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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:35 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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cornflowers wrote:
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Oh I see, women are all the same. Misogynist crepe - what about gay women, shy women, women who hate to be referred to by their looks. If someone's only message to me is about my looks, that makes me uncomfortable: I would never approach a man OR woman simply on the basis of their looks.

I have never tarred all men as players. My past partners have been good men. I didn't choose them, we mutually fell together because we shared interests, passions and attraction.

It isn't anyone's responsibility to acknowledge everyone or stay in contact with someone to protect their feelings. It's reasonable to assume that we all have friends outside of the dating world, we aren't looking for that, and it's cruel to maintain a connection when you feel no spark.

I don't talk of perfect bodies. I don't watch soaps or reality TV - I don't even own a television. I campaign with local feminists about fat shaming, healthy bodies and the right to acceptance for everyone, regardless of shape, gender, sexuality or age. You're being a classic 'nice guy' - you think you're nice, but you sent me a vile, hateful set of messages because somehow I haven't conformed to what you want a woman to be. That isn't nice, it's being scum and you're behaving no better than a man who hits women. Hatred is hatred, take it elsewhere.


I wish I'd been less tired, there could have been references.


What a fantastic response. I don't know that I could have written something so calm and balanced after receiving that kind of message (I probably would have just ignored it), so I'm definitely in awe.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:50 pm 
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I think without asking questions, I'd be writing too much about myself and I know that wouldn't be that attractive. However, there's got to be a balance in the back-and-forth between talking about the other person's interests and your own. It's tricky with online messaging to do this well and I can't say I'm very much good at it either.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:49 pm 
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Huffs Nooch
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monkeytoes wrote:
Ah, much like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum. I'm sure that's a winning strategy.

I'm with you on that thought. Apparently, Cornflowers is the only person immune to the technique.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:17 pm 
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Thanks guys, glad to know I didn't miss some sexy angry allure there. Luckily I'm helping my assistant manager set up a feminist festival right now, so I'm getting a lot of opportunity to come up against this kind of thinking. Wheee...


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:17 am 
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I just got a really lovely message from someone who seems really nice and interested in a lot of the same things I am, BUT she also writes on her profile that she has recently started following a paleo diet. What should I do, PPK?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:51 am 
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If all else looks fun, I'd message, not really bring it up. I mean, if they don't act like those crazy extreme paleo's, maybe at least they'd be kind of just like an omnivore, but more aware of restrictive diets, maybe be more knowledgable about ingredient-reading? Anyways if it starts becoming something you're uncomfortable with you can always end things.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:51 pm 
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Fair trade, organic mistletoe
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I just resigned up for okcupid, being in a new city and all. I am at a point where I am not taking it particularly seriously and will respond to stupid dudes who clearly have not read my profile, like so:
Image

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 9:15 pm 
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That reads like some shitty grey shaded fanfic.
Excellent response.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 9:53 pm 
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Luvvvvvvv it, gimme a call sometime you dirty Gremlin

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:00 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
I just resigned up for okcupid, being in a new city and all. I am at a point where I am not taking it particularly seriously and will respond to stupid dudes who clearly have not read my profile, like so:
Image


a SEXY gremlin?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:51 am 
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Wait......they actually rate someone as percent enemy? Are you expected to go to battle with them if it reaches a certain threshold?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:15 am 
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craiger_ny wrote:
Wait......they actually rate someone as percent enemy? Are you expected to go to battle with them if it reaches a certain threshold?


Haha, that's what I wondered too, the first time I saw it. I also thought: I can easily make enemies on my own thanks, I only need help with dating.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:15 pm 
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Hi! I'm new here. I'm not really looking for anyone, but I signed up for match.com to give myself hope that there might be somebody out there. Is that weird? Weirder than a sexy gremlin? Also, j-dub: Marry me?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:21 pm 
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You bet, baby! Can we a) elope but b) have a choreographed dance number?

Also, he responded....with "Well that cool. Lets role play I be Gizmo and we have all types of fun. What your name and #."

I'm sort of impressed that he is so oblivious that he figured that was a green light for a response. I also have no interest in ever roleplaying Gizmo.*

*Unless this is a dealbreaker for you, NDP. I am GGGGizmo.

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"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:28 pm 
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Eloping is my m/o! Also, no interest in roll playing Gizmo. Wow. I can't believe that guy's chutzpah!

ETA: Obvy also down with choreographed dance number as long as there can be lots of jazz hands.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:30 pm 
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Would it be foolhardy to already go out for a beer with someone?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:42 pm 
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ndpittman wrote:
Would it be foolhardy to already go out for a beer with someone?

After my last breakup (which was devastating) I went on a couple dates maybe three months after and knew immediately that I wasn't ready. It was kind of useful for me to have that confirmation. On the other hand, if you're the kind of person who jumps into relationships as one ends and that doesn't feel like it's working for you it may not be the best. I tend to think taking a good break to figure shiitake out is a pretty good idea.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:05 pm 
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Yeah, I definitely don't want to jump into anything. Flirting and banter might be welcome though. Hmm... Not sure what I'll do. Maybe I'll just be upfront about being super laid back and casual.

I am having an awesome conversation with another kid who is vegetarian and taking me up on some of my book recommendations! He seems really interested in veganism, so I'm counting it as a win!

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I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:26 pm 
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If you are good at flirting and banter and keeping it casual, maybe go for it. Like j-dub said, maybe it will just help you confirm where you're at readiness-wise. For me, it would be worse than foolhardy. I've never been good at casual and laid-back and have always had to give myself plenty of time and space after a breakup in order not to get attached to someone when I'm nowhere near ready.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:46 pm 
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And the thought of getting ready and actually meeting someone makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. Ok, not ready. (Backs out gracefully.) (Jazz hands)

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I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:10 pm 
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Another idea: PM me your profile and I'll flirt you up Canadian style.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:15 pm 
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monkeytoes wrote:
If you are good at flirting and banter and keeping it casual, maybe go for it. Like j-dub said, maybe it will just help you confirm where you're at readiness-wise. For me, it would be worse than foolhardy. I've never been good at casual and laid-back and have always had to give myself plenty of time and space after a breakup in order not to get attached to someone when I'm nowhere near ready.


I've noticed how hard it is for me to move on too. I was really enthusiastic about meeting people not super long after my break up and went on a few dates. I met someone nice but I realized after a lot of dates my heart was just too cold for chemistry or something. Its been over 5 months and I still don't feel enough over my last ex for anything. I started dating my ex too soon after my previous ex and I think that means this breakup felt even worse because of compounded unprocessing. Anyway, I realized after the last 2 breakups that I get an initial push and confidence and start dating after a month or so and then it comes back to me that I'm not *actually* really ready.

So anyway, if it becomes anything, it could be a rebound.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 9:16 pm 
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ndpittman wrote:
And the thought of getting ready and actually meeting someone makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. Ok, not ready. (Backs out gracefully.) (Jazz hands)

Yup, feeling like you're gonna barf is probably a sign you're not there yet.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 9:45 pm 
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Is there a way to hide your online status on OKC without upgrading to a paid account?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:42 pm 
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monkeytoes wrote:
ndpittman wrote:
And the thought of getting ready and actually meeting someone makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. Ok, not ready. (Backs out gracefully.) (Jazz hands)

Yup, feeling like you're gonna barf is probably a sign you're not there yet.


And of course the super cute vegetarian is like, wanna ride bikes? And that sounds so awesome, but then I'm like, um... I don't even know. (Barfs.)

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