Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Nice bingo - I get many of those. I usually make a really disgusted face whenever people ask me if I want to have kids - much like "Bleeeergh, kids! They are disgusting!" (I don't think kids are disgusting). But it stops them from asking more stupid questions.

I'm pretty frustrated that the no-kid stigma even makes people occasionally explain to me why the don't have kids/being married, etc. if I mention being a mom. I cannot count how many times I've found myself telling people that kids aren't for everyone and that a life without spawning is just as fulfilling and valuable as one with kids (provided you don't desperately want kids...then that advice goes out the window). Same goes for marriage and other stuff.

On the opposite side, I lost a friend as soon as she became a mother. The sad thing is, as soon as she found out she was pregnant I got worried about that, then I told myself that I was just being a paranoid weirdo. I am perfectly happy to do nothing other than come over to your house and hang out with you and your baby, it's not like I requested trips to the movies or a club and got shot down.

Being the friend without a baby to someone with a baby is kind of a minefield! I mean, have you read the playground? There's a lot of stuff you could be doing to peas off a parent by just acting like you normally act. I mean, I get it - your number one priority in life should be keeping your babies alive and all that, but I really don't want to interfere in that! So no, I don't make the same kind of effort with a new parent that I do with someone who isn't. I don't want to come over with a runny nose and get your baby sick. I don't want to come over for a slice of pie and leave you with dirty dishes. I don't want you to have me over and think of ways to entertain both the kid and me. It's not that I'm an evil kid-hater, it's that I'm more afraid of it than it is of me.

The worst thing about your friends having babies is that they suddenly don't think baby-fucking jokes are all that funny.

I get more of the people being glad/relieved that I don't have kids/don't currently plan on having kids. Especially from my mom. I'm not entirely sure what to make of that, but I'm pretty sure I should be offended.

I find that saying "because I've never been married" works. Of course I suspect that it works because they pity the sad lonely spinster, but whatever, it shuts them up. I don't feel like justifying why I'm a woman with zero maternal instinct. It's not like I wanted kids but decided not to have them because it would mess with my life, I just never really wanted them.

I had a friend who had a kid when I met her, she became pregnant again and all was great. I went to her kid's parties, played with them, bought them gifts. She was just a flaky friend and kept asking about our plans about having kids and how kids are sooooo great. I would have believed her too until we caught her just sitting in a parking lot trying to take a break from her life on top of her sleeping with the married UPS man because she wanted to feel loved...I do not talk to her any longer.

I do not hate children, I like well-behaved children that have manners. I have taken the boyfriend's young cousin to the park to play and made him zombie bday cupcakes. We also buy school supplies for needy kids and xmas gifts...I do not like screaming kid's and kids that hit to get attention and the parents just shrug...A lot of parents that have rude children have some sort of entitlement issues when it comes to their kid's bratty behavior, like it is OK to be rude because they dropped them from their crotch!

I would hang out with friends and their kids in an appropriate place say a park not a intimate coffee shop. Just like I would hope that a friend would take me to a place that had vegan items for me to eat and not a steak house...

This. There are a gazillion reasons why women don't have children, and an awful lot of them have nothing to do with "choosing" not to do so. I have had several of these bingo terms said to me over the years, and what other people saw as a throwaway remark could upset me for days.

This is my opinion also. I only do it if they cross into jerky, judgey nonsense. Mostly because I like to reserve ladyparts talk for people who I want to be associated with said parts...

I've never had any desire to have kids so it is absolutely no different from anyone else in this thread (or otherwise) feeling that way (though I get slightly, irrationally weird about it sometimes, because I don't love that I don't have a choice) but I have this weird clout that everyone else should have because their decisions should be respected.

Oh man, you're the best. I would totally make pancakes for you and be grateful for you.