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is it stalking to watch your little right side newsfeed and read posts that don't involve you?
no, everybody reads everything everyone else writes on anyone's wall 48%  48%  [ 27 ]
yes, but everyone does it 13%  13%  [ 7 ]
yes, dammit! 4%  4%  [ 2 ]
who cares 36%  36%  [ 20 ]
Total votes : 56
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 Post subject: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:13 am 
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Bathes in Braggs
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argh. i had a weird day today and i'm wondering what the ppk thinks. for a while now, i have had a hunch that my mum stalks me on facebook. today she sent me a nasty email about a comment i left on a friend's status, a friend she does not know, and we have no friends in common either. so as i suspected, she is stalking me in that little active newsfeedy thing up in the righthand corner and apparently been clicking on every damn thing i do. i am 35, so it's not a parental responsibility thing we're discussing here. i NEVER click on a friend's comment on someone i don't know's wall. it has never even struck me as something you would want to do. so my question ppk'ers, is it just me, or is it rude to read all of that stuff that comes up in that little column if it doesn't have anything to do with you? and i'd just like to make it clear, this is not about the main newsfeed on your homepage which shows you friend's related activities, the stuff my mum is checking out are not being sent to her homepage. argharsghG. i know it's the internet, i know it's facebook, but surely there''s a level of decency?


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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:20 am 
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okay, i'm a fuddy duddy- i have that right column blocked. i think you can change your security settings so that she can't see your posting elsewhere, and if anyone, even my mother, sent me a message like that, that is the first thing i would do.

i have a few clients and plenty of family on FB and i occasionally feel bad that every other thing i post is chock full of F words, but really, this is Facebook. if you're going to go around critiquing the virtual graffiti we all post on other people's pages, you're a troll. [i am so sorry, i'm sure your mom is a lovely person!!!]

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Last edited by torque on Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:21 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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For some reason, I haven't been able to vote in polls in the forum for months.

No, I definitely don't think it's stalking. Sure, it's super bad manners and a lack of social grace to comment on your posts, but you put them out there for her to see. Why don't you add some privacy filters, so she can't read them? It's not really rude reading anything on facebook in my opinion. If you don't want people you're friends with on facebook to read something, you need to not allow that in your privacy filters, or only communicate with them in private messages.

Also, don't ever expect any level of decency on facebook. It's basically a public place to hang your underwear to dry. It's not exactly a violation of your privacy.. It sounds more like you and your mother need to have a chat about boundaries in general.


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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:27 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Also, stalking is about someone showing obsessive attention to an extreme degree towards someone who doesn't want them to. As annoying as your mothers comments are, I doubt it would be defined as stalking by any means. Basically, if the person is someone you would communicate with ever, they are probably not stalking you :)

Also, I am pretty sure 90% of all parents facebook-stalk their kids. My mom comments on or likes 50% of the things I do on Facebook. Sometimes it's a little annoying, but luckily she's got a good sense of humor!


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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:49 am 
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I read it sometimes. It's there, I get bored at work and I can't help myself.

I wouldn't comment on someone I don't know's posts though.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:28 am 
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I read that stuff sometimes, like baps I get bored at work and just click click click. It's not like I'm not allowed to read it; it's there. I think if you don't want your mom reading that stuff, you need to set some custom privacy settings for her!

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:33 am 
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baps wrote:
I wouldn't comment on someone I don't know's posts though.

It might seem strange, but I wouldn't expect older people to know the etiquette about this kind of thing anyway (we hardly do it seems). And if she doesn't have many other friends on there you might just show up a lot.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:46 am 
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Ugh my mom is always reading everything I do on Facebook!! Then we'll talk on the phone and she'll say "oh last week I saw that you said X on your friend's wall, etc etc" and it drives me crazy! We live far apart and she does it because she misses me so I have a hard time telling her to stop.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:50 am 
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What right side news feed? I don't have one.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:21 am 
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It also might be that your posts are showing up in her news feed. I had a thing a while back where that was happening with someone and every time I brought up something that was said or whatever he would go all "you're face stalking me!" And I would be all "well you're a pretty lousy stalkee for being Facebook friends with me and letting Facebook put all your activity on my newsfeed without me doing anything but logging into face"

So then he changed his privacy settings and I had to kill him.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:44 am 
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linanil wrote:
What right side news feed? I don't have one.


I just discovered that this even exists yesterday. A colleague of mine had left her facebook open at work and it was on there. Then when I logged her out and logged myself in, there it was, even though it's never shown up on my feed. I had to actively disable it. (It drove me nuts within two minutes of having it open.)

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:47 am 
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I voted 'who cares' before I read the whole original post. Because really, I don't, if you're going to post it on the internet, someone somewhere is going to see it. But I will chime in on how annoying it is to have parents on Facebook. My mom used to get onto me about saying fork on there all the time, not because it offends her (I use it conversationally with her all the time), but because she thinks that my 'future employers' are going to be all up in my facebook feed and not hire me because I used the f-bomb? So I try not to use it on there now, and when I do, I always say 'sorry, mom!' in the comments. My parents are alllll the time calling me up to talk about some shiitake I posted on there. Or haven't. If I'm not very active, they'll be like, 'Haven't seen you on facebook lately!' So weird. Also, my dad likes to post mean things on my stuff that no one ever should see.

Parents! (Cue Descendents song that used to be my ringtone for when they called.)

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:56 am 
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I don't think it's stalking, but I do think it's pretty rude of her to send you a nasty e-mail about a comment not directed at her. I'd definitely check up on your privacy settings.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 9:46 am 
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Chip Strong
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Not stalking! I read that thing on the right all the time. But if you feel you mom is seeing too much and posting on things that don't concern her add her to your restricted list so she won't be able to see everything you do.


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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 9:57 am 
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❀madam dahlia❀ wrote:
i suspected, she is stalking me in that little active newsfeedy thing up in the righthand corner and apparently been clicking on every damn thing i do. i am 35, so it's not a parental responsibility thing we're discussing here.


I don't have anything in the upper right corner of my FB page except Recommended pages/links/people to friend? What are you seeing.


Quote:
i know it's the internet, i know it's facebook, but surely there''s a level of decency?


Nope! :).

Seriously, Facebook has changed its privacy policies and users privacy settings without notice and without consent..........several times. People have lost jobs, marriages, divorce cases, real life friends and college admissions from things they posted that got into other people's hands through friends of friends, misunderstanding complicated FB settings etc.

You can't go wrong considering everything you put on Facebook as being 100% public, like Twitter. That is where it is going, swiftly.

Many people have two Facebook pages the way most people have an email account for work and an email account for their personal messaging. They will have one page with their real name for relatives, acquaintances and coworkers. They will have another page with an fake name and a different picture ( you can do Google searches with pictures now and I think that capacity is coming to Facebook ) for friends they feel safe(r) posting about themselves with.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:06 am 
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I assume that everything I post on Facebook is public. I don't friend my family members, but since everything is public, they can read it if they really want to. I've let the ones who I know actually use Facebook know that if they read something on my Facebook that bothers them, that's their problem, not mine, and if they didn't want to read it then they probably shouldn't be reading my Facebook. So far I've never had a problem.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:07 am 
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I don't think there's anything wrong with reading it. Facebook put it there because they thought people would want to look at what's in it. I found it incredibly annoying at first. Now most of the time I ignore it, but if something interesting pops up, I will look at it. Jumping down someone's throat because of something on facebook that doesn't in any way involve you is unnecessary and rude but this probably has more to do with your relationship with your mom and her personalit than with facebook etiquette per se.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:22 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Image

Folks, if you're not seeing the ticker, look for this button.You probably have it minimized.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:25 am 
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She's a mom -- what did you expect?

You can try to change your privacy setting so she can't see certain things, but probably easier and better to just assume that people can read what you post on the interwebs and prepare yourself accordingly.


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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:29 am 
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[quote="hoveringdog™"]Image

Folks, if you're not seeing the ticker, look for this button.You probably have it minimized.[/quote

Useful picture. I don't have that. I have stuff adblocked on Facebook, I'm guessing the missing button is in that frame.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:34 am 
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hoveringdog™ wrote:
Image

Folks, if you're not seeing the ticker, look for this button.You probably have it minimized.


Whoa, you can minimize that? Awesome. The minimize button is toward the bottom.

Hooray for less screen clutter.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:56 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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beforewisdom wrote:
Useful picture. I don't have that. I have stuff adblocked on Facebook, I'm guessing the missing button is in that frame.


Huh, weird. I have AdBlock running on mine, but the ticker is a different frame than the ads. Sucks to be you, I guess. More stalking for the rest of us.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:00 am 
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I don't have the lil right column thing. I can tell though when people are reading it by how they suddenly post in things I am posting. I find it annoying but I am like whatever. My mom too likes to go through my FB stuff and then takes everything so seriously it drives me bonkers, luckily I told her to mind her own business if she does not know the full extent of the story.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:00 am 
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I don't use facebook much but yeah, like all internetty things, I wouldn't divulge anything there that I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone on the entire planet being privy to because I consider it an entirely public domain. but I guess if you're FB advanced you can adjust your privacy settings and whatnot but even with that, I'd be cautious and just not publish anything at all that I'm not comfortable with. Save your most private divulgences for a phone call or something. That said, I'm older and FB is simply not embedded in my life and part of the social structure like it is for some but still, I'd exercise suspicious caution at all times and understand that at some point in the future, some eyes I don't wanna see stuff, might have access to see my stuff. The internet is a haunted place that never forgets.

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 Post subject: Re: facebook etiquette question!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:20 am 
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smoothie wrote:
Also, don't ever expect any level of decency on facebook.


this.

sometimes i think i should just delete my facebook so i wouldnt get so annoyed with it all the time and yet i never do. it's a strange evil addiction.

i wouldnt call it stalking per se but it's definitely rude and annoying to be reading things that dont concern you and then commenting on it to you. i mean it's public it's there so there's no stopping anymore but it's really not necessary. nor is it there business.

my mom comments on like literally everything i do on fb and it drives me literally insane. i need to figure out how to block people from seeing when you comment on someone else's (a stranger to them) posts. i mean i dont really think she needs to comment after all my comments. she's not adding anything to the conversation.
i dont know how to hide my posts on other peoples' posts though, even when they are not a mutual friend.
the best is when she has clearly no clue what we are talking about but tries to like comment and ends up looking very confused but in her mind i think she looks smart.
ugh. i wish it were the olden days of fb before everyone's mom and grandmom and their entire extended family had a fb account.

the other problem is facebook constantly changes everything so it's hard to keep up with who sees what and how and how to change it.

i also realized lately that i think anytime i like a photo everyone in my news feed can see it???? do all my fb friends really need to see every single guinea pig picture i like???

i just finally took my sister in law off my news feed. im not sure how it affects what she sees from me but i dont have to see her posts anymore. now i dont have to constantly be told how stupid i am for voting democrat and how i should think long and hard next time before i vote and how guns are super awesome and Obama is secretly coming to my house to steal my non-existant guns.
or her long angry rants against her family members.

why do we still do fb again?

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