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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:45 pm 
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Fizzgig that's awesome!!! Yay feeling great!

Also, NDP, I know I'm behind the times but it's never too late to say you are pretty amazing and impressive in your strength and we are all definitely here for you as you go through this trying time.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 12:19 am 
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RandiJM wrote:
Fizzgig that's awesome!!! Yay feeling great!

Also, NDP, I know I'm behind the times but it's never too late to say you are pretty amazing and impressive in your strength and we are all definitely here for you as you go through this trying time.


I agree on ALL of this post.

Also, just in general, PPKers are a bunch of rad, strong, kickass sexyfolk. Even when I don't post much, I get so much wisdom and support from reading this thread. You all are brilliant and rad, and your SOs are lucky to have you. It makes me happy when I see that anyone is with someone who is deserving, because DANG it is hard to find someone deserving.

I hate to be generalized, but almost every single person in this thread is someone I admire/look up to, so I'm afraid I will break myself if I try to be specific.

So say no to red flags, say yes to awesome, and KNOW your awesomeness!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 8:51 am 
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DarthCupcake wrote:
Also, just in general, PPKers are a bunch of rad, strong, kickass sexyfolk. Even when I don't post much, I get so much wisdom and support from reading this thread. You all are brilliant and rad, and your SOs are lucky to have you. It makes me happy when I see that anyone is with someone who is deserving, because DANG it is hard to find someone deserving.

I hate to be generalized, but almost every single person in this thread is someone I admire/look up to, so I'm afraid I will break myself if I try to be specific.

So say no to red flags, say yes to awesome, and KNOW your awesomeness!

Pretty much. (And thanks, RJM, it is lovely). Listening to the red flags and finding the awesomeness that is inside you and finding the people who bring it out are such important things to figure out.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:00 am 
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Thanks, RandiJM! I get to go to Italy now, right? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do next?

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:44 am 
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I feel like I had a preview yesterday of what it would be like to live with T, on just a regular weekend day. His dad came to town (I met his dad! He seemed to like me!) and a couple of his friends came over to set up some stuff in his basement. Meanwhile, I planted some tulip bulbs in the front yard and carved our jackolanterns, and then did a crossword puzzle while watching footballs. We were both just doing our own thing and it was totally no pressure on either one of us to hang out together. I've mentioned before that my favorite thing about living with a significant other is the ability to just be in the same place without actually hanging out together. We've never really had a day like that before, and it was awesome. It will definitely be something I bring up whenever we talk about moving in together.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:51 am 
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Better news this time :-) He feels awful about the fight and has been super-sweet to me ever since. I think he just got overwhelmed because he has been so stressed about the legal stuff with his ex lately, and it wasn't really about me. We also heard from the therapist who was away. He's back now and I think that once we have a chat with him just to make sure it's all okay again, it will be done. I recognize my mother may not ever be his absolute favourite person, but I do think that given how low my expectations are in that area, he can grow a little on this and suck it up when he has to deal with her. And he can learn not to take it out on me :-)

He also had a talk with me about proposing...


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:37 am 
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After weeks of T telling me 'we still need to talk' (about what, I had no idea) at times that were not good for talking, we finally talked last night. And we really laid it all out there. It turns out that something I did weeks ago, that I thought we had discussed and gotten over, has still been bothering him. Full disclosure, I have self destructive tendencies that mainly do not come out in my daily life (after years and years of work). One night we were having a fight and I felt that all-too-familiar intense pain that only hurting myself used to cure, and I gave in and banged my head against a doorframe, and he saw it. Again, this is not something that I usually do, I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and immediately felt awful for doing it, because I don't treat myself badly anymore. It really freaked him out. He'd never seen me act that way, and it worried him that I am unable to keep my shiitake together. It didn't make him angry or anything, he just doesn't understand it and it has really been bothering him. So he's been keeping his distance, sort of.

Anyway, I assured him that it was behavior that I wasn't happy with for myself either, and that it's something I struggle with sometimes, but don't plan on letting it happen again. Then I told him all the things that have been bothering me, how I feel like he hasn't been fair to me to expect me to constantly compromise for him, but never compromise for me. I said that we obviously just express ourselves differently, but that if I was going to accept that he's not overly emotive, that he can hopefully hear me tell him how I feel without recoiling. He apologized a lot (not something that happens often, believe me). He told me that he loves me, that he wants to be with me, that he's a better person for having me in his life. We both acknowledged that we've got shiitake to work on.

And then we spent a good amount of time being more passionate in the bedroom than things have been in a very long time. I think we both just felt really relieved to have everything out there and generally feel like we're on the same plane. It was the most mutually respectful communication session I've ever had with a partner, and I hope that we can continue to have these check-ins when they're needed.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 4:05 pm 
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I need to drastically change a relationship with a friend. We work closely on a creative project that means an awful lot to me. I thought it meant the same to them too, but it's turning out that it doesn't. They make alternative plans for times when we've arranged to work together (despite this losing me a lot of money in space hire costs), don't return the favour when I've helped them out and forget quickly that I helped at all, prioritize another group's project that clashes with ours and often ignore contact from me regarding our work.

The creative work means so much to me that I've decided to call it a day for our partnership and find someone else to work with. I think that it could also be the end of our friendship. Their past behavior has shown that they have a tendency to blame others for the situation and use a lot of name calling.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 4:56 pm 
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8ball wrote:
I think that it could also be the end of our friendship.

Good luck. I've had to practically end friendships with flaky friends because I can't make plans that rely on them. Maybe you can make clear that you'd like to still be friends, but you can't do things that involve money with them. It sounds easy in my head, but that's because I'm not full of denial about my habits like your friend.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:34 am 
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I'm sorry 8-ball. I hope you can still be friends, if you want to.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 3:13 am 
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allularpunk wrote:
It was the most mutually respectful communication session I've ever had with a partner, and I hope that we can continue to have these check-ins when they're needed.



How deeply satisfying! And how wonderful that you were both patient and present enough to have a talk like that (esp. given what we know about T's ....reluctance.... to have squishy feelings-y talks). Also, your afternoon just puttering around the house together? sounds pretty much perfect. Rock on, lady :)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 6:19 pm 
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If you are really into someone and they are not into you, what do you do?

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 7:12 pm 
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DebbiePelton wrote:
If you are really into someone and they are not into you, what do you do?


Move on :) Its probably the best for your mental health. Your time is like your money, you should invest it wisely :)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 7:26 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
DebbiePelton wrote:
If you are really into someone and they are not into you, what do you do?


Move on :) Its probably the best for your mental health. Your time is like your money, you should invest it wisely :)


You SHOULD invest it wisely! You deserve someone who will like you back.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 7:43 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
Move on :) Its probably the best for your mental health. Your time is like your money, you should invest it wisely :)

Oh man, good way of phrasing it!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 7:48 pm 
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And seriously, if someone isn't into you, it's not a reflection on your worth. You're exactly right for someone and time wasted pursuing someone who is not into you just gets in the way of finding someone who is.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 6:33 pm 
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allularpunk wrote:
It really freaked him out. He'd never seen me act that way, and it worried him that I am unable to keep my shiitake together. It didn't make him angry or anything, he just doesn't understand it and it has really been bothering him. So he's been keeping his distance, sort of.


First of all, let me say as someone who is familiar with this type of pain that I'm so sorry you're feeling those feelings at all, even if rarely. I'm also really happy to hear that this seems to be something you have largely conquered. I sometimes get that old familiar feeling again, like you did, and I can empathize. I really hope things continue to get and stay better for you in that regard.

I quoted you because it doesn't strike me that T's main concern/discomfort was regarding your safety and emotional well-being. This could be just how you wrote it, and obviously you didn't transcribe your entire conversation here, but the vagueness of it leads my mind to fill in the blanks with the worst possible scenario. I have been in shitty relationships before where my past self-harm would be seen as cause for embarrassment rather than concern. Obviously that could be coloring my perception of this conversation. I just want you to be sure he's concerned for the right reasons.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:21 am 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
I have been in shitty relationships before where my past self-harm would be seen as cause for embarrassment rather than concern. Obviously that could be coloring my perception of this conversation. I just want you to be sure he's concerned for the right reasons.

I just wanted to throw my opinion out there. I don't have self-harm tendencies, so from my perspective seeing that might arouse a lot of feelings, but embarrassment isn't one of them. I tend to think that's projection because it's hard to imagine embarrassment as a strong feeling about something someone else does. At least not since I was a child and my parents were around. Tripping in public is mortifying for the clumsy person, but I don't think any of us really look down on someone for something like that. Maybe that's just me.

It is possible that his distance isn't so much concern for you as worry about the relationship and his involvement with you. I have a hard time imaging mere embarrassment as relationship threatening, but I could see him interpreting something unstable as a red flag about the relationship. Maybe you can assure him that you're dealing with it, getting counseling, etc. to put his worries about your mental health at ease. Something like that could make him feel like he doesn't really know you as well as he thought so maybe his feelings aren't as real as he imagined and he wants some space to think about it.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 5:36 pm 
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Tigon wrote:
Something like that could make him feel like he doesn't really know you as well as he thought so maybe his feelings aren't as real as he imagined and he wants some space to think about it.


This is how it seemed to me. He expressed concern for me, for sure. He also said that he's been with other women who were emotionally unstable in various ways (also, he acknowledges that he has his own shiitake and is not perfect) and that those relationships never worked out and that he was afraid that this would be more of the same. I think that it took him by surprise (because I have largely conquered this thing) and he wants me to be the stable and awesome person that he perceived me to be from the start. He really is very caring about my general well being all the time. He picks up on my ups and downs and tries to make sure that I'm ok.

I do think that on the surface he wants something easy and carefree, but that he also wants something long term and serious. He's juggling those feelings. And I get it, carefree relationships are fun! It's dawning on him that these more serious things take work. But he's making an effort and talking to me about it, and I appreciate it.

I'll also say that in the time since we talked (admittedly, less than a week), things have felt...lighter. Easier. Less stressful. He's been a lot more open and warm and even jovial. He's been a lot more receptive to me in general, and I don't feel all shut out like before. Really, things hadn't been 'bad' before, but I could tell that something was up, you know?

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 6:23 pm 
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This year has been unbelievably shitty for both Mr. T and I, so much personal and professional loss that it's almost laughably bad. We were both kind of getting weighed down by that, and though we weren't being mean to each other, we weren't being as goofy and lighthearted as we normally are. We were being more just like an old stressed out married couple. We talked about it, though, and agreed that things are always easier if we're supporting each other and making each other smile. And the goof-off factor is way up again, and the singing songs together, tickle fights, holding hands, and fart jokes are back. Ahh. The way it should be.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 8:09 pm 
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Thank goodness, paprikapapaya! Those are the things that make life so much better! While Wilson and I aren't "together," it's been much better around the apartment with the amount of dick and fart jokes that are happening. He also pretty much told me I'm any guys dream girl, which was incredibly nice to hear and boosted my confidence a lot!

Allularpunk, I wanted to say something along the lines of what Erika said, but I couldn't get it out quite right. When stuff with Wilson was totally hitting the fan, I found myself back at that place. It's incredibly difficult for someone who hasn't experienced those kind of feelings to witness. I know Wilson was very scared and worried, because why would I want to hurt myself?! I'm glad you and T were able to talk about it, and I'm more so glad you're at a different place in your life. (I talked about what happened with me with my therapist and that helped me talk about it to Wilson a bit more. Are you able to talk to anyone for a check in?)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 8:29 pm 
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Hugs PPPP! I am so happy that you're back to being fun and sweet together! Its so easy to get consumed by stress and caught up in the doing, and forget how important the fart jokes are.

Sorry AP, that sounds hard. I think it can be pretty overwhelming when we see a partner self harm, and it sounds like you resolved that very maturely and kindly. I hope things continue to go well for you and T.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 8:43 pm 
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NDP, you are totally a dream girl! Wilson is right about that. I continue to be amazed and inspired by your strength and resilience through what can't be an easy situation. I am rooting for you so much.

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Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumbles
Is this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 8:50 pm 
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ndpittman wrote:
Allularpunk, I wanted to say something along the lines of what Erika said, but I couldn't get it out quite right. When stuff with Wilson was totally hitting the fan, I found myself back at that place. It's incredibly difficult for someone who hasn't experienced those kind of feelings to witness. I know Wilson was very scared and worried, because why would I want to hurt myself?! I'm glad you and T were able to talk about it, and I'm more so glad you're at a different place in your life. (I talked about what happened with me with my therapist and that helped me talk about it to Wilson a bit more. Are you able to talk to anyone for a check in?)


I don't have a therapist right now. I do feel awful about him seeing that happen (although not quite as awful as having that feeling again). I've had boyfriends in the past that witnessed my self harm at a more regular rate, when I was cutting and when I was struggling the hardest with my eating disorder, and knowing they were hurting because I was hurting was a big part of the shame and guilt cycle. T vaguely knows about my past issues because, duh, I have scars on me and I've alluded to the eating disorder. Pretty sure he was thinking that all that stuff was not a part of my life anymore, and for the most part it isn't, but you know...sometimes those old feelings get riled up. It's not easy for me to talk about with him because a) I don't want to talk about it, generally speaking, b) I don't want him to think I'm nuts, and c)...I just want to forget about it? Except that's not a solution, obviously. I just don't know how to make people that don't have a history of self harm understand the motivation behind it and not make it sound like an excuse. I mean, I can talk to people I don't have an emotional attachment to about that stuff, but when it comes to my loved ones... We're not just talking T here, I mean trying in my past to explain it to boyfriends, my family, friends, etc.

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55k usd is like 4 cad or whatever equivalent in beavers you use on the island - joshua


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 5:58 am 
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Aw, Paprikapapaya! Thanks!! It helps to have awesome support, for sure. And I certainly have my moments. It's been really cathartic lately to sing along to angry female rockers though. :)

Ap, I hope I didn't make it sound like you should feel bad for him seeing it. I understand that though. I just know it broadened my perspective a bit when I realized that some people don't understand that feeling at all (and maybe I shouldn't either, if that makes sense).

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