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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 1:15 pm 
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I've never been around any kids, really. I mean, I have have younger cousins, though they are teenagers now, but we only see each other a few times a year. The only other kids I am around are just in passing. I'm okay with kids that are outgoing, otherwise I have no idea how to relate to them.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 1:40 pm 
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I don't consider myself a natural with kids, but getting to know individual kids is just like getting to know individual adults. Once you get to know them as people, they're not such a mystery. I'd guess that he's not into introducing everyone he dates to the kid too soon since that can be really hard on them, so maybe respond even if you're unsure about the kid thing? If you end up liking him enough to go out with, then making it past the first few dates... well then you'd have a better idea of whether you like him enough for it not to be a dealbreaker.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 2:20 pm 
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Thank you for the advice, it is really helpful. Now I have to decide what to say in the message. Also, I don't remember if I've answered any questions about dating people who have kids. Maybe I should look back over those and think more about my answers.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 3:03 pm 
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I messaged a guy who lives two hours away from me just to compliment him on his awesome moustache. Hope he doesn't think I'm creepy.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 4:17 am 
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I joined Ok Cupid yesterday, and was really excited when I saw I had some messages last night. However, they were all generic messages making no reference to the profile I spent ages completing, clearly just copied and pasted to every woman on there. I wonder what the success rate of those messages is, as most people I know say they only respond to personalised messages.

One of them was from a guy without a profile picture, which he apologised for by explaining that he hadn't figured out how to upload photos yet. His user name was "6ft1 sporty guy". Call me an old cynic, but I'm not entirely sure I believe that's an accurate description!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:17 pm 
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I hate how many people seem to think that height is important. Some of the hottest people I've known have been shorter than average.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:38 pm 
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jennyc wrote:
...they were all generic messages making no reference to the profile I spent ages completing, clearly just copied and pasted to every woman on there. I wonder what the success rate of those messages is, as most people I know say they only respond to personalised messages.

I wonder about this too. I get SO MANY of them, and never respond. I usually look at the profile though... so maybe I'd respond if his profile referenced a bunch of things we had in common? If that's the case, maybe they do get responses from women who look at their profiles and see something beyond a terrible generic first message? I don't know.

On a kind of related note, I've been surprised by the amount of dudes I get messages from who I have a totally abysmal match rate with. It would really never occur to me to try to connect romantically with someone I have a 32% match with. But maybe I hold too much stock in the okc algorithm.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 1:03 pm 
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Well, I think that there are some people who automatically respond to anyone with a new profile. Whenever I'd put a profile up, I'd get a bunch of cookie-cutter, cut and paste, random messages from people I had nothing in common with. So maybe they are hoping to get a response from someone who doesn't realize that their message took almost no effort? After a bit of time passed, then my hit rate would go down to nearly zero again :) I totally hear you j-dub - I'm 4'11 and I think that falls below most people's idea of the parameters for acceptable height. Even though I don't really "read" as that short.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 1:16 pm 
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takecare wrote:
On a kind of related note, I've been surprised by the amount of dudes I get messages from who I have a totally abysmal match rate with. It would really never occur to me to try to connect romantically with someone I have a 32% match with. But maybe I hold too much stock in the okc algorithm.

Not only this, but I get messages from people with whom I have serious ideological clashes that...well, you'd think they'd bother the person messaging me too. The other day I got another message from a guy whose profile indicates a lot of homophobia on religious grounds. I'm listed as bi and the first sentence in my profile says that I'm queer.

Anyway. I'm thinking of deleting my profile. There were a couple people I was talking to who seemed really interesting but they both fell off the face of the earth--one after making tentative plans with me and then never responding again--and I'm honestly pretty sure there just aren't that many people around here on OKC that I'd be interested in. I think things with the guy I've been kinda-seeing or whatever are about to stop too, so, yeah. Super fun. Someone date me please. I'm kinda cute and funny and I will knit you nice things.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 1:31 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
Well, I think that there are some people who automatically respond to anyone with a new profile. Whenever I'd put a profile up, I'd get a bunch of cookie-cutter, cut and paste, random messages from people I had nothing in common with. So maybe they are hoping to get a response from someone who doesn't realize that their message took almost no effort? After a bit of time passed, then my hit rate would go down to nearly zero again :) I totally hear you j-dub - I'm 4'11 and I think that falls below most people's idea of the parameters for acceptable height. Even though I don't really "read" as that short.

?? :)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 1:35 pm 
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Oh sorry! I was responding to dropscone's post! Sorry dubsie!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 3:30 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
Well, I think that there are some people who automatically respond to anyone with a new profile. Whenever I'd put a profile up, I'd get a bunch of cookie-cutter, cut and paste, random messages from people I had nothing in common with. So maybe they are hoping to get a response from someone who doesn't realize that their message took almost no effort? After a bit of time passed, then my hit rate would go down to nearly zero again :) I totally hear you j-dub - I'm 4'11 and I think that falls below most people's idea of the parameters for acceptable height. Even though I don't really "read" as that short.


Wait, is this really a thing? People have parameters for acceptable height for a person they're dating?? I mean, I know people have all kinds of criteria that seem really out there to me, but...damn, I'm like 5'2", people are really ruling out dating me because of that?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 6:24 am 
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If they are, they're not worth your time.

Meh. I've known one or two people for whom height was an issue. In particular, I've known one or two straight women who didn't want to date men shorter than themselves. It's always seemed silly to me, but then again, I'm 5', so most people I come across will be taller than me. I can imagine if you're made to feel uncomfortable about your height, you might want to date people within a range that doesn't call attention to that.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:27 am 
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I have also noticed a large number of women with profiles listing a requirement or preference for men over 6'2 and justifying that it's because they "like wearing high heels" and don't want to tower over their partner. I mean, whatever, I wouldn't get along with anyone who holds onto antiquated gender roles anyway, but I shouldn't be surprised as there are people who have no problem listing race preferences publicly either.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:56 am 
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There are also dudes who won't date women taller than them, or who will pitch a fit if she wears heels that "make him look short." I know because I have encountered/dated them. All things being equal, I prefer to be with a man larger than me for hugs and cuddles but the thing about people is that all things never are equal. There's not an exact copy of this person who you like, with the same looks and personality and desireable qualities, with the same affection for you, just 3 inches taller or 4 inches shorter. So stuff like height ranks pretty low on my list of desired traits. I don't think it's terrible to have a height preference... it's just part of the package of things that attracts you to someone... but a height "requirement" is just preventing you from meeting someone who might be so great for you and a few inches one way or another would just disappear.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 12:04 pm 
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monkeytoes wrote:
There are also dudes who won't date women taller than them, or who will pitch a fit if she wears heels that "make him look short." I know because I have encountered/dated them. All things being equal, I prefer to be with a man larger than me for hugs and cuddles but the thing about people is that all things never are equal. There's not an exact copy of this person who you like, with the same looks and personality and desireable qualities, with the same affection for you, just 3 inches taller or 4 inches shorter. So stuff like height ranks pretty low on my list of desired traits. I don't think it's terrible to have a height preference... it's just part of the package of things that attracts you to someone... but a height "requirement" is just preventing you from meeting someone who might be so great for you and a few inches one way or another would just disappear.


I didn't mean to imply that it only went one way and I don't disagree that physical preferences are mostly innocuous. I just think that being overly picky kind of restricts the possibilities that one might never have anticipated. Even though I have my own preferences, I've replied to messages and agreed to hang out with people who wouldn't normally be my cup of tea, and I've been pleasantly surprised more than a few times.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 12:10 pm 
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I think it really depends, prior to dating my husband, if you had asked me about my preference, I would've said dark hair, dark eyes, taller than me (I'm 5'6"). I wouldn't have put that in any dating profile though or told people straight out because you never know? My husband is blonde/blue eyed which I would've never imagined dating prior to him. You just never know who you will meet and how you will feel about them.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 12:12 pm 
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People have the right to like what they like, even if its not something that would be important to us.

I think its funny though, because people are not very good at judging heights. A friend of mine started dating someone and described her to me as 5'8" and gorgeous. And then I was at an event and knew she was there, so I was looking for this tall beautiful woman. When I finally met her, she was 5'2". She just has a really big personality (I adore her, they are really great together and happily married, and I still make fun of him about her being 5'8").

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 12:34 pm 
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Is your friend on the taller side? A thing I've heard from a lot of tall men (like over 6') is that they don't really notice anyone's height unless the other person is taller than they are, in which case they're "really freaking tall."

The guys I've dated have all been quite tall but that isn't really intentional on my part.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 1:32 pm 
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He isn't. But he is around 5'9" but calls himself 6'0" so perhaps that contributes to it?

But I've heard your point before, fwiw. Most of my boyfriends have been really tall. My 6'7" ex said he couldn't really tell that I was *that* short because 5'6 and 4'11" look pretty much the same when you're a foot+ taller. He had so many people ask to take photos of him - esp when we backpacked through Asia. Once we were on the elevator to the top of the Empire State, and a little group of Japanese women asked to take a photograph of his foot next to theirs.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:26 pm 
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I'm 5' and my dude is 6'4"+. He either does notice or just likes to tease me about it. A lot. "You're so liittlllle!!" That may be true BUT YOU ARE A GIANT. I remember when I was trying out online dating, I saw a lot of people who looked great but didn't want to date anyone under 5'2" because ew, too short. fork them, I guess! :D

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:42 pm 
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Once I was in Paris with my ex and a policeman asked "why do all tall men like short women?" And I just said "we make their dicks look bigger."

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 5:04 pm 
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kilgore trout wrote:
Is your friend on the taller side? A thing I've heard from a lot of tall men (like over 6') is that they don't really notice anyone's height unless the other person is taller than they are, in which case they're "really freaking tall."



Ha! This is so true, for me at least. I'm about 5'10", and being taller than most other women seems normal to me. Sometimes I'll see a woman and think "wow, she is tall!" and then realize a moment later we're the same height.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 5:43 pm 
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I don't know if one of the above replies was directed at me, but I just want to be clear since I did also say this and wasn't trying to tell people who they're allowed to like:
camuscando wrote:
I don't disagree that physical preferences are mostly innocuous.

And it's not like I don't have my own preferences and likes. Because I do. I just try not to hold onto rigid dating requirements and have them explicitly stated on a dating site profile since life can be quite surprising at times.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 30, 2013 9:20 pm 
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I DID IT, y'all. I made one, and unfortunately am addicted to answering the questions.

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