousands more customers by simply omitting the honey.

I'd be really grateful if you could mention this to whoever may be involved with the manufacturing of the product, as I love your brand and I know myself and lots of other vegans would be elated to have another burger option especially with summer and the BBQ season coming up.

Best wishes,
Rosie.


I know this was forever ago and hardly anyone reads the forums anymore, but they have taken the honey out of the recipe! The pulled pork burgers are now vegan. Word.

Eta - Obviously not a peeve anymore but an awesome.

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 8:06 am 
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That IS an awesome!


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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 1:46 pm 
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Rosie wrote:
The new Linda McCartney pulled pork 1/4 pounder
Rosie wrote:
they have taken the honey out of the recipe! The pulled pork burgers are now vegan.

Awesome! I only saw them a few days ago and they must have been old stock, because they had honey in. Good to know it will be worth checking again soon.

(I got the other 1/4 pounders which weren't pulled pork flavour and they were just what I wanted at the time; savoury and juicy.)

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 3:28 pm 
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Yay! Nice one Rosie. I always try and engage with manufacturers and companies. The last email was to grand central trains thanking them for having a vegan sausage and chutney sandwiches on board and mentioning that it might be worth stocking more as they were sold out! I got a nice reply. That reminds me I need to write to virgin trains asking why they can't cater for vegans when grand central can!


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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2017 4:29 am 
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I got some last night, they are labelled vegan, woo hoo! Their website still has the old ingredients list so I guess they're waiting for all the old stock to go so they can update it.
And chickpea, that sounds like a really good sandwich! I've nothing against houmous and salad but it's nice to have something different.

While we're on the subject of sammiches.....Sainsbury's are finally doing one that's vegan! Avocado, tomato and basil.

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2017 12:55 pm 
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Rosie wrote:
I got some last night, they are labelled vegan, woo hoo! Their website still has the old ingredients list so I guess they're waiting for all the old stock to go so they can update it.


You did it! Way to go!

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Sun May 14, 2017 12:53 pm 
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My latest pet peeve: People who say (in social media-type situations) what big "animal lovers" they are. "Animals are all wonderful. All animals deserve our respect." Then you scroll down, and... Hey! Look! There you are eating lots and lots of animals!

Vegan confession: My first impulse on seeing those statements is to write them, saying, "That's great! Nice to see another vegan around here. When did you go vegan?"

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 Post subject: Re: Vegan pet peeves
PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 11:42 am 
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SAME.

I'm social media friends with a woman I was friends with in high school, but haven't seen in decades, and she posts a LOT. She recently opined that a shirt she found that said "My best friend on earth is EVERY ANIMAL EVER" was "absolutely positively made for [her]." Then she went out for steak and lobster and martinis (with pictures!) with the hubbs.


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