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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 3:12 pm 
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Seriously, who DOES that? I don't even google people after I've met them, let alone before.

I had this happen once before, but at the time it was because my okcupid name was the same as my livejournal name, but right after that I deleted my livejournal since I never used it anyway, so that can't be how he found me. I seriously do not know how he would get from a profile full of vague details to knowing enough to google me and find my forking facebook page. I kind of want to ask, actually, so I can keep it from happening again in the future.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 5:17 pm 
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amandabear wrote:
littlegarlic, that is so awesome! Aww.

suzukibeane wrote:
So, this weekend I "watched Dr. Who" with two people I met on okc and used to date. And now the dude type one is hitting on the lady type one and asking her out. And I feel icky and a little jealous about it.

Make sure you warn her about the orange juice.



Seriously, ugh, the orange juice thing drove me bonkers! I did tell her how he friended you on facebook and asked for a favor immediately after meeting you, which totally annoyed/embarrassed me. She knows I find him annoying and she is a little weirded out by the whole situation too, so we'll see. But of course, as you know from my history in this situation, sex makes people stupid.


ALSO:
I just googled your okc name and the second link was tumblr that has a link to your illustration website.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:27 pm 
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suzukibeane wrote:
[But of course, as you know from my history in this situation, sex makes people stupid.

ALSO:
I just googled your okc name and the second link was tumblr that has a link to your illustration website.

So, so stupid.

And fork, I totally forgot about tumblr. I will have to eradicate this link. You know I hate it when my worlds overlap.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:42 pm 
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i'm so pleased the phrase "watching Dr Who" made it over to the new boards.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:44 pm 
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There has never been a better euphemism for getting your freak on.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 5:57 am 
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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:22 am 
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OKcupid has been a little harsh, after attempting to message people on there for a little over a month I have found that around 75% of the time there is no reply, and of the people who do reply most (80% ish?) stop writing back after three or four messages. I feel like in many ways it's like the job applictaion process, you present your resume (profile), make the case for why you are a worthy canidate (the messaging game) , in some cases have the initial interview (first date) and then in the majority of cases you are left contemplating what you said or did that lead to you not getting the job (first/second date/return email/phone call). And just like a job hunt you can't take it personally.
Of course this is also the experience of a male who is on the site trying to meet people, from the accounts shared here the experience for women is probably filled with messages from socially inept dudes (not uinlike myself) that come at a frequent rate.

I think I'm going to bow out of the OKC game for a while.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:26 am 
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That's a very apt analogy, actually. It can be really frustrating. I think it's helpful to try and keep the messaging period short - if it goes on for too long, people get bored and move on. These days I try to work in a "hey, so do you want to get a drink?" after four or five messages.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:27 pm 
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What I always figure is that if they weren't won over by my charm, we wouldn't have worked anyway, so who cares?! I mean, the types of people I'd want to date are so specific, if they don't like my outrage at social injustices, pedantic attention to language and dirty sense of humour, there's no way it could have worked.

Plus, I don't take it at all personally if someone doesn't think I'm forkable/datable/whateverable. It's just not a match.

That being said, I have no time for internet dating anymore! I am way too busy, and have a couple potential people I've met in actual real life.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:47 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
Plus, I don't take it at all personally if someone doesn't think I'm forkable/datable/whateverable. It's just not a match.

Yep, this. If I don't get a reply or they drop off the face of the earth, hey, it's just one more person I don't have to waste time on because clearly they're not the one for me anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:05 pm 
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Ugh. I've been trying to find someone to date for about four years - no luck. I lived in SF, NYC, and now reside between LA and San Diego. I have most of the major cities covered but no luck whatsoever. I don't know if it's me or if the quality of people just isn't that good.

So, about me: I'm very very queer. Female-bodied genderqueer butch. Female-bodied thing isn't changing but I don't identify as male or female. Lesbians don't want to date me because I don't identify as a "woman" - I identify as something completely outside the gender binary. Plus, the vegan thing. I am also straightedge (no drugs, no alcohol, no drinking.). I have a mohawk and I'm 27. It's not cool to have a mohawk at 27. Oh, I an anarchist and monogamous. Most anarchist queers I know are poly - so I am too radical for "norms" and not radical enough for the radicals. Oh top of that, I'm a butch that is attracted to other butches - which is apparently taboo in the lesbian scene for butches to like other butches. I went to a professional gay matchmaker and they wouldn't even take me on as a client because what I seek is too rare. FML. I average about one date a year - usually not with a butch either. No joke. :(

So, latest online dating adventure. I had this girl contact me, who claimed to be a professional skateboarder. She claimed she was bad with computers so wanted my number to text. Sure, fine. So, I give her my number. Next thing I know, she's claiming that she was wheelchair bound up to 14 months ago and that when she was in Tahoe all her stuff was stolen. Oh top of that, she claimed to be 36. Bad spelling and grammar included. Oh, she was also a tattoo artist. Yeah right. So, I asked this person who I think was probably an eight year old boy toying with me - about sites documenting her story or past interviews from when she was a pro before her accident or a website of her tattoo portfolio. "She" (using the term loosely) claims that she just wanted someone to play video games with. That had nothing to do with the topic at hand. Then, "she" sent me a text about going to hit a bong?!? It was really random and weird. I told 'em to stop contacting me.

My weirdest date to date from the internet was this 60 year old lady who wouldn't tell me her age claiming it was ageist. I was 22 at the time. She was like 3 times my age. No money so couldn't even be a sugamama. I had no idea what she wanted and it was kind of creepy. She wanted to see if I was, "real".

So, if anyone knows any butches who like butches, send them my way. Hitting on butches is the worse. They are usually like "Dude, you're a bro. I don't date my bros." *sigh*

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:23 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
Plus, I don't take it at all personally if someone doesn't think I'm forkable/datable/whateverable. It's just not a match.

Yep, and this perspective ties into the job hunt analogy, you just weren't what they were looking for to fill the position(date/fork/whatever) .

Jessfive, your situation sounds rough keep yer head up. There is bound to be someone out there for you, you may just have to keep looking.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:20 pm 
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i have a dinner date with my ex penpal! i doubt anything will happen. we've been friends for so long.
i also have a blind date tonight and a date on friday with an okcupid who is a friend of a friend in real life.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 10:53 am 
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the okcupid with the friend of a friend. eh. he shiitake talked tattoos. i just said, i'm actually heavily tattooed you know? the date was downhill from there. we went to a brewpub where he spent the whole time talking to the bartender about a friend they had in common. for like half and hour. he looks at me and says you are bored aren't you? effing right i'm bored. so i ditch him. meet up with my bud at a bar, and he's there! he keeps creeping on me. so i just go, there will never be a second date. my buddy said that guy is a total creeper.

i think i'm going to delete my okstupid. i'm stoked on my date with the vegan penpal guy.

my maybebaby from where i recently just moved from is totally not that interested in me. i should have trusted my gut.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 10:55 am 
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oh another guy gave me his telephone number and he's vegan!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 11:09 am 
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fupapack, who goes on a date and then talks to someone else the whole time? What a douche.

I've had two dates with the guy who lives down the street from me, minor smooches on the second. He is super hot but I'm not sure we really have that much chemistry or clicky-ness or whatever. We're probably hanging out again next week sometime so we shall see.

I am also meeting a guy on Sunday for coffee. Why do I keep making afternoon coffee dates? I hate them. And yet. But he seems really fun from chatting on okcupid so I'm looking forward to that.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 11:38 am 
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Jessfive- I don't know what's in your area, but have you looked into any genderqueer groups near you? I know in Chicago there are at least two groups that focus on genderqueer and trans issues; one seems to be more focused on activism and the other one seems to be more about creating a safe space for discussion about genderqueer and trans issues. I haven't been involved with either group but have gone to a couple of events that the latter group has hosted and met a bunch of people from both groups, and it seems to me like that would be a much more successful environment for you to meet likeminded people than a lesbian scene would be.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 4:39 pm 
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After much debate I disabled my OKC account today only to open back up after two hours for fear of "missing something", I am weak.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:27 am 
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zomg! there is a man coming to a craft party we are throwing at the space tomorrow that i have a crush on!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:20 pm 
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I think the guy I was seeing is blowing me off. We were in the same building on Friday night (which we discovered while texting, complete accident), and I said when he finished his food he should come say hi, and he said sure, then an hour later I texted to see how the food had been and he said he forgot I was there and had already left. So we keep texting and I asked if we were still on for hanging out on Saturday night, and he said he needed to push it to Sunday because he had a lot to do on Saturday (cleaning his apartment and getting new tires). I said that was fine, let me know. And that is the last I've heard from him which is odd since he usually texts me good morning at 8am and then about 100-200 texts over the course of the day. So I think he isn't interested anymore or something. Blah.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:42 pm 
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Fizzgig, it does sound like he's pulling a fade-out. Bummer! It's been my experience that rescheduling dates = that date is never going to happen.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 6:31 pm 
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I share in a few sentiments that people have posted. I'm becoming pretty pessimistic about OkCupid. I dated a girl from there for about 8 months, but I have yet to meet anyone else that really seems to be on the same level as me. I wish it were easier for me to engage with people in the "real world"; it'd be nice to skip the courtship, even though it's fun. I am convinced, however, that all my good matches have congregated in San Francisco, Portland, and the entire state of Massachusetts. I think it's a sign I need to get out of here.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 6:46 pm 
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Coffee date this afternoon. He was fun to talk to and cute enough but I don't know if there was any chemistry there. It's really way too difficult to find someone you want to talk to AND have sex with.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 7:04 pm 
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I'm made and deleted at least 3 okcupid accounts since I moved here in june, but I just made another one the other night. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully I'll find a nice dude who can keep the creepy level at a minimum. Being taller than me would be a perk.

I'm shiitake at meeting people, and more shiitake at keeping people around. Every time I've hit it off with men I've met (not online, in the outside world) they start backing off once they realize I have a thought process. So irritating.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 7:22 pm 
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amandabear wrote:
Coffee date this afternoon. He was fun to talk to and cute enough but I don't know if there was any chemistry there. It's really way too difficult to find someone you want to talk to AND have sex with.

+ infinity yummy.

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