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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 4:21 am 
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Yesterday was one year since I met my boyfriend! OKC does work, 99% match has a reason behind.
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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:05 am 
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Chip Strong
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"So basically you're a crazy cat lady" -- OKC message

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:41 am 
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Dr Bronners, MD
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I started an OkC account in July, and immediately started talking to several interesting people. With 3 of them, I have incredible energizing/wandering/lovely conversations which leave me going "Wow, tell me more!" or "Wow, I'd never considered it like that before, neat!". With the 4th, there is incredible quiet and presence. (Not sure what we talk about; it hasn't been anything like the other conversations, but the presence is compelling, and I like that.) Beforehand, if you had asked me, I would have chosen one of the first 3. Instead, the 4th (Nature Boy) and I are seeing each other, kind of. I am ... surprised by how attracted I am to him, and by how physical we already are. I am 200% comfortable with it (which is also surprising); it is physical intimacy in a really delicious way, and normally intellectual/emotional intimacy are what do it for me. On the one hand, I am ready to stop talking to other dudes and shut down my accounts. On the other, I am puzzled that there isn't already more quality talking, and am wondering what to do with .... all of this.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 3:44 am 
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I'm gonna say some stuff, lutin, that may or may not apply to you, so feel free to take from it what you will, or disregard it completely. I've had kind of an ongoing discussion with a few friends about intellectual inequality in relationships (not that I think you are saying that you and nature boy aren't intellectual equals, but that it sounds like you're connecting on a level other than intellectual). It's been an ongoing discussion over several years so it's interesting to see people's ideas about it evolve.

These friends are all incredibly intelligent women, most of whom are in academia, and at the beginning of the discussion they all felt that that intellectual connection was incredibly important in a relationship. Recently, one of the friend involved in this discussion got married to a great guy. The guy she had been with before meeting her current husband had been full of ideas, and very intellectually stimulating. But in the relationship he betrayed a lack of emotional intelligence and ended up dumping her painfully.

She recently returned to the discussion to explain how her feelings had evolved: how her husband wasn't "intellectual" in the same way as she is (although still engaged and open and curious about the world) but that he EQ was incredibly high.

Most tellingly, she said that she'd recently realized that her need for intellectualism in a relationship was just a way of keeping her defenses up to keep from getting hurt.

I don't know. Maybe this doesn't apply to your situation, but it's what I though of when reading your post. In any case, for whatever reason, it seems that the situation with nature boy is where you want to be right now, so give yourself the freedom to explore that, even if it doesn't fit with what you pictured a relationship (or the person you're in a relationship with) to look like.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:03 am 
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Dr Bronners, MD
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Exactly, lepelaar. That's what I've been realizing: that I can have that kind of intellectual connection with pretty much anyone. (Find it or create it or whatever.) But this thing Nature Boy and I are building is much more rare, esp. the way I feel about him. Like we've talked about elsewhere, I am not often so physically attracted to people, and this particular attraction is really lovely, and is pretty much exactly where I want to be right now. So I think I should start telling my brain to shut up and enjoy this for a little while.

(Thanks for your $0.02, and for sharing your friends' experiences with me.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:44 am 
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I disabled my profile. Being in a small town means very few interesting people. I don't think I was really ready to meet anyone anyway, I still have the horrible ex who refuses to leave me alone, which makes me think about him way too much. I might try again eventually.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 1:06 pm 
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I also took mine down. It was a nice experiment but I learned that I'm not ready to date anybody. I found that I was either extremely guarded or borderline hostile with these guys. I need to focus on myself first, and it's good that I realize that, but then there are slow days like today where I think I should go back on so I can just have something to do. Not gonna give in yet, but ugh.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 4:28 pm 
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So I went on a second date(!!!), but he was a little bit... boring? Like he was really nice, but I realised at one point I'd phased out and didn't know what he was talking about because I hadn't been listening. He's a nice fella, but there wasn't "the spark". Alas.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 3:10 pm 
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Dr Bronners, MD
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a w k w a r d: I started talking to 3 other dudes at the same time as NatureBoy, and have enjoyed them as conversationalists, but not potential lovers/boyfriends. NatureBoy and I had another really great conversation tonight (plus, he's coming for 4 days this weekend), so I have started to tell the other three what's what. Oh man. It's so awkward it hurts. (And there's this part of me going: But wait! What if! Even though poly stuff really, really doesn't work for me.) ARG.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 3:49 pm 
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When I first reactivated my OKC account I had loads of ace messages but they all seem to have drifted off, and now every message is like 'Hey, nice pics'.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 6:50 am 
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So I just went to meet a guy for a coffee at eleven, and waited nearly an hour before assuming I'd been stood up.

I just got a message, at half past twelve, asking where I am. He's not asking his phone and I do not know what the hell is going on. I'm assuming he got the time confused, but this not answering the phone or replying to texts business is not helpful.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 7:43 am 
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Apparently there was a crisis at the hospital he works at and he was called in. He said he'll explain later. First impressions are confused.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:52 am 
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I'd say first impressions are bad. NEXT!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 10:31 am 
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I'm in my last year of veterinary school and having to carry around a pager when I'm on-call sucks because I can be called in at any time if I decide to go out, and I have to be able to get back to the hospital within 15 minutes during those shifts.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 11:23 am 
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Chip Strong
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I just found the okc profile of a guy I made out with when i was 18. Whoa.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 1:39 pm 
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Lubes With Earth Balance
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I have an okc but I'm too shy to message anyone. People are scary.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 4:22 am 
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So, I'm going to meet the guy who stood me up. A relative was rushed into hospital and as he's a healthcare professional, he

Or not. He just messaged me saying he doesn't want to have to keep an eye on the time as I'm working this afternoon so can we rearrange in case time slips away. Two hours seems long enough for a coffee, and if we like each other, we'll see each other again. I'm beginning to think he's a bit of a weirdo. I've texted him saying "look, this is not going well already". You don't get to rearrange your second chance date with less than an hour's notice.

He's very good looking and I want to bang him, though.

Quiet, you genitals! Hush your lusty urges.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 5:14 am 
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Gulliver, I have similar issues. This guy was super hot on me, excited to meet me, and tasty. But now he isn't responding/messaging me and we're supposed to be meeting tomorrow.

We'd talked online every night for three or four days, so when my internet dropped out just before the weekend I sent him a quick text to let him know I hadn't died. Nothing. Then he was online on OKC yesterday and I just automatically said hello, and no reply.

It's not looking good but he's so yummy and his opening line was basically 'you're so attractive, please tell me you're left-wing'.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 12:56 pm 
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Lubes With Earth Balance
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cornflowers wrote:
'you're so attractive, please tell me you're left-wing'.


I would fall for that so hard.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:26 pm 
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Sometimes people are just weird. They have a panic attack because they're nervous about meeting someone or maybe they hook up with an ex over the weekend... whatever. It's their loss!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 4:23 pm 
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I got a response to my almost empty profile last week, so I met with her last Sunday.

This was my first "date" through a dating site ever so I was a bit nervous.

The date went fine cause we both had experience or opinion about live in the U.S, and our views about veganism seemed sort of the same too.
We talked for about two hours in a restaurant and after that we went to her home so I could borrow a book from her. I met her two dogs and six cats and talked some more.

I'm not sure that special click is there yet, but maybe that will come later. We both agreed on meeting up again after my vacation. So far, so good and I'm feeling positive about it.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 5:03 pm 
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Love Child wrote:
cornflowers wrote:
'you're so attractive, please tell me you're left-wing'.


I would fall for that so hard.


And I did.

He had a second date with a girl he hadn't been sure about, and it was awesome and he wants to try and make it work.

I actually cried. The fork.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 8:43 pm 
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Trying to get back on the horse or whatever.

I've been on match on and off the past few months. Meeting a guy for coffee Saturday morning. He's very nice online, but I seriously can't tell if I'm attracted to him or into him. Guess meeting him is one way to find out...

Also spending most of the weekend with a guy I met online back this spring. We actually see each other a lot, but for some reason I can't bring myself to commit to him. I don't know what it is. I'm attracted to him, he's incredibly financially secure and has a great head on his shoulders, we have a lot to talk about and he makes me laugh... I just can't put my finger on it. The only thing I can think is that he doesn't absolutely excite me. But is that necessary? I'm wondering if I just need to spend more time with him and see if the feelings come, or if I'm just wasting his time at this point and I'm not feeling the insane butterflies...


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 2:27 am 
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So I spoke to Mr Flakey last night and I think he's genuine. He's never met anyone online before and is freaking out about it a lot. It sounds like he's been treated badly by people in the past and is just very anxious and overthinking things. His reason for online dating is apparently that the gay scene near him is full of people who try and take advantage of him so he's avoiding it all together. He had a kind of heartbreaking stream of consciousness where he basically listed a load of kinda specific things he didn't like that I'm guessing come from experience (including "not on the gay scene", which as I live in a two-pubs-and-a-goat town and "the gay scene" is, in my opinion, generally pretty vile, is not an issue) and basically expressed a need for mundane stability and trust, and then we talked normally. I think he's genuine, just terrified and worn out.

I've agreed to meet him in town for coffee, as I'm going anyway today. I shall, however, proceed with caution.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 2:49 am 
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Lubes With Earth Balance
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cornflowers wrote:
Love Child wrote:
cornflowers wrote:
'you're so attractive, please tell me you're left-wing'.


I would fall for that so hard.


And I did.

He had a second date with a girl he hadn't been sure about, and it was awesome and he wants to try and make it work.

I actually cried. The fork.


I'm so sorry. But he sounded a bit like a dick, so I'm sure you're better off (I don't know if that's comforting, sorry).


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