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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 7:46 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
takecare wrote:
Today I have received messages from:

1. A local 19-year old guy who just wrote "Umm...420?!"
2. A local-ish 68-year old guy who loves hunting
3. A very adorable and interesting vegan guy....who lives 3,000 miles away.

*sigh*


You should respond to #1 with a random 3-digit number. "uh, 342...?!"

PS: feel free to refer adorable vegan 3,000 miles from NY to me ;)


- Good idea about #1 :)
- I intend to marry #3, logistics be damned!
- I'll send #2 your way if you want... :)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 9:19 am 
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takecare wrote:
3. A very adorable and interesting vegan guy....who lives 3,000 miles away.

This guy and I talked on the phone for FIVE HOURS last night. And it was magical. Yep, definitely marrying him.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 10:08 am 
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BAD PASS
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I just reactivated my OKC account. It is already terrifying.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 10:27 am 
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I agree Hollie.

I have enough turbulence in my life right now but I signed up again (about a month ago) before it started, have gotten caught up with a few people and don't want to give them up. They know what is going on, though.

One guy, after we had been chatting back and forth a while, I asked to meet up. Enough chatting, I need to meet to see if we can get along. He asked for another picture and I sent him one and then he has not mentioned it again. On the one hand he didn't stop talking to me but on the other he didn't say, wow I'd love to meet you, so my ego is unsure what to think. I would just say fork it and stop messaging him but he is a runner and I like chatting with him so I have decided even if we never meet I would like to keep up the back and forth. But dammit, I want to meet him in person - even if we don't date I think we could be friends.

I'm meeting Mr. I-thought-we-were-unsuited-but-I-like-him for the second time tonight.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 10:48 am 
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Do you all feel obligated to respond to messages that are super mundane?

Since I re-activated like an hour ago, I've gotten "Hey How Are You Doing Today??" (copied as written), and "sup" (also copied as written).


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 11:07 am 
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Hollie wrote:
Do you all feel obligated to respond to messages that are super mundane?

Since I re-activated like an hour ago, I've gotten "Hey How Are You Doing Today??" (copied as written), and "sup" (also copied as written).

I don't feel obligated to respond to ANYTHING. I don't have the time or patience to respond to anything that doesn't spark my interest.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 11:23 am 
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takecare wrote:
Hollie wrote:
Do you all feel obligated to respond to messages that are super mundane?

Since I re-activated like an hour ago, I've gotten "Hey How Are You Doing Today??" (copied as written), and "sup" (also copied as written).

I don't feel obligated to respond to ANYTHING. I don't have the time or patience to respond to anything that doesn't spark my interest.


Exactly. I never (oops almost see below) answer those messages, and I have gotten a lot of them, like I suppose most women do. You are in control of your dating profile/messages - if they don't have the time or courtesy to write a proper message then forget them.

The only one I did answer was one guy who was supposed to be a top match or whatever, who messaged me three times over a few weeks with something like "how are you today". Finally I wrote him back "Is that all you've got?" He wrote back something equally mundane and I said it wasn't much of a conversation opener. He responded, "It got you to respond though, didn't it ;-)" Then I blocked him. Who has time for that shiitake?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 12:23 pm 
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Hollie wrote:
Do you all feel obligated to respond to messages that are super mundane?

Since I re-activated like an hour ago, I've gotten "Hey How Are You Doing Today??" (copied as written), and "sup" (also copied as written).


They obviously didn't feel obligated to bother sending you a message that wasn't, as far as you know, copied and pasted to 200 other women. So, short answer, no.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 12:43 pm 
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I mostly ignore really mundane messages, but sometimes I reply just to see. One pretty mundane message turned into an okay conversation recently, but most are just kind of shiitake and fizzle out. I don't understand what kind of response people are expecting if all they can say is some variation on "hey" and "how are you."

I was meant to be meeting up with someone today, but there was a bit of a communication mix up so we'll have to reschedule.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 8:39 pm 
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Things are going really well with a guy a met a month ago on Tinder. We've had lots of dates--really fun ones, & sleepovers! I haven't been doing any new man shopping since we met, or dated anyone else. So maybe I should be posting in the crush thread now? Or relationship even (yikes)


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 9:41 am 
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Nice, JillW.

I am sure this has been discussed before but how do you handle profiles with no photo? I pass them by when I see them but if I get an interesting message from a photo-less person I respond. I am of course wary of taking it any further - I mean chatting any further - without seeing a photo. Do you ask them to send you one privately? Or do you just not engage at all? I can understand why some people would not have a photo up (I live in a small city - if you have a public profile in real life you will be recognized) and I have seen profiles where they explain why and offer to send one privately.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 9:42 am 
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takecare wrote:
takecare wrote:
3. A very adorable and interesting vegan guy....who lives 3,000 miles away.

This guy and I talked on the phone for FIVE HOURS last night. And it was magical. Yep, definitely marrying him.

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! This guy and I talked on the phone for ANOTHER 5+ hours last night, are both floored by a strange and intriguing connection... and he's flying out to meet me next week! WHAT?! I kind of feel like I'm living in a movie.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 12:20 pm 
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Holy shiitake! That's amazing!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 2:43 pm 
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Wow takecare, that's amazing. I hope it's just like a movie - give us the highlights afterwards!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 8:32 pm 
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That's so exciting, takecare. Keep us posted!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 10:28 pm 
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Thanks everyone! I haven't stopped grinning for several days now. He booked his flight today! He'll be here Tuesday to Thursday! We are both smitten beyond words. Eek!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 12:21 am 
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It's kinda hard on the net - I think when we wade through so much crepe, we start to let our standards drop. I know I've noticed it in myself lately. There's so much dross and grossness that when someone who seems relatively OK comes along, we ignore our warning signals and go along with it... usually, only to be shown that we were right in the beginning. I've decided to give those apps a miss for now, because.. well.. most guys are on them for sex, and even if they're not, quite often they'll go along with it anyway.
Isn't it funny that with the internet and so much connectivity these days, it's arguably harder to meet someone decent? But it's way easier for people to lower their standards and have it off with some random!
And yes, - 420- should be responded to with a random number. 342 flicks the weasel. love it.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 5:13 am 
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mattomic wrote:
well.. most guys are on them for sex...

yes! not that that is a bad thing but I'd prefer if they were honest with me about it. I did an experiment where I changed my settings to including looking for casual sex and I was bombarded with messages. But not just 'wanna fork' (although there were lots of those) type messages, men who actually gave me all the spiel too.

Since I unticked it I think I've had 2 messages. haha. Maybe I should just tick it again and get busy for a while rather than hoping that someone decent, who won't just toss me aside in a couple of weeks, will come along!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 10:42 am 
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So I am in the middle of an excellent whirlwind romance via OKC that has me grinning like crazy. THEN this morning, I got a totally unexpected, very sweet email from my first OK Cupid whirlwind romance (lives on a different continent. Actually, both do). Gah! My insides are mush. I know this isn't why most of you guys are doing online dating, but damn, I really love this stuff.

Can I stick up for casual sex folks and say that while that's something I enjoy/am looking for, I most definitely am not going to chat or meet up with someone who just asks if I want to fork. I want to find people I genuinely like, who i can have a nice conversation with, it's just that i don't necessarily want to have a big romantic relationship with all of them.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:39 pm 
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This weekend was for dates. I went on a third date with a guy near where he lived. He decided to 'come up' with something to do. It was the mall because 'there's nothing else' well yeah dude. Glad he did rather than go back to his place because the butterflies faded and I was pretty done with him. I think he got the hint.

But 2nd date with another guy who is super cute but very shy/awkward. I tried to give him the usual, y'know, signals, but... nothing. We were even at his place! Alone! I'd usually just say that it's that he's not interested and kind of blow it off. But we actually verbally talked about liking each other and wanting to go on other dates. So there's that. And he said he was really no good at dating. So it's probably that he's nervous. He does act nervous around me a bit? I don't bite! I swear!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 12:14 am 
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lillianp wrote:
He decided to 'come up' with something to do. It was the mall because 'there's nothing else' well yeah dude.

WHAT?! IS HE 12?!

lillianp wrote:
But 2nd date with another guy who is super cute but very shy/awkward. I tried to give him the usual, y'know, signals, but... nothing. We were even at his place! Alone! I'd usually just say that it's that he's not interested and kind of blow it off. But we actually verbally talked about liking each other and wanting to go on other dates. So there's that. And he said he was really no good at dating. So it's probably that he's nervous. He does act nervous around me a bit? I don't bite! I swear!

I know I sound like a broken record in this thread, but come on, people! Dudes don't have to be the ones to start shiitake! If you wanna go at it, do more than just 'give signals'!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 1:08 am 
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I decided that I only want to use OkCupid to make new friends for now and somehow that makes me a lot more nervous about messaging people! It also oddly makes me a lot pickier because I don't ignore stupid answers to questions just because someone's cute.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:38 am 
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Mars-absolutely! I agree with that-I just wasn't quite sure what was going on (he seemed uncomfortable?) so I didn't push my luck. I may, gasp, use my words next time and ask if he wants to make out. I might shock him.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:43 am 
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I still don't know if I want to start anything with any of these people. It's so hard to take the step, to decide to answer them.

I'm the worst.

I also don't want to look at any profiles, because I don't want anyone to know I'm looking at their profiles.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 9:13 am 
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Okay, you know what? Please disregard my previous post. I got a cool message from a guy who seems really neato and I forkin' wrote him back. Take that, self!


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