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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:23 pm 
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Arisaig wrote:
When I run in the dark I have found I startle people when I come up behind them so I make some noise, usually a loud fake cough. If I can I step out onto the street, just off the curb, to go around them.

this is why people need bells.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:47 pm 
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I would just say "excuse me, I'm going to pass by you real quick." I'm a woman but I do this at night so I don't startle people.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:31 pm 
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Everybody else is great but I wanted to add that I think you are so very thoughtful and nice for being considerate of this sort of thing. I've had the shiitake scared out of me and I doubt all of those people had as nice of intentions as you.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:40 pm 
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I'm also voting for the cough and pass by thing. And if it's safe to get close to the edge and step off the curb for a second, that's even less threatening (but only if you're sure you're not putting yourself in danger of getting mowed down). It's super nice of you to be so worried about this! It is quite unnerving when some guy walks right behind me for blocks at a time at night. I always feel a lot better if they just go ahead and pass by me.


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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:45 pm 
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I think it is really nice of you to consider this too.

However, it makes me a bit sad that we live in a world where you are passing the same woman every day (or at least, often enough to think of this) and can't just introduce yourself and say hi or something.

I mean I'm certainly not one to do something like that, I'm a lot more introverted than I'd like to be and can't seem to get out of my shell most times. But it sure would be nice if somehow when passing her, maybe after a time or two, you could say something like 'oh hey we must work in the same building & leave at the same time, just thought I'd introduce myself so you wouldn't get startled by someone following you..."

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:00 pm 
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creep wrote:
I think it's considerate of you to think about this, because shiitake like this does freak me out. I'd be cool with you passing quickly. Once you do it a couple times, she probably won't even think twice about it.


Sure she won't.

"Hang on, that guy has passed me like 3 times in the past 20 minutes. What the hell...?"

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:01 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
solipsistnation wrote:
nickvicious wrote:
Well, maybe she'd mace you if you were wearing a ski mask and wielding a shovel but so long as you don't look intimidating I think you're in the clear.


But I'm on my way to my Anonymous Night Gardening meeting! People are so judgemental. :(


This made me laugh so hard I cried. I'm not entirely sure why but I just thought you should know.


*adds another check mark to his whiteboard*

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:03 pm 
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Aubade wrote:
However, it makes me a bit sad that we live in a world where you are passing the same woman every day (or at least, often enough to think of this) and can't just introduce yourself and say hi or something.


I am not sure that it was implied that it was the same woman every night. Just whichever woman happened to be there that night.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:11 pm 
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What everyone else said. I just wanted to chime in and say it's awesome that you'd be aware of how your presence might make someone else feel and want them to feel safe!

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 9:46 pm 
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Thanks for the advice everybody. I'm officially speeding up and passing women from now on.


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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:04 pm 
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You are in Boston... everyone here walks and 8:30pm isn't that late, even in the quiet neighborhoods. I pass people all the time because I'm impatient.


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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:07 pm 
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I'm actually in Waltham. The streets, besides Moody, are pretty dead by that time.


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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:08 pm 
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Waltham! I spent a lot of time in Waltham! Mostly with women who weren't at all surprised to find me behind them, if you know what I mean and I suspect you'll have to think about it for a minute.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:19 pm 
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I just... maintain my pace and walk around people who are going slower than me? I really don't think it's my problem if someone gets unnecessarily freaked out because I'm out for a walk at night.


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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:23 pm 
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solipsistnation wrote:
Waltham! I spent a lot of time in Waltham! Mostly with women who weren't at all surprised to find me behind them, if you know what I mean and I suspect you'll have to think about it for a minute.


I don't get it. Unless it's sexual innuendo. Then I get it. :)


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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 10:33 pm 
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solipsistnation wrote:
Aubade wrote:
However, it makes me a bit sad that we live in a world where you are passing the same woman every day (or at least, often enough to think of this) and can't just introduce yourself and say hi or something.


I am not sure that it was implied that it was the same woman every night. Just whichever woman happened to be there that night.


Oh ok thanks, now that I read it again that makes sense. At least that's a little better.

So in that case I'd say smiling while you pass might help.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 11:07 pm 
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Yes, I too vote for go ahead and pass, make some noise if you can so as not to startle. "Excuse me" or "on your right/left" might be nice.
And I would also like to join the anonymous night gardeners' club.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 11:25 pm 
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scream.


just scream the entire time you're walking home.


it works for me.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 11:30 pm 
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JonnyWoop wrote:
solipsistnation wrote:
Waltham! I spent a lot of time in Waltham! Mostly with women who weren't at all surprised to find me behind them, if you know what I mean and I suspect you'll have to think about it for a minute.


I don't get it. Unless it's sexual innuendo. Then I get it. :)


It was. And I also got it, if you know what I mean. (That was also sexual innuendo.)

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 12:27 am 
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FootFace wrote:
Have you all ever read the Schrödinger's Rapis essay?

(http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest ... chrodinger’s-rapist-or-a-guy’s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced)

Has some bearing on this, I think.

(The internet doesn't seem to like that dumb URL.)

This is one of my all time favourite things on the internet and I wish every person on earth had to read it.

I think something like "excuse me, just passing on your left" is nice because it gives her some warning and an idea of your intention. I live in a fairly safe area and I was walking home tonight at about 8:30 and was very conscious of the dude keeping pace behind me. Had I heard him speed up I would have been pretty freaked out.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 1:02 am 
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I always appreciate when people don't walk directly behind me at night.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:58 am 
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Yeah, even though I still wholeheartedly endorse skipping, I do want to say thanks for being considerate. It would totally freak me out to have a dude just walking behind me at night. If you pass her, then at least she can see you...there may be some trepidation for a few seconds as you approach and are in close proximity, but at least it would pass once you were in front and she could see you.


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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:09 am 
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I've probably just bought into rape culture too much, but as a young woman who has to walk alone at night to a parking garage twice a week, I can honestly say that every dude I see while I'm alone at night scares the carp out of me (it doesn't help that my campus has several reported sexual assaults every semester). I would appreciate you quickly passing me and not touching or brushing against me. And for the love of gawd do not get in the parking garage elevator with me.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:45 am 
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j-dub wrote:
FootFace wrote:
Have you all ever read the Schrödinger's Rapis essay?

(http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest ... chrodinger’s-rapist-or-a-guy’s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced)

Has some bearing on this, I think.

(The internet doesn't seem to like that dumb URL.)

This is one of my all time favourite things on the internet and I wish every person on earth had to read it.


Me too.

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 Post subject: Re: What is less threatening?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 10:49 am 
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torque wrote:
Arisaig wrote:
When I run in the dark I have found I startle people when I come up behind them so I make some noise, usually a loud fake cough. If I can I step out onto the street, just off the curb, to go around them.

this is why people need bells.


Ha, probably once a week as I pass someone I say I should get some bells for my shoes. Not much use for the people (probably the majority) who have headphones/earbuds.


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