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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 2:54 pm 
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this boy whom i am so smitten over -- is coming on saturday. driving from dk to see his folks who are here, and giving me all of saturday afternoon. with hugs. and tea (!) from a taiwanese colleague, and maybe also ryggebrod, too. (and he's coming! i am so smitten. when i try to investigate the source of the smittenness, i really don't get it. but man! smitten. smitten! smitten is such an excellent feeling.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 2:58 pm 
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YAY SMITTEN LUTIN!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:10 pm 
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Ok, dudes. Tomorrow I'm meeting nature boy = the dude from here, who now lives in Dk. A friend is calling me an hour into our adventures (either rock climbing or park+ice cream, depending on the weather), and two friends are expecting me to check in by the end of the day. What other kinds of safety precautions do I need to take?

This is just a meeting (maybe with bonus cuddling or kissing). Sex is not on the table (ha!) and he knows it. I am waffling about inviting him to my place later on (for dinner -- this is not an easy city for me to eat out in), lepelaar thinks it's a bad idea and I'm pretty sure I agree. Anything else? Especially if you think "Well, duh, obviously NOT x". ....I have met a lot of people from the internet (from the time I was 12, and I am now 28), but never in this context. There was always either (much) longer knowing each other first OR a community like the PPK which helps keep people accountable.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:32 pm 
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lutin wrote:
Ok, dudes. Tomorrow I'm meeting nature boy = the dude from here, who now lives in Dk. A friend is calling me an hour into our adventures (either rock climbing or park+ice cream, depending on the weather), and two friends are expecting me to check in by the end of the day. What other kinds of safety precautions do I need to take?

This is just a meeting (maybe with bonus cuddling or kissing). Sex is not on the table (ha!) and he knows it. I am waffling about inviting him to my place later on (for dinner -- this is not an easy city for me to eat out in), lepelaar thinks it's a bad idea and I'm pretty sure I agree. Anything else? Especially if you think "Well, duh, obviously NOT x". ....I have met a lot of people from the internet (from the time I was 12, and I am now 28), but never in this context. There was always either (much) longer knowing each other first OR a community like the PPK which helps keep people accountable.

That's already a lot more precautions than I've ever taken! I feel like you're good to go!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:51 pm 
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lutin wrote:
(for dinner -- this is not an easy city for me to eat out in)


Would the Mexican style restaurant where the vegan switch was be an option?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:52 pm 
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lutin wrote:
Ok, dudes. Tomorrow I'm meeting nature boy = the dude from here, who now lives in Dk. A friend is calling me an hour into our adventures (either rock climbing or park+ice cream, depending on the weather), and two friends are expecting me to check in by the end of the day. What other kinds of safety precautions do I need to take?

Does anyone know his name/details? So that if you don't answer your friend's call or don't check in at the end of the day someone knows who you were with and how to track him down? It's probably excessive, unless it isn't.

Biker boy wanted to pick me up for our second date and I was like, "No, I really should meet you at the restaurant. I'm not scared of you, but a whole lot of friends would be cross with me for letting some guy from the internet who I've only met once know where I live!" I ended up trusting my instincts about him and letting him pick me up, which I was glad of because we wouldn't have had an epic make out session standing in my dining room if I'd just met him there. But I didn't tell anyone he was picking me up because I didn't want the lecture which, of course, meant that if my instincts had been terribly wrong no one would have had any clue. I don't know... I guess you just have to find your own right balance of precaution and trust.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:58 pm 
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Veg_Eric wrote:
lutin wrote:
(for dinner -- this is not an easy city for me to eat out in)


Would the Mexican style restaurant where the vegan switch was be an option?


It has a nice atmosphere, but the food was ... less than amazing. (Apart from the guac, which was great!) There's an Indonesian take out place which has nice tempeh. An Indian place the vegan prof. likes. And a new "veg" restaurant I haven't yet been to. But none of the places are amazing, and I haaaaaate eating out if I can make better food at home. (I'll get over it.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 2:00 pm 
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monkeytoes wrote:
Does anyone know his name/details? So that if you don't answer your friend's call or don't check in at the end of the day someone knows who you were with and how to track him down? It's probably excessive, unless it isn't. (...) I don't know... I guess you just have to find your own right balance of precaution and trust.



Oh! Good idea. I will send that info to the friend who is calling me tomorrow.
And aaaaaaawww, your dining room story with biker boy is super, super cute.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 2:02 pm 
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lutin wrote:
I am waffling about inviting him to my place later on (for dinner -- this is not an easy city for me to eat out in), lepelaar thinks it's a bad idea and I'm pretty sure I agree.

in this context it seems pretty okay. if it was a random dude from a pub or something, it's another story. or if he was the one pushing for it, that'd be a big red flag.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 4:06 am 
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lutin wrote:

This is just a meeting (maybe with bonus cuddling or kissing). Sex is not on the table (ha!) and he knows it. I am waffling about inviting him to my place later on (for dinner -- this is not an easy city for me to eat out in), lepelaar thinks it's a bad idea and I'm pretty sure I agree.


Oh, you know what else I wanted to say when we were chatting? I think planning to go back to your place for dinner is a bad idea, but also trust your gut. Heck, I went home with J. to a town I'd never been to in a foreign country on our first date. (This was after months of e-mailing and phone calls and several hours spent in public places. Plus it was my idea, so I knew he wasn't pressuring me.)

Definitely be safe, but have fun!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:24 am 
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Have fun lutin!

Can you do a picnic together? Maybe go to a farmers market or grocery store and pick up the components for a nice dinner that you eat in a park outside? That way you're not eating crappy restaurant food but you're also not having someone you don't know over to your home. The shopping together piece is quite sexy - and a nice way to get to know more about the person.

Having someone you don't know well over, is one of those rare times that its nice to have a roommate!

And monkeytoes, that is adorable.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:25 am 
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Epic date was epic: 25,5 hours? Pretty sure that's a new record (for me). We walked around a park and climbed a giant tree + sat in it during long dark-as-midnight rainstorm, climbed out of it and ran back to my place to dry off and change clothes, and then .... never left. Much snuggling & etc. ensued.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 1:47 pm 
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I'm going to go to Berlin tomorrow through Sunday. Nature boy just decided he's going to meet me there (and AirBnB hosts said: Totally cool), so we'll have most of Friday til Sunday together. (Because, duh, boring conference << him.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:10 pm 
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lutin wrote:
I'm going to go to Berlin tomorrow through Sunday. Nature boy just decided he's going to meet me there (and AirBnB hosts said: Totally cool), so we'll have most of Friday til Sunday together. (Because, duh, boring conference << him.)



CUUUUUUUUUUTE

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:12 pm 
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Yay lutin! How exciting!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 5:10 pm 
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So. I went swimming today with the cute (and very young) librarian. We talked a bit about relationships and where we're at, I guess trying to discern whether there was relationship potential for us. It was clear within like 5 minutes that we were on totally different pages (as i suspected we'd be).
My track: "I'm 34 and ready to find a life partner to have babies with!"
His track: "I'm 24 and ready to have tons of casual sex!"

After swimming we went back to his place so I could meet his cats (who are super pretty and sweet). We ended up making out some, but I was really not into it and we had to stop and have a really awkward conversation about it all.

Oof.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 8:26 pm 
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Hard to describe my experience with this. It's been a "success" in that I've managed to meet a lot of girls. Most of the time it's one or a couple dates and then we mutually fall out of contact. A couple I've "had relations with" for some time before that fizzles out.
Lately it's been a total drag. I really should just call this a largely failed experiment and shut down shop with online dating. I've been on it longer than I'd care to admit, and all the while I haven't met a girl who made any sparks fly for me. I don't even remember what that feels like because it's been so long, honestly.
Oh and for a place that would like to bill itself as counter-culture and eco-conscious/forward thinking or whatever, there's a ridiculously disappointing amount of veg girls around here (as in an almost total lack thereof).


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 11:46 am 
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Lutin: You're freaking adorable and I'm squeeing for you!

I've been talking to someone on OKC lately. We've been messaging/texting somewhat frequently for the past couple of weeks and we're meeting tonight. At a Doctor Who-themed bar!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 2:58 am 
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joyfulgirl wrote:
At a Doctor Who-themed bar!


What! That's awesome! Are you dressing up (Dr Who-style), too?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:13 am 
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joyfulgirl wrote:
At a Doctor Who-themed bar!


Wait. This exists? Where?!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:33 am 
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Haha no I didn't dress up, lutin :)
Lepelaar: it's the Way Station in Brooklyn. They have a tardis bathroom (that's bigger on the inside!), whovian art on the walls, and themed drinks! The 10 doctor is delicious!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:38 pm 
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Ok i give up on internet dating. Just had one of the most tedious dates ever and all I got out of it was a diet coke headache!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2013 2:23 am 
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Snuggling w nature boy is pretty awesome. What's not awesome is how mumbly he's being. i love hid low voice, but I would love to understand it more. (I would also love it more if Berlin were not so hot; it makes me pretty brainless and uninterested in snuggling.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2013 6:36 pm 
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Oh wow. I suddenly have a date tomorrow. With a guy I talked to a bit last time I was on OKC. Both of us went off and had r/ships and came back, and it's like BAM hello please be mine.

He's quite forward (but really not pushy), and I'm worried there will either be no sparks for me and I'll have to let him down, or millions and I won't be able to resist dragging him home, thus ruining the whole 'meet in a public place' thing.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2013 8:05 pm 
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Any advice for someone who is new to online dating and also socially awkward and bad at meeting new people?


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