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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2013 9:01 pm 
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peanut wrote:
Any advice for someone who is new to online dating and also socially awkward and bad at meeting new people?

Just pretend that the social awkwardness is cute/coyness. That's what I do. And if you feel especially odd about a silence perhaps and feel the need to say something, "aah I'm such an awkward person" is suitable. And cute if done right.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 9:32 am 
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I've already jokingly brought up my awkwardness with this guy I've been talking to for a few weeks, so I guess it won't be a huge shock for him when we decide to meet. It makes me really nervous though, I don't know how well I will be able to pull off trying to be cute.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 10:42 am 
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Awkward giggling?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 10:53 am 
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Tee-hee


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 11:14 am 
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peanut wrote:
Any advice for someone who is new to online dating and also socially awkward and bad at meeting new people?
Oh just be really upfront about it. The other party is a human being who is curious enough about you, because of a communications you have made, to want to meet you. That's it. Yes it's awkward sometimes, but you might end up making friends or finding the future Mr or Mrs Peanut (I don't recall which way your cookie crumbles).

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 12:00 pm 
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I never actually said how the date at the Dr. Who bar went. She's okay. I'm not totally into her but I'd see her again and maybe date casually.
The pros: She's a nerd, she's really into me (and honestly, it seems pretty scarce these days, so it's a big turn on), her outgoingness counteracts my shy awkwardness, she's a good kisser
cons: she used the word rhubarbed, she lives far away (like 1.5-2 hrs away), she texts me a lot more than I really want to, she seems to want to be more serious than I do
So we met once, but have been texting a lot and when I told her I'm going on vacation soon for 12 days with limited service, she said she wants to meet up once more before I leave because she doesn't want me to forget about her. Kind of cute, but also kind of too much.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:44 pm 
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joyfulgirl wrote:
pros: ... she's a good kisser

you go, girl!
joyfulgirl wrote:
cons: she used the word rhubarbed

gawd i can't stand this!! i have two friends who've recently started saying it a lot. i try to point it out bluntly by saying something like, "so you think [ex: parking space] has a mental disability?" and i hope they catch on but sometimes it doesn't. i think most of the time people don't realize just how awful a term it is.

the other stuff kinda does sound like too much. have you tried letting her know that you like relationships that move together more organically? i dunno, i suck at dating.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:57 pm 
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I have a lunch date tomorrow. I'm really excited, but he seems to really avoid 'getting to know you' type conversation. I'm happy to wait til we actually meet and see if it happens naturally, but I'm a little wary.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:00 pm 
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OMG SO I've started chatting with my future husband this week. He's short (which is hot), older (which is hot), a country person (which is really nice because I'm actually kind of introverted and just want to move somewhere where I can grow chickens and keep potatoes or whatever the fork goes on in the country), relatively adorkable and quite timid and shy. We want similar things in life and have had the "how do i do date lol" conversation, him being crushingly introverted and me having been in relationships almost all of my adult life.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 5:45 pm 
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Gulliver wrote:
OMG SO I've started chatting with my future husband this week. He's short (which is hot), older (which is hot), a country person (which is really nice because I'm actually kind of introverted and just want to move somewhere where I can grow chickens and keep potatoes or whatever the fork goes on in the country), relatively adorkable and quite timid and shy. We want similar things in life and have had the "how do i do date lol" conversation, him being crushingly introverted and me having been in relationships almost all of my adult life.


^ This is cute.

A person I have been texting, not excessively, just a few messages here and there, sent a text today that says:
"Just so I know, you're not ever going to initiate a conversation with me, right?"
Does that seem a little passive aggressive for people who have never met and do not really know each other at all, or am I just overly sensitive?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 7:52 am 
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peanut wrote:
A person I have been texting, not excessively, just a few messages here and there, sent a text today that says:
"Just so I know, you're not ever going to initiate a conversation with me, right?"
Does that seem a little passive aggressive for people who have never met and do not really know each other at all, or am I just overly sensitive?

What? That is really passive agressive. I'd be annoyed

I went on another date with the girl I mentioned before and it is SO not going to happen. She talks incessantly, which I didn't notice on the first date because I'm quiet and just appreciated not feeling pressured to talk. But this time was really obnoxious and incessant. and she's just totally not the type of person I want whatsoever. She seems to exoticize people a lot, making sure to point out the race or "difference" of everyone she talks about and saying things like "I have such a crush on this trans guy who comes to my store. i love trans guys. they're so hot." and "you're going to come back from vacation so dark you're going to be like african american." And she kept using rape as a metaphor as in "yeah they totally rape you on the overdue fees on movies from the library." Definitely don't want to even hang out with her again. so how do I tell her I'm not interested?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 8:44 am 
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joyfulgirl wrote:
peanut wrote:
A person I have been texting, not excessively, just a few messages here and there, sent a text today that says:
"Just so I know, you're not ever going to initiate a conversation with me, right?"
Does that seem a little passive aggressive for people who have never met and do not really know each other at all, or am I just overly sensitive?

What? That is really passive agressive. I'd be annoyed


I am really impressed you didn't immediately text back "wow, okay, fork you too." and delete their number.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 9:44 am 
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joyfulgirl wrote:
so how do I tell her I'm not interested?

ugh! I'd just forget to answer her texts / calls. I'm horrid though.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:04 am 
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I didn't respond at all, and I won't if he texts me again, apparently I'm horrid as well.

He had already said something about me not being talkative enough, so I guess he had a problem with me not instinctively knowing how often he wants to text? Even though I'm careful to mention that I am very quiet and introverted right off the bat. I'm weird, so I don't want anyone to think they are getting a cheerleader, but they get me instead.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:11 am 
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Peanut, I don't think it's horrid to stop answering after a rude message! Not even a tiny bit.

As for someone you've gone on two dates with and don't want to see again, I think a text is all you "owe" that person. Just something like "you're great, but I'm just not feeling it." I mean, everyone knows that's sort of a cop out but at least they're not just wondering if you're ever going to answer them.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:46 am 
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joyfulgirl wrote:
Definitely don't want to even hang out with her again. so how do I tell her I'm not interested?

If she contacts you again I would simply say that you're not interested in going out again. If she doesn't contact you, I wouldn't do anything.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:12 pm 
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I know I'm an asparagus for posting this but I thought I'd let you know that one guy on OKC did send me this little ditty:

"I don't think a lot of women appreciate conversation plutonic style..."

Like, conversation from Pluto?! Fancy.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 4:31 pm 
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So I met the older, shorter man and the biggest problem is his self-confidence and the lack of it. He kept mentioning how I wouldn't like him. He is much, much less experienced in the way of love than I and really the most off-putting thing he does is tell me he must be putting me off. No, he's not perfect, but self-confidence does count.

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 Post subject: qui
PostPosted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 9:50 pm 
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Dumb question: if you see someone's profile on quickmatch on OKC, does it show up for them as a visitor? I was looking at quickmatch tonight out of mostly boredom and someone who I met on there/have been friends with since/am kind of weird with right now came up and I feel like a huge creep.

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 Post subject: Re: qui
PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 4:27 am 
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kilgore trout wrote:
Dumb question: if you see someone's profile on quickmatch on OKC, does it show up for them as a visitor? I was looking at quickmatch tonight out of mostly boredom and someone who I met on there/have been friends with since/am kind of weird with right now came up and I feel like a huge creep.


You don't appear as a visitor unless you actually click on their profile itself - unless you have a paid account and can do invisible browsing/stalking.....

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 Post subject: Re: qui
PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 9:27 am 
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jennyg2207 wrote:
kilgore trout wrote:
Dumb question: if you see someone's profile on quickmatch on OKC, does it show up for them as a visitor? I was looking at quickmatch tonight out of mostly boredom and someone who I met on there/have been friends with since/am kind of weird with right now came up and I feel like a huge creep.


You don't appear as a visitor unless you actually click on their profile itself - unless you have a paid account and can do invisible browsing/stalking.....



Haha, yeah quickmatch does show up as visitor I think, because my 2-ago-ex just recently visited my profile and said it was a quickmatch.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 6:38 pm 
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I keep getting classmates, clinicians, residents and interns in my "quiver" list. Kind of awkward, but I definitely wouldn't mind going out with a few of them (despite it being a taboo). Either way, more just like crushing from a very short distance.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 8:31 pm 
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Ugh I think this guy who started messaging me is going to get all "nice guy" and seems to maybe be pushing early boundaries and nagged me about response time after talking to me for like ten minutes. But I also really hate when people go straight to the IM function on OKC so I might just be annoyed by that. Apparently he talked to me on there once before a while ago and I vaguely remember his name, but not the conversation. I'm just super not interested and am probably going to have to tell him so super duper clearly and am dreading that for some reason.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:31 am 
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kilgore trout wrote:
Ugh I think this guy who started messaging me is going to get all "nice guy" and seems to maybe be pushing early boundaries and nagged me about response time after talking to me for like ten minutes. But I also really hate when people go straight to the IM function on OKC so I might just be annoyed by that. Apparently he talked to me on there once before a while ago and I vaguely remember his name, but not the conversation. I'm just super not interested and am probably going to have to tell him so super duper clearly and am dreading that for some reason.


I've had some wildly inappropriate people message me (beyond the usual rubbish "you are so sexy hai LOL ;-P") and I've just replied and said 'thanks for the message! not sure we are a very good match but good luck & have fun' sort of thing.... It seems to have kept them at bay so far.

I also had one guy who 'liked' my profile and messaged me a couple of times from one profile, then when I didn't respond he created another profile and 'liked' me from that one too. A little bit scary...

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 3:54 pm 
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joyfulgirl wrote:
peanut wrote:
A person I have been texting, not excessively, just a few messages here and there, sent a text today that says:
"Just so I know, you're not ever going to initiate a conversation with me, right?"
Does that seem a little passive aggressive for people who have never met and do not really know each other at all, or am I just overly sensitive?

What? That is really passive agressive. I'd be annoyed

I went on another date with the girl I mentioned before and it is SO not going to happen. She talks incessantly, which I didn't notice on the first date because I'm quiet and just appreciated not feeling pressured to talk. But this time was really obnoxious and incessant. and she's just totally not the type of person I want whatsoever. She seems to exoticize people a lot, making sure to point out the race or "difference" of everyone she talks about and saying things like "I have such a crush on this trans guy who comes to my store. i love trans guys. they're so hot." and "you're going to come back from vacation so dark you're going to be like african american." And she kept using rape as a metaphor as in "yeah they totally rape you on the overdue fees on movies from the library." Definitely don't want to even hang out with her again. so how do I tell her I'm not interested?


I've been in a situation like this before and actually I feel like it's often worth it to tell the person why I'm not going out with them again. It's awkward and tends to result in the person getting upset and defensive, but it could be a wake-up call for that person that they really need, and most likely people who hang out with the person all the time and plan to continue hanging out with them are never going to say anything to the person. And it's the kind of thing where, most likely this person will react poorly in the moment, but later (maybe a day or a week or five years later...) will think about what you said and change their behavior.

So...there may not be much in the way of immediate benefit to you to do this (other than the satisfaction of knowing you did a good deed?) but I think, if you can bring yourself to do it, it's probably a good thing to do. I've done it before and to me at least, it feels much better than not saying anything and wishing I had!

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