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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:57 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Congratulations Pi!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:16 am 
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congrats pi!


this april marks 8 years with me and the boyfriend. no specific date, we just remember meeting. i am looking for a non-cheezey card (i am not romantic) for him, i think i found one that has TMNT and pizza in the mix!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:18 am 
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Congrats Pi! That sounds like a kick asparagus way to do a proposal.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:35 am 
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Wahoo Pi!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:58 pm 
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Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
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Congratulations Pi!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:05 pm 
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allularpunk wrote:
they sometimes have to communicate for business reasons.


They can communicate via email for business reasons. He absolutely can, and should block her from his social media.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:05 pm 
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Slept through a huge sale, OH NO!
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Yay Pi!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:26 pm 
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Congrats Pi!!!

I think everyone at work think I have a thing for the intern because we are always talking. Like always. I don't. We have a mutual appreciation for hot men hence why we get on so well. But hey, if it keeps the gossips entertained then let it be!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 4:00 pm 
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Awww... thanks everyone! I just realized how much work I might have created for myself - although I think it will be super fun and easy to plan since I don't really care about much except having a vegan cake and plenty of booze.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 4:20 pm 
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ugh
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Pi. wrote:
Awww... thanks everyone! I just realized how much work I might have created for myself - although I think it will be super fun and easy to plan since I don't really care about much except having a vegan cake and plenty of booze.

Let me know when you start planning stuff if you want some tips, my wedding is less than two months away (eee!) so I have lots of local vendor recommendations.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 4:36 pm 
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Bathes in Braggs
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b.vicious wrote:
Pi. wrote:
Awww... thanks everyone! I just realized how much work I might have created for myself - although I think it will be super fun and easy to plan since I don't really care about much except having a vegan cake and plenty of booze.

Let me know when you start planning stuff if you want some tips, my wedding is less than two months away (eee!) so I have lots of local vendor recommendations.


So soon already? How exciting! Thanks, I will definitely be in touch once we sort out more what we want to do.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 5:45 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I just bought birthday presents for N. It's a bunch of records - Sonic Youth's "The Destroyed Room", Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA" and then I ordered The Rolling Stones' "Let It Bleed" and "Beggars Banquet". I found the last two in the record store used and they were super rare versions that cost $75 EACH. I so so so wish I wasn't a money strapped student or I would have gotten him the rare versions. But alas, I had to order some new prints from amazon.

I am pretty sure he will be pleased! He turns 23 this sunday, and I'm planning on waking him up with pancakes with maple syrup (his favorite), juice, coffee etc. and then we're having a delicious sushi dinner with his mom and her girlfriend. It will be awesome. I'm going to England on the 16th and then I am going to try to find an old copy of John Fante's "Dreams from the Bunker Hill" (on his wish list) and I am going to try to get my hands on a bottle of Sipsmith gin for him!

I love birthdays!

Eta: My birthday is on the 19th. He told me he may not be able to get me anything fancy and I told him to relax and never get me any presents he can't afford. The fun with gifts is getting someone you love something they're going to like, not to empty your bank account! I'd much rather have him take me out to see a movie or get a drink or something like that, than getting me something that will leave him strapped for cash.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 5:51 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Oh and congrats Pi! That's excellent news! So.. you will keep us in the loop with what you're going to wear and eat etc., right?!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 6:03 am 
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How do you guys feel about meeting your partner's ex(es)? One of NatureBoy's exes will be in Germany this summer with her guy, and "wants to meet up". This lady is his most recent ex, I have vague ideas about their relationship (I didn't want details, except to be sure he was really sure about being monogamous with me as this ex is poly). I'm his first serious relationship. The others have been friends-with-benefits or her, and he maintains friendly relations with all of them. I pretty much don't talk to my exes and wouldn't mind not seeing them again for a long while, if ever. Not sure what to do about this. I don't really want to see her, or meet her. But I know he does and I know that knowing she is poly makes me uncomfortable (even though I know it shouldn't; even though NatureBoy says he is totally committed to us+monogamy). sh sjgsj guirhuihrfds.

eta: We don't know the dates or that her trip will actually happen at all. It is possible that they come when I'm committed to being elsewhere. But arg, he asked me whether I wanted to at all. I said it made me uncomfortable and I'd rather not, but would think about it (but with lost PhD time because of concussion and already not seeing enough of my friends because of everything else, I really don't want to give her time) buuuuut could he ask her for more specific info. etc., because I know it's important for him so if he can, he should go.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 6:37 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Hmm.. Why would you have to meet her? Can't he just go meet her himself?


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 6:42 am 
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Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan
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She specifically asked/suggested that she+dude and NatureBoy+me "meet up".

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 6:52 am 
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Well, my partner's most recent ex before we met was his "best woman" at our wedding... so my view would be that it's about your sense of trust.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 6:58 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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If it was me, I'd just tell him that I didn't want to go, but that he should go ahead without me. If it makes you uncomfortable, why waste your time? I think he should go if he wants to, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel - not because your feelings aren't important, but because sometimes it's a good thing to just tell yourself that you're acting irrational. If she wanted to hook up with him, she probably wouldn't have invited you along! I would just tell him that it makes you a little uncomfortable and that you're probably going to need some extra hugs that day!

My boyfriend met up with an ex girlfriend from 7th grade a few years back. He didn't really want to go, but I told him to give it a chance (they'd been friends in high school). Coffee ended up being beer and then late at night she asked if she could crash at his place (he lived at his mothers place back then) and he wrote me a text telling me that she asked and that he told her that he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable, even though she was going to sleep on the couch. It did make me highly uncomfortable that she asked (I didn't know her and had no reason not to question her motives) but it made me very happy to know that he wanted to respect me, even if I wasn't around. It made it so much easier to trust him, and by now I'm basically over getting jealous. So a lot of things have changed since back then, when I would still get uncomfortable or jealous, that wouldn't have changed if stuff like that had not happened.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 9:37 am 
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~Sz wrote:
allularpunk wrote:
they sometimes have to communicate for business reasons.


They can communicate via email for business reasons. He absolutely can, and should block her from his social media.


Yeah.

lutin wrote:
How do you guys feel about meeting your partner's ex(es)? One of NatureBoy's exes will be in Germany this summer with her guy, and "wants to meet up".


I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to say, "Hey, I'm already pretty strapped for time and have a lot of things I want to get done on this trip, so I'd rather not meet up with your ex. I'm 100% totally cool with you meeting up with her, so please go, say hi for me, and have fun."

It's fine if your partner is friends with his exes, and it sounds like you're down with that, but I think it's unreasonable to expect that you take time from your life to hang out with a partner's ex if you don't want to for any reason. You can absolutely decline. If she doesn't understand that, well, then she's got some unrealistic expectations and/or weird ideas about relationships.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 9:50 am 
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~Sz wrote:
allularpunk wrote:
they sometimes have to communicate for business reasons.


They can communicate via email for business reasons. He absolutely can, and should block her from his social media.


For real. This is the same guy that wouldn't/won't add YOU to his social media! Dude.
Business can be conducted via the normal means, ie. business email addresses.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 3:27 pm 
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I would be willing to meet biker boy's ex-wife if she and her husband were in town. They've been divorced a long time but they keep pretty superficially in touch (facebook, the occasional text.) I'd also be OK with him meeting up with her. But yeah, I wouldn't really want to and if I had a solid reason not to, like you do lutin, then it should be totally OK not to. Actually, I think it's fair for you to not meet up with her just because you're not into the idea.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 3:42 pm 
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paprikapapaya wrote:
~Sz wrote:
allularpunk wrote:
they sometimes have to communicate for business reasons.


They can communicate via email for business reasons. He absolutely can, and should block her from his social media.


For real. This is the same guy that wouldn't/won't add YOU to his social media! Dude.
Business can be conducted via the normal means, ie. business email addresses.

What? T. won't add you(allularpunk) on facebook?


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 8:35 pm 
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I would be fine with and have been fine with meeting my partner's exes. But I agree with everyone that it's totally fine for you to not want to, and also for it to just not be a priority for you to make time to hang out with someone you don't even know. And I agree that if he wants to see her, then he should go by himself! But also I just want to point out, that sometimes it can be easy to build up an uncomfortable situation in your mind, but then when it actually happens you are reminded that you have nothing to worry about; so in that sense, maybe going for a short while could ease your mind when you see them interacting and know that there's no longer any romantic connection there.

Pi, Congrats! I don't think weddings have to be stressful or tons of work. Maybe I'm deluding myself, but my sweetie and I are planning to get married this summer and so far we're trying to keep it as low-key as possible while not actually eloping. I'm also working a ton on my career and building a sustainable self-employment plan for myself this year, which is way more important for my brain-space than wedding planning anyway!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 8:46 pm 
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Congrats, Pi!

electric_claire wrote:
I don't think weddings have to be stressful or tons of work. Maybe I'm deluding myself, but my sweetie and I are planning to get married this summer and so far we're trying to keep it as low-key as possible while not actually eloping. I'm also working a ton on my career and building a sustainable self-employment plan for myself this year, which is way more important for my brain-space than wedding planning anyway!



My wedding was 30 people at my favourite restaurant and it was awesome and I loved it. Ordered my dress and shoes off the internet, my earrings were plastic, my MIL made my daisy bouquet. A friend of the family made my adorable cake and the only part I really stressed out about was my cake topper which I ended up finding the perfect artist for. We all had a great meal, drank plenty and had a lovely time. My wedding was almost totally stress free, with the exception of my crazy sister in law trying to make problems the night before. If I were to do it again I probably wouldn't change anything, except make it vegan!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 10:06 am 
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Moon wrote:
My wedding was 30 people at my favourite restaurant and it was awesome and I loved it.

As someone recently married I definitely suggest something cheap/simple like that. Mine ended up being more complicated and expensive than I'd hoped. It's almost impossible to do anything very traditional without it being an expensive headache so this restaurant idea is great!


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