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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 8:34 pm 
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AP, I have nothing extra to add except more hugs and feels. Even while it feels like failure, it isn't your failing. You really loved him and did your best to be caring and honest and good.

The guy I've been seeing the past two weeks told me last night (things are going well, so it made sense) that he may, possibly, might move in November. He's going on a short tour to visit friends/play music, and if he finds out he likes Asheville or somewhere, he said he may move, and, since we're getting on so great, he didn't want it to be a surprise later. It was such an awkward thing for him to say, because, like I said, it's only been two weeks. I'm not about to say, "Oh, nope! Not interested anymore for a maybe possibly might happen fantasy situation!" but at the same time, the over thinker in me is going, "Well, what if he does and we had continued seeing each other? It's going to be awful if he leaves then! (At that point we'll have known each other) Five months is long enough to establish genuine feelings for and a strong connection with someone, but not quite long enough to make serious commitments like long distance or long term plans unless we're feeling like a soapy-sudsy romantic script."

So I'm trying not to think about it because a) it's 100% only an idea and b) it's been two weeks (two awesome weeks which will turn into more weeks, but still). However, now it'll color most interactions and progressions in any possible relationship for me.

Damn. I am really overthinking this.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 3:47 am 
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I don't think it's unreasonable or overthinking, missdelaney. My cousin met her husband on a 'plane and got hitched to him something like 2 months later. They're still together and it must be going on for 25 years now, so just because you've known someone a short time doesn't necessarily mean you have to feel like you can't be in a committed relationship with them if you're both keen on each other.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 12:56 am 
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I also don't think you're overthinking, missdelaney. Actually, I'm curious how long it took those of you in long term relationships to know you'd found "the one."


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 1:01 am 
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missdelaney, I was in a similar situation once and the relationship crashed and burned very early anyway but it made me realize that I'm not someone who can date someone if I know there's an end date. I don't think you're overthinking.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 7:34 am 
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MD, my husband and I were talking abstractly about the future before we were even technically dating. We were basically inseparable right away and it wasn't all about passion and drama but comfort and connection.

If he does decide to move and it's something worth working at, you guys will manage.

Ashley, I knew within a couple of months that we were going long term, unlike my previous boyfriend where I had decided that was going to be the case.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:14 pm 
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Aaah, thanks guys. It's nice to have the perspective of people outside the situation. It's kind of what I figured- I already know he's worth working towards having a serious relationship with, but I'm not really the type to think in terms of 'the one' or 'perfect for me.' The big concern for me is always thinking that he might possibly move far away. Which, I've already told myself, if this keeps going until September, I'll bring it up and we can talk about it then. Now, I'm just letting it be. He's in PDX right now until Sunday and I totally miss him like crazy! It's silly.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 1:23 pm 
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I know it hasn't been that long but I hope you're feeling better AP.

In response to Ashley's question I never really had a moment of "the one." I let relationships go for years and try to reach a point of complete trust. I think I had some relationships in the past where we dated for years, but I never considered marriage because we weren't at that level. With my spouse we were that close pretty early on (within a couple months), but it wasn't until a couple years of dating that I figured we were of the age and stability to get married.

That's not the most romantic way to put it, but I figure the reality of proposals and marriages shouldn't be some loving moment or some stressful decision. If you're really ready for marriage it should be a foregone conclusion where you both knew the relationship was permanent anyway.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:57 pm 
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I have someone that called himself my boyfriend. And he's dreamy. Just sayin. I have all the feels, it's so nice.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 7:06 pm 
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Aww Fee that is nice.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 7:26 pm 
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Fee wrote:
I have someone that called himself my boyfriend. And he's dreamy. Just sayin. I have all the feels, it's so nice.


Ahh so cute!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 7:36 pm 
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ashley wrote:
Actually, I'm curious how long it took those of you in long term relationships to know you'd found "the one."


For me, I'd say both right away and it took some time. I knew right away that he was special and we clicked in a way that I hadn't with any other dudes I had been with/been attracted to. As our friendship grew, I was certain he needed to be a fixture in my life. I'd say within the first 6 months of actually dating I knew he was "the one". fwiw, that was 13 years ago.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 7:50 pm 
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yay fee!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:04 pm 
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Just ran into my ex's best friend (who I also used to consider my friend) at the store, said hi and immediately bolted and started sobbing. The worst part is that I was going to get wine but now I don't have any. Also I need toilet paper. So I guess I have to go back at some point.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:19 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung
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:( is there another store you can go to?


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:21 pm 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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There are two other grocery stores, a Walgreen's and a decently stocked convenience store all in walking distance, so I guess it's not too bad. I also need cat litter! And dinner!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 4:39 am 
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I don't think I've ever really been with anyone who does sweet romantic stuff for me... But I'm seeing someone now and she's totally sweeping my off my feet. And now I want to do all the romantic stuff for her too.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:43 am 
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fee, we need deets! Happy for you!

Regarding "the one," I knew right away. I hadn't had a partner for several years when we met, but my now-husband and I were renting a house together in the middle of the wilderness after less than a month, and we've now been together nine years and have lived both apart and away during that time in six different cities. It's pretty special. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 6:03 am 
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Aw! That's awesome fee! Agreed, tell us about him!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 6:49 am 
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Awww Fee, super duper cute.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:01 am 
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I have a different experience with "the one". I didn't know right away. In fact, I thought my now husband was kind of cute, but I didn't really want to date him (we were both grad students in the same, small, program and I thought it would be awkward if it didn't work out). Three months later we were dating, but it was somewhat casual and we didn't rush into anything.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:21 am 
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The guy I went on a few dates with briefly (the one who seemed to confuse texting me with sending Twitter updates about his life) and haven't seen for ages keeps texting me asking me to meet up. I've been replying short and pretty disinterested messages saying I've been away from Edinburgh and/or too busy (which has been true), but this morning I got one which is basically "hi, can you look at my photos and tell me what you think?" followed by several extremely long links (you know, the ones that basically go whatever.com/euiewr745ywerh/ddsshwhw43/hgssoso?;djdfifu/degyewghasbdhgsydgsajb982337474535339/fhdgso=74) despite the fact that he knows I have a stupidphone (or should because we had several discussions about it) and would have to type the links out on a computer.

I've replied saying "Glad to hear your photography is going well but I don't really have the time or inclination to copy those links out by hand." Does that sound fair? He's really not getting that I'm not interested in him any more and seems to be failing to take any and all hints sent his way.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:01 am 
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I want to tell the ppk everything! It's actually cute and lovey and sweet but I get the feeling posting about it might be a bad idea ...



But I will say he's forkin hot. And when we're together our cheeks hurt from laughing so much. And I don't know if there's a better feeling in the world than some hot dude laughing at my jokes and knowing he wants to bone me too. True luff.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:04 am 
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true luff 4 lyfe


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 1:09 pm 
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Fee wrote:
But I will say he's forkin hot. And when we're together our cheeks hurt from laughing so much. And I don't know if there's a better feeling in the world than some hot dude laughing at my jokes and knowing he wants to bone me too. True luff.


You totally deserve that!




I woke up this morning to the lady I am dating making me a Tempeh BLT and wrapping up some choc chip cookies for me to take home AND she gets extra Ranch dressing cups when she goes to Native Foods because she knows I'm sort of a hors d'oeuvre glutton for anything creamy. Also she does awesome fun things and messages me things like "Our volleyball team needs another guy for Sunday, want to play?" and "Theres a bike ride to a pick your own tomato/pepper farm coming up, lets go!"

She's a keeper.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 1:34 pm 
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Awww! So nice you guys are both so happy! Huzzah for love.

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