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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 6:36 pm 
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It would make for a great conversation starter I think. I would definitely respond to someone who expressed curiosity in a 99 percent enemy.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:03 am 
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I got a winning message on OKC today.

Quote:
I'm def not a fan of tofu, but I'm not afraid to be too full of you.


I just filled out my profile a couple of days ago, and I've just been getting dozens of guys with nothing in common sending me interesting messages like "Hey." I don't know if I'm cut out for this.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:07 am 
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I ignore the "Hey" crowd. If I'm not feeling lazy, I delete the messages outright. I think it's partly because some people use apps and some use the site. On the app it works like chat, on the site it works like email. Some people do not know this and I've gotten angry "?????????" type messages if I didn't reply within thirty seconds because I've used the site and, you know, am not waiting with baited breath for every message.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:11 am 
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Oh, that actually sheds a lot of light on the issue because I have been using the site, not the app.

It's still annoying. I don't even necessarily respond to text messages right away because I don't really keep my phone glued to my hand. And I don't need to be that accessible to anyone!

Also, I hate chatting. I'd rather just meet someone in person rather than get to know their online persona.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:54 am 
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Haha, I totally got a "Hey" followed by a "??????????" once a while back. I was so confused. Hah.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 9:25 am 
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I'm texting a guy who seems nice, but all the questions are starting to feel like a job interview.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 3:53 pm 
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Love Child wrote:
I keep getting messages from weirdos. Like christian fundamentalists and pescetarians. Why would you message anyone who is rated like 75% your enemy? It's a bit funny, but mostly confusing.

Yeah, this has happened to me on and off too and the only explanation that makes any sense to me is that they're just copy/pasting messages to lots and lots of people. I know that I've received the same message word-for-word from the same person months later, and that was the case. What's really funny is that I'm listed as bisexual and one of the first words in my profile is "queer," but I occasionally get views and messages from people who think homosexuality is immoral. Good job, guys.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:55 pm 
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'Women thrive off the attention they get. Many plastered in make up, disguising their true looks and for what? To "out do" other females for the attention and flattery. What are they hiding? Any form of personality.

They want decent honest men. What do they chose? Idiots, wankers and morons, then tar all men as players.

You don't acknowledge friendly people and pick and choose who to even be friendly with. Would a guy look down on women who contact him and chose who to be friendly with? No.

You talk of perfect bodies, dream relationships? Then they need to stop watching awful soaps and reality TV. Only themselves to blame. The decent honest blokes before them get ignored. '


...out of the blue. I kid you not. WHAT?! Why is this on a dating site? What do you think this message will achieve? I need more gin to begin to deal with this rubbish.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 5:08 pm 
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Oh my gosh, that was a message? I was thinking it was a snippet from a particularly charming profile. What the hell kind of response does he even expect?
My friend recently got the gem, "I bet you think you're smart and cute enough to be a huge pain in the asparagus, right?"

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 5:20 pm 
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Well whatever cutesy oh-gosh-I'm-sorry response he wanted, I burned him to the ground. He picked on the wrong third-generation feminist.

How do guys think that's okay? I got one once that just said 'I am socially and intellectually superior to you.' Okay, Stephen Fry, I get it, but you're also A Gay so we can't date.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 5:26 pm 
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ashley wrote:
I'm texting a guy who seems nice, but all the questions are starting to feel like a job interview.


Heh.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 8:55 pm 
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cornflowers wrote:
I got one once that just said 'I am socially and intellectually superior to you.'

What the actual fork? I think that message is clear and compelling evidence that he is neither socially nor intellecutally superior to you. Or anyone, for that matter.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 10:59 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
ashley wrote:
I'm texting a guy who seems nice, but all the questions are starting to feel like a job interview.


Heh.

After some fairly inane conversation via text, and then a long awkward silence, he asks me, "Any questions for me?"

Yeah, what is the point of this exactly?!

Man, I'm really trying here, but I'm already bored.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:35 am 
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monkeytoes wrote:
cornflowers wrote:
I got one once that just said 'I am socially and intellectually superior to you.'

What the actual fork? I think that message is clear and compelling evidence that he is neither socially nor intellecutally superior to you. Or anyone, for that matter.


I get the feeling that a lot of guys are so frustrated with not getting replies that they start to send messages that are deliberately offensive, just to try to get any kind of response, even if it's a negative one.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:15 am 
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cornflowers wrote:
Well whatever cutesy oh-gosh-I'm-sorry response he wanted, I burned him to the ground. He picked on the wrong third-generation feminist.


Oh man, I would love to read your response.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:36 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
cornflowers wrote:
Well whatever cutesy oh-gosh-I'm-sorry response he wanted, I burned him to the ground. He picked on the wrong third-generation feminist.


Oh man, I would love to read your response.

Me too:)


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:24 am 
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kilgore trout wrote:
Love Child wrote:
I keep getting messages from weirdos. Like christian fundamentalists and pescetarians. Why would you message anyone who is rated like 75% your enemy? It's a bit funny, but mostly confusing.

Yeah, this has happened to me on and off too and the only explanation that makes any sense to me is that they're just copy/pasting messages to lots and lots of people. I know that I've received the same message word-for-word from the same person months later, and that was the case. What's really funny is that I'm listed as bisexual and one of the first words in my profile is "queer," but I occasionally get views and messages from people who think homosexuality is immoral. Good job, guys.


Some people are really desperate it seems!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:48 am 
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ashley wrote:
Tofulish wrote:
ashley wrote:
I'm texting a guy who seems nice, but all the questions are starting to feel like a job interview.


Heh.

After some fairly inane conversation via text, and then a long awkward silence, he asks me, "Any questions for me?"

Yeah, what is the point of this exactly?!

Man, I'm really trying here, but I'm already bored.


I would get that a lot, the any questions for me bit. Usually I didn't have any, and then I'd blame myself for not having anything to say and being boring and whatnot. The way I am sometimes, is that I'm usually pretty shy and guarded until I actually know someone, and then I won't shut up. I guess what I'm asking is, is it common for guys to ask these questions, and is it also common to not have any and have a hard time thinking of things to talk about with a stranger, on the spot? I've sworn off online dating for awhile but just so I know again for the next time.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:05 am 
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Shamini wrote:
lepelaar wrote:
cornflowers wrote:
Well whatever cutesy oh-gosh-I'm-sorry response he wanted, I burned him to the ground. He picked on the wrong third-generation feminist.


Oh man, I would love to read your response.

Me too:)


Quote:
Oh I see, women are all the same. Misogynist crepe - what about gay women, shy women, women who hate to be referred to by their looks. If someone's only message to me is about my looks, that makes me uncomfortable: I would never approach a man OR woman simply on the basis of their looks.

I have never tarred all men as players. My past partners have been good men. I didn't choose them, we mutually fell together because we shared interests, passions and attraction.

It isn't anyone's responsibility to acknowledge everyone or stay in contact with someone to protect their feelings. It's reasonable to assume that we all have friends outside of the dating world, we aren't looking for that, and it's cruel to maintain a connection when you feel no spark.

I don't talk of perfect bodies. I don't watch soaps or reality TV - I don't even own a television. I campaign with local feminists about fat shaming, healthy bodies and the right to acceptance for everyone, regardless of shape, gender, sexuality or age. You're being a classic 'nice guy' - you think you're nice, but you sent me a vile, hateful set of messages because somehow I haven't conformed to what you want a woman to be. That isn't nice, it's being scum and you're behaving no better than a man who hits women. Hatred is hatred, take it elsewhere.


I wish I'd been less tired, there could have been references.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:16 am 
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broseph wrote:
monkeytoes wrote:
cornflowers wrote:
I got one once that just said 'I am socially and intellectually superior to you.'

What the actual fork? I think that message is clear and compelling evidence that he is neither socially nor intellecutally superior to you. Or anyone, for that matter.


I get the feeling that a lot of guys are so frustrated with not getting replies that they start to send messages that are deliberately offensive, just to try to get any kind of response, even if it's a negative one.

Ah, much like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum. I'm sure that's a winning strategy.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:32 am 
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sweet_potato wrote:
ashley wrote:
After some fairly inane conversation via text, and then a long awkward silence, he asks me, "Any questions for me?"

Yeah, what is the point of this exactly?!

Man, I'm really trying here, but I'm already bored.


I would get that a lot, the any questions for me bit. Usually I didn't have any, and then I'd blame myself for not having anything to say and being boring and whatnot. The way I am sometimes, is that I'm usually pretty shy and guarded until I actually know someone, and then I won't shut up. I guess what I'm asking is, is it common for guys to ask these questions, and is it also common to not have any and have a hard time thinking of things to talk about with a stranger, on the spot? I've sworn off online dating for awhile but just so I know again for the next time.

I think this must be it. He's been trying really hard to have an ongoing text conversation for the past 3 days or so, and I have been kind of slow to reply. Maybe he thinks I'm not interested because I don't seem really eager, but it's really just that I didn't sign up to meet a texting pal, and random rapid fire, unrelated questions are not how I really want to get to know someone. I guess I'm old-fashioned but I'd rather learn about someone's interests a little more organically.

Maybe I am the problem here. I don't know, honestly. Like you, I tend to be more reserved at first, and then I open up. Texting also becomes a lot easier once I know how a person talks, their sense of humor, etc.

I don't know how to say all this (via text! ugh!) without sounding like a jerk.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:39 am 
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ashley wrote:
sweet_potato wrote:
ashley wrote:
After some fairly inane conversation via text, and then a long awkward silence, he asks me, "Any questions for me?"

Yeah, what is the point of this exactly?!

Man, I'm really trying here, but I'm already bored.


I would get that a lot, the any questions for me bit. Usually I didn't have any, and then I'd blame myself for not having anything to say and being boring and whatnot. The way I am sometimes, is that I'm usually pretty shy and guarded until I actually know someone, and then I won't shut up. I guess what I'm asking is, is it common for guys to ask these questions, and is it also common to not have any and have a hard time thinking of things to talk about with a stranger, on the spot? I've sworn off online dating for awhile but just so I know again for the next time.

I think this must be it. He's been trying really hard to have an ongoing text conversation for the past 3 days or so, and I have been kind of slow to reply. Maybe he thinks I'm not interested because I don't seem really eager, but it's really just that I didn't sign up to meet a texting pal, and random rapid fire, unrelated questions are not how I really want to get to know someone. I guess I'm old-fashioned but I'd rather learn about someone's interests a little more organically.

Maybe I am the problem here. I don't know, honestly. Like you, I tend to be more reserved at first, and then I open up. Texting also becomes a lot easier once I know how a person talks, their sense of humor, etc.

I don't know how to say all this (via text! ugh!) without sounding like a jerk.

In my experience (which is admittedly a few years old) texting before meeting never ends well. And I'm a talker and big on communication, so people who interrogate-as-conversation turn me right off.

What if you just said "You know, I'm not that much of a texter. I'd love to get to know you better in person." Unless, of course, you wouldn't love that, in which case let him know you're not interested kindly.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:50 am 
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A couple days ago I would have been happy to meet up with him. Now, after all of the texting, I'm not sure!

In any case, this is a good lesson for the future. Cut that shiitake off before it goes too far.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 10:24 am 
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I think that was my problem too, I'd tend to do much of the talking part first (occasionally texting, but more so talking through ok cupid). But it's also because my first time with online dating was also my first time dating, as a whole. And I'm cautious and want to feel people out first before agreeing to meet up with them.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 10:32 am 
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I am not very good at this yet either and I'm finding it very awkward. I've always met people through work (bad idea) or mutual friends. I'm trying this because I'm terrible at meeting new people on my own, but I think I suck at this too.


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