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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 12:12 am 
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Maybe since you seem interested in the idea, but not the act, you should sign up for 'looking for friends only' (and actually consider the meetings and people that way).

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:09 am 
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Mars wrote:
Maybe since you seem interested in the idea, but not the act, you should sign up for 'looking for friends only' (and actually consider the meetings and people that way).


Great minds! I think I'm going to tell the veggie guy that riding bikes sounds awesome, but I'm just looking for friends/activity partners right now, so he can decide if he wants to hang out or not.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:58 am 
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Recently reopened my OKC account, and one of my first quickmatches says in their profile:

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I tried to drown a hamster when I was 10. Don't ask me why, I don't know.


What the fork?!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 8:17 am 
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Imogen wrote:
Recently reopened my OKC account, and one of my first quickmatches says in their profile:

Quote:
I tried to drown a hamster when I was 10. Don't ask me why, I don't know.


What the fork?!

Oh shiitake! Why would anyone say (or do) that?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 9:16 am 
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peanut wrote:
Oh shiitake! Why would anyone say (or do) that?


And why would you put it on your internet dating profile, presumably hoping to impress people with it to the extent that they want to go out with you?!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 9:51 am 
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Maybe the person is looking for fellow possible future serial killers? (Sorry, but violence towards animals, aside from being an abomination, sets off all kind of red flags for me.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 10:51 am 
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Or it could be someone messing around, not actually looking for a date

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 11:21 am 
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ndpittman wrote:
Also, no interest in roll playing Gizmo. Wow. I can't believe that guy's utter desperation!


fixed it for you!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 11:29 am 
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Mars wrote:
Or it could be someone messing around, not actually looking for a date


Yeah, my girlfriend had a profile up for a long time that was a wolf pretending to be a human...you never really know what someone's motivation for being on there is.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:14 pm 
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Dating sites have sucked for me lately, but a guy had added me on Twitter and he seems...lovely? Good? I don't know exactly how it happened (I got involved in a big left-wing Twitter rant) but he seems to think I'm the bees knees, and most of the other bits of a bee too.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 6:50 pm 
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OMG! I just found someone on Match that I "know". He was a trainer at the gym that I go to. Weird!

I told guy 1 that I didn't think I was ready, and he responded that whatever I need, but why am I trying to get through it alone? Does that seem odd to anyone else?

I haven't written guy 2 (veggie who asked about a bike ride) back yet as I'm still trying to think about what to say. I'm not ready to hang out yet, but I think he seems awesome, so I'd like to keep chatting. I'm just going to be honest about it; maybe he's actually looking for a pen pal? (Kidding)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 7:29 pm 
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ndpittman wrote:
OMG! I just found someone on Match that I "know". He was a trainer at the gym that I go to. Weird!

I told guy 1 that I didn't think I was ready, and he responded that whatever I need, but why am I trying to get through it alone? Does that seem odd to anyone else?


He may be ok with being a rebound-short-term-boy-toy?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 10:40 pm 
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lycophyte wrote:
He may be ok with being a rebound-short-term-boy-toy?

He might ascribe to the church of Dolly: "the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else"*

*Might not actually be a Dolly quote. I think it is, pretty sure? I dunno.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:19 am 
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Mars wrote:
lycophyte wrote:
He may be ok with being a rebound-short-term-boy-toy?

He might ascribe to the church of Dolly: "the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else"*

*Might not actually be a Dolly quote. I think it is, pretty sure? I dunno.


Ha! That quote is why I'm still even looking around on Match instead of deactivating my profile! Love Dolly! Not sure if it's hers or not. Quick google says it was referenced on both One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl though.

I think the real thing we've learned here is that a pink, puffy heart Mars.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 1:16 pm 
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So you know when you send someone a message and it's like "hey, you seem neat. I also like [common interest]. Short anecdote about [common interest]. Question to facilitate conversation?" and they respond with something like "Yeah, [common interest] is awesome! I like to [common interest] while I [whatever else]. Provide nothing to further conversation."

I never know if that's them politely responding but not wanting a conversation (in which case, just don't respond to an opening message), or them just not understanding how conversation works. I usually just don't continue messaging because "Appreciating that story. Reiterating [common interest]. New question to facilitate conversation." is both boring and exhausting. I seem to come across it quite a lot and I'm really starting to think a lot of people just don't really understand how conversations work.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 6:40 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
So you know when you send someone a message and it's like "hey, you seem neat. I also like [common interest]. Short anecdote about [common interest]. Question to facilitate conversation?" and they respond with something like "Yeah, [common interest] is awesome! I like to [common interest] while I [whatever else]. Provide nothing to further conversation."

I never know if that's them politely responding but not wanting a conversation (in which case, just don't respond to an opening message), or them just not understanding how conversation works. I usually just don't continue messaging because "Appreciating that story. Reiterating [common interest]. New question to facilitate conversation." is both boring and exhausting. I seem to come across it quite a lot and I'm really starting to think a lot of people just don't really understand how conversations work.


That used to happen to me all the time. Was super annoying, and I usually always just let the messages with those folks die out.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 6:49 pm 
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I just honestly can't figure it out. Like, if I'm not your scene, that's cool. Don't respond. If I potentially am your scene, don't make me do all the work. Figuring out any level of attraction online is pretty hard at the best of times, don't make it like pulling teeth!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 10:14 am 
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Has anybody tried the payed websites? do they work?
On okcupid I already sent according to me a nice, personalized message to all single women from 21 to 40 who live within 250km away from me and who do not smoke(I tried once to be in a relationship with a smoker and I couldn't stand it) and from all that got only 1 good response( 3 months ago, which somehow I managed to screw it up later), and all the other very few responses I got were very similar to what j-dub described.
Got also no luck outside in the real world so as plan A I'm looking for a job in some other country, plan B is to join a paid website (if they work) and plan C if none of that works look for a religion that suits me and become a priest.
I like to think I'm a very positive, joyful and balanced guy, but I do not think it is physically, mentally and emotional healthy to continue living in such an isolated way as I've been doing it this year.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 6:20 am 
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worldrunner79 wrote:
Has anybody tried the payed websites? do they work?
On okcupid I already sent according to me a nice, personalized message to all single women from 21 to 40 who live within 250km away from me and who do not smoke(I tried once to be in a relationship with a smoker and I couldn't stand it) and from all that got only 1 good response( 3 months ago, which somehow I managed to screw it up later), and all the other very few responses I got were very similar to what j-dub described.
Got also no luck outside in the real world so as plan A I'm looking for a job in some other country, plan B is to join a paid website (if they work) and plan C if none of that works look for a religion that suits me and become a priest.
I like to think I'm a very positive, joyful and balanced guy, but I do not think it is physically, mentally and emotional healthy to continue living in such an isolated way as I've been doing it this year.


This may not be the advice you want to hear, but if you're feeling socially isolated to the extent you're describing, maybe you should be looking for friends rather than a relationship. It sounds like you're expecting a relationship to fulfill all of your social needs and that's putting a lot of pressure on one person to cure your loneliness. It may also be that because you're feeling so isolated, you're unintentionally coming across as desperate or needy, which is not a good position to be in when looking for a relationship.

To answer your question about paid websites, I did try a couple when I was dating, but I found their format confining and not conducive to playfulness or just getting to know someone without the pressure of wondering if this person ticked every box on your list. I was a member of two paid sites and only actually met one person from either of those sites combined. I met a bunch more on OKCupid and it's where I eventually met my partner. That said, I know there are PPKers who met their partners on paid sites. (Monkeytoes and Bikerboy come to mind.) So your milage may vary.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:07 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
This may not be the advice you want to hear, but if you're feeling socially isolated to the extent you're describing, maybe you should be looking for friends rather than a relationship. It sounds like you're expecting a relationship to fulfill all of your social needs and that's putting a lot of pressure on one person to cure your loneliness. It may also be that because you're feeling so isolated, you're unintentionally coming across as desperate or needy, which is not a good position to be in when looking for a relationship.

I'm with lepelaar on both of these points. Fixing a deep feeling of isolation is such a huge burden to place on a single relationship--I think it's definitely better to try to build friendships with people first.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:13 am 
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I deactivated my account. I'm just not ready. Good luck to everyone though!

worldrunner79: Maybe you can use it to find activity partners? Or find a meetup group for something that you're interested in and meet new people? Or a run club?

I think if I go back to online dating, I will see it as more of a tool to meet people to do an activity and less of 'finding the one.'

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:15 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:
This may not be the advice you want to hear, but if you're feeling socially isolated to the extent you're describing, maybe you should be looking for friends rather than a relationship. It sounds like you're expecting a relationship to fulfill all of your social needs and that's putting a lot of pressure on one person to cure your loneliness. It may also be that because you're feeling so isolated, you're unintentionally coming across as desperate or needy, which is not a good position to be in when looking for a relationship.


I've been living here in this country for almost 6 years now. By some "luck" for the first 5 years I always got friends here unfortunately all of them international, when some left, some new came and even I got a girlfriend here for 2 years, so there was no problem.
Of course I have been trying to get local friends, I've tried with people at work but while they are very nice inside of the office during working hours, I've never been able to hang out with any of them outside of the office. I've joined dancing lessons, running clubs, tennis clubs, group lessons in the gym and absolutely no luck to make any connection with locals.(Mostly because people who join those activities here are divorced and older than 50 years old)
At the end of last year and beginning of this all my friends left. I've keep trying to make friends, of course a relationship would be amazing but I'll be happy to get at least some dates once in a while in order to at least talk with someone about something different than reporting to my leader how the project is going or asking for the price of something in a store.

I asked for a paid website because I already missed all my chances in okc :-P( I'll need to wait some months to see if there are new users.) And because it is tiring to think about an original, nice, interesting and funny message knowing that one every 20 will get a response, and most of the times you can't continue anything with those responses.
I understand the low response rate, I've a fake profile of a girl there and without being active on that profile I receive like 5 messages a day so I know it is very time consuming to keep up with all of them. Also at least in my surroundings for every woman online there are 15 guys, so the competition is huge.
So maybe in a paid website women do not get spammed so much, I would have more chances to get replies and the competition would not be so huge.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 2:20 am 
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So I've got a date with a university lecturer who is very coutryside-y today. He doesn't drink, which loses him about fifty points (What do these people do with their wine glasses? Do they just raise them up to their lips and sigh?) but I'm willing to overlook that trait if he's nice and sexy. I think my veganism has collapsed his universe like his teetotalism, so we're even.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:12 am 
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Gulliver wrote:
He doesn't drink, which loses him about fifty points (What do these people do with their wine glasses? Do they just raise them up to their lips and sigh?)


No drinking is minus 50 points? I just change my okc profile from "not at all" to "-"...

What do we do with our wine glasses? most of the times we tell the person sitting next to us that it is a happy hour now and that they got two glasses instead of one. :-)


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 6:33 am 
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worldrunner79 wrote:
I asked for a paid website because I already missed all my chances in okc :-P( I'll need to wait some months to see if there are new users.) And because it is tiring to think about an original, nice, interesting and funny message knowing that one every 20 will get a response, and most of the times you can't continue anything with those responses.
I understand the low response rate, I've a fake profile of a girl there and without being active on that profile I receive like 5 messages a day so I know it is very time consuming to keep up with all of them. Also at least in my surroundings for every woman online there are 15 guys, so the competition is huge.
So maybe in a paid website women do not get spammed so much, I would have more chances to get replies and the competition would not be so huge.


I just want to say I think it's pretty creepy that you keep a fake profile on a dating site. Also, I don't think it's a "competition" - I'm not on there because I definitely want to meet a future partner on there, I just think it's a different way of talking to and meeting new people that I might have something in common with.

I get around 1-2 messages a day from new people on OKC, and I ignore most of them, generally because either they've said something pretty offensive/rude, the message has obviously been copy/pasted, or I've looked at the message and their profile and just don't think we'd have anything in common.

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