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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 12:16 pm 
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Tigon wrote:
Moon wrote:
My wedding was 30 people at my favourite restaurant and it was awesome and I loved it.

As someone recently married I definitely suggest something cheap/simple like that. Mine ended up being more complicated and expensive than I'd hoped. It's almost impossible to do anything very traditional without it being an expensive headache so this restaurant idea is great!


Our reception was at one of our favorite restaurants at the time. We had 20 people and somehow with alcohol and tip, the bill was incredibly cheap, like under $600. It wasn't vegan but because we had 2 vegetarian guests, we ordered almost everything vegetarian. The only non-vegetarian option we decided to add was was grilled chicken. We had pre-ordered the food family style which I think helped with the cost?

Even with buying professional flowers and having a professional photographer, renting an old chapel, my wedding dress and renting a tux for my husband, the entire wedding cost including the dinner was around $1500 I think.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Apr 08, 2014 1:17 am 
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linanil wrote:
Tigon wrote:
Moon wrote:
My wedding was 30 people at my favourite restaurant and it was awesome and I loved it.

As someone recently married I definitely suggest something cheap/simple like that. Mine ended up being more complicated and expensive than I'd hoped. It's almost impossible to do anything very traditional without it being an expensive headache so this restaurant idea is great!


Our reception was at one of our favorite restaurants at the time. We had 20 people and somehow with alcohol and tip, the bill was incredibly cheap, like under $600. It wasn't vegan but because we had 2 vegetarian guests, we ordered almost everything vegetarian. The only non-vegetarian option we decided to add was was grilled chicken. We had pre-ordered the food family style which I think helped with the cost?

Even with buying professional flowers and having a professional photographer, renting an old chapel, my wedding dress and renting a tux for my husband, the entire wedding cost including the dinner was around $1500 I think.


This is all great to hear! We did a pre-wedding planning session over the weekend and we don't want traditional wedding stuff, but we sort of want to throw an awesome party. Our list of people to invite is around 40 people and not all of them will come, so it will be small. I think we'll hold off on the marriage until October (he loves the idea of a halloween wedding and I'll be travelling more this summer). Our list of important stuff is pretty small (2 things: cake and booze) so it should be easy. I won't bore the PPK with details (or I'll find/start a wedding specific thread), but I will be sure to share anything super interesting and, of course, pictures.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:02 am 
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I went on a date and it went really well! There's no expectation of any relationship type thing coming out of it as he's not in the right place for that just now, but it was a fantastic night which made me feel very happy and has been a real confidence booster.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:22 am 
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Pi. wrote:

This is all great to hear! We did a pre-wedding planning session over the weekend and we don't want traditional wedding stuff, but we sort of want to throw an awesome party. Our list of people to invite is around 40 people and not all of them will come, so it will be small. I think we'll hold off on the marriage until October (he loves the idea of a halloween wedding and I'll be travelling more this summer). Our list of important stuff is pretty small (2 things: cake and booze) so it should be easy. I won't bore the PPK with details (or I'll find/start a wedding specific thread), but I will be sure to share anything super interesting and, of course, pictures.


I didn't care about cake or booze but I did want a faux-traditional type wedding which caused me a bit of anxiety because I always loved weddings in churches/chapels but we aren't the religious-type. When I found the chapel we could rent in a non-religious way, I was so happy. The other thing that was important to me was having a faux-big wedding. I had come from a large family so having big weddings was always a things but I neither wanted a big wedding nor wanted to pay for one. Having it in a restaurant helped give the big wedding feel because the restaurant was busy with tons of other people there besides our huge table.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:58 am 
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D and I were super grumpy at each other Monday morning, but we sucked it up and went on a bike ride in the really beautiful, unseasonal weather. Then we got a beer with our friend at a little cafe down the street from us, and it pretty much ruled. We rode again yesterday, had a beer in the park, and then found this amazing Vietnamese spot.

Spring: good for the ol' relationship.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 4:14 pm 
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I've been super extra busy with work for the past month and a half or so, and this week I have nothing scheduled! I am feeling so good this week thanks to getting enough sleep, having time to work on what I want to work on, having time at home to do 6 laundry and dishes and home improvement projects, and all that, plus the gorgeous spring weather is making a big improvement in my relationship. All sorts of little habits and things that my partner does that might annoy me if I were more stressed out and sleep deprived, seem endearing and lovely again! And I find myself smiling goofily at him from across the room and stuff.

Also, yesterday and today we have gotten out of bed with plenty of time to spare before he needs to go to work, and we've had time to have breakfast and coffee together and hang out before he leaves, and it is such a nice start to the day.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2014 3:50 am 
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This time next week NatureBoy and I will be driving to the Pyrenees for a birthday camping adventure! Two weeks of camping! And togethering! It's going to be so good.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:16 am 
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lutin wrote:
This time next week NatureBoy and I will be driving to the Pyrenees for a birthday camping adventure! Two weeks of camping! And togethering! It's going to be so good.


Update: Today he is swapping all kinds of new gear onto his old bike so I can ride it safely in the mountains! His bike would've been fine for me if he just stuck on a lower seat post like normal, but all the extra stuff he's doing to make it "lutin-safe" makes my heart melt.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:19 am 
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lutin wrote:
lutin wrote:
This time next week NatureBoy and I will be driving to the Pyrenees for a birthday camping adventure! Two weeks of camping! And togethering! It's going to be so good.


Update: Today he is swapping all kinds of new gear onto his old bike so I can ride it safely in the mountains! His bike would've been fine for me if he just stuck on a lower seat post like normal, but all the extra stuff he's doing to make it "lutin-safe" makes my heart melt.



Awwwww!!! <3

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:31 am 
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N is touring again, which means he's gone most weekends from thursday to sunday. I woke up friday night because of a completely terrible and horrifying nightmare, and was in complete panic. Luckily I managed to get a hold of him (usually he's pretty hard to get a hold of during the night, because he's working) and he talked to me for 20 minutes while I was crying and managed to calm me down and made me turn on the lights and drink a glass of water.
Usually it's no big deal when he's away, I just miss him and feel a little lonely at night, but not really in a bad way, and I enjoy the solitude and time for myself. But that nightmare made me miss him SO MUCH and it was wonderful to go see him play yesterday night and then bring him home. We cuddled for a long time in bed this morning.

I've felt really close to him lately, much more than I've felt for a long time. I think the stress from being in school 80% of the time and having different schedules that makes it impossible to eat together or do things together most weekdays have created this slight distance that we didn't even realize was there, but it's like things are getting back to where they were in the beginning - I feel giggly and happy and cuddly and want to spend as much time with him as possible. We've been playing chess or watching movies during the nights, and talking a lot more than usually. It makes me very happy to feel that we grow stronger and closer and that our relationship evolves so much.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 12:05 pm 
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smoothie wrote:

I've felt really close to him lately, much more than I've felt for a long time. I think the stress from being in school 80% of the time and having different schedules that makes it impossible to eat together or do things together most weekdays have created this slight distance that we didn't even realize was there, but it's like things are getting back to where they were in the beginning - I feel giggly and happy and cuddly and want to spend as much time with him as possible. We've been playing chess or watching movies during the nights, and talking a lot more than usually. It makes me very happy to feel that we grow stronger and closer and that our relationship evolves so much.


Are you "quietly playing chess" most nights, or regular chess playing? ;-)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:54 pm 
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yeah that's what I want to know :)


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:29 pm 
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Well, the cheating ex had the forking gall to come by my apartment last night. Looking for a hook up, attention, ect. Maybe she thought I would welcome her with open arms because I have been polite in the few exchanges we have had since I caught her. Thankfully I was not home. But when I saw her texts about it I forking lost it and unleashed all the stuff I was trying to just keep to myself. I'm probably too nice of a guy in general, but she got to see the hate I like to keep close to my heart. Both barrels of bile spewed at her. Hopefully she gets the drift? Is "fork off from my life you cheating piece of shiitake" clear enough?

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 10:53 pm 
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ouchy, sorry you're hurting. maybe venting helped a little?


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:30 pm 
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Adam Crisis wrote:
Well, the cheating ex had the forking gall to come by my apartment last night. Looking for a hook up, attention, ect. Maybe she thought I would welcome her with open arms because I have been polite in the few exchanges we have had since I caught her. Thankfully I was not home. But when I saw her texts about it I forking lost it and unleashed all the stuff I was trying to just keep to myself. I'm probably too nice of a guy in general, but she got to see the hate I like to keep close to my heart. Both barrels of bile spewed at her. Hopefully she gets the drift? Is "fork off from my life you cheating piece of shiitake" clear enough?


I'm sorry, Adam. It's a crappy situation when a person who has caused you a bunch of pain doesn't have the decency to just leave you alone. Hopefully she won't bother you again, and you can get on with moving on and being a good dude.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:39 am 
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It actually did make me feel better, because all the shiitake I sort of wanted to say but didn't because I'm a decent dude was able to be said without feeling bad about it. And now I don't even have to feign civility whenever we cross paths.

Being single again has been pretty rad. I let that relationship sort of steer me away from some things...and coming back to them has been quite nice. There's a nice selfish feeling about only having to consider oneself with things. Plus, like new poontang and stuff.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:50 am 
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Adam Crisis wrote:
Plus, like new poontang and stuff.

++++++++++++11111111111111111

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 1:07 am 
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So, speaking of old relationships; I came to this thread because I was just thinking now... It feels like a jerk thing to day considering the kind of jerk way I ended my last relationship, but... I feel so emotionally healthy lately in a way I've never felt before. I think I needed to be the person who made the descision to end a relationship. I've never been that person before. I thought I had, because of the way it ended with K and I, I was the first to say 'look, it's obviously over'. But I only said that after he basically just without a word stopped seeing me. So, no. It really feels like the first time in so long I haven't just been thinking "why doesn't anyone want to be my boyfriend?!". It feels so great to be thinking now instead: "I might like to make you one of my boyfriends". Like, I'm so not even wanting anything other than friendship and some sex. Which, is what I used to think was all I wanted out of a potential partner. But now it's so obvious that the kind of partnership I kept trying to get was so so much more than just those two things, and so complicated... And so not what I want!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 3:17 am 
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lycophyte wrote:
smoothie wrote:

I've felt really close to him lately, much more than I've felt for a long time. I think the stress from being in school 80% of the time and having different schedules that makes it impossible to eat together or do things together most weekdays have created this slight distance that we didn't even realize was there, but it's like things are getting back to where they were in the beginning - I feel giggly and happy and cuddly and want to spend as much time with him as possible. We've been playing chess or watching movies during the nights, and talking a lot more than usually. It makes me very happy to feel that we grow stronger and closer and that our relationship evolves so much.


Are you "quietly playing chess" most nights, or regular chess playing? ;-)


I was referring to the board game! But we've been quietly playing chess a lot more than we've had in a while too!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:28 pm 
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Here's a little update for those who might recall my post in this thread several months ago... things are looking up! In January my boyfriend and I both started seeing counselors (separately). It's his first experience with counseling and it's been enormously positive and I'm so happy for him. Aaaaand he got a job! It's not a magnificent job but he's excited about it, and it means he'll be able to move into my house next month.

I still see struggles ahead, especially since this new job means we'll have opposite schedules (ugh!) but I feel optimistic for the most part. And even though I've been going through a really rough time emotionally for the past month, our relationship has really shined through it all. It's kinda taken me by surprise actually. In the past my anxiety has been disastrous for my relationships, but in this case it actually seems to bring us closer together. He's so patient with me when I'm panicking, and never gets frustrated or tells me to calm down. He just listens to me, and helps me remember to breathe. It may not sound like much but it's enormous.

I already feel more at home when he's around, so I think it will feel natural to live together - not that it won't be a tricky adjustment in some ways, but I have faith in us! He said the other day, a little nervously, that he likes the idea of growing old with me... and to be honest, it made me pretty nervous too and I sorta changed the subject, but I think someday soon I'll have to be brave and tell him I feel the same way. Because I do.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 12:04 am 
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8 years together with my guy...sometimes i want to kill him but more often than that i want to learn and grow with him...

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 6:40 am 
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we got a few reports about the use of the word "kill." i know nothing was meant by it, but i can see how that word can mean really different things to different people, so please (everyone) be mindful of that.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 9:20 am 
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really? I think it's pretty clear that missmuffcake was never saying she intended to kill her spouse.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 11:20 am 
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yeah, i know, but since it made people uncomfortable, i just wanted to make everyone aware of that. it's pretty easy not to use that word casually.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:27 pm 
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either way, congrats on 8 years living on earth together!


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