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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 10:49 am 
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ScooterDiva wrote:
I don't understand Tinder. I like someone, they like me back. No further communication ensues. I feel like it's the 2014 edition of Hot or Not.


Did you start chatting with them and they ignored it?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 1:33 pm 
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Some of them - without a response. And the app said we both liked each other. Weird.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:22 pm 
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I'm one of those problem users for Tinder, I was all 'oh, I'll check this out I guess'... Liked a whole bunch of people... Then never logged back on again. (And yeah it's told me I've got messages but... Nope, I just can't care).

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:33 pm 
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I have liked a ton of people on Tinder (swiping is fun!), gotten several notifications that people have liked me back but only ever received one message, which I did reply to and we made plans to hang out and then she flaked on me. Never bothered writing a first message.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 4:17 pm 
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In interesting OKC news:

http://www.people.com/article/okcupid-m ... ompability


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 6:08 pm 
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I have been thinking a lot about OKC lately because I gotta get around to dipping my toes in the dating pool again, but after hearing that news today (coupled with their other experiment where they simply took people's photos away for a day- although that was admittedly much more benign because it was obvious to the users), it really makes me not want to get back on OKC.

Part of me feels like it's overreacting to say it's a violation against their users, but the part of me that exists as a woman in the public sphere, much less the far more fraught dating sphere, does feel like it's out of line. Switching up your 'match percentages' could get a woman like me matched up with someone who doesn't think she should be allowed access to abortion, or who thinks gay marriage is an 'abomination,' or whose username is 'PleaseDontBeFat' (yep, really saw this charmer on OKC once). Obviously none of these scenarios would make it past the conversation stage, but I feel like one of the huge boons of internet dating (for me) is the ability to immediately sort through and get rid of those types of people because dealing with them is a drain. Don't be throwin' me douches to deal with on my time off, OKC.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 6:22 pm 
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Yeah that really blows. Yeah, of course people aren't chatting when it says '30%' match - obviously they think 'dude must be way into jesus... nxt!'. And then of course, with high match percentages, there is (well, was) a level of trust there. I mean, there's hundreds of questions, are we really going to read through every one? Fork that.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 7:13 pm 
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Mars wrote:
Yeah that really blows. Yeah, of course people aren't chatting when it says '30%' match - obviously they think 'dude must be way into jesus... nxt!'. And then of course, with high match percentages, there is (well, was) a level of trust there. I mean, there's hundreds of questions, are we really going to read through every one? Fork that.


EXACTLY. When we have a 'match' with someone, I assume it's based on those hundreds of questions I answered and ranked as to how important a potential match's answers to those same questions are to me. I'm not being 'shallow' because I don't click on someone's (pictureless) profile who is a 19% match with me- I'm being frugal with (as Sweet Brown might say) the very limited amount amount of time I got for that.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:27 pm 
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ScooterDiva, and anyone else who's used it, tell me about Tinder. I've always thought of it as some seedy casual sex* app, but to be fair that was my fear/misconception about OK Cupid when I first became single in the post-smartphone era. I know enough about it that it shows you someone's face in your area, you swipe left for no and right for yes, and then if they also swipe right on you, you can engage in conversation and maybe set up a date?

I know the people using any given dating app/site are going to make each city's vibe on that app different, but in general is it worth checking out? I mean, I'm a conventionally not-hideous women with an ostensibly functioning vagina, so I know I'm potentially opening myself up to gross inappropriate messages on any dating platform. I'm just wondering if Tinder is... more or less so.

*Not making a judgment call on casual sex, or even seedy casual sex, it's just not what I'm out to find at the mo'.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:21 am 
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I don't know what to tell you about Tinder, at least in my area. I've been matched with 25+ other people (we both clicked that we liked the other's profile) but only 2 out of the 25 have responded to me. I initiated conversation with a couple others that didn't bother to respond. So to me, it's really just a game for the men here. I don't see anything positive coming out of it (for me).


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:51 am 
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I fully endorse it as a game, it's fun that way. I was mulling over it in the shower, where I do all my good thinking, and I think taking into account my experiences meeting straight men vs. queer women online I wouldn't be willing to meet men on Tinder because with men I want more background information about them to make sure they're someone I'm going to feel safe around. (Not that I haven't met creepy women on the internet, but I've only met two at this point.) You also don't really know what they're looking for, not that you really do on OkCupid either but at least OkCupid gives you an opportunity to share it.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:34 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
I fully endorse it as a game, it's fun that way. I was mulling over it in the shower, where I do all my good thinking, and I think taking into account my experiences meeting straight men vs. queer women online I wouldn't be willing to meet men on Tinder because with men I want more background information about them to make sure they're someone I'm going to feel safe around.


This is a good point, and I think I feel the same way. While I'm definitely down to eye up some hotties, it's equally if not more important to me that the guy is not an abrasive douchebro. When I was on OKC before I tended to be the kind of person who heavily vetted dates through conversations before moving on to texting and then meeting up. I can imagine Tinder isn't exactly the kind of app that fosters that kind of getting-to-know-you vibe before an actual IRL meet up.

A few weeks ago when I was talking about my breakup and dating woes with a sympathetic friend, I think I moaned out in the height of my misery "ugh, if only I were attracted to women!" My friend, who is married to a dude but is bi and has had many relationships with women, burst out laughing and told me that doesn't make it any easier. I had to laugh and admit she was right. Love stinks no matter who you're into!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:44 pm 
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Love definitely stinks no matter who you're into but women are less likely to send unsolicited pictures of their genitalia anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:45 pm 
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Some one sent me a friends request on fb because she recognized me from a dating site.

I thought nothing ventured nothing gained so I granted the request and had a short chat.
In the second chat she asks how come that some one like me is still on the loose?

Now I'm wondering if she was really hitting on me or sort of asking what's wrong with me?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 4:36 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
Love definitely stinks no matter who you're into but women are less likely to send unsolicited pictures of their genitalia anyway.


AH, YES. I know this definitely has to be true.

Veg_Eric wrote:
In the second chat she asks how come that some one like me is still on the loose?

Now I'm wondering if she was really hitting on me or sort of asking what's wrong with me?


If I were to say something like that, I would definitely mean it as a compliment! I think it's meant along the lines of "how did I get so lucky to find a guy like you who's also single?"

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 7:06 pm 
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If I said that I would definitely mean it in the "how did I get so lucky?" compliment sense.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 7:57 pm 
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I'd say it most often goes that way, but can be taken too far. I once had a guy ask me OVER AND OVER again just how I could be single for so long, how I could be alone for so long, how could I not have xyz. Way to rub it in, buddy.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 8:02 pm 
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I think it was meant as a compliment AND rude at the same time!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 9:51 pm 
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I just reactivated and updated my OKC profile. Tell me this isn't a horrific mistake. I'm seeing nothing on there that's interesting at all. It's been almost 2 years since I did this, how on earth did I brave this before?

ETA: it's the poor judgment! So much poor judgment! Why would your avatar pic be a.) your waist, with you triumphantly holding the waistband of your "fat pants" away from your body, b.) your face with a Mike Tyson tattoo (is it fake or not? Who wants to find out?), c.) a landscape.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:10 pm 
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ugh I wish OKC didn't let me fully delete my profile. I got fed up and deleted it a few months ago but now I kind of want it back since I'm in a new city. But I don't want to fill it all out and pick pictures and answer questions again. Facebook never lets you delete, you can only disable it. Damn it okc for trusting me to do what I want!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:45 pm 
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I was super annoyed when I rejoined because of that too! Writing profiles is terrible.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 1:09 am 
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Eh, I've never dated women from the internet, but if it's anything like trying to date in person, women are less likely to show you their genitalia in good ways, but also in less good ways. Meaning, it takes a lot more work to date women than to date men (as a somewhat feminine looking woman, anyway.)


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 1:19 am 
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I would say a pretty large percentage of women I've met on OkCupid have been down to, um, show their genitalia in person on first dates. If that's what we're talking about. (NO COMMENT ON WHAT I'VE BEEN DOWN FOR.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 1:26 am 
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... so you mean when a first date asks me what I get into on my spare time, they're not asking to see my vagina?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 1:33 am 
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Preferably spread eagle on the table.

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