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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:01 pm 
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Biker boy snores, but only when he first falls asleep so it's not been a big deal. He pretty much told me from the start that he doesn't like sharing a bed and that when we slept together not to be surprised if I woke up to find him sleeping in the other room. But that's never happened so I flatter myself that I'm his perfect sleep-mate. He does sort of burrito himself into the covers so there's a barrier between us. Whatever works, I guess... he's snuggly while we're awake so I'm happy.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:28 pm 
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Allularpunk, are we secretly dating the same person? Because my dude's shape is perfect for snuggly sleeping together in that same way. I love it!

We have officially embarked upon the co-habitation hunt. He started a shared EverNote for us to put down ideas. It's adorable. I can't wait!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:36 pm 
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Freetahtah wrote:
For those of your with snoring partner issues, have you tried a white noise machine? I always thought those things would be more annoying than the actual noise I'm trying to cover up, but as it turns out it's really soothing for me and reminds me of sleeping next to the ocean. I have one (it's a Dohm), and it really seems to help drown out ambient noises. We live next to a pretty busy highway and if it can help me sleep through the annoyingly loud motorcycle mufflers that pass by us frequently, it could probably help drown out a lot of the snoring noises.

I always assumed a white noise machine only worked for noise outside the room, so I never checked one out. I used to use a fan in my room for outside noise and that works pretty well, but I should try the white noise machine for snoring, it might be better.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:41 pm 
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It works well enough for drowning out my tinnitus, so there's hope! You can't get much closer than a sound that's being produced in your own ear... Haha.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:42 pm 
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The Dohm one is awesome, we use a fan in our bedroom but use the Dohm white noise machine for our dogs.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:56 pm 
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Thanks you guys, I will check out the Dohm!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:28 pm 
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Freetahtah wrote:
It works well enough for drowning out my tinnitus, so there's hope! You can't get much closer than a sound that's being produced in your own ear... Haha.


I use one for drowning out my tinnitus, too! But it doesn't work with snores, unfortunately. For me, that is. My guy snores, but only at the beginning of when he's sleeping, and it's really regular. My ex used to have these really sudden and loud SNORTS and anything loud and sudden makes me jump out of my skin, awake or sleeping.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:11 pm 
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Oh god, I can't sleep in a cuddly position either. We have a queen-size bed now so that's not really an issue, but I think back when I was in college and huddling up with another person in those super-skinny dorm twin beds and wondering how I ever slept at all.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:37 pm 
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We have a double bed, but Mike snuggles up so close to me that we share a pillow half the time. He'll eventually roll over to his side, but we generally fall sleep spooned. And I used to not be able to fall asleep when someone else was in the bed, even if they weren't touching me.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:09 pm 
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I've been dating a guy for ~a week or so and I think I'm going to stop seeing him because when we're hanging out it's great, but I'm getting these anxiety attacks (I dunno if they're exactly anxiety attacks, but I get really anxious really quickly) about trusting him and trusting men and I don't know why. It's never happened before but I feel like I should trust my instincts and cut my losses now. Because either a) I'll have dodged a bullet and my instincts were correct or b) clearly I'm not ready to be really dating right now. Blah. I also desperately miss an ex who lives far away (and is one of the main reasons we're not together anymore).

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 8:08 pm 
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allularpunk, you definitely deserve to have a great relationship and it sounds like Older Man is giving you what you deserve! <3

Neither T. or I are cuddly sleepers. We're cuddlers while we're awake (he is currently laying on me), but neither of us likes to be touching someone while we're sleeping. I also wear earplugs because he's a snorer. The bed is either for awake snuggles in the morning, sex or solitary sleeping for us!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 8:56 pm 
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I have trouble sleeping without my fiancé lately... which is problematic in a long-distance relationship. Sigh.

We had a good talk last night about marriage and engagement and expectations and what it all meant. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:52 pm 
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i'm so glad to hear that you two had a good conversation, Morgyn.

not being able to snuggle all night long is probably a common thing. i like to, but i often turn into a burning, fiery furnace when i sleep so i have to move away and stick my feet out from under the covers to try to cool off.

spent the night w/ my special man friend the other night and wanted to say the special word like SO many times. but i will resist! i'm just not sure, you know? i'm not sure if i'm allowed to post this here (might be for another thread), but i haven't been able to really get there all the way during our special snuggle sessions. i mean, i have a great time and the "completion" thing hasn't ever been an issue for me before, or with him. i have a working theory: maybe it's bc i'm holding back the words? and, like, true feelings? or something? or maybe if i keep using the word "special" it'll just become superfluous?


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:43 am 
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chouettes crêpes wrote:
i'm so glad to hear that you two had a good conversation, Morgyn.

not being able to snuggle all night long is probably a common thing. i like to, but i often turn into a burning, fiery furnace when i sleep so i have to move away and stick my feet out from under the covers to try to cool off.


Ooof I am such a hot sleeper too! I c an start out chilly because I lose heat really quickly in my feet and hands, but once I'm warm, I'm a sweaty mess. My last ex was a cold sleeper-she has no problem using a thick comforter in the summer and sharing a bed with a husky. HOW. She is a radiator too, so its like her body is really good at thermoregulation or something, like "well its time to dump this heat we don't need!" So she would give off tons of heat and bake me alive.

My current gf definitely gets hot like me, but she still seems a bit more pro-heavy blanket, I still need to fold back blankets more and stick my feet out more. But I like heavy blankets too, they just need to be not-very-insulative. I wanna make one of these quilts someday, because they are not very warm, what with the holes and all, but very heavy due to all the cotton.
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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:01 am 
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I'm just not sure what to do. I love my guy like I've never loved another guy, but I'll always be second best to him.

We went to Sf over the weekend for his birthday, and right before we left, I looked at his phone. My intuition always tells me something is off with him. He has a best girl friend, H, who he's been friends with for over 5 years. He loves her, and she's the girl he'll never have - but he won't admit to anyone that he loves her, like he's trying to fool himself.

Anyway, I read texts from him to her from 2 mos ago, and he was telling her that he wanted to dump me and sleep with her. She's a very manipulative (and beautiful) person, and she has him wrapped around her finger. So our whole trip I didn't tell him I had read his texts and was so upset about them. He also has this pet name for her, "Twinkle" because she's his star (he's really into universe-related things). I kind of hinted and asked how would he feel about dating someone who would always think of him as second best, and he eventually drew out of me that I knew he wanted H. He laughed it off and said they would only ever be friends and that she has a bf. I then admitted to him that I had read his texts to her, and he again placated me, saying those texts were when I wanted to dump him (true) and he has no idea how I have it in my head that he wants to sleep with her, she'll only ever be a friend to him.

He's a very popular guy, has a TON of girl friends, and I do admit it makes me insecure. But his relationship with H goes above and beyond to me - I've met her and he completely changes in her presence. They've been roommates in the past, and one thing he frequently brings up is that he could never date her because she's the female version of him. He said when we first started dating and I met her the first time that she was just a friend, but that past girlfriends had been jealous of her. I don't want to be another, but she makes it so tough. They also talk weekly on the phone.

I think I know in my heart that our relationship can't last much longer, but I also feel for any future girl he dates - knowing they'll only ever be second best to H. I really just want to let her know how much she manipulates him, but it's none of my business.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:04 am 
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And omg, she just added me as a friend on FB. That's something I definitely don't want to commit to.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:38 am 
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lillianp - that's such a tough decision to have to make, but it sounds like listening to your intuition might be the best thing to do. I've had intuition-y bad feelings about relationships in the past and not acted on them, and have regretted it every time. Follow your heart <3

ScooterDiva - UGH. He sounds like he is definitely just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. If he has made it plain to her that he wants to sleep with her and they have a flirtatious relationship that you're not comfortable with, that would be a deal breaker for me. I want to be made to feel like I am the number one lady in a relationship, because I can't handle trying to compete for that spot. Why would you want to? I'm sure it's different for different relationships, but that's my two cents. Also, if you do break up with him, I don't think it would inappropriate at all to speak with this girl. Who cares, it's not like you'll ever see her again, right?

As for me, all the nightmares I've been having (see the dream thread) have me feeling way insecure and wonky. All of a sudden, I'm unsure about everything. My friend just told me that Mercury is in retrograde right now, so that might have something to do with it. It's just like all of the little worries I've had are crashing down on me and my subconscious is torturing me in my sleep. I'm also a little anxious about our upcoming relationship reveal. I don't really know why. I did tell my best friend that works there about it finally, and she was pretty positive about it, but not everyone is going to have that reaction. I also worry about my ex's reaction (because, you know, we ALL work together, ugh) and that he is going to have some nasty things to say to me and that he will possibly withhold Rowdy from me because of it. I hope that isn't the case. Anyway, I'm just a worrywart and need to get over it, probably. I don't want to let my subconscious trick me into thinking this isn't awesome, because it is so so awesome.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:53 am 
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ScooterDiva wrote:
And omg, she just added me as a friend on FB. That's something I definitely don't want to commit to.


As someone who had a similar (but not quite similar) situation with a guy, he played me, I was totally in crush with him but really I had to let him go and honestly, my love for my husband took over the crush I had for the guy.

Personally, there are a lot of things that concern me about your relationship with your guy based on what you said here but I know some people think it is all the bad stuff and people don't see the good stuff. Honestly, I don't think you should play second fiddle to some girl. You deserve a guy that loves you and only you.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:08 am 
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allularpunk wrote:
lillianp - that's such a tough decision to have to make, but it sounds like listening to your intuition might be the best thing to do. I've had intuition-y bad feelings about relationships in the past and not acted on them, and have regretted it every time. Follow your heart <3

As for me, all the nightmares I've been having (see the dream thread) have me feeling way insecure and wonky. All of a sudden, I'm unsure about everything. My friend just told me that Mercury is in retrograde right now, so that might have something to do with it. It's just like all of the little worries I've had are crashing down on me and my subconscious is torturing me in my sleep. I'm also a little anxious about our upcoming relationship reveal. I don't really know why. I did tell my best friend that works there about it finally, and she was pretty positive about it, but not everyone is going to have that reaction. I also worry about my ex's reaction (because, you know, we ALL work together, ugh) and that he is going to have some nasty things to say to me and that he will possibly withhold Rowdy from me because of it. I hope that isn't the case. Anyway, I'm just a worrywart and need to get over it, probably. I don't want to let my subconscious trick me into thinking this isn't awesome, because it is so so awesome.


Thanks, I'm definitely not going to continue seeing him. Just not sure if I'm going to do radio silence and be lazy or do the right thing and let him know.. I mean, it's only been 2 dates, so really, I don't think much effort is needed. But he started putting all this importance/I really really like you stuff right after the first date so I kinda feel bad with the radio silence.

When I start having the anticipating anxiety feelings, I walk through the worst possible scenario I can think of and how I would handle it/deal with it/problem solve and it sometimes helps and has yet to hurt the situation. You've been posting all these positive things recently, so remember all of that!

Other thing-I think I might still be in love with my ex (as he is, with me, I believe). Somewhat startling to discover and probably one of the reasons I've been failing miserably at dating. We broke up due to distance so now I'm wondering if there's some way to deal with it/make plans for the future (we're talking every couple days).


...needless to say, my head is a very screwed up place right now. I probably just need to take a step back from everything.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:35 am 
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lillianp wrote:
Thanks, I'm definitely not going to continue seeing him. Just not sure if I'm going to do radio silence and be lazy or do the right thing and let him know.. I mean, it's only been 2 dates, so really, I don't think much effort is needed. But he started putting all this importance/I really really like you stuff right after the first date so I kinda feel bad with the radio silence.

When I start having the anticipating anxiety feelings, I walk through the worst possible scenario I can think of and how I would handle it/deal with it/problem solve and it sometimes helps and has yet to hurt the situation. You've been posting all these positive things recently, so remember all of that!

Other thing-I think I might still be in love with my ex (as he is, with me, I believe). Somewhat startling to discover and probably one of the reasons I've been failing miserably at dating. We broke up due to distance so now I'm wondering if there's some way to deal with it/make plans for the future (we're talking every couple days).


...needless to say, my head is a very screwed up place right now. I probably just need to take a step back from everything.


Coming from someone who had radio silence pulled on them in the not so distant past, please give him a heads up. I felt so confused, like I didn't know what I had done wrong, when things seemed to be going really well. I let him know I liked him (and he told me he liked me too) and then he just...stopped talking to me. It sucked. Sounds like you also need to have a conversation with your ex. Regardless of whether you decide to get back together in the future or not, it might help to work out some of these feelings and see if he feels the same way. At least then you're on the same page.

Thanks for the advice! I've been thinking a lot about how I will deal with inevitable confrontations about this relationship, and my main source of anxiety is just that I hate confrontation!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:40 am 
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allularpunk wrote:
lillianp wrote:
Thanks, I'm definitely not going to continue seeing him. Just not sure if I'm going to do radio silence and be lazy or do the right thing and let him know.. I mean, it's only been 2 dates, so really, I don't think much effort is needed. But he started putting all this importance/I really really like you stuff right after the first date so I kinda feel bad with the radio silence.

When I start having the anticipating anxiety feelings, I walk through the worst possible scenario I can think of and how I would handle it/deal with it/problem solve and it sometimes helps and has yet to hurt the situation. You've been posting all these positive things recently, so remember all of that!

Other thing-I think I might still be in love with my ex (as he is, with me, I believe). Somewhat startling to discover and probably one of the reasons I've been failing miserably at dating. We broke up due to distance so now I'm wondering if there's some way to deal with it/make plans for the future (we're talking every couple days).


...needless to say, my head is a very screwed up place right now. I probably just need to take a step back from everything.


Coming from someone who had radio silence pulled on them in the not so distant past, please give him a heads up. I felt so confused, like I didn't know what I had done wrong, when things seemed to be going really well. I let him know I liked him (and he told me he liked me too) and then he just...stopped talking to me. It sucked. Sounds like you also need to have a conversation with your ex. Regardless of whether you decide to get back together in the future or not, it might help to work out some of these feelings and see if he feels the same way. At least then you're on the same page.

Thanks for the advice! I've been thinking a lot about how I will deal with inevitable confrontations about this relationship, and my main source of anxiety is just that I hate confrontation!



Thank youuu <3 I needed that. I just hate those conversations even though they're the right way to do things. And yeah, I do, but that requires courage.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:42 am 
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Thanks allularpunk and linanil. I know in my heart that I deserve better, but it's so hard to walk away. I found this link today that I had bookmarked on my computer awhile back and it's really hitting home right now:

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/ ... -yourself/


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:42 am 
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lillianp wrote:
allularpunk wrote:
lillianp wrote:
Thanks, I'm definitely not going to continue seeing him. Just not sure if I'm going to do radio silence and be lazy or do the right thing and let him know.. I mean, it's only been 2 dates, so really, I don't think much effort is needed. But he started putting all this importance/I really really like you stuff right after the first date so I kinda feel bad with the radio silence.

When I start having the anticipating anxiety feelings, I walk through the worst possible scenario I can think of and how I would handle it/deal with it/problem solve and it sometimes helps and has yet to hurt the situation. You've been posting all these positive things recently, so remember all of that!

Other thing-I think I might still be in love with my ex (as he is, with me, I believe). Somewhat startling to discover and probably one of the reasons I've been failing miserably at dating. We broke up due to distance so now I'm wondering if there's some way to deal with it/make plans for the future (we're talking every couple days).


...needless to say, my head is a very screwed up place right now. I probably just need to take a step back from everything.


Coming from someone who had radio silence pulled on them in the not so distant past, please give him a heads up. I felt so confused, like I didn't know what I had done wrong, when things seemed to be going really well. I let him know I liked him (and he told me he liked me too) and then he just...stopped talking to me. It sucked. Sounds like you also need to have a conversation with your ex. Regardless of whether you decide to get back together in the future or not, it might help to work out some of these feelings and see if he feels the same way. At least then you're on the same page.

Thanks for the advice! I've been thinking a lot about how I will deal with inevitable confrontations about this relationship, and my main source of anxiety is just that I hate confrontation!



Thank youuu <3 I needed that. I just hate those conversations even though they're the right way to do things. And yeah, I do, but that requires courage.


I hear ya, I'm a major coward when it comes to that stuff, but it needs to be done. And you can do it!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:12 pm 
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It stinks to have to be the one to pull the plug. I have to pump myself up to do it since its so much easier just to keep coasting and it seems like what's the harm? But then (after the initial icky feelings) it feels so great to have it off your shoulders. Hugs!

As expected, had a great weekend with the man. I'm sort of glad he pointed out how sensitive I am; it's something I've struggled with for a while and I think it might be anxiety related. In any case, I've been trying to pick my battles and stop a minute before getting upset and decide if its worth getting worked up over. Anyways this weekend I could tell he was surprised when something would come up and he'd start apologizing and I'd be like hey it's not a big deal. For example, 'manners' are important to me and a couple weeks ago he brought up some social plans in front of my brother without extending the invite, which I thought was rude (and I wasn't sure about including bro cuz I was goin to invite his ex that I'm still close with). On Saturday he basically did the same thing but it was a total accident; assumed someone was invited to an event (which I was not hosting) and brought it up. And it's like ok shiz happens, I've put my foot in my mouth before plus I could tell he was already embarrassed. In total he's a great guy.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:35 pm 
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Location: Connecticut
allularpunk wrote:
Coming from someone who had radio silence pulled on them in the not so distant past, please give him a heads up. I felt so confused, like I didn't know what I had done wrong, when things seemed to be going really well. I let him know I liked him (and he told me he liked me too) and then he just...stopped talking to me. It sucked. Sounds like you also need to have a conversation with your ex. Regardless of whether you decide to get back together in the future or not, it might help to work out some of these feelings and see if he feels the same way. At least then you're on the same page.

True this. I got dumped this way a while back and I spent a really long time agonizing about what I possibly could have done wrong. That plus feeling pathetic for sending a couple of unanswered texts was pretty unpleasant.

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