Post Punk Kitchen Forum

So in our horrible roommates threads the topic of people forking in the same room as you when they think you're asleep has come up quite a bit.
It happened to me once before and just did again so I decided to be super awkward and shameless and interrupt.

This girl has been sleeping on my friend's couch for the past few months and she's a total bisque. She throws fits when he has people over and busted in this morning and complained loudly about how I slept over last night. When it is his forking house. So her and some dude go on the other couch and think I'm asleep after making a whole bunch of noise and decide to start having sex three feet away from me. So I get up, grab my keys so they have time to cover up, and I walk over and ask them to hand me my jacket, please. Then I put my shoes on, said goodbye to everyone and left. I'm currently laughing my asparagus off on the bus.

So I wouldn't have done it if she wasn't a psychobitch...but these people who think others are really asleep when they try to fork in the same room are nearly always mistaken and need a wake up call. Am I right? Or am I a horrible person?

edit: So it's clear they were having some really un-sexytime, not playing chess.

You're not wrong. This happened to me a lot in my first year of college, and I WISH I'd had the stones to interrupt them.

I think what you did was completely legit. If she had been nicer, I probably would have just stayed "asleep," but your actions seem justified considering her bitchiness.

At first I thought "playing chess" meant actually playing chess, and I thought that the girl and her man-friend sounded pretty classy. . . then I read the part about "covering up" and realized that this was not the "checkmate" type of chess. Man, I'm so naive, haha.

Is playing chess a filter for having sex? Is this a new filter or have I just never happened on it before? I too was imagining people actually playing chess and couldn't figure out why it was wrong to engage in a great game while someone else was sleeping near by, or why they would want to cover their chess pieces (not a filter! but chess pieces would make a great filter for private parts!) when you got up. I guess it's more of the "mate" and less of the "check". Anyway, you are right and definitely not a horrible person. The girl sleeping on your friends couch sounds like the horrible person in this situation.

Me too. I had to read it twice to get the right interpretation for "cover up".

hahahah! You RULE! And no you are not a horrible person.

"having s e x" filters into quietly playing chess... pretty amusing. But slightly distracting. At least the other filters use a 'sounds like' thing.

Whyyy does the filtered content not show up when I hit "quote"?!

And yes, I've been there too, years and years ago. I didn't have the guts to talk to those shitheads in the same room with me; I just crept wayyy down into my sleeping bag and played Tetris on my mobile with the sound turned off. The worst part was when they finally shut up and the guy said, "Look, Phoenix is a lightning bug!", since I was this caterpillar-like sausage with a glowing end because of my mobile. Nobody apologized, and I just wanted to be somewhere else.

Next time something like this happens, I'm going to strike up a conversation!

"So I hear (literally) that you like _________ in bed. How's that working out for you? Nice weather today, huh?"

Or you could just wait for a quiet interlude and just say "So, anyone up for a quiet game of chess?"

You're not a bad person. Even if she was really nice it's quite rude to have sex three feet away from someone and expect them to just lay there and be uncomfortable should they happen to wake up. If she doesn't want to be interrupted she should fork somewhere that's not a common area.

"Can I cut in?"

So, I was on the other side of this in college a couple times. It was totally, insanely rude of me and I just did not see it at the time. Of course, now I feel like an asparagus. I WISH someone had told me to cut that shiitake out, like, the first time.

I've been on the other side of it too, I dont' know why. It felt so normal at the time. Looking back, not so much. But I would've laughed my asparagus off if someone interrupted. And then quickly learned my lesson and never would've done it again. You've probably just saved many, AV

This, but in a really deep, breathy voice.

Maybe give them instructions next time:
you: slower and a little to the right
people who are having sex: uh, what?
You: I think this would work better if you slowed down a bit and moved a little to the right.

Go you.

You are horribly awesome! That is really funny!

Best possible question.

I think you were totally right to make them feel awkward for having sex in front of a bunch of people they just assumed were sleeping.

Do this, and it'll never happen to you again... unless of course they say yes.