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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 9:41 pm 
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Yikes, yeah Mars, good luck!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 10:31 pm 
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It went quite well. He's a creature of schedule and routine and many things in his life lately (job/living situation) have been all over the place and he says he's been neglecting self-care basically 100%, for a while, like even before dating me. And so he says it's making him feel crazy and hermit-y, and this has happened before (so basically trying to re-inforce to me that it's not because of me), and today he wrote out all kinds of daily schedules and things (that's part of his version of self-care) and feels like he's ready to keep it up again and get back to himself.

I think it'll be good. I mean I know it seems like maybe a lot of ups and downs for such a new thing, but ya'll have a pretty good idea of who I am as a person now I'm sure, and I kind of feel like this guy is good for me, keeps me more in-check and less prone to my crazy intense hedonism all-or-nothing bouts... ? Maybe. I think so. Though he is a Libra, however, and as silly as all that is, my mom did tell me never to date a libra (dad's a libra...).

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:27 am 
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I don't know about the Libra thing (though balance--scales?), but I am the same way about schedules and routines. In fact, one of the things I'm focusing on now is "the new normal" trying to get into a new routine. So when the online dating guy suggested meeting on a Sunday, I was panicked (not only because I'm not ready), but also because Sunday is easy recovery run, laundry, and grocery shopping. (And naps!)

I'm glad that your beau is self-aware enough to realize the issue and trying to talk to you about it. I know it's hard, but please try not to take it personally. Maybe it's an opportunity for you to have some self-care time of your own? Or at least to learn the words to "Shoop"? (I know you do a lot of things, I'm just brainstorming ideas.)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:04 pm 
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Mars wrote:
It went quite well. He's a creature of schedule and routine and many things in his life lately (job/living situation) have been all over the place and he says he's been neglecting self-care basically 100%, for a while, like even before dating me. And so he says it's making him feel crazy and hermit-y, and this has happened before (so basically trying to re-inforce to me that it's not because of me), and today he wrote out all kinds of daily schedules and things (that's part of his version of self-care) and feels like he's ready to keep it up again and get back to himself.

I think it'll be good. I mean I know it seems like maybe a lot of ups and downs for such a new thing, but ya'll have a pretty good idea of who I am as a person now I'm sure, and I kind of feel like this guy is good for me, keeps me more in-check and less prone to my crazy intense hedonism all-or-nothing bouts... ? Maybe. I think so. Though he is a Libra, however, and as silly as all that is, my mom did tell me never to date a libra (dad's a libra...).


I don't know about astrology, but in my experience, crazy ups and downs in the beginning of a relationship are not a good sign. That doesn't mean that there's no chance this relationship will work out, but if it were me, I'd probably not be super interested in continuing to date someone that had me routinely sitting around, anxiously waiting for hours on end. That's not just because I think it's a jerky move to leave someone hanging like that, but also because relationships that make me do/feel that, aren't ones that bring out good things in me.

You say you think this guy is good for you and keeps you in check. Maybe ask yourself how he's good for you, and why you think it's a good thing that he "keeps you in check." From what you've written here, it sounds more like he makes you anxious and wastes a lot of your time.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:10 pm 
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I think it could go either way though. In the beginning your just feeling each other out, and there are bound to be ups and downs. I do hate how he seems to make you anxious and the leaving you hanging thing. As someone who often times gets incredible anxious about going out and needs to cancel, it is rule one that you let the person know immediately. If I feel too bad about canceling, I usually make myself go and even sometimes have fun. The not knowing regarding plans seems to be really affecting you Mars, did you discuss that?

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:29 pm 
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Yeah we did, he said he will be clearer and communicate more. He was really sweet about the way he was taking the info, too... Not sure how to explain that but ah we'll. And he made it very clear that he wants me to always tell him if something he's doin doesn't feel like it meeting my needs.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 9:03 pm 
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Skyping with my guy for 45 minutes tonight cheered me up more than I thought possible. He isn't good with emotional/stress stuff and I was a bit of a mess yesterday and today, but talking to him made me feel way better. And we are still going back and forth on FB and prob will be off and on all night.

I think he is a bit worried about my safety but I'm lucky that he is so supportive of me traveling for so long. He's super sweet in his own way and I am so excited to see him in 4 days and share part of this trip with him.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:21 am 
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It is exceedingly wonderful to be at home with NatureBoy. We've been walking in heather, forest, on the beach, forgot to take his kites flying (he MADE these kites!) because we were too busy kissing (oops), and then did an awesome mountain bike ride through the forest to sunset kisses overlooking the North ("West") Sea. I am so happy. Now I'm home writing articles while he's at work.

....Domesticity! I like it.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:51 am 
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That sounds incredibly lovely, lutin!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:10 am 
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Yeah. He re-built one of his bikes on the spot so I could ride it. (I'm about a foot shorter than he is. Luckily, this bike had a short frame (for him; it's still longish for me) so it didn't take thaaaat much work, but still, re-building! And then biking!) I kinda want to disappear into a puddle of goo. I have so many feelings feeling things for this boy! The more I know, the more I like. e.g. he's a maker! As in, maker-faire-style-maker. And he likes the forest! And meeeeeeeee. Over the weekend he said, "I like you like I like the forest", which is maybe a silly thing, but it made me all sorts of happy. Because I like him like I like the forest, too.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:20 am 
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Lutin, the 2 of you are adorable. You sound really happy.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:43 am 
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That sounds delightful, Lutin!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:47 am 
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You guys look so cute together on the pictures on fb as well!
I am so happy that you're happy, Lutin!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:34 am 
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lutin wrote:
Over the weekend he said, "I like you like I like the forest", which is maybe a silly thing

Heck no it ain't silly, that's all kinds of cute.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 8:56 am 
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I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but my partner and I, while not living together, live right next door to each other with a shared garden. Yesterday he found an old intercom system in his attic and installed a part in each of our places. Now when I'm at my place doing my thing, I'll occasionally hear the intercom go on and his voice saying "I love you" coming through.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:00 am 
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Oh my goodness, lepelaar! That is too cute!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:34 am 
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More hugs for NDP! You sound so strong and brave.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:42 am 
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jordanpattern wrote:
You say you think this guy is good for you and keeps you in check. Maybe ask yourself how he's good for you, and why you think it's a good thing that he "keeps you in check." From what you've written here, it sounds more like he makes you anxious and wastes a lot of your time.


What JoPa said, Mars. I'd also be super observant in a situation like this (or, like JoPa, check out). Be careful with yourself, dude.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:42 am 
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Rhizopus Oligosporus wrote:
More hugs for NDP! You sound so strong and brave.


I agree. I sent you a FB PM but if you ever want to take a few days out, you are welcome to come visit me, we can go hang out in DC. I am also willing to travel.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:49 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but my partner and I, while not living together, live right next door to each other with a shared garden. Yesterday he found an old intercom system in his attic and installed a part in each of our places. Now when I'm at my place doing my thing, I'll occasionally hear the intercom go on and his voice saying "I love you" coming through.


Adorable!

My guy told me definitively this weekend that he wants to settle down for the long term. We were talking about our friends that are a couple and how perfect they are for each other, but they keep having all these problems, T says because the dude just doesn't want to settle down with anyone right now. I said something about how that was fine, but it wasn't fair to her to not be straight up about that, because she deserves to be with someone who is on the same page. He totally agreed, and I said, 'Do you want to settle down?' And he was like, 'Dude! Of course!' He seemed surprised that I didn't seem to positively know about it. Sometimes I think he really does think I can read his mind. (And in this case, I think it's cute.)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 11:12 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but my partner and I, while not living together, live right next door to each other with a shared garden. Yesterday he found an old intercom system in his attic and installed a part in each of our places. Now when I'm at my place doing my thing, I'll occasionally hear the intercom go on and his voice saying "I love you" coming through.


This is just too adorable! Aw! And living next door to a partner rather than with them sounds like the ideal living situation - I'm envious!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 11:22 am 
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lutin wrote:
jordanpattern wrote:
You say you think this guy is good for you and keeps you in check. Maybe ask yourself how he's good for you, and why you think it's a good thing that he "keeps you in check." From what you've written here, it sounds more like he makes you anxious and wastes a lot of your time.

What JoPa said, Mars. I'd also be super observant in a situation like this (or, like JoPa, check out). Be careful with yourself, dude.

Thanks guys! As far as the 'keeping me in check' I meant more along the lines of 'I'm being more careful and protective of myself this time'. I think a big problem with how I usually date is that I get completely invested and intense so fast, and it's always been with people who really shouldn't have been dating to begin with.

Also, I'm pretty bad at talking about the good stuff ;) But yes, I'm being careful! Thanks for the concern, PPK! <3

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 12:16 pm 
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Question for the wise PPK:
I keep getting an ex's mail. We never lived together, but he did stay at my house for a couple of weeks before he moved to a different state. He put some of his stuff in storage while he was staying with me and the invoice from the storage place comes to my house once a month. He moved about 4 months ago, we have no contact and I don't know what his new address is. I called the storage place 2 months ago and told them he moved, they said okay, I assumed the job was done. I do not trust my ex, if there is any way he could use that mail against me, I believe he would. So, what should I do?


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 12:38 pm 
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peanut wrote:
Question for the wise PPK:
I keep getting an ex's mail. We never lived together, but he did stay at my house for a couple of weeks before he moved to a different state. He put some of his stuff in storage while he was staying with me and the invoice from the storage place comes to my house once a month. He moved about 4 months ago, we have no contact and I don't know what his new address is. I called the storage place 2 months ago and told them he moved, they said okay, I assumed the job was done. I do not trust my ex, if there is any way he could use that mail against me, I believe he would. So, what should I do?


You should send him an email saying that you received some mail for him from the storage place, and that you need a forwarding address so that you can send it to him, and that he needs to call the storage place and change his address there. Be very clear that this is his responsibility now, and send it both via facebook and email and save both messages. This way he can't blame you for not acting on it, and if he replies and fixes it it will be out of the world, and if not, then you have solid proof that you weren't being uncool.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 12:39 pm 
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peanut wrote:
Question for the wise PPK:
I keep getting an ex's mail. We never lived together, but he did stay at my house for a couple of weeks before he moved to a different state. He put some of his stuff in storage while he was staying with me and the invoice from the storage place comes to my house once a month. He moved about 4 months ago, we have no contact and I don't know what his new address is. I called the storage place 2 months ago and told them he moved, they said okay, I assumed the job was done. I do not trust my ex, if there is any way he could use that mail against me, I believe he would. So, what should I do?



I would just write "Return to Sender" on any mail that's his that comes to your place.


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