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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 9:42 am 
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Moon wrote:
My Christmas stocking this year really showed that Mr Moon has been paying to my offhanded remarks about stuff I was wanting around the house. New hair clips, wooden spoons, lighters for my candles, just to name a few.

I felt warm and squishy and happy pulling out every useful, lovely, thoughtful thing.


Would he like to give my husband lessons?!

I think I'm coming to accept that gift giving is not my husband's thing. He would have no problem buying something if I specifically asked for it - though since we have joint finances it's a bit pointless - but he will not ever do the sitting down and having a think about what nice things he could get me thing. As for spontaneous gifts - you know the "I saw this and thought of you" thing - not going to happen.

I struggled with that for a while because I love giving gifts and finding perfect things for people. I will spend hours browsing the Internet to get the right gift and all that. I can't go places without bringing back little gifts for him. So for me that's one of the ways I show love. And him not doing it, even when I asked, seemed to me like obviously he didn't love me. But I guess now I've learnt that he just doesn't think that way. It's nothing to do with love or not he just doesn't buy gifts unless he has to.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 11:07 am 
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Gift giving and receiving is such a complicated thing! I find it hard to accept gifts as I don't feel that I deserve them. My family only showed love by giving gifts. I only really like giving people gifts that they actually want or need. Complicated!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 6:23 pm 
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That's so nice, Moon! :)


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2016 10:41 am 
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the Boy is not a good gift giver at all. And I really put a lot of time and thought into it.
I have spent a lot of time over the years feeling frustrated and disappointed but have learned to just deal with it.

This year for Christmas, he refurbish two bar stools that we got from our favorite club/bar that was being torn down. They were a total wreck and now they are like new.
I think it was the best gift ever!!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2016 7:44 am 
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Hoodwinked wrote:
the Boy is not a good gift giver at all. And I really put a lot of time and thought into it.
I have spent a lot of time over the years feeling frustrated and disappointed but have learned to just deal with it.

This year for Christmas, he refurbish two bar stools that we got from our favorite club/bar that was being torn down. They were a total wreck and now they are like new.
I think it was the best gift ever!!

How lovely! My BF made me a tofu press!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 3:15 am 
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Brain Made of Raw Seitan
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Ugh, I miss this place and the ppk ladies advice.

I started a casual relationship and it was great at first, but now I'm starting to feel bad/guilty about it and possibly developing feelings for them.

I can't really talk to any of my friends about it. Either they'll judge or not understand why this isn't working for me.

I've been single for a while and was totally fine with it, but this has made me miss being in an actual relationship and want more. Not necessarily with them, just in general. And then I'm feeling bad about having sex with someone I barely know, even if it's fun and I feel super comfortable with them.

I don't even really know how I'm feeling right now. I tried to end it, but when I went over there I got caught up and wasn't able. Guess I'm going to have to do it over text.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 12:32 pm 
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Why are you feeling bad for having sex with someone you feel super comfortable with?

I would suggest that if things feel good you should go for it.

It sounds to me that you are worried you may want more & they might not. Have you checked this out? Do you think you might want more because that's what you think you "should" want?

I would say, don't let the idea of what you "should" behave like affect what feels right for you.

Good luck.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2017 7:11 pm 
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Thanks, chickpea.

I think you're right about me feeling like I should want more making me feel bad. I was totally fine and happy with the arrangement (and like being single!) until last week when a family friend told me I was getting to the point I need to settle down. I'm 24 and just started a professional program, settling down is the last thing I want to do right now.

Writing it all out and your post actually has me feeling a bit better. Thank you! I'm just going to enjoy it for now and see what happens


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2017 6:33 am 
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Simply_Love wrote:
Thanks, chickpea.

I think you're right about me feeling like I should want more making me feel bad. I was totally fine and happy with the arrangement (and like being single!) until last week when a family friend told me I was getting to the point I need to settle down. I'm 24 and just started a professional program, settling down is the last thing I want to do right now.

Writing it all out and your post actually has me feeling a bit better. Thank you! I'm just going to enjoy it for now and see what happens


Yeah, you're only 24! If you are totally happy with the current situation then just keep rolling with it. If you think you're developing more long term relationship feelings about the person when you've agreed to a casual thing then I would probably mention it to see how they feel & consider breaking it off if they only want a casual thing because that sounds like a recipe for heartbreak.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:22 pm 
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Simply_Love wrote:
Thanks, chickpea.

I think you're right about me feeling like I should want more making me feel bad. I was totally fine and happy with the arrangement (and like being single!) until last week when a family friend told me I was getting to the point I need to settle down. I'm 24 and just started a professional program, settling down is the last thing I want to do right now.

Writing it all out and your post actually has me feeling a bit better. Thank you! I'm just going to enjoy it for now and see what happens

Glad your feeling better. Hope everything turns out well for you.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:31 am 
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Simply_Love wrote:
Thanks, chickpea.

I think you're right about me feeling like I should want more making me feel bad. I was totally fine and happy with the arrangement (and like being single!) until last week when a family friend told me I was getting to the point I need to settle down. I'm 24 and just started a professional program, settling down is the last thing I want to do right now.

Writing it all out and your post actually has me feeling a bit better. Thank you! I'm just going to enjoy it for now and see what happens


Do what makes you happy right now. If this arrangement stops making you happy, then end it. As others said, you are ONLY 24 and there is no rush for you to settle down, and, you could be any age and your family/friends can just budge out of your business!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2017 8:07 pm 
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One of my new years goals is to practice positive habits that affect my mental health for the better. As part of this, I've signed up at a hot yoga studio in my city and have been going. I was nervous about trying a new class this week, and Trevor offered to come with me! My husband, who has never done yoga EVER, joined me in a hot hatha yoga class. We held hands during savasana and it almost made me cry how supportive he is. I said to him later that it meant a lot to me that he was there, and that he is the best husband ever. His response? "You make me want to try." <3 <3 <3

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 11:53 am 
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Things ended with the guy who I was over the moon about. 5 months. I was recently diagnosed with an incurable illness, and he ran for the hills. Of course I'm better off without him, but it's taken a major toll on my self-esteem.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 12:24 pm 
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I am so sorry, ScooterDiva!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 12:38 pm 
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I'm really sorry to hear that ScooterDiva.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 1:35 pm 
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Thank you dropscone and jogirl.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 2:15 pm 
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Awww, SD, I was so excited to see you had posted. I'm so sorry to hear your news. I hope you've got people around to support you. X


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:09 pm 
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Ouch, ScooterDiva. That really is adding insult to injury. I hope things are as ok as they can be.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 7:57 am 
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Thank you guys.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 8:25 pm 
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I'm so sorry SD

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 5:57 pm 
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Thanks Moon.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2017 10:29 pm 
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SD, as someone who has a currently incurable illness (albeit one that isn't dangerous) I am down to chat if you want.

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Well! Fruit is stupid! These onions taste nothing like fruit! - allularpunk
Dwarf-tossing for God: A Story of Hope - Invictus
I got your blood sausage right here, baby. - Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2017 10:52 pm 
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I'm sorry, SD.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 2:09 am 
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Moon wrote:
My Christmas stocking this year really showed that Mr Moon has been paying to my offhanded remarks about stuff I was wanting around the house. New hair clips, wooden spoons, lighters for my candles, just to name a few.

I felt warm and squishy and happy pulling out every useful, lovely, thoughtful thing.

That's so precious!

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"This morning I used a random number generator to choose which tea to have with breakfast." - Moon


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2017 6:18 pm 
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I know this place is mostly dead but I need to rant.

My husband is really really bad at taking care of himself when he is hurting. He gets headaches sometimes, they always go away if he drinks some water and takes a painkiller. He gets stomach aches, they always go away if he lies down for half an hour. Does he do these things to make the pain go away? No. Of course he doesn't. If he is in pain, he sits around being upset about it. If he has toothache he refuses to go to the dentist. I just don't understand.

But he says I am not supportive when he is in pain. I just do not know how to be. I'm someone with chronic illness who is in pain pretty much all the time. I cannot control my pain, I do not have any choice in it. I have no idea how to be supportive of someone who seems to choose to be in pain because he can't be bothered to fix it. I tell him, does he know how much I would give for that choice? How lucky he is to know that his pain is not permanent. I know that's not fair of me because he is still hurting and who am I to deny him that? I just can't seem to muster up any sympathy and that makes him cross with me.

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